Why doesn't my girlfriend want me to fly to her?

[Anonymous]

We are planning on a huge summer trip so we will see each other anyway but she doesn't want me to fly to her first to then comeback to my place and spend the summer there. We have been together for a while now and I already visited her. Her excuse of her refusal of me flying there was my financial state. I told her that it's not an issue for me. She also recently bought new clothes and is now taking a sudden interest in toning her body. She is spending a lot more time with her group of friends and texts me less when she is with them with the excuse that her phone is at 1%. She said that her phone was at 1% for an hour? an hour? She also is very self centered and I adjusted my goals to match with hers because we have plans for marriage but she never took consideration with my goals. Nor asked where I stood financially if I have loans etc. I already made posts about her actions towards me and I guess I have been the "nice guy" too long. Just yesterday she spent the entire afternoon and part of the night with her friends and when she comes back home she doesn't talk to me that much and even made an excuse to not call me by suddenly telling me that her face hurts out of nowhere. When I called her to check up on her before she said she was sleeping she was whispering and took a while to untangle her head phones also the entire room was silent too when it's usually not.

The last argument we had compromised a bit of my trust with her and she always snaps at me when I ask her a simple question that alarms her or feelings about the relationship. Every argument we have she threatens me and breaks me down to the point in which I am at a broken state and then when I am she suddenly feels bad and starts caring again. I really want this to work out I love her so much

Here is a link to the previous arguments:
(last argument)
/sexual-behavior/q2352508-is-my-girlfriend-hiding-something-from-me


/relationships/q2337204-why-does-my-girlfriend-keeps-mentioning-her-ex

[madhatters4]

i'm not really going to address the potential for someone else in the picture because it seems like pure speculation based on circumstantial evidence. she hangs out with friends a lot? humans are social creatures needy of interaction. she is working out? perhaps she just wants to be fit
... not saying something shady isn't going on but i wouldn't want to jump to that conclusion

but we can address that you are clearly unhappy and frustrated. and that is really all that matters. i think you should consider the suggestion that you not fly to see her especially if your finances would be strapped but if that isn't a problem then you should just make sure she is aware that your finances are fine and she shouldn't worry

if she still protests then it may be a real sign that she doesn't want you to go and perhaps you can find a way to ask if that is the case rather than her finances argument

[MrVercetti]

Oh no! I smell blood in the water. Quite disturbing to think that someone you like/love does not what you near her. Cut your losses before you get your feelings hurt. Someone odd is going on with her.

[Asker]

Do you think it's something that can jeopardize our relationship?

[MrVercetti]

Not really mate. Something already has jeopardized your relationship with her. Why is she trying to avoid is always a good and last question to ask. I'm not sure of what is going on in your life but I can only say you deserve better treatment.

[Asker]

Thank you! I have one more question do you think I should give her space or ask her whats wrong? Thing is every time I ask her whats wrong she says that she is okay but then continues to act like something is wrong so then I continue to ask she snaps at me and then when I am emotionally drained to the point of passing out she reveals what it is and every time it's for a different reason.

[MrVercetti]

Ok, now I'm 100% sure she is cheating or has another person around. If you corner an animal it will go on defense mode. She has no explanation to tell you so she is just making excuses to avoid you. I'm sorry about your relationship but I suggest you move on because you won't get any answers from her.

[Asker]

Yea I think she is cheating on me I just talked to her she didn't respond to my text for 7 hours and then blamed me for not responding. I told her that I felt like there was something wrong so I waited for her to text back then to pursue and play Sherlock homes. When she did contact me she seemed distant and then she wanted a night without me again so I called her. When I called her I asked her in a calm mannor about what's wrong and why. She told me that she was hurt about my call last night and how I didn't say " I love you" when i hung up. I told her that she was acting shady for the past few days and that from our last argument she said that I was suffocating her so I only followed her wishes and waited till she texted me. Through the whole convo she disrespected me in so many ways by falling asleep while talking to her about my feelings after telling her how serious I am she told me that she didn't have to talk to me or tell me anything that she is doing throughout her day. part 1

[Asker]

then after that I told her
Me: "You are telling me that you wouldn't want to fill your boyfriend in on whats going on in your life? Why are you doing this?"

Her: "because I don't have to tell you"

Me: "why did you suddenly flip like a switch like this. There is obviously a reason. Are you doing stuff behind my back?"

Her "No I am not"

Me: "If you're not then there shouldn't be any trouble to tell me then."

Her: "look I just want to workout (which she didn't have a drive for before) and hang out with my friends"

Me "If I am no longer a priority to the point in where you have to schedule me then how would you expect a relationship?"

Her: "I don't want to get married anymore you know. I don't think I cut out for it.(after two days ago she told me about marriage and we established this months ago)."

Me: "this really hurts I respect you so much but you disrespected me in so many ways just now I am not a doormat."

Then we talk in circle from her till I offer her space.

[MrVercetti]

Damn! it looks like she is ready to snap. You can keep asking her why she is acting like that. Try to get a rude approach like getting mad at her. You have to show her who's in control. You can't let her treat you like that. Cut your losses and move forward with another person.

[Asker]

I am waiting for her to wake up for her beauty sleep so she can give me the answer. There is now only a small chance that I am coming back. There is still a good chance that she is trying to test me or enjoys watching me mad but even if she is doing that I will still break it off with her because that's plan toxic. From here she only haves a small chance I will update you.

[Asker]

Everything seems resolved now. She was telling me that she was hiding a serious illness and was afraid to tell me and that also she was mad at me because I I didn't say i love you after a call.

[Asker]

Thank you so much for helping me!

[Anonymous]

would you still love her if she cheated on you?

[Asker]

I would but the betrayal would be to great for me to look back. If she did cheat she would disrespect, devalue, and fool me and the relationship. To me there isn't a resolution to cheating as it would be equivalent (to me) to laughing at all that I stand for and value. I put her as my main priority but if she mocks the relationship by playing me a fool then I have all the means to walk out for good because cheat once, cheat again.

There is a way that the relationship can work if she is open and honest with me as soon as possible so that way we can come to an understanding but there is a slim chance that it would go back to the way it was. I would never cheat on her and she knows that. I respectfully love her and the relationship so much to even think of that.

[Opinion Owner]

from what you said, it really seems like she's cheating on you. Don't take my word for it tho
girls could be pretty hard to understand sometimes. If im in your position, i would maybe do a little spying around.. I would make it my top priority to find out for myself whatever she's up to..

Did it once before, told my ex that i would be picking her up after lunch instead because i got a bit busy. little did she know that i was already at the mall "stalking" her and saw that she's in fact meeting another guy behind my back. Thats why she's my ex now...