I just broke up my boyfriend because of his needy jealous ways did I do the right thing?

[Scarletmoon]

My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year and a half. When we first started going out, weeks into it he got really emotional and jealous of an old boyfriend used to know, spending time w my sister, talking on the phone etc. At first I thought it was manageable. Thought some of it was a little cute. But then after awhile it became very annoying. His insecurities got way out of hand. He's very emotional and cries alot. Always telling me how much he loves me, needs me and wants me. Always telling me how beautiful I am, sexy etc. But that's really all we ever talk about...his love and desire for me. He's smart and intelligent but we never talk about anything other than our relationship. We have had some pretty bad fights sometimes to where he gets physical and very verbal w me. One that was so bad that I ultimately ended up moving out about 3 months ago. He got help w his anger for awhile which has helped. But the insecurity and jealousies haven't stopped. This has kept our relationship from moving forward. I can't take anymore. He texts me all the time. Accuses me all the time of being w someone else. But then at the same time he can be very sweet and giving. But the insecurity is driving me crazy. We broke up for I feel like needs to be the last time this weekend. It's hard and scary but emotionally I'm spent. Guys have I made the right choice? I'm very friendly and outgoing. Have morals and values in my life. But he wants to control all that. Did I make the right choice? Is there anything else I can do?

[Anonymous]

From a guy who years ago was more or less a milder version of the guy you just described, it sounds like he may have real issues regarding his mental health. I was basically that boyfriend minus the physical violence and a lot younger.

SO, after having these cyclically awesome/horrible/enchanting/hellish relationships from age 16-24, I was finally diagnosed with OCD, in a sub category prone to bizarre outlandish levels of jealousy, and a scattering of little problems in other areas. I'm not the Monk type OCD, people with my sub category are basically Olympians of over-analysis, if I find it interesting or it can have an effect on my emotions I have to know everything there is to know about the subject, choreograph my day by social setting to react correctly and if I had an important meeting with my boss I would have mentally prepared dozens of answers for any direction the conversation could go.

This was particularly disastrous for relationships, because here is the ultimate example of real emotional potential completely beyond our control. So obsessions start as you notice odd patterns in the way she intones certain phrases or momentarily locks eyes with a friend. I could go on for days about the bullsh*t I came up with back then, and I thoroughly believed most of it. I'm honestly amazed there were girls willing to put up with me for year+ stretches.

Long story short, OCD medications and therapy have revealed a new man. I'd feared becoming either a zombie or a wimpy pushover but neither happened. I just became much more confident and relatively unconcerned with the future.

I learned about a few other disorders in the course of my ride through the mental system and your BF's actions could be indicators of OCD, Bi-polar disoders, anxiety disorders, and borderline personality disorderand plenty more I'm sure I've forgotten. Bottom line is, no one should be allowed to act that way and not seek help, and by allowed I mean both finding a way to disengage from his diatribes completely, don't even attempting to rationalize or argue with him, and finding a way to support him through through whatever therapies he's undertaking, because it is quite emotionally jarring to saunter into sanity while memories of how you used to be torment you and dish out more guilt than every parish east of the Mississippi. You don't need to be his Girlfriend to show you care about the guy enough to help him along.

But seriously, for his sake, point him towards some help. I've only witnessed jealousy to this degree expressed by other various nutcases like me, and there's no hope for lasting happiness in a relationship with that sh*t going on.

[greeneyedgal1]

I was in a similar situation. I was with a guy who was extremely jealous and tried to control me. At first I kind of liked the jealousy because it showed me how much he cared. However, after awhile I couldn't have guy friends or even go out. He was so insecure. I understood why..our relationship was long distance and he was in the military. I did everything I could to reaffirm how I felt for him, I even stopped going out for awhile. Then, I felt like I was losing a sense of myself and my own identity. I told him that he had two choices: He can get over his jealousy, trust me and my choices in male friends. In addition, I told him I was entitled to go out, party and have fun. It didn't mean I'd replace him or sleep around. If he didn't change, I told him I'd walk. He did change and shortly afterward we got engaged and he calmed down a great deal after that.

Unless your boyfriend can identify how his demeanor is adversely effecting you as a person and the relationship then it's doomed. I am sorry to say that but I only want to be truthful to you. I am not sure if he was hurt in past relationships or it stems from his personality. Nevertheless, I think you made the best and healthiest decision for yourself. It's hard, yes I know, but try not to think as much with your heart in this. You need to use your mind to rationalize why this relationship was unhealthy.

Be well.

[intol0ve]

yes you did. you may think he was the best shot for you, but there are better men out than that. But did you evern tell him this how you feel ? if you did what did he do did he ignnor it? if he did ignor e it say .. yess I will fix it and never did oly fixed it liek 20% than yes you should have broken up with him. I dealt with this. I love my boyfriend and I still do about to make 2 years but I have the same problem kinda and I feel like I'm being ignored kinda idk. it's confusing. But I think you did make the right chocie I feel bad. because when men cry you get soft and try to ignore the fight, but it's bad because he'll think it's the easy way out when you fface it again later .. so that's bullsh*t xD sorry lol

[Scarletmoon]

I have explained to him how I feel till I'm blue in the face. All it does is makes both feel worse. He feels bad because it makes him feel inadequate and I feel bad because it seems like I'm always hurting his feelings. This relationship makes us both feel bad I'm sure. He's a pretty good guy in a lot of ways. Very thoughtful caring but the insecurity is too much. He gets mad when I say that to him. He says it's not true.

[intol0ve]

i know what you mean. But do you still love him? like I know feels change every day and every hour for girls but how have you felt ?.. if you miss him see if he has moved on and just go back out on a date if you trully do misss and love him. Don't throw somthing away when it still has somethine, sometimes we need second chances

[Volleyplayer101]

YES because that shows he doesn't trust you enough and does NOT have enough confidence in your love to say I know she loves me and will not cheat and not worry is confidence not jealousy. Your relationship would have failed anyway because a relationship is nothin without confidence in your love and trust…

[snowangle]

Girl, you did the right thing. I had a very similar situation and broke up with him, and later I realized he could have turned out to be abusive. You made the smart decision by getting out.

[rallz93]

This better be the last time girl , I tell you this kinda guy creeps me out.

He's like sweet and carring and then angry and bad..:|

You should definitely find someone else.

[Anonymous]

You made the right choice. He has issues he needs to work out before he can have a healthy relationship.

[Anonymous]

I can't believe you would even need to ask this! Of course you did the right thing, that guy was needy & jealous!