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This happens and is normal - sometimes the other person reminds you of your SO or have the same qualities that you are attracted to. It's clear that acting on these feelings is wrong. What makes it cloudy/blurry is when the attraction is unexpected and is hiding under a friendship that is not quite just a friendship.
You get the "oh he's just a friend" or "I'm not attracted because he is with someone" or "she'd never do that" or "she doesn't have feelings because she's with/I'm with..."
It creeps up on you and before you know it, he/she is already hooked on a feeling. Whether you choose to act or not act, something is going down. This is why you do not keep close friends of the opposite sex - not just because of your SO, but also because of the perception you give to your SO and others around you.
For some situations, a friend of the opposite sex that becomes close to you during a relationship and spends more time with you is pretty much a solid case of having romantic feelings for you but hiding it, disguising it as friendship. Sadly, you need to think clearly and act on your SO's behalf instead of trying to preserve a good friendship, no matter the cost. End it for your sake and theirs.
Does it make you a bad person? As long as you don’t act on it, then no. But I would begin to ask yourself why you’re developing feelings for someone other than your partner. I think the key word in your question is “feelings”. That means that someone else is evoking emotions from you that your partner isn’t. I would look at what those feelings are, why this person is making you feel that way, and most importantly is it worth risking your current relationship to allow these feelings to develop?
I would classify “acting on these feelings” as doing anything with this person that would upset/hurt your partner. Flirting is harmless only if there are feelings behind the flirting, which isn’t the case in this situation.
Sorry meant ARENT** feelings lol
Thanks for MHO!
Attraction doesn't make you a bad person, but if you do develop feelings for someone and you realize it you need to withdraw yourself from that person if you value your current relationship at all.
Having that temptation there can lead to terrible actions and consequences. And also an affair of the heart is still an affair, and, im my opinion, is much more painful to experience.
When I found out I was being cheated on and saw the messages, seeing the text "i love you," "babe," and "sweetie" made me wish he had just fucked her once or twice and moved on...
I'd of been pissed either way but somehow the fact that he spent time, quality time talking to and getting to know her while still claming to love me cut me deeper than the physical contact.
I feel, if you have developed feelings for someone it shows you have spent a bit more time with them. Probably went out of your way to do something for them.
Finding out your partner has Become emotionally/romantically connected with someone is 1000x more painful than physical.
They aren't even your partner anymore. It shows the love wasn't real. Let them go, and don't try and make those feelings go. away. its too late.
Opinion
28Opinion
No, its not always a bad thing. I was dating somebody and rejected a guy who was way better than him for the sake of the guy I was dating and then got dumped by the guy I was dating but only after the other guy that was way better than him got a girlfriend. If I had responded by dumping my ex-boyfriend when the way better guy hit on me the first time I could be dating the man of my dreams right now. Instead the way better guy is dating another girl and my ex-boyfriend is being super rude to me.
Scenarios like this are why people refer to a womans nature as fickle. Even if it doesn't make you a bad person that doesn't mean it's okay to do or that it's not damaging to your relationship. You can do many bad things that doesn't make you a bad person. Just means you did a bad thing.
Attraction is not a choice, but choosing to spend one on one time with someone you're attracted to who is not your partner is a bad thing that is 100% your choice. Because you're opening the door for feelings to develop and something to happen. That attraction is a strong pull. You have to decide to fight it and remove yourself from the situation. Many people decide to do what's easier/comfortable and just stay in that situation because it feels good and it's "not cheating". So time goes by, feelings grow stronger and stronger till something does happen. Then the person goes "oops, it just happened. I didn't mean for it to happen". Well, maybe not at the start. Maybe not consciously, but you deliberately to steps that would baby step you towards things to happen.
So your actions say you wanted something to happen if you're playing with that line.
Developing feelings for someone else while in a relationship is perfectly normal. You should recognize those feelings and avoiding compromising situations with the other person.
Contrast this to someone who acts on those feelings (playful touching, hooking up, explicit flirting/sexting). Yes, I would consider the latter person "bad" because their not being faithful to their other partner. How is it fair to entrap someone in a relationship and ask for exclusivity if you flirt/hook up with someone else?
No, it doesn't make you a bad person but then your thinking becomes questionable, your morals and values become questionable. It makes you an uncertain kind of person and not a trustworthy person.
It is not right that you can develop feelings for someone else while you are in a relationship, it is betrayal, disrespect to the person you are in relationship with and plus your morality becomes questionable because it's like you don't know what you want and you can never be satisfied no matter how good the thing you may get, no matter how good a person you may get. It's like if you find someone better than current partner then automatically you start getting attracted to that person, you start developing feelings and this is never a good thing.
After a while a third person might come into the picture who might be better than the first and second person and this would become an endless cycle.
Nobody would want a committed relationship with such a person. That's what I can say.
Its perfectly normal, we are humans and we are put in these situations. As long as you dont act on it... speaking of acting this happens a lot with actors who do lots of romance and love scenes together, as they are being intimate and looking in each others eyes and spending a lot of time together they can often develop feelings for each other (which is why its quite common to see couples come out of films)
In my opinion, if you're in a committed relationship already then you have to devote yourself to them completely. Developing feelings for someone else means that you went out of your way to create a relationship/close friendship with another person which is betrayal. Some people believe that it's only wrong if you cheat and that you "couldn't help" falling for someone else. Actually, it could've been avoided from the beginning. Developing feelings started somewhere... why did you involve yourself with another person and why did you devote so much time to fall for them? If you are unhappy with another then just break it off. Don't hurt someone so deep that you supposedly "loved". If you're supposedly "in love" with a significant other then you're supposed to spend your time with them not be emotionally invested with another man/woman.
It doesn't make you truly "bad" but it definitely makes you look like you're a naive imbecile that can't control themselves.
Depends what you do. I was once in a relationship and realised I liked a guy at work more. I ended the relationship without even finding out if the guy liked me first because I couldn't be in that relationship any more knowing I liked someone else.
After I ended the relationship I approached the guy and we got together.
Yes, because how you like it if your partner did it to you? I am so tired of the double standards with cheaters most of the time they don't like cheating behaviour yet they do it. Thank god I am not the type to forgive and try to make it work out anymore I dump your ass asap and move on with my life. My time is precious I am making it count every second.
I was going to say yes, but then I thought about it a bit more. We sometimes look for love elsewhere, or for companionship qualities we are missing with our partner.
It's when you develop more romantic feelings, and whether you encourage this or not, that moves you into a grey area. It's technically cheating regardless, but like I said, grey area.
Acting on it definitely defines you as the good or bad person. If you break up and move straight away to another, it's bad. If you cheat, it's bad. 🤷
Well, developing the feelings itself is not bad, you can't always control who you love. But the moment you let those feelings be seen from the exterior you cheated. Cheating is not necessary sex or a kiss. Simply telling someone else you care about them or expressing the intent of being intimate in any way with them is emotionally cheating on your partner.
It doesn't mean you're a bad person, it means you lack wisdom since you got way too close to a person that's not your partner and got attached. It makes you a bad person if you start cheating on your partner (emotionally or physically). The right way is either breaking up with your partner or cutting ties with this new person.
It makes you bad if you indulge in them and if you actively cultivated them i. e. if you noticed where things where heading and instead of cutting contact you continued to see the person, flirted with them etc. You can't control your emotions but you can control your actions.
You can't control your feelings, it's okay if you do develop feelings, but it's not okay if you act on them and cheat for example.
If you developped feelings for someone you don't know well, you can always cut off contact with them, if it's someone you know for a long time you'd probably do best ny telling them and focusing on things you don't like about them to make those feelings go away
Developing feelings no
Acting on them without resolving your relationship is bad though if it makes you a bad person is a little iffy depends on many things
It is not a binary thing there are many nuances
No, it is normal. It is when it acted upon that it is a problem but even then it is a sign that either your relationship is not as good as you thought it was or the other person has a character flaw, in other words is a cheater or a potential cheater.
Sometimes you get feelings for other, but then you think about it and see if it's worth it or not to end the relationship your in. You never act on it for that is what makes you a bad person. if your unhappy in the relationship your in, then you can end the relationship and only then.
Only bad if you act on it , thats why you should dump your current partner before moving on to the Next
I think it means you are being too friendly with someone other than your SO.
I dont believe its right to maintain friendships with the opposite sex while in a relationship exactly for this reason.
Wow... no dude.
@Anon-ymous1 , I'm sorry you disagree, you've apparently never lost someone you loved because they fell in love with one of their "guy friends".
Nope, sure haven't. I'm not emotionally insecure enough to feel the need to try to control who my girl can and can't talk to and spend time with. I don't own her.
Id never try to control who my girl talked to, but if she had any respect for me she would limit her interactions with single men, or any man who expresses interest in anything more than a platonic relationship.
Every relationship has bumps along the way. Working through these things as a couple strengthens the couple's bond, their relationship. Talking with members of the opposite sex makes makes them "a shoulder to cry on", someone with a sympathetic ear, and a bond is created with them, and so the relationship is weakened.
Yeah... no. If it gets weakened from that, then it was never the right kind of relationship to begin with. People don't own their partners or their partners' time.
Sorry if you disagree, but the upvotes outweigh your downvotes.
LOL ah yes! the best indicator of reason and sensibility-- anonymous Internet justice!
You're adorable.
Just sayin, it would seem more people agree than disagree.
Lol, yes, it would wouldn't it? Haha you got me
I do agree with you, nobody should try to control who their SO has for friends, but everyone (including you and i) has a responsibility to their SOs to ensure they dont become romantically entangled with someone else, which in my opinion is easiest done by distancing oneself frome singles of the opposite sex.
If you aren't in love with your SO, break up with them. Dont be that asshole who waits until they have their next relationship secured before breaking up.
It doesn't unless you act upon those feelings without ending your "unsatisfactory" relationship first.. Which you should, if you develop feelings for someone else.
No. You can't help it. It's out of your control. It's what you do next that'll determine whether you are a good person or not.
You can help it, actually. It is something that lead to that consequence which could've been avoided from the beginning.
How do you prevent, for example, a partner that despite discussing things with them to attempt to work on whatever the issue is, from repeating the same thing that was causing the issues in the first place? I guess people would argue that if you talk to your partner and things don't change then to leave them. It's that simple, right? But it isn't for some people. Consider living situations and whether or not they have somewhere else to go. I think we don't always factor in every single possible reason for why someone hasn't just broken up with a "bad partner".
Developing feelings is rather normal but whether you act on them or not determines if you're a bad person or not. You can chose whether your feelings process into the friendly territory or the romantic one.
No doesn’t make you a bad person unless you act on those feelings and cheat. But it does show that the current relationship your in might be quickly coming to and end. So if I were you I would make a decision. And re-evaluate your relationship.
You're not a bad person until you trespass against me, but it makes you stupid, stupid people date people they don't want.
Depends if your feelings and thought the other person are strong enough to warrant an action. Just let it be if it would just complicate things.
As in if things are going smoothly right now and there isn't any need to change something about the current relationship that you don't like.
Why is it that women are always posting these bullshit questions? Seriously find me a link when a guy is asking the this kind of question.
We really can’t trust any of you.
@scorpios yes I agree. But really think hard. How often do you see guys posting questions about their temptations? Really?
@scorpios because we know there is no justification for it, period. If a guy asked the same exact question you girls would tear him apart.
These girls are trying to do mental gymnastics to placate their guilty conscience.
@scorpios stay that way :)
It’s human to find other people attractive when you are in a relationship. But this girl is contemplating ACTING on her feelings. She is trying to find reassurance that’s it’s “okay”. Its not and she doesn’t have my sympathy if she acts on it.
Yeah i agree it’s human it think other people than ur babe is hot.. like if I see a hot guy ill think to myself mmmm but I don’t wanna fuck him lol & this girl went so far as to put her self in the position to be spending time with this other person for feelings to grow like she intentionally put herself in that position knowing she’s in a relationship...
@scorpios what she is doing is bullshit. She’s will either eventually cheat or dump her boyfriend for this other guy since she is “following her heart”.
@scorpios she’s just lining up new guys so she doesn’t have to be lonely. She obviously doesn’t give a shit about her bfs problems. This was done to me once a few years ago. I was a “placeholder” while she was looking around
I’ve gotten better at identifying these kind of women. If they are attractive I might hook up with them, but I’ll never trust them.
I’ll ask again. How often do you see guys posting these kind of questions? Seriously. Find me a link of a guy doing it.
Why does it matter if guys post them or not? That wasn't a need to call me a whore for asking a question. If you had taken the time to ask for more information maybe you would have gotten the details instead of filling in the blanks randomly for yourselves. If you still decide to call me a whore after that then that's fine. But don't say it without having the whole story. I was asking the question as a general idea of how people feel about it and how they personally would resolve it.
For me the way to resolve it is by looking at my relationship and figuring out what issues we have to address. But that's just it. WE have to address them. A relationship does not depend on one person. So even if I talked to him (which I did) it doesn't mean that it will work out. We need to give it time to see if we feel okay with changes being made. And if not then we will go our own ways. It's that simple.
Well speak up to your boyfriend and do it soon. Don’t him to read your mind and think everything is just “fine” if you make the jump.
But this is showing a deeper issue. Women are always testing guys.
I have spoken to him about it. I explained before that how I was feeling about how things were going for me and him. I asked if we could address a few things. He said we could. So we did for a bit but then things went back to the way they were before. That was before my friend was even in the picture.
I've confided in a lot of people about relationship stuff before and I had no intentions of my friend being any different. I just apparently let myself confide a bit too much which is my fault. He asked if I wanted to leave my boyfriend and live with him and I said no. After that my friend started treating me like crap which kind of answered my question for me. That he was working an angle. I was suspicious of that in the first place. I wasn't going to just break up with my current partner to get with someone else either way. I've never done that and I don't want to do that to anyone.
So we're just back to square one. I'm not talking to my now ex friend and I'm trying to address issues with my boyfriend. Again. And if it doesn't work out then I'll just be single for a while.
That was sneaky of your friend to do that. But a part of you admitted having feelings for him. He might have picked up on it.
Your ex friend is not content with the friendzone. There is nothing in it for him. But did you meet him before you met your boyfriend or after? If he had a crush on you before you met your boyfriend and now he is friendzoned I can understand how he feels. But if he is acting this was when he just met you and found you had a boyfriend then he is being a bitch.
If had girls I was interested in and/or hook up with in the pad reach out to me with problems with their current bfs. I was younger and dumber I took that as a positive sign that I might be next. Now I’m older I move on QUICK. She just wants free counseling.
*in the past
Since I moved to a different state I was looking to make friends locally, and I happened to meet this guy. So he was a new friend not an old one or a previous interest.
Unfortunately I wasn't aware of how he knew my boyfriend previously and overall didn't like him. So I think because of that it influenced his decision to try to get me away from him.
That makes more sense. Normally I completely respect if a girl is in a relationship. But when I already dislike the guys she’s with AND she is complaining about him I would tempted to move in.
I got a feeling your boyfriend is kinda of an asshole and your friend was a “nice guy” huh?
Basically... that's the gist of it. But I admitted to myself that maybe I was making my boyfriend seem worse than he really is. Having BPD I tend to have a different perceived idea of how someone is treating me. But that's why it's confusing.
To give you a more detailed idea of what was going on. Intimacy was one-sided as in he would get to finish and wouldn't help me. He would say things like why can't you finish from that or my exes didn't ask me to help them. When I want kisses or hugs I have to initiate them. I want to spend what I consider as quality time together, like watching a movie or such. And he said he could play a game and watch at the same time. Which if it was my idea and he just so happened to watch it while playing then fine, but if I asked him to watch a movie together with me I kind of would want him to actually be focusing on me and the movie. I felt like it would be sort of half-assed. And ultimately most of our issues are because of him saying he needs to be more time efficient. But then he never seems to prioritize anything around me.
Meanwhile the guy friend took me to the mall when I had a nightmare from my new medication. It made me dream of my ex raping me. My boyfriend wanted me to deal with it/didn't offer support in regards to it. He got me breakfast once when I wasn't feeling well (depressed). Then a few times we hung out and watched anime. One time which was because I was hungry and my boyfriend didn't want to go grocery shopping. I ate a pickle one day and a bowl of rice the second day. So I caved and asked the friend if we could get something to eat and he sent me home with food from his place.
The problem is that I still love my boyfriend. I just felt like he didn't love me any more. So I wanted to stay with him. And then when my friend was being more supportive I got attached. I may have wrongfully gotten attached to someone, but admittedly without him in the picture I probably wouldn't even be here still. I would've been suicidal more than likely based on how everything was going. So I don't regret meeting him. I just wish I would've found a better way to discuss issues with my boyfriend and/or had someone else that wouldn't have been biased against my boyfriend to be there for me.
^^^ this is so typical and disgusting. Really disgusting. You are in love with your boyfriend because he is a selfish prick. You enjoy the CHALLENGE. So your friend saw this and unfortunately took the beta route (friendzone) which you are ate all up.
If your boyfriend really is treating you like shit then you need to move on.
And you are not really in love with your boyfriend. You just have a low self esteem to tolerate his bullshit.
Than why the fuck are you staying with this guy? This is all your fault and huge female problem in general.
This is exactly why you see so many pissed of guys out there because of your shitty dating decisions. Your friend was smart to quit talking to you.
I don't think anyone purposefully develops feelings for another. It just happens. So, no that doesn't make you a bad person. Even acting on them while still in a relationship doesn't really make you a bad person. It's just a really bad choice.
The fact it happens doesn't define you.
The question is what are you going to do?
No but if you go with someone while in relationship at least break up with someone first. I found out I was the other woman I was pissed and heart broken.
If you develope feelings for someone else, it means you dont love your partner.
If you love someone, you can't see others. Check your relationship. If you don't love him don't waste your boyfriend time.
It all depends on what you do with those feelings. It means push the thought from your mind and certainly don't peruse the person.
Ye i do think so actually. It shows that the feelings were fake with the person i am in a relationship with
Um... no, it makes you normal and human. Anyone who thinks otherwise is an idiot.
Yes it does it shows you're an emotional cheater and have no loyalty to the person you're with
@scorpios i just dont get the point of cheating if you're not happy with somebody leave by a person cheating it just shows they have no morals no loyalty and dont know how to be faithful and can't be trusted in any aspect of their life and the only thing that will result in the end is bitter resentment towards the other person
It’s bad because developing feel for smomeone else is like a divorce
no it doesn't a bad person .. it shows you have feelings and love to share :) x
Develop in? Not really but acting in those feelings yes.
No but I wouldn’t allow myself to.
Of course not, it all depends on how you act.
It's actions that matter
No. Acting on them does.
No. Only if you act on them.
as long as its in your head, its ok.
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