I cheated on my long distance boyfriend , should I tell him?

[Anonymous]

Me and my boyfriend recently made 3 years together and I always been loyal to him and we met on Instagram and we met 3 times already and we are both our first, i love him so much and im scared to lose him but I know he deserves to know. So on my moms birthday my brother and I decided to get some musicians for her and the main musician asked for my insta and i gave it to him, I didn’t think much of it because he’s like older than me (I’m 20 and the musician is like 35) and so after couple of days the musician texts me saying hi, and so me and him start texting casually, he started to ask me if I want to go eat and I said yes because in my head nothing else was gonna happen; and because the musician is so busy, we kept rescheduling until we actually were going to meet up, I told my boyfriend I was going to go eat w my mom since he has my location, the musician and I finally meet up but he says to get into his car cus he wants to take me to a different restaurant so I get in and I’m on a time limit so I tell him actually I don’t want to eat anything and so he’s like okay so let’s go to this street and talk and so I was feeling uncomfortable but I was like nothing is going to happen and next thing you know he kisses me and I don’t kiss him back, I felt like crying and so he asks me if we should go to the back of the car and I say no so I tell him I have to leave and he drops me off at my house and I start crying because I regret for even meeting up with him and texting him, it’s been 2 weeks since the incident, the guilt is eating me up but I’m too scared to tell my boyfriend because he always threatens to commit if I ever leave him but if I tell him that I cheated on him I’m scared he will hurt himself. I eventually block the musician and I just don’t understand why I did it, I felt lonely and I’m getting tired of the distance. My boyfriend lives in California and I live in NYC

Updates

3 mo

And I want to tell my boyfriend because in a couple of months he wants me to meet his family and I know it’s so messed up if I meet them knowing that I did what I did behind his back. He met my family already and they love him but I’m just tired of feeling this way.

[lightbulb27]

So you are an unwise, not streetsmart girl. This has to be BS because girls raised in NYC usually are much more reserved and street smart than that, so I call BS on this post.

Much to learn from all of that, suggest you do that first and write it all down and share it here. What you feel is shame and guilt, might as well study those emotions... write it down.

I hear this so much from girls "I love my boyfriend but I...". If you loved your boyfriend, you wouldn't do that. You really love yourself or there is something so missing in your life, you favored yourself rather than honoring him. So that alone says, the long distance does not work and you either need to come together or break it off. Man/Woman wasn't meant to live that far away.

If you break up just tell him the distance does not work and don't see getting together, so breaking up and moving on, you wish him well. no details.

If you stay and work it out, give him high level... eg you made stupid mistake trusting another guy and he damn near assaulted you. you learned to never put yourself in a compromised position with a man. and you hope he will never do the same either.

the musician probably just using you.

The threatening to commit thing, that is a real problem... he's controlling you.

[Anonymous]

Is it cheating? Yes it is. While you didn’t reciprocate the kiss, you lied to your boyfriend about going to lunch w your mom. That to me is cheating. If you were honest w him than I’d see no issue w it. But at the same time if you had told him he wouldn’t have liked it to begin w. So to me that tells me something, that maybe you had an interest in this dude. Maybe he was cute or something. That’s why you lied about it. I’m sure if it had been your boyfriend, same situation you led keep asking so why did you lie about going to eat w your mom if there was nothing going on w this other female? Even if you were feeling lonely, that’s no excuse. I’m sure you wouldn’t excuse him if he had done something like that because he was lonely. You need to be honest w him. Let him decide. Now w that said he’s not going to trust you, at least not for a long time if he goes away again. I sure as hell wouldn’t.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

You cheated… It’s boring to rely on sexting and cam sex of LDR, but that doesn’t justify cheating.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Yes, tell him… At least you’ll get rid of the feeling of guilt.

[jaskin777]

I'm gonna be very honest with u
U didn't cheat on him
That man took advantage of u.

[JacobJordan]

Going to be very honest. Proceeds to lie. "I told my boyfriend I was going to eat with my mom" *meets up with male musician who clearly is interested in some form of relationship sexual or otherwise* *proceeds to attempt to justify her hoish behavior* if she truly loved her boyfriend she wouldn't have met with the guy or lied about it. Or gotten into his car or gone to a restaurant. She cheated. Maybe not sexually. But emotionally, mentally

[jaskin777]

@JacobJordan yes ur right I'm sorry I wasn't even thinking that way..

[jaskin777]

Thank u for correcting me and say something your very completely right.
And thank u for explaining it to me to..

When she said that she only met up / wanted to leave / etc

I wasn't thinking how u was thinking
I was thinking she was scared and wanted to leave.

@JacobJordan
Thank u again. 💓 I appreciate it

[JacobJordan]

I certainly understand your approach as well. And you are right about him taking advantage of her. Should have added that with my initial reply.

[jaskin777]

@JacobJordan it ok.. and yw n ty

[Staximus]

Are you slow or something? Some guy that lives on the other side of the country that you have only met 3 times in your life and just talk to on the phone is not actually your boyfriend. He's just some guy you talk to on the phone. Welcome to real life. Now pull your head out of your ass and stop pretending you have a boyfriend, and go out and find a real boyfriend. One that can drive over and pick you up in 30 minutes.

[Staximus]

And the last thing you should do is let some sad sack threaten you with suicide to entrap you, that's shady and very manipulative. So forget about your fake boyfriend internet bitch boy.

[BoopBoopBeep]

I'm in a meeting so I missed the part about 3x in 3 years. I have a more intimate relationship with the lady that cuts my hair (she gives a very sensual shampoo afterwards, its great). Dropped the ball on the reply.

Yes you should tell him, but haha no, he's not your boyfriend.

[Staximus]

What are you going to do, wait forever for him to move near you? It's been 3 years you have been waiting for your fake boyfriend already, how much longer are you going to wait?

[Asker]

@BoopBoopBeep last week we saw each other again and he met my family

[Staximus]

Nevermind your fake Internet boyfriend and get on with your life already

[Staximus]

Like beep beep said, he sees the lady who cuts his hair way more often than you see your fake boyfriend

[Asker]

Well if we didn’t live far away from eachother then obviously we would meet up everyday.

[Staximus]

Jesus Christ it's like talking to a rock

[Staximus]

Jewish Middle Eastern Jesus, Baby Jesus, and Fake White Jesus, please grant me the patience to shepherd the stupid, for they truly know not the error of their ways

[BoopBoopBeep]

Even if you hadn't kissed him, you essentially cheated here: "I told my boyfriend I was going to go eat w my mom"

People lie or conceal what they know is wrong. You didn't tell your boyfriend "I'm going to eat with a musician i met" because part of you wanted the illicit nature of your little rendezvous.

Yes you should tell him. There's already enough dishonesty in the relationship.

[boggboss]

I do love how whenever I read stories about someone cheating they always manage to justify hiding it because they are scared to hurt the other person but that person had already been hurt they just don't know it yet if u don't mind feeling like this for the rest of your life I guess u can hide it

[boggboss]

This is the thing aswell this story is so untrust worthy u claim he kissed u somthing u didn't want to happen yet u already lied by hiding that u was going to meet him showing u already knew u was doing somthing u knew was not OK

[Billlewis]

Congratulations on your newfound sexual relationship! I hope you continue to see the new guy for a long time.

[Nice222]

You didn’t kiss him back. So I don’t think you cheated at all. I would just forget it and not tell him at all. Telling him will just make it worse.

[DextroShade]

Long-distance is a joke and this is a good example of why.

[Anonymous]

Dont tell him
He will never trust u
I do cheat with a married girl and never can tell him

[Opinion Owner]

Just be care to not get preg.

[Drumlin2001]

Yeah you should tell him

[Anonymous]

Tell him the truth, and the sooner the better.