Honestly, it depends on what you mean by overprotective. In the context of romantic relationships:
If the person is simply irrationally insecure and paranoid about something (such as cheating, for example), and compensate by trying to forbid their partner from certain activities, seeing friends, etc: Then it's generally pretty destructive, yes.
But it's worth noting that those sorts of efforts aren't always grounded in thoughtless paranoia. It sincerely depends on the situation. I've dated women thought it was okay to get blackout drunk and high in rooms full of people who simply wanted to exploit her. I've dated women who willingly met up with their ex-rapists to get drugs. I've dated a woman who wanted to lease an apartment during a temporarily long distance relationship, and whom thought it was a good idea to select an ex boyfriend for a roommate.
Being protective isn't necessarily a bad thing. Often times it's rooted in a genuine desire to protect someone you love from harm. Sometimes it's predicated upon a desire to protect the existence of a relationship. And other times it based upon an objectifying effort to control what someone sees as their property. In the latter, it's absolutely a negative thing, and it's most prominently identifiable by a few select traits:
1. Physical attempts to restrict one's freedom. 2. "Forbidding" certain things, and leaving no room for discussion. 3. Making threats if the person at hand does what they were told not to do. 4. "Telling" rather than asking. (Ex: "You're not going to that party." Rather than a civil, respectful attempt to express why they feel it's dangerous, followed by a request that you not attend.)
All of the above are more or less justifiable in a parent to child relationship, however - at least in most cases. There are extremes to everything, of course. Some parents are protective well beyond reason, some are -just- protective enough. Some will continue to try and exert control over your life well into your 30s and 40s, and they may not always be correct in doing so. But, they just might. : )
It's a tough subject to tackle, because whether or not someone is justified or unjustified in their efforts to protect you will always depend on what they're trying to protect you from, how they're going about it, and whether or not there's a genuine risk. That all said, when it comes to romantic relationships: Insecurity is a terrible thing, both for the insecure, and those whom they force to bear the burden of their insecurity. It can absolutely demolish relationships, and it's critical that people most afflicted by it get it under control. For some people, that's a lifelong struggle; a goal that takes years to achieve. It's far easier said than done. It's miserable to endure, and my heart goes out to people who struggle to control it.
If you're dating someone who loves you, asks kindly, and constantly tries to protect you (even from the irrational): Consider making simple concessions for their sake where you can. Do what you can to reassure them that things will be okay. Tell them that you love them, quell their fears to the best of your ability, and take extra precautions if it helps assure them of your safety. And, just as importantly: Consider the prospect that they may be right.
Sometimes the person trying to protect you will be in the wrong. Sometimes their fear is based in nothing but irrational worry, and what you need to do is critically important for you. And when that's the case, if you're certain beyond a reasonable doubt that there's no danger: Put your foot down if you must.
But always remember that -sometimes- they may be in the right. Be open minded enough to consider that they might be, and if there's even a slight bit of sense in what they're saying: Perhaps it's not the worst idea in the world to give up on that night at the bar if it makes your partner more comfortable.
Ultimately, though, it's up to you, and how much they mean to you.
It's not toxic by itself. It's only toxic when driven by extreme jealousy. Worrying about your spouse because they're going to be out really late at night isn't toxic. Not letting them out of your site at all times because you're too jealous definitely is.
Depends on how protective and "who" it is doing the protecting. Parents should learn to give their children space after a certain age to be more independant. Nothing annoys me more then when my mom starts to get overly curious about my life. As far as a boyfriend goes, he can protect me as much as he wants.
YES- my ex seemed so normal and nice and about a month in, I realized something was off. I went out with my girls to have a girls night and he stalked me and showed up at the bar- he couldn’t even let me have a night to myself, it was terrible. I went outski realllll quick lol
Depends really. Stuff like stalking, SUPER controlling like "you can only do that and that", etc. My mom is overprotective and it shows that she really loves me. If I had a girlfriend who was overprotective, I would see that she loves me and doesn't want to lose me...
No it’s good to a extent but it can be taken to far my husband is really protective. Last week a guy came up to him at working saying shit about me then told him he was gonna take me from him and well needless to say the guy didn’t come to work the next day and when he did come back his face was messed up lol busted nose stitches in his eye a black eye and busted lip. Then what’s funny is he tells a guy it was 4 dudes that jumped on him when it really was only one 😂😂 my husband wouldn’t of done nothing if the guy wouldn’t of swung first it didn't pay for that guy to act cocky
So yes it’s good but if the girl or guy likes to keep a handle on you all the time or doesn’t let you do hardly anything and always checking your stuff that’s not protective that’s controling their is a big difference
Yes it is! Hindering normal behavior leads to a lot of mental, emotional, and social problems later in life. I had to find a way to unlearn being a doormat
I depends on how the overprotectiveness manifests itself. Worrying about your partner’s safety if you have good reason and being annoyed if someone else has a crush on them is normal, but if you get paranoid and can’t stop thinking about it or asking your partner about it, that’s not okay. The behavior only becomes toxic when you start controlling their life and telling them what to wear, who they’re “allowed” to hang out with, and things like that.
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Anonymous
(18-24)
+1 y
Depends if someone’s just being overprotective to be a fucking bitch like not letting the partner go out on a night out for no reason, well cos of jealousy and lack of trust. Thats bullshit. Or if a guy doesn't want her girl to wear something she wants. Basically guess what im saying is it’s only toxic if the person tries to control the partner.
Depends on what it results in. Maybe there is a reason to be overprotective, or protective, but what some who don't understand my perceive as overprotective (ie. the person has a tendency to get themselves in harmful or unhealthy situations). But again, the consequences are more what is worth considering: how does it effect each individual, their relationship, and those in their social circles? Often, this behavior is an early warning sign of abuse that will escalate given time.
Protective isn't but overprotective definitely is. It's cute when you're protective, but ultimately we don't belong to anyone and nobody belongs to us.
Sometimes it is, especially when you are just being straight and your partner is not letting you or disturbing you during the ongoing activity that involves someone else
Depends how overprotective, and in what ways. You haven't provided us any examples or context, so this isn't really answerable one way or the other, sorry.
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