He says he doesn't want anything serious but...

[lunasa]

A guy who I've known for a while recently hooked up about 2 months ago and since then we've been talking everyday and things seem great. We're currently living on different coasts but I'm moving home in 3 months and he's already making plans for a romantic weekend away then.

Thing is I asked him earlier if he saw us getting serious when I moved home or if it was just a bit of fun and he said that he'd just gotten out of a long term relationship (3 years) and didn't want anything serious yet but cos I was moving back in 3 months he'd like to see what happens..

I'm confused now cos I don't know if he's just stringing me along, if I'm just a rebound or if might actually want to have a proper relationship.. I don't want to let my feelings for him get stronger if I'm just gonna be wasting my time.

What do you guys think.. please help!

[PinaColadas]

You have three months until you actually have to have face-to-face communications with this guy. Personally, I would continue talking to him via phone, text, IM, email, or however it is that the two of you talk. Do not put any pressure on him and continue to ask him "where is this going" or "do you see us getting serious yet" - just continue talking. Be a friend. You can never have too many friends. With that said, please do not hesitate to talk to other guys WHILE you are being this guys friend. Who knows, in three months time you COULD find somebody who is actually in that "place" for something serious, and you may actually feel the same about them.

Now. The guy back home. If, in these next three months, he talks to you in a way that is making you think he wants more (a relationship), and if (only if) this bothers you and you think it could ruin your friendship - let him know! Just politely tell him that you would appreciate it if he kept things on a friendly level for now. If it does not bother you that he's flirty, then don't worry about it - but please don't look too much into flirtatious behavior, especially since he has already said he isn't looking for anything serious.

When you get home in three months, test the waters that way. Go out on a few dates with him and see how the chemistry is - you may or may not still have these built up feelings for him. Personally, I would advise leaving sex out of the situation - especially if you're wanting something more "serious" while he is stuck in "not-so-serious" mode. However, if it doesn't bother you, and you think you can have sex with this man while being a friend and expecting nothing more... then go ahead.

At this point though, take his word: he doesn't want anything serious! Maybe he will later down the road, but please don't hold out for that. If he REALLY JUST got out of a 3-year relationship, then I really do not see him wanting to jump into anything else that serious this soon. You don't want a man who hasn't completely healed from a heartbreak anyways - it will just be a disaster in the long-run.

Be friends for now. Make your expectations clear to him. Don't rush things until you two actually get some more face-to-face time (if you even want it by the time it's time for you to go home). Enjoy the ride, but understand that right now... he wants you, but probably not for the same thing you want him for. This may or may not change down the road. Only time will tell.

Until then, live your life as if he weren't even a part of it! But be a friend, too. Things will fall into place as they should.

[Anonymous]

he just wanted some fun, fwb, hook ups etc...