Sometimes, of course, it is a transparent excuse that your friend uses because they don't want to say, "But. . . I wouldn't have sex with you if you were the last guy on the planet." But, sometimes, I think people legitimately think that they want to hold on to the friendship and not take any chances.
If you already have developed sexual or romantic feelings for your friend, can you simply ignore those feelings and remain in a purely platonic status? Ladies, will you be okay with hearing your guy friend talk about the new girl and how cool she is when YOU want to be the one at the center of his universe? Guys, how will you handle it when she inadvertently says something that reveals she spent the night with the new Mr. Wonderful? "How can she fuck that jerk?" you think to yourself. Girls, do you want to be there to receive an invitation to his wedding and watch him walk down the aisle with someone else?
So, what do you do when you develop feelings for a friend? I think the friendship probably isn't going to continue if your feelings are rejected or spurned, so why not just go for it because
a. if you lose the friendship, it was probably going to be lost anyway, but
b. if you go forward and start dating and it works out, isn't that the best of all possible worlds?
Have you ever been in this position? How did you handle it?
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I ended up falling for my best friend in University, she was really independent and really, really mature for her age (she was 2 years younger than me). She broke up with her boyfriend at the time where we really started becoming close in our friendship but then she jumped right into something sexual with another guy a few years older than her that ended up becoming something serious so I missed my chance and after that I realized I loved her because I realized I was jealous and we carried on our friendship for another painful 6 months until I ended up revealing to her best female friend while I was drunk that I had feelings for her and I assume she revealed that to her because when I went to give her a yellow rose (friendship flower) at her graduation she told me she didn't want me there and asked me to leave so I did.
That really hurt, I didn't want to cry in front of her but I ended up tearing up while I took off. The only thing that hurt more was when my close friend died a few years prior (another girl whom I was in love with didn't have the balls to act on).
The more I look back on my best friend though the more I realize that I wasn't really in love with her. I just thought I was because I was lonely and selfish and I didn't want to lose what I thought was otherwise my companion.
Alyssa I'll one hundred percent defend I was in love with her. I was going to tell her so many things before she died. I had a lot of plans. She was so nice to me when no else was. But things go the way things go.
So really I've been in love with one girl who died before I could realize what I really felt, but it didn't hurt any l;ess. And I thought I loved a girl who didn't feel the same way back, and it didn't hurt me any less. The trick is realizing that the second girl, my former best friend? It was all me who hurt me really.
She's still in Toronto now I think, going for her nursing degree.
Not a day goes by where I don't think about Alyssa.
I fell in love with my teacher when I was 15 as well, gorgeous intelligent, sexy woman with a beautiful smile, 37 at the time, whom I saw again recently at 43 and am intent on pursuing, lest I make the same mistake of not realizing what could be until it's already gone. I'm sure this one will hurt too. I might be a moron for going after a woman 22 years my senior, especially one who used to be my teacher, but she did once say I was "wise beyond my years", and I'm a bold man, so fuck it.
Here's to heartbreak.
But you do recognize that most of what you experienced was self-inflicted!
Oh fuck absolutely.
Especially number two, the best friend. That was all me, like I said, I was a selfish idiot. Like I said, I know now I didn't even love her, the heartache over that one was entirely just all me period.
Number 1 was just random chance no one had control over that, just unfortunate and number 3 well... I guess we'll see about number 3 won't we?