If I try leave or say anything she threatens to kill herself.

Question

I have been seeing this girl for two years now,she moved in with me 8 months ago, we do everything people in a relationship would, she doesn't work, I pay for all her needs, she is in love with another guy who picks her up every so often at 12:00 at night. Takes her to a hotel and brings her back, he never buys her anything or never sees her during the day, she doesn't want to be in a relationship with me, and she wants things with this other guy to work out, this other guy is clearly using her, She has dated other guys in between as well to try move on ,when we go out she sometimes goes home with other guys even if I beg her not to,she tells me that I mustn't tell her what to do. I'm not her boyfriend, But never me, if I try leave or say anything she threatens to kill herself, and she tells me if I move on that she will kill me, cause she loves me so much,I feel so helpless and confused, I still love her a lot and I don't want her to get hurt, I just wish I knew what to do, Please any advise will help thanks

enigma2win · Accepted Answer

Ok my friend, here's my answer:

Since you are a man, let us analyze this as the logical human beings that we are..

- She says she loves you

- She has sex with another guy

- She want to be with the other guy, but not with you

- She brings her defenses up every time you try and talk her out of it

- She threatens to kill herself when you try to leave

So, here's all this analyzed pretty accurately:

She does not love you. She is using you as a safety balnket and I will explain to you why.

This other guy that is getting the best out of her, is what men call a PLAYER. He knows female psychology so well, he knows exactly what makes her tick. This girl has a lot of self-esteem issues and want the best of both worlds, because one guy gives her sexual pleasure and another looks after her (women basically need both of those things, SEX and SAFETY).

OBVIOUSLY, you cannot talk with her about it in a negative way, because women do not respond well to logic my friend. That's us males.

Anything you say or do, she will interpret as you being selfish and egotistical. The reason she thinks like this is because, she is the manipulative, selfish and egotistical low self-esteem person in the picture. But, women are very good at manipulating and getting what they want, especically when a guy likes them. They use sex as a weapon and their body too.

Think of it this way, if she really wants to be with the other guy. As soon as you leave, guess what...SHES GONNA BE WITH THE OTHER GUY. she's not gonna commit suicide or attempt to hurt herself, because that's only a cry for attention. Women love attention, and love to seek approval, well at least the low self-esteem women.

The only way you can look at this, is the healthy way.

The healthy way is to think of yourself and ur needs FIRST.

If she is too much for you to handle, then move out, go away.

She is fine, and will learn for herself that she is making a mistake.

This other man will eventually get bored of her and dump her, so he can get other women.

Do not try to logically persuade her, she will not respond.

The only way you can turn this around, is a dangerous and possibly destructive way.

Which is, you become a man and get what you want, which is her. You show her you are a TRUE MAN, and sleep with her. This is only destructive because it may backfire, and she may start sleeping with both of u, and it may destroy u, because you don't seem the type of guy who can ignore that fact, mainly because you probably don't have enough confidence in the person you are, to know that in the end she'll dump him and stay with u.

So, the alternative is, put ur foot down, and send her packing OR move out.

Do not feel guilty for doing so, its her life, she does what she wants with it, you cannot control her you can only control yourself!

She will only get worse, you cannot fix her.

She is not ur responsability, and as a MAN, ur responsability is URSELF.

tex151 · Accepted Answer

She is using you, how do you not see this, you pay for everything for her, you live with her, and yet whenever she wants to some random guy comes along picks her up and they go have sex, and then she comes home to you. Of course she doesn't want you to leave, your a free ride for her, and ya she will do everything she can to make sure she keeps going through life without a worry, because she knows while with you she will always have a place to stay and food to eat. That is why every time you threaten to leave her she says well if you do I will kill myself, and guess what it's a guaranteed way to keep someone. She is a parasite to you get rid of her, other wise all you will be to her is a provider and nothing more. Go find another girl and watch what will happen, that girl your with will tell you no you can't have a gf, even though your not even her bf, and she goes out and f***s other guys all the time.

If your not going to get rid of her make her start paying for stuff, bills, rent, food, everything split it right down the middle, and if you p*ss her off who cares your not her bf, your now just her roommate, or maybe a friend with benefits, but I don't know why you want that if she if all your getting is sloppy seconds.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Ok, seriously? My apologies right now because this may sound a bit mean but, SERIOUSLY?

Ok first off, I don't think a man should ever have to completely financially support his woman, EVER! (well, except when she's pregnant and can't work but that is the ONLY exception). So I don't see why in the world you would agree and subject yourself to this under any circumstance. And she's NOT EVEN YOUR WOMAN. I understand you say you love her but, honey, she's using you and any woman that takes advantage of a man being in love with her is worth nothing. Point, blank, end of story. She does not love you no matter what she saids so get your head out of the gutter and kick her ass out. That, sweetie, is not love and it never will be.You don't take advantage of the person you love and that is exactly what she is doing to you and you shouldn't have to stand for it. You are not tied to her in any way so there is nothing holding you back. You sound like a great guy and you're just wasting your time with this girl. Go out and find yourself someone that will appreciate you and not take advantage of you. Have self dignity and man up, put your foot down. Get her out of your house. She has no reason to be there. You're not her father and even if you were, she's a grown ass woman; she's capable of taking care of herself. She's a free-loader, erase her out of your life or you're just going to end up being miserable and for no good reason. Love is blind so I can't blame you for feeling what you feel. But you should be able to put that aside and realize that there is no future between the two of you. She's not in love with you; she told you she loves that other guy. Snap out of it. By taking her out the equation, time will help you forget her and you'll find someone who is worth it and who will appreciate you for who you are.

And second, don't worry about her killing herself - she's not going to, trust me. She is just using that as an excuse to further tie you to her. And even if she does kill herself (which I strongly doubt), its not your problem. You've done enough for her. You gave her a place to stay, you've paid for all her expenses, you've been a caring friend to her, and all for what?

So basically, leave her. Whatever happens to her should be none of your worries. And use this experience in the future. Avoid girls who are absolutely ok with you completely supporting them. They are no good and will only suck you dry. She's a gold-digger and a free-loader and you have no room for her in your life. You're a great guy, good intentions and a strong head on your shoulders. Work up the nerve and completely delete her from your life. You'll find someone better, way better. But you'll never find her if you continue wasting your time with this one pathetic excuse for a woman

I hope you take my advice, Best Wishes <3

Mel

troamundos · Accepted Answer

How can you love someone who so obviously abuses you and shows no concern whatsoever for you?  You are in a sick situation, and you need to move apart from her.  She probably will take some pills or cut herself just to "show you" she was serious.  Let her be serious.  This is a bad situation.  Even if she does kill herself, its not your fault.  How could you possible take responsiblity for a suicide?  Furthermore you yourself are a bad influence on her.  You enable her hurtful lifestyle.  She needs to get a job and go to work.  Earning some money, and succeeding in something will help her self esteem.  And the only reason she is letting herself be used by that evening pick-up guy is because her self-esteem is zero.  She is abusing you by keeping you trapped in a hurtulf relationship with threats of suicide.  She has to learn she can't treat people that way.  The only reason I can think of that you 're still living with her and handing her your paycheck is that your own self esteem must be zero.  I know, by the very fact that you're a livinig soul, that you deserve better than this abuse (even from someone you "love").  You are worth more than this.   You need to discover your self worth.  The best way I know to establish self-worth is through the Christian teaching that you are made in God's image, and when God values you your value is HUGE.  If you're not religous than I guess get some coucelling, or read a self-help book.  You need to also evaluate your true feelings. Do you really "love" someone who can abuse you so heartlessly?  Or are you infatuated.  Or you simply so afraid of being alone, and so sure that you won't be able to find someone besides her that you convince yourself that you want her?  I can tell you this, if you break from her you'll have energy, money, and time to devote to meeting another girl.  Hopefully one who will love you through her actions.

elektrisitee · Accepted Answer

She is using your generosity. I really don't think she will kill herself. It is something people say when they don't know how to deal with things, but hardly ever do they mean it. The best thing to do is stop taking care of her if there is never a chance with her. I mean, she knows she's hurting you by going off with another guy. What kind of girl that cares about you would do that? She's taking complete advantage of you.

The best thing I would suggest to do is leave her. Contact the police and tell them that she's threatened to kill you and herself. They will check on her, probably scare the sh!t out of her, and set her straight... but you can't be her pawn for the rest of your life.

She's not worth all the trouble and money. And she won't kill herself. Saying that is her last resort to keeping you around to support her. Sometimes, people are just crazy. And it sounds like you are a really nice, caring guy... so you deserve to find somebody who is going to appreciate that and return the favor.

rdabby · Answer

I agree with all other answers ..

obviously she has BPD, I knew few girls who have the same problem who actually are exactllly like your gf. one of them was my ex best friend, she turned my life into hell.

she needs help big time, this is what you need to do.

- tell her that she needs to stop sleeping around with other guys or you won't take her back.

- obviously she will say you re not my boyfriend and am gunna do whatever I want so then you tell her that you don't want to be a part of this crap anymore.

- tell her to get her things out by tomorrow and leave the apartment asap.

- inform her best friend to come help her with the moving.

- call a friend or someone you trust to watch her leave and witness all the above.

- if she doesn't go and says she is going to kill herself. call the cops on her or better yet call the doctors so she could get treated and institutionalized.

- change the locks, pack her stuff and send them to her family, friend or whoever.

- don't trust anyone from her circle of family or friends. even if it was a common friend.

- get a dog.

- burn the photos or anything that reminds you of her and ask people not to ask about her.

- move on and wait for a while untill you start dating again... when its time,. find yourself a decent girl and don't let her move in with you.

P.S I would highly recommand recording this scenario! just incase

Anonymous · Answer

Get witnesses when you do kick her out. I have seen this go horribly wrong. She shows the cops bruises and says that you hit her and they cuff you. Yeah, pretty crappy but it has happened.

Make sure her name isn't on any lease. If she has a key to your place, goto the hardware store to get new locks. Get some friends who would be willing to wait until she leaves to hang out for awhile. Give her the ultimatum that if she leaves with him, she is never welcome back again. Call friends up who are around the corner to come over when she leaves.

She gets dropped off and tries to get inside and uh oh. If she gets violent, then call the cops. File a restraining order against her and stick to your guns. With a cop or friend present, ask her later on where she would like her stuff to be sent. If she doesn't give you an address, then tell her you will put all her things on the lawn on XXXX (give a date and time).

Get some friends to help and carefully place her things in fresh garbage bags. Ensure that there are no holes to let rain in. Place it on the lawn the day after garbage day so they don't accidentally pick it up. Inform the city if they aren't picked up within a few hours so you avoid being given a citation for having trash out on a day other than garbage day. Taking pictures wouldn't hurt as well. Keep your composure at all times. Do not make physical contact with her after she has crossed that boundary. Always keep at least one person with you if she wants to 'talk in private' at some point in the process.

After she has her things out of your place, destroy all items that remind you of her. It helps with the healing process. Simply throwing them away will suffice. Good Luck and you will be better off without her.

Evolution86 · Answer

That's one of the strangest situations I've ever heard. You're dating this girl, but not in a relationship...Okay, I understand that part. But for two years, and living together for eight months? Sounds like a relationship to me. The fact that she's seeing other guys, but still seeing you and living with you, and allowing you to pay for everything tells me that she's the one doing the using. She's been using you for everything she needs, and that isn't fair.

My advice to you is dump her, kick her out, whatever it takes, and don't listen to her when she says "I'll kill myself if you leave", because let's face it, she's saying that to ensure you stay. If she wants a relationship with the guy that picks her up in the middle of the night, let her go at it, because she'll never commit to you. I was recently in a situation where I was dating a guy, but not in a relationship because I don't want serious, but I never, and I mean NEVER led him to believe there was going to be more than dating and having fun together, whereas this girl has done just that. By moving in with you, and keeping this going on for two years, she's got you convinced there's a chance of marriage or whatever it is you want out of it, and I'm sorry to say there isn't. Leave her, get away from this poisonous situation, and don't worry about whatever she says, because she's using you. She knows you'll pay for whatever it is she needs, because that's what you've been doing. She needs a dose of reality that most men won't tolerate this behaviour, no matter how much they love her.

I hope this helps, and that your situation is resolved.

Anonymous · Answer

First of all, she is totally manipulating you. However, you are right about not wanting her to get hurt. She is threatening to kill herself, which should never be taken lightly. I would suggest talking to her family and friends. Make them aware that you would like to break it off with her, and tell them she may be suicidal. If you break up with her and she does kill herself, I promise you that it is not your fault. At all. Whether or not she commits suicide is her choice and her choice only. Just let her family and friends know, so they can keep an eye on her.

My cousin was in this situation. At least, she was in a similar situation. She is bipolar, and so she tends to get very depressed. When one of her boyfriends (whom she was OBSESSED with) was going to break up with her, he decided to tell her family first. They were able to keep an eye on her until she was okay. Today, she is happily married and soon to be an aunt!

When she says she will kill you if you leave her, that is not love. She is obsessed with you. If you ever notice her stalking you or if she ever makes any threats, call the police. Obsessed people to messed up things. So be aware.

I hope you figure this all out! This must be so hard for you, I hope my answer helped.

skinnyb82 · Answer

She's definitely mentally ill. I'd put my money on BPD, borderline personality disorder (my ex has it)...Google its symptoms. The way I see it, you've got two options. First, you can cut her off completely and permanently. She's working you and only keeps you around because she's lonely. That's not fair to you. If you do this, you need to NEVER give in and re-initiate contact with her. Second, cut her off and call the police. Wait until she goes into one of her tirades, threatens to kill herself and you, then call the cops. She's GUARANTEED to be involuntarily committed to a psychiatric ward. The only problem with that is that she might be charged with criminal coercion, aka the death threats. I say might because cops usually overlook this stuff if someone is mentally ill. You still need to cut her off, but this way she gets some sort of help (which she desperately needs).

I've been in your shoes, not the exact same situation, but with the suicide threats and just outright wacky behavior. I have an ex with BPD. She can't stand being alone and when she has a boyfriend (she's had more boyfriends in the past 9 months than I've had girlfriends in my entire life), she's still unhappy. She threatened to kill herself and I said I'd call the cops, then she threatened to falsely accuse me of rape (aka destroy my life, permanently). I FLIPPED and cut her off. Sometimes you've gotta do what's best for #1. Do whatever you think is best and good luck.

jdcpa · Answer

Dude!

DUMP HER! ... and start dating me!

Common man, I'm serious.. just think about how much better your life would be!

You can pay for all by bills, and cover all my needs. I mean, I'll only be seeing other girls, and you won't even have to ask me to never go with an other guy when we go out; I'll respect you and not do it our of caring and how much I love (how you pay for all my stuff) you.

And I promise, I'll never threaten to kill myself or you if you leave me.

Just think about how much happier you would be with ME!

I think you should tell her that you've found someone else already.

Wassup · Answer

This is girl is a psycho/über bitch. Like the other ladies said she is totally taking advantage of you and has no respect for you at all. She's what most people would call a parasite. I know it might be hard man but you have to show this bitch what's up and kick her out of your house and out of your life. Yeah you're gonna be hurt and she's literally going to be begging for you to come back to her, but in the long run your money can be spent many other useful things in life. She's not gonna kill herself she's just saying that cause she knows you're a nice guy and she knows you don't want her to get hurt. I think what you should also do is go out and meet another woman who truly cares about you and who won't take advantage of you. In fact I think almost any girl will have a better heart than her. Good luck man and take this bitch's vice grip off your balls and kick her on to the streets.

Marshall33 · Answer

Listen. She sounds like she is bi-polar or a manipulative shrew and there is nothing in that for you. Trust me I know after 12 years spent hearing that manipulation and those statements almost weekly during that span.  You know you are being used but more importantly you are not thinking about how you would feel about all this behavior if she actually was your girlfriend someday. Its a doomed dynamic before you establish any connection and trust is already in doubt so get out of that crap and stop providing financial support for her. You'll see her true colors fast once you do. You will see !

Serotriptomine · Answer

I just want to laugh a little. My apologies.

Cause she loves you so much? Stupid people deserve to die, if she wants to use you to your grave. Use her to hers. There's no if ands or buts about it. Bring teh authorities into the problem. Claim that your life was threatened, and they will seperate you both and allow you to remove your things from the house, or one other persons things. Get a restraining order, and that's that.

Don't think about it, just do.

You sound like those wifes that say "he kicks my ass til he breaks my bones, but no matter what I still love him." "or I can't leave him... I just can't!"

m3TALchick · Answer

WHOA! Run and fast. If she kills herself its not your problem, but its one thing if she's saying she gonna kill you. You need to get out of that situation and live a better life. Start saving voicemails, texts, and try to record what she says. You might need evidence. Or you could go to the police ahead of time and explain to them the situation, cause she might threaten to call them and tell them that you hit her. I've seen this happen to a friend before. You seriously need to get out of this and fast; before you wake up tied to you bed with a knife at your throat.

roninuta · Answer

I would get a restraining order immediately. In every state in the US threatening to kill or harm someone is illegal and usually a felony. When she threatens to kill herself, call the police quietly and from outside her earshot.

You need to leave, move, block the number, and get said restraining order. She is using you badly. Once you have moved on you should seek some professional counseling to deal with this person and to help you overcome the emotional wounds she has inflicted, and she HAS INFLICTED emotional wounds on you, regardless if you see them or not.

You need to get out of this situation immediately.

airiver · Answer

Are you insane?  Get a restraining order and get the hell out!  Let her do to herself whatever her immature ass wants to...They are empty, immature threats to control you...You are not responsible for anything but your happiness...Pack her shoes in a bag and toss them on the front porch and move on...You are the one being used...Save yourself.

Anonymous · Answer

Admit her to a psych ward at your local hospital and get a restraining order. Don't mean to sound like a bitch but if she's serious a bout killing herself then she obviously has issues that you cannot help her with. And if she's saying she'll kill you -- then take necessary precautions.

You can also call lifetime movie networks and get a movie deal. Kidding. I'm sorry. But really, I know people who've been in relationships like these and nobody has ever killed themselves.

You don't deserve this sh*t in your life.

Anonymous · Answer

tell that crazy bitch to kick rocks. she is obviously using you. she does not care about you, she's just using you for what she can get out of you. that "if you leave me I'll kill myself" is manipulation so you don't move on and she can continue getting her free stuff. don't let her manipulate you like that. she does not have good intentions and does not deserve you. while she is taking advantage of your love, she is going with the other guy and laughing at you behind your back. she doesn't respect you at all. and if she threatens you again, make a note of it and inform the police. get a restraining order if necessary, but in the meantime dump all her sh*t out in black trash bags and change the locks.

Anonymous · Answer

if someone is really suicidal they would not be just talking about it as a threat theyd actually be doing it.you honestly have nothing to worry about if you leave her...you should be more afraid of what could happen if you stay..if I were you id kick her out ASAP and then do like another user said and get a restraining order.

strawberrysweet · Answer

ok for one, you can see that the other guy is using her, but you can't see that she is using you? I hate to be so mean & honest but honey, she doesn't love you. she only says she will kill herself so you will still be there to continue to take care of her. don't let that bitch take advantage of you like that. just cut her off. she is doing you wrong, she makes me want to woop her ass & I don't even know her. don't let her play with your heart like that.

x31290 · Answer

That's an unfortunate situation but you also have to think about yourself and your well-being. Obviously this girl is just taking from you and a decent relationship is always a give-and-take. Like what others have said, hard as it might be to do, you have to let her go and move on. You deserve someone much better.

Cruzier · Answer

You don't need to be in that situation. She needs helps if she is going to talk like that. And if she is threatening to kill you, well that's really bad. And action needs to be taken immediately. Whether or not she has intention of performing such an act, the verbal usage was there and that is really scary to be a part of. I recommend you get the locks changed and tell the authorities or something. Just so she won't hurt herself.

DKBabi · Answer

WHOA! You don't want her to get hurt? Dude you're the one hurting not her...She's going to hurt you emotionally and physically. She's an attention whore...She isn't going to kill you! She just likes the attention and apparently your money. Kick her ass to the curb and fast. She's just using you. How is that fair to you? It definitely is not! He is using her and she is using her. I know you still love her but is she worth all this pain? I think not! She's not going to kill herself. 1) She wouldn't tell you that she was going to kill herself if she was really going too 2) By saying this she is getting exactly what she wants you and all the other guys. What exactly are you getting?

breezer · Answer

Dude! Get out now!  She needs professional help!  Make her leave and inform a suicide hotline.  Or if you want to continue being treated as a door mat meal ticket then stay with her.  She is bad news and you are enabling her.  That's right,  you are ENABLING her.  She will never learn how to take care of herself if you are always doing it. There are women out there that are willing to truly love you and treat  you the right way.

If I try leave or say anything she threatens to kill herself.

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If I try leave or say anything she threatens to kill herself.

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