When a girl is afraid of a relationship, what can I say to convince her to just try?

[Anonymous]

She's afraid of something, maybe a past relationship scarred her or she just has a hard time believing in love, how do I convince her that it's worth giving a shot?

[CrazynKinky]

You can't say anything, well that's true. You can't tell her that you're not like the others' and you won't hurt her and you won't do all the crap they did, because the truth is you'll probably be exactly the same as the guys that have made her not want a relationship. I'm not saying your a bad guy but girls have this memory that doesn't let the bad be forgotten, she can remember every detail that happened but the detail we all forget is that it's just one guy that did that so we get suspicious of all of them. Which sucks cause we either over analysis and drive the guy away, just leave without knowing the facts or keep it bottled up which eventually just makes us unhappy and starts fights either way you'll end up being the same as the rest.

What you can tell her is that you just want to see her happy and you want to have the chance to make her happy. If that doesn't work try asking if you can just date no strings just get to know each other more and take her out for dinner and movies and fun stuff she likes to do and just watch movies at home on the couch and cuddle up. Just take things slow she'll come around

[IronHwaleMan]

I took it slow with a girl for 3 months. Just dinners and hanging out several nights a week. I feel we got really close and am 99% sure she liked me too. I asked her out and she said she didn't want to date anyone now but would be open to dating later. I even said that I wanted her to be happy and had hoped that would include me. After that day, she pretty much cut off all contact.
I'm trying to give her space now, but don't understand how we spent so much time together the last few months to being cut out completely. I know everyone is different, but how much time should I give her before broaching the subject again?

[CrazynKinky]

@IronHwaleMan You did nothing wrong. She was scared and she ran. If you can't be happy making it more than don't keep trying. If you can take everything extremely slowly and not talk about it till she brings it up

[smrifter]

I have been dating this girl gir a long time, and whe we had our 5th date she told me that she is afraid, I told her that i can wait, it has past almost 2 month, and we have had kiss, and she still is afraid... I don't know what to do.

[bubbles888]

I agree with timetowaste. If she is really that hesitant, there's nothing you can say to her that will convince her into getting into something she really isn't sure about. Just be her friend and build her trust and hopefully this will make her feel more comfortable with the idea. Sometimes it just takes time.

I also see another possibility of her simply not being that interested.. And needs time to reflect on how she feels about you. This has happened to me through personal experience..

Either way, it all just takes time and patience, and hopefully things will work out for you. =) Just don't push her into anything she isn't ready for. Good luck! ^^

[Asker]

I understand not pushing her into something she isn't ready for because that's what she always says. But she is leaving in a couple months for about a year, and I want to know if she wants to at least try or show me that she wants to be with me before she's gone, cause asking to wait 2 months I can do, over a year just for a chance seems a little too much to ask for anybody right?

[bubbles888]

Well even if she does show that she wants to be with you before she leaves, and you two develop strong feelings for each other, would you consider continuing the relationship even after she moves away for a year? It is true, for some people it is really hard to not be able to physically be with someone for a long time. Maybe that's why she's being shy about the idea. She doesn't want to risk going through something short termed? =(

[Asker]

If she showed me that she was willing to committ before she leaves, I'd wait for her forever. she's already told me she has feelings for me and can see a future together, but just right now she's got so much other stuff on her mind to deal with that she's not ready for a relationship. but if she doesn't decide to try before she leaves, there is no chance ever. how can I convince her when she says not to force her to do something she's not ready for, but I really wanna give it a chance...

[bubbles888]

Wow this is a really tough situation.. It depends on her views on long distance relationships as well. Sometimes some people need their partner to physically be there.. =( I've actually had a similar situation happen to me. Although my story did not end well. =( I hope yours will turn out much better! But hey, just because she'll be gone for a year without getting involved with you, who says that in later years there is no possibility of you two working something out when she comes back?

[bubbles888]

I mean, who knows? Maybe in later years, after she goes and sorts out everything in her life, she comes back, and you two may realize that you can finally be together? Sometimes life takes weird courses, and maybe in later years she really will come to you. I understand the complexity of the situation. =( But for right now, I suggest to still stick close to her as a close friend. =( I know it's hard.. Just hang in there and I hope things work out for you both!

[Asker]

Yea I thought that it was either now or never, because there's always that feeling when you really like someone and want to be with them, but they say no, its painful. and the thought of waiting a year or longer just for a chance seemed impossible. but then I thought about your point, how it could maybe work out when she comes back, but the thing is, if she doesn't want to commit before she leaves, I might be involved with someone else when she comes back, which is always possible...

[Asker]

She even told me herself that asking me to wait for over a year to see if she's maybeeee ready when she comes back is unrealistic. She just wants to be good friends still, and I guess I'll do that. And if we are both single still when she comes back, maybe something can happen, but her deciding not to try now, means I can do whatever and be with anybody else, you never know right...

[SOUL4REAL]

Maybe she have exprienced a bad relationship and now she's taking time out for herself,so she can heal and get to know the things she likes.Give her sometime,because if you are pressing her and she's not ready,she will bring that excess baggage with her and it's not going to work! Take thing slow and be a friend to her and she will see that you care! Good Luck!

[thetheme]

You should just move on and never speak to her again. She just doesn't want you in that way plain and simple. The past is the past, and if she can't get over it then she would have brought her past in the relationship is you would have ended up having one with her anyway. Since you have feelings for her, the "friendship" has ended. By staying around her, you will be heartbroken once she gets a boyfriend that is not you (that will happen sooner than you think). By being in the friend zone, you will just be there to give her the confort and the confidence that she needs from you, and by that time she will see you as just a friend when you will want more and that is a conflict of interest. STOP communicating to her. No calls, no emails, no texts, nothing. Just move on. Being a "friend" is never the way to get with someone you want to be with. If she ends up coming after you, explain that can't be friends with her because of how you feel, then just walk away.

[brkadv]

I think ironically the best thing you can do is not try to talk her out of her fear, but just empathize with it. Tell her you understand she has these fears and there probably is a reason for them. You hope that she can become stronger and overcome the fears and give it a shot but if not you understand and want the best for her. And then give her her space. It isn't always pleasant or fair, but it's pretty rare that pushing or trying to convince logically will do anything but raise the suspicions and fears further, no matter how unfounded they may be.

[jade_love]

The only thing you can do to convince a girl to give love a try is by not pushing it... If she is afraid, you really can't do anything about that... But one thing you can do is be her friend and gain her trust... By doing that and giving her the time she needs she will come around on her own... You just have to be patient...

[timetowaste]

The more you try to convince, the more it'll seem like you're trying to push, and that will put her off. Just continue being her friend, and be there for her if it's something you really want to happen. She might start trusting you more, and see things in a different light and come around. If it's worth it to you, is the question. And if it is, how long are you willing to hold out for her, waiting until she does come around.

[omar411]

Hmm...the best way to convince her in my opinion is to try to explain to her that you love her and that you are not gonna hurt her like her previous ex's. Explain to her that you are not her previous boyfriend. You have to gain her trust, convince her not psychologically but also physically if you can.

[Mesonfielde]

I think she just told you that she is afraid of a relationship because she didn't want to hurt your feelings by openly rejecting you. >.>

[sillygirl1224]

from personal experience I was scared because I thought that the guy would only want sex and junk. Ask her why and if she won't tell you just try to give her confidence by acting like a friend and see where it goes from there!

[tylerj]

Hi, What would it take to make you think a guy is not in it for sex?