Have you ever developed a romantic or sexual interest in someone who was already a good friend?

Question

So many people say that they want their SO to be their best friend but, if their best friend says "Hey, let's try to be more than friends, we often hear that cheesy line: "But I don't want to lose you as a friend." That seems to result in an automatic "urge to kill" for some of us. Sometimes, of course, it is a transparent excuse that your friend uses because they don't want to say, "But. . . I wouldn't have sex with you if you were the last guy on the planet." But, sometimes, I think people legitimately think that they want to hold on to the friendship and not take any chances. If you already have developed sexual or romantic feelings for your friend, can you simply ignore those feelings and remain in a purely platonic status? Ladies, will you be okay with hearing your guy friend talk about the new girl and how cool she is when YOU want to be the one at the center of his universe? Guys, how will you handle it when she inadvertently says something that reveals she spent the night with the new Mr. Wonderful? "How can she fuck that jerk?" you think to yourself. Girls, do you want to be there to receive an invitation to his wedding and watch him walk down the aisle with someone else? So, what do you do when you develop feelings for a friend? I think the friendship probably isn't going to continue if your feelings are rejected or spurned, so why not just go for it because a. if you lose the friendship, it was probably going to be lost anyway, but b. if you go forward and start dating and it works out, isn't that the best of all possible worlds? Have you ever been in this position? How did you handle it?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I ended up falling for my best friend in University, she was really independent and really, really mature for her age (she was 2 years younger than me). She broke up with her boyfriend at the time where we really started becoming close in our friendship but then she jumped right into something sexual with another guy a few years older than her that ended up becoming something serious so I missed my chance and after that I realized I loved her because I realized I was jealous and we carried on our friendship for another painful 6 months until I ended up revealing to her best female friend while I was drunk that I had feelings for her and I assume she revealed that to her because when I went to give her a yellow rose (friendship flower) at her graduation she told me she didn't want me there and asked me to leave so I did.
That really hurt, I didn't want to cry in front of her but I ended up tearing up while I took off. The only thing that hurt more was when my close friend died a few years prior (another girl whom I was in love with didn't have the balls to act on).
The more I look back on my best friend though the more I realize that I wasn't really in love with her. I just thought I was because I was lonely and selfish and I didn't want to lose what I thought was otherwise my companion.
Alyssa I'll one hundred percent defend I was in love with her. I was going to tell her so many things before she died. I had a lot of plans. She was so nice to me when no else was. But things go the way things go.
So really I've been in love with one girl who died before I could realize what I really felt, but it didn't hurt any l;ess. And I thought I loved a girl who didn't feel the same way back, and it didn't hurt me any less. The trick is realizing that the second girl, my former best friend? It was all me who hurt me really.
She's still in Toronto now I think, going for her nursing degree.
Not a day goes by where I don't think about Alyssa.
I fell in love with my teacher when I was 15 as well, gorgeous intelligent, sexy woman with a beautiful smile, 37 at the time, whom I saw again recently at 43 and am intent on pursuing, lest I make the same mistake of not realizing what could be until it's already gone. I'm sure this one will hurt too. I might be a moron for going after a woman 22 years my senior, especially one who used to be my teacher, but she did once say I was "wise beyond my years", and I'm a bold man, so fuck it.
Here's to heartbreak.

WarlandWriter · Accepted Answer

This girl friend of mine had been crushing on me for about a year before she confessed it to me. About a year later we started dating. Had a relationship for half a year, broke up real bad and didn't speak to one another for nearly 2 years. Now we're gradually becoming friends again. Better than before, in fact, because we did share a lot of intimate moments (not just sexually, but also emotionally) when we were dating, and before we started dating there was some emotional and sexual tension between us. But now that the dust has settled and we're no longer sexually or romantically interested in one another, just the strong bond remains.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I had this great friend once who decided to confess his feelings totally out of the blue, with a very lousy timing. I basically replied with "WTH? Let me sleep", and things went quickly sour after that.

We had been friends for two years and were single during that time, but often joked with each other about dating this or that person.
It's unfortunate because I was a very different person at the time. I didn't see him as a romantic partner at all but, at the same time, never expected we would drift apart like that after everything.
It's been seven years and I still remember him as a great guy and probably great partner. Even some compatibility issues I have with my husband I know I wouldn't have had with him, although I also think that he wasn't straight up with me and at the time I felt cheated, or betrayed.

I understand it wasn't meant to be, but my biggest concern is that incident may have led him to change for the worse.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I have. Going on 3 years in January (and we're only seniors in high school). I will admit, we became very close friends and I knew that he was developing feelings for me and it worried me a bit, because I didn't know if dating was the best idea because of our friendship. When he told me, I said that I wanted some time to think about it even though the feelings are mutual. I went for it and couldn't be happier.

PrincessPie · Answer

No, I have never developed a sexual or romantic interest in someone who was already a friend.

For me i don't really see friendships like that, once i'm someones friend i can't suddenly find myself attracted? i don't know maybe its just me but its never happened, i'd have to have already seen them as more than a friend for me to suddenly start to fancy them.

pervertedjester · Answer

Yes, I have developed a sexual or romantic interest in someone who was already a friend. I revealed my feelings to them, they were interested, but we both had bad timing.

ghostqueen · Answer

Yeah, it sucked sooo much. One time I revealed it and that was a fail. The next time it happened with someone else I kept quiet.

Logorithim · Answer

Romantic interest, no, but I have imagined myself having sex with a couple of my female friends. Never pursued it, though.

Najie_TooSweet · Answer

I revealed my crush on him when it was to late... years passed and he was doing him and so was i in separate high schools and stop hanging out so much... i liked him since 7th grade but never had the balls to say i really like u to him... my friend eventually started dating him and my jealousy went through the roof like a fucking rocket... i was so upset... i even cried like ne and him actually dated... when all we did was hung out and bonded and talk otp and stuff like that... i felt a bit betrayed but i bit my tongue i felt is through as long as he my friend thats all that matter... now he in the marine's with a girlfriend and im still struggling with school and work... last time we talked he said when he come back he was going hang with me but came back never told me but told everyone else and hung with everyone else when he promised me he would tell me he was back. From there i know how shit was going and distant MYSELF from the bs... i don't like him no more is he attractive yes indeed he is... but he changed for the better i assume and im not going be someone he can talk to just when he bored nd got no one else to talk to... so that friendship is over im cool with him and he the homie forever but i just can't fw him no more

ABoyNamedSue · Answer

Option 3 - About a year after meeting her, I began to like her more than just a friend. So much so that I had to take a step back because I didn’t read any signals from her. The feelings only grew and because we worked together, it was almost impossible to avoid her. I told her that I don’t think we can be friends because I have started to like you more than just a friend. I already knew she didn’t like me in the same way. We stopped speaking for about two weeks and then we met at a work party. We both said “this is silly”. Let’s just continue and eventually we’ll settle down to being friends again. It took a lot of effort but I got over her. Another year went by and I was a few months into a relationship. The original girl began acting weird and opened up and said I also have feeling towards you, I think I always have. By then, enough time had passed that I didn’t have any feelings towards her. I clearly still liked her but not enough to change our relationship. Shortly after she left her job and moved back to her country. I rarely see her. Maybe once or twice a year with a mutual group of friends. There’s an undercurrent of a joke that runs through our group that maybe this year will be the year we get together. It’s very odd because there’s a pull and a push. I can’t really explain it. She was the first (and so far only) women where my attraction wasn’t based on her looks***(see below). By anyone’s standards she was stunningly beautiful, it just wasn’t was I first noticed for some reason.

*** = I’m a big believer in sexual attraction being the key that unlocks someone’s interest in the more important aspects of a person. Personality, morals etc. Sadly, I’m not sexually attracted to someone, I’m unlikely to flirt and find out more. That’s not to say I shut down, I would seek a friendship rather than a partner. I think you know what I mean despite my elongated way of saying it.

Kru2020 · Answer

Its just hard sometimes you know? she's the best woman I've ever met. Kind, beautiful, smart, cared for her own well being and a bit of a nerd. We always connected really well but thing never lined up right. When i was single she had a boyfriend when she was single i had a girlfriend. I respected her too much to ever make a move when she was taken. We would talk and we always connected when we did. There was this one time that I can remember where our group of friends decided to get together and go bowling one night to catch up. It was me and her alone there, everyone else called off last second. I really enjoyed her company, her laugh and her smile i didn't want that moment to end. We even ended up sharing drinks that night (as in she just kept drinking out of mine). There were 6 seats and she chose to sit right next to me, close enough to where there was no avoiding physical contact. I wanted to do something about it so bad... She had a long term boyfriend at the time and I didn't want to put her through that. I really respect her more than anyone else and that would be really scummy of me. To this day I still think about her, I don't talk to her as much as I did because the temptation will always be there. If she somehow finds this one post in the vastness of the internet then she can decide for herself... She will know who she is.

bubbatxman · Answer

I married my best friend from high school. But the Eros (erotic) part of Love struggles in marriage as other forms of love become dominant. We are awesome partners in managing children and careers, and we have ok sex, but she is not someone who experiments and I am. I have had feelings for two co-workers who were single. We have remained friends over 10 years. I was sexually attracted to each, but did not act on it due to my being married. Also, I believed that neither would ever propose an affair, until I met one for drinks and dinner about a year ago (she lives in a city I visit for business) and she asked me if there was any way I would ever cheat on my wife with her. She revealed that she was horny for me for a lot of the past 15 years we have known each other. She asks me to cheat on my wife. 15 years ago, I was the one who was desiring her, but never verbally spoke of any intentions, except to say that if anything ever happened to my wife, she would be someone I would want to date. She has gained weight over the years, so she’s not as attractive as she once was. I was super-conflicted here, but decided it was the “wine talking”. Like this picture.

Have you ever developed a romantic or sexual interest in someone who was already a good friend?

Princerahul123 · Answer

this suddenly happened, one day we were going to class and it rained heavily we were both wet drenched , so i cancelled the trip and turned toward home, she asked that if she could join because she do not want to go to class all wet and alone, we together went to my home, i first time saw her body n white all visible and curved, i directly told her on face , for some time she hesitated but later she replied by her action and we heated up and had a great time. and she was wet again, but that was the last day of our friend ship and we now rarely meet , but when ever we meet she becomes wet again.

ChurchOfIron · Answer

Any romantic relationship *has* to start out with sexual tension. If sexual tension isn't there, the relationship is established as a platonic one. It's so, so, so important for guys to show interest immediately.

I've never had a friendship evolve into more. It's only when I establish sexual interest initially that it works out. Well, establish some rapport and trust first, *then* immediately on to subtly expressing sexual interest, like touching her hand or arm and seeing how she responds. Or outright saying stuff about how she is attractive or desirable.

whattothink · Answer

I really wish there was a pick all option. I usually fall for my friends. I have dated, it not worked out, and stayed friends. I have dated and had horrible breakups which end up with us never being able to talk. I've had ones where it did work out for a long time, but ultimately we weren't right for each other and depending on the reason for the break up we are either still friends or not talking.
And I have had guy friends that were not interested and while not all were ok with staying friends, some were. I think it all depends on the level of friendship when it starts.

4pple · Answer

I did get a romantic interest in a friend once, fairly recently actually, and she also had a big crush on me (twice), but I decided to cut off contact in the end.
I straight up told her I had a crush on her. The thing is, I was in a relationship a few weeks after it started and noticed I still had feelings for her, I did try to just be friends and ignore the feelings, but even when I was alone I found that I kept thinking of her, and it made me feel terrible. I felt like I was a traitor, that I was betraying my girlfriend, but I tried to ignore it cause I prefered myself to suffer rather than anyone else, but it didn't work, so I slowly started distancing myself. She noticed, and one day asked me (via written note on my laptop) why I was doing that, thinking that I only saw her as a potential girlfriend and nothing more

rjroy3 · Answer

Only once. My highschool girlfriend. Was like a damn romantic comedy lol. She was my friends girl. They break up. She gets with another friend of mine, which is around the time we become friends. We get closer over summer. They break up. Next school year begins. I'm talking to 3 girls and because I now have a reputation, from talking to several girls she doesn't want to admit to herself she started having feelings for me. I didn't like her in that way at first, but started to fall for her. Began to flirt a bit and made her blush. She'd want me to chase, but push me away. I'd back off, until she chased me back. Was this long drawn out "Will they, won't they?" before I even knew what that was. There was even a love triangle thrown in the mix with another girl at one point lol.

Stephbs2 · Answer

My thing isn’t one of the optiona and I think it’s the worst case scenario so I’m gonna tell you a short version.
We were friends since we were ten, hooked up when we were 18, had a huge fight, stopped beeing friends. Tried to be friends again, had sex 5 hours later, fought again (because he doesn’t know how to talk) and we are kinda pretending it never happened and (in theory) still trying to be friends

BeautifullyCurious · Answer

Me and a good friend developed feelings for each other. We told exactly how we felt but decided it would be too weird and awkward if we broke up. Plus it is also important to both of us that we keep out friendship. So we just stayed friends but we still do have a little flirt and look out for each other 😊😊

Anonymous · Answer

It is, in my view, that men and women cannot be "friends" -- friendship is a personal relationship. Unless there is flexibility, it won't work. For a man and woman in a relationship, the ability to communicate with members of the opposite sex by text message might be one of those things that might show that there is more of a personal relationship (though it can touch on a sensitive boundary for a lot of people).

It is best for men and women to describe members of the opposite sex as "acquaintances" or as "colleagues" to avoid any unwanted conflict (let alone accusations of being a "home wrecker"). It is for the best that "friendship" among members of the opposite sex be kept to serious relationships that often lead to marriage (and to avoid touching on the subject altogether otherwise).

Anonymous · Answer

I have developed a romantic interest in someone who is a guy friend. I admitted this to him and he ghosted me. We used to talk every day. It sucks but I suppose it was better to get it out in the open than to hide it. At least I know where I stand and can start the process of moving on.

Bluemax · Answer

I have never known anyone who said he/she didn't want to ruin the friendship who actually meant it that way. Ever.

In all cases I've known personally, when he/she said "I don't want to ruin our friendship," what he/she actually meant was, "I am not attracted to you, nor could I ever be."

rebelsunshine · Answer

My female best friend developed feelings for me after a breakup. We used to cuddle and occasionally sleep next to one another, but always as platonic friends. She knew I liked guys, and never saw me as boyfriend material before. She was attractive, but I knew we weren't compatible and I rebuffed her advance. I loved her as a friend and told her so, and though I'll never be her man I'd help her find him. She later apologized, and thanked me for being strong and keeping her best interest at heart.

Chocolate1432 · Answer

Yes I have,
Except he liked my best friend and I helped them get together & then later on (like 4 months later) my best friend told him that “she thought I had feelings for him” which I did but he basically didn’t give a shit and it wrecked our friendship, we haven’t spoke since.

Have you ever developed a romantic or sexual interest in someone who was already a good friend?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said