I have seen these weird videos about women telling other women to be submissive to their husbands, and I find it problematic. Not only they are advising for women to be unable to make their own decisions, but also to accept anything that their husbands told them to do. The other video that I watched was about this lady telling women to have sex regardless if they want to or not, and I don't where you have been but that's r*pe. I'm not married but I don't like the idea of women being submissive with their partner. One thing is to be able to agree on certain things that don't really harm you (like going to a certain restaurant, watching a movie, etc), but to agree or do everything that your husband tells you to do, is wrong.
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Any person who’s disrespectful regardless your view is, I’m deleting y’all. Don’t care what you have to say, but if you start calling people out names because X Y and Z, then adios.
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I have seen various opinions and I can agree that any couple can live whatever they want, my point isn’t just to be in constant fight with your partner. Obviously you will have things that both can agree or disagree, and sometimes it doesn’t harm you to get along with X decision that your husband make. The thing is that I personally wouldn’t want to be with someone that doesn’t let me decide whether I want to go somewhere or dictate what I should wear, and/or having sex when i don’t want to atm
Do you believe that women should be submissive to her husband? Why or why not?
This opinion has some truth to it. Keeping your husband sexually satisfied is taking care of him. And letting him make the decisions allows him to feel more confident and responsible, traits, that will prove to attract the wife to the husband again and again and let her feel safe beside him. These are things a woman needs and she will do well to cultivate them in her man for her own wellbeing and happiness. Think of it as an investment.
Of course it doesn't make sense when you are focused on protecting yourself. But marriage requires sacrifices and you need to be willing to swich from self interest to mutual interest and understand that his needs become your needs as well.
However, it is ridiculous to think that in this day and age this kind of advice can be a viable solution to the crisis in relationships between men and women.
I do understand, that the disgust that most women feel when hearing this advice is a reaction to the failure of the patriarchical family structure.
The method that I usually advocate for is to: 1) first find a partner, who understands to the same extent as you, that m&w relationships are an inherently broken thing and we have not had an adequate upbringing to deal with the problems of creating a modern family.
2) Both agree to actively help each other purge themselves from all ideology that promotes a certain way of organizing relationship roles.
3) Decide to be friends. What are friends? Friends look out for each other, they look to each other's desires without judgement and try to fullfill them as if they were their own.
4) Constantly talk to each other to find out about each others desires, learn about the differences between you, set boundaries where you can't agree, look for your mutual goals, that you can achieve together and write everything down, so that you can return and be inspired.
5) Most importantly, start every day anew, forgetting everything bad, that's happened between you, wipe the slate clean and try to discover something else that unites you.
6) Make concessions. Make room in your life for the other, more and more.
This is the way you research your and your partners nature and find the a natural unity of opposites together.
The way these women have been taught, has been proven wrong for generations. The men teaching them this, are weak little beta men, who feel superior to women, because they have low status among other men.
These women are beaten, raped, overworked, overwhelmed with continous pregnancy, children and emotionally deprived due to the inattention of the man that's spose to love them, yet constantly demanded of by not only their husbands, but OTHER men too.
Submissive isn't only to husbands - its all men, in which you have to serve and respect all men even if they are rude or abusive towards you.
Its completely humiliating, and eventually you feel so inhuman that you want to die everyday.
Your husband's dog has more priority really.
Being submissive, means being put in a position of protection and care.
Children are submissive to their parents, but its child abuse to treat them like they are 2nd class right?
You can't just ignore a child, make them do all the hard work, cook, clean, take care of all the other kids, keep them locked away from society because you're some tyrant.
Why is it okay to teach women a life like that?
Submissive means we are more delicate and reliant in an authoritative force to makeup for what we can not.
Likewise, dominant, means taking on the harsher aspects of life - and carrying the immense weight of many important lives relying on you.
Dominant does not mean you just boss people around like a dictator. You're just asking for a revolt, which is exactly what women did in this country, in our personal lives, when men fucking kept overstepping their dominance and abusing us.
Its not fucking right.
We are your mothers, sisters - baby sisters.
How would it feel to see your younger sister with a black eye, scared to even express her own hunger, tiredness, pain and sadness, because she's scared of her own husband... YOUR BROTHER IN LAW.
When your family trusted him to love and protect you?
I didn't watch the videos, but if a man treats a woman like the Bible says that he should, then I don't think that most women would have a problem with submission.
Here's what the Bible says about how men should treat their wives: Serve their wives: The Bible says that the leader is meant to serve the person under their authority, not the other way around. (Matt 20:25-28) Protect their wives, even with their own lives if necessary (Eph 5:25, Neh 4:14) Provide for their wives (Eph 5:28-29) Prioritize their wives' interests above their own (Phil 2:3-4), even to the point of giving up their own lives if necessary (Matt 20:28, Eph 5:25)
I would have absolutely no problem submitting to a guy that treats me like this, & I don't think most women would have a problem either (unless they're indoctrinated by feminism).
As for having sex when you don't want to: When getting married, both men and women agree to sexually satisfy one another ("to have and to hold").
"The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife." (1 Cor 7:3-4)
Does this justify forcing your spouse to have sex? NO. As detailed in Matt 20:25-28, Biblical authority is about SERVING, not being served. So what the Bible passage is saying is that both husband and wife should sexually satisfy their spouse.
So I believe that yes, even if you're not in the mood, you *should* try to sexually satisfy your partner. This goes for both husband and wife.
There’s a woman named Lori Alexander from the blog The Transformed Wife who is like that. She frequently bashes feminism, the sexual revolution, and encourages women to submit, or else. She’s constantly bashing worldly or secular women.
However, if women want to submit to their husbands and they are happy, I’m fine with that. What I’m not fine with is when women like Lori pedestalize that lifestyle and put down others who aren’t submissive.
That is the lady that I was referring to. I stumble upon this commentary channel and he was reacting to her videos, I was speechless on the way she was talking about women and having relationships with their husbands.
I didn’t realize she was actually a YouTuber now. She’s also on twitter and insta it seems. Which is weird considering I’m pretty sure she’s had negative things to say about women using social media for attention.
They should do what they wanna do.. Men and Women are equals. Rape does exist after marriage, marriage is not a document to provide ownership of a woman to man, she has the same rights as the man does and cannot or should not be forced to do something she doesn't wanna do.
I agree with most of your statement except than men and women are equals. I truly don't believe that, women and better and more talented than men at many things and men are better and more talented than women at many things. They weren't designed to be equal, they were designed to be strong where the other is weak and to function better together than apart
@57nicpau well don't confine yourself to dictionary, if you dig deeper, same means having same properties/characteristics. While equal refers more towards rights.
Depends on the context and whether she's comfortable with that or not. When she won't think for herself or allows abuse, that's when it becomes a problem.
I don't have an opinion about this but I think people should act how they want - if a woman wants to be submissive - then fine - if she wants to assert her independence - she has a right to do that too - the only thing is - as long as their is no abuse or disrespect - I think how you live your marriage is up to you.
My opinion is that each couple should determine how they want their relationship to be. Some people like being submissive because they don't really like making decisions and prefer to have someone else do it for them. Others prefer to be dominant and make most or all of the decisions. And others prefer a more equal relationship where they work together to make decisions or split up which types of decisions each is responsible for.
A dominant person and a submissive person can be a good match and be happy together. Two people that like an approximately equal relationship can be a good match and be happy together. I don't think either is right or wrong. As long as both people are happy with the dynamics of their relationship, then I think it's good.
My own personal feeling is that I like an approximately equal relationship (which is what I'm in now). I could be dominant if necessary (though it would be pretty annoying if she couldn't make even basic decisions like what to order for dinner for herself). I could not be happy being submissive.
If other people like a different type of relationship though and both are happy with it, I'm not going to criticize them for it.
Well obviously someone is more dominant than the other, but my issue isn't that they agree or not. My issue is women agreeing/disagreeing just because their partners told them they should. Maybe that's a personal decision, but I still believe it can be problematic in certain people.
Two consenting adults should have a relationship that they both consent to, and which doesn't harm other people. If that means the woman is submissive to the man, that's fine. If the man is submissive to the woman, that's fine. If a woman is submissive to a woman, or a man to a man, also fine. If nobody is submissive, that's fine too. Lots of other options that are all fine as long as everyone involved is fine with it.
There should certainly be no expectation that anyone be submissive to anyone else. And the "That's my good girl" quote made me literally shudder in disgust.
As for sex in a relationship, everyone has the right to give and revoke consent at any time, and it's fine to not want sex at a given moment. That said if a relationship has matured to the point where two people are married, I'm not sure why either person would ever get to the point where anyone would be claiming rape. It's fine to be married and not want sex sometimes but I hope nobody is going to be quick to claim rape. If you marry someone I do believe you should generally be comfortable with them touching you, and there should probably be no yelling "rape" unless your partner has some sort of breakdown and is no longer acting rationally/safely.
I get your point, and agree with it. The picture was supposed to be satirical, I like bringing humor into something just because well, I like dry dark humor.
First of all, these discussions of being submissive to your husband is predicated on the idea that you've chosen a man to be your husband who has good morals and values and respects and cherishes you. It's not blind submission to a random man, but to one carefully chosen after lots of time and discussion and compatibility checks. If you meet a guy and fly to Vegas and marry him that weekend, we'll, no one is going to be shocked if it goes wrong.
And, yes, not all men are capable of good leadership and taking charge - some relationships, the woman is definitely in charge, and the couple is better off for it. If you're a woman who feels the need to be in charge, then chances are the kinds of guys you're attracted to aren't the kind who are natural leaders anyway.
Myself, I'm a dominant, leader type, and the women I date are submissive, but were you to ask any of those women about our relationships, none of them would tell you that they had any real concerns about being submissive with me, because the knew I always had their desires and safety in mind and that I always respected them, even when we disagreed. A dominant is not a slave master (at least, not by default) - rather, he's a leader, and one who has earned that position by having the right attitude, temperament, and a long record of making good decisions. And a submissive is not a slave that is incapable of questioning anything, and a mere piece of property that can be passed around. A submissive CHOOSES who to submit to, and can walk away from that arrangement at will. So, a dominant has to keep her respect on an on-going basis or she's going to be gone.
I don't get the sense that you are looking at it that way, but that's the context that these people are using when they give this advice.
I like submissive-assertive if you're dealing with a guy like me. I can't speak on behalf of other guys. What I mean by "submissive-assertive" is that the woman gives me an earful about what she wants in decisions that impact both of us. Then my job as the one making the executive decisions that impacts us both is to make sure I choose in a balanced way makes us both happy.
I never wanted the "obedient housewife" because that type doesn't let me know what she wants. I'm trying to be so careful to make sure I choose in a way that makes us both happy. How am I supposed to do that if I'm with one who just agrees with everything I say and just wants whatever makes me happy?
But I do like a submissive type so that there are certain contexts, at least, when I can step up to the plate and take over some responsibilities. She already has enough on her plate. I don't want to be the "pussy-whipped" type that makes her feel responsible for everything. I might be the transitioning type between the classical way of wanting an "obedient housewife" vs. the submissive male way of having a wife who constantly tells him what to do while she seems to resemble the role of a mother while he resembles the role of her boy. I never want to get that extreme towards the latter side.
There are certain things I need to do to feel like a "man". So I like a wife who gives me an earful. She's my most trusted adviser. But it does help if there are certain contexts, at least, where she hands the responsibility to me -- the executive decisions if you will -- to allow me to be dominant (as in competent) in those contexts so that I'm not rendered into a boy following my mommy's lead.
Would you disagree that there may also be sinusitis where she is more competent to make a decision.. not really about her and you but people in general.
I think all you sets is actually very natural way to accomplish United decision making in a relationship where people fluctuate in what their strengths are and both want a positive out one that benefits both.. it’s too much for one person to be everything all the time.
I can understand not wanting to feel like a little boy.. but if she isn’t making decisions, wouldn’t the same problem apply? As a Little girl anyhow lol
Parents often take the children’s view into consultation. Well good parents do. But they are ultimately still the decision makers.
So you found an escape from feeling like a child, what keeps her from feeling that way?
by the way this is not at all accusatory.. you know I’m a huge fan of yours ☺️. I’m genuinely interested in how you view potential stumbling blocks in the sole execute dynamic , and your thoughts,
@VIVANT Cheers! Fundamentally, I think it's between couples. On this part:
>> Would you disagree that there may also be sinusitis where she is more competent to make a decision.. not really about her and you but people in general.
The type of competence I speak of is not related to specialized areas of knowledge. It's purely related to leadership skills and traits like assertiveness, initiative, calmness, the ability to plan ahead and think long-term, etc.
If I use the example of a captain on a ship, he/she doesn't necessarily have more medical expertise than the doctor on board, or greater knowledge of engineering and ship repair than the engineering crew, or hand-to-hand combat skills greater than the soldiers on board, or anything of this sort.
But also a decent captain isn't going to micro-manage things that don't need to be micro-managed, and especially in areas where he/she lacks expertise. So, for example, the captain doesn't necessarily require the approval of every single medical decision the onboard doctor makes. He/she will trust the doctor to make decisions that the doctor is fully capable of making himself.
But let us say the doctor encounters a sick patient and lacks the proper supplies to treat the patient. Now there's a tough decision involved that impacts more than the doctor and patient. It impacts everyone on board. The patient will almost certainly survive if the ship heads to a nearby town, but to do so will jeopardize a mission and potentially many other lives.
@VIVANT [...] Now there's a very tough executive decision to be made, and someone needs to be trusted by the crew to be responsible enough to make it and accept the burdens of the consequences. And that's one of the primary areas where the "captain" is desperately needed, and he/she has to take the ultimate responsibility and remain calm even if the crew are panicking and have initiative and say with a firm tone, "Okay everyone, we have this emergency situation and I appreciate everyone's advice about what to do. We are ultimately going to go by the doctor's suggestion to head to a nearby town because we value every life here on board, but we will navigate this way to minimize time lost on the mission. Is everyone agreed with this plan?"
That's the kind of leadership and competence I'm talking about. The leader is needed when a decision impacts far more than the scope of what a person dealing with a narrower situation and responsibility might be able to make or might be able to comfortably make without panicking and second-guessing themselves and possibly losing the support of the rest of the people involved.
And I think there always has to be one ultimate sort of "captain" in the relationship no matter how the roles and responsibilities break down on granular levels. I don't think it becomes so effective to have two on the same analogical ship. It's like trying to have two people driving the same car.
@VIVANT [...] In my experience, a lot of women seem to be unhappy in relationships where they've effectively been turned into a "captain". I see that almost a quarter of the time or so with married couples these days. I don't know why it makes the wives so miserable. It might have to do with the current nature of how we raise children and condition boy sand girls separately. There might be some evolutionary aspects to it. I don't really know. All I know is that lots of women seem unhappy when they're thrust into the role of the one making the executive decisions that impact everyone in the relationship (her, her husband, her kids, etc).
For whatever reason, I think women, on average (not necessarily all) tend to feel a greater need to feel "protected" by their men than men wanting to be protected by women. And I think "protected" is about more than protection from physical danger. It is not so often that we can protect our wives from physical danger and make them feel safe. I've only had one case during an earthquake where I was able to do that for my wife and calm her down while guiding her to safety. We generally don't get to contribute to relationships this way very often. A more practical type of "protection" that can impact things on a daily basis is to prevent her from feeling like she's responsible for everything, has to worry about everything, bear most of the negative consequences for everything, etc. And I think a decent man should do that and step up to the plate and protect his woman for any woman who desires to feel safe and protected.
@VIVANT Now the way this often plays out between me and my wife is that sometimes my wife or I encounter a scenario that impacts both of us. So we discuss with each other and my wife has a greater tendency to second-guess herself in these spots. Very often I just go with her idea of what to do like, "Okay, let's try your first idea. I think that should work out." And if she's like, "But what if this happens? Or that?" And I say like, "It's okay. We'll figure things out if this doesn't work out. Don't worry, we'll get through this." It's like it's her idea that I'm going with but I'm shielding her from the responsibility. And she only does this because she trusts to protect her this way.
I don't believe in telling people what to do and likewise, don't respond to people telling me what to do. Instead, the kind of "dominance/submission" between me and my wife is one built on trust and voluntarily between us. She voluntarily turns to me for those big decisions that impact everyone because she trusts me to make them. And I always turn to her guidance as well when I'm making those decisions and it's not uncommon that I'll just go with her idea, but I'll take all the responsibility for it to ease her doubts. And if the idea backfires and the metaphorical shit hits the fan, I'll try to stand in front of her and protect her from the consequences. :D
But a good leader considers his partner/team-member's concerns, wants, and needs, and thus, issues an 'order' after a consensus has been determined. A history of this increases trust, encourages active participation, and raises tendency to follow-through with the mutually-developed solution.
Unilateral orders that simply force subservience (esp. with her interests not taken into account) is the fastest way to erode trust, good-will, and willingness to follow further instructions. From business-management class, here is a VERY IMPORTANT lesson: 「RANK-BASED POWER IS THE WEAKEST POWER.」 Donald Trump holds status as U. S. President, but does that give him automatic submission & respect by ALL CITIZENS across the Union? lol What more 'automatic power' solely by non-vaginated status?
The STRONGEST POWER is INTRINSIC. It's in your history of good-conduct, your earned good-will, proven experience, displayed benevolence, etc. You have BECOME THE PERSON THE OTHER WANTS TO FOLLOW. You don't get that just by being born male.
I don't think *anyone* "should" do/say/be *anything*. That said, I would like a semi-traditional dynamic in *my* relationship.
By that I mean, I want an equal partnership, but I take issue with what most people actually mean when they say "equal partnership". I think there are two types of equal partnerships: one in which both partners humble themselves to each other, allow themselves to be vulnerable, and voluntarily place constraints on their behavior out of respect for each other; and one in which each partner refuses to do any of those things in an effort to maintain their own respective independence from each other.
Needless to say, I want the former. There is only one woman whose behavior I give a damn about. Yes, being in a relationship with me requires certain constraints to be placed on your behavior. If that's what you call "submitting", then I guess I want a "submissive" partner. So be it. However, in my opinion that is just the price anyone pays for being in a relationship. Nobody is forcing you to do so, because last I checked, relationships are opt-in.
In this day and time there should be a time when we submit to our wives just as well. Fellas start listening to your lady she's your team mate as well as companion. If all the is to you is s you can't tell me shit bitch I got this then let her go and go get a hooker. You have to trslize women are picking up the slack where slack ass dudes have slacked off. The majority of bread winners in society are women. And me personally as long as I had the right one I'd submit in a heartbeat. You got cats still on the block thinking they the shit while she working going to school and ain't playing around.
Here's my opinion if I'm not working I'm making sure the house is clean dinner is cooked her bath is ran and her clothes are laid out and she would get at least 30m to an HR to tell me about her day an be then I'm rocking that ass to sleep so when she wakes up she refreshed and ready for another day relaxed and focused. And me well all I wanna know is what you want for dinner and is it gonna be a bath or shower. And even without sex she gonna get that time where she has all my attention about her day.
When it comes to being submissive it doesn't mean just obeying your husband's every whim or wish and letting him do whatever he wants to you. Submissive is being his partner, helping him, but not trying to control everything. A woman who is submissive actually has a lot of power because she is giving her husband the power to lead the family, but it is necessary for her husband to love her as Christ loves the church and to be kind and considerate of her. Submissiveness isn't the husbands excuse to be a dictator and tyrant, but to lead his family in love, courage, and consideration. That doesn't mean that he makes all the decisions and his word is law that will be punished if not adhered too. People take submission out of context a lot these days. Even Adam and eve were a part of each other, neither was inferior. A true leader knows how to be a servant, to serve those who are in his household and those who need his help. Those leaders are leaders worth submitting to.
according to the bible , wives are supposed to be submissive unto their husbands but only in certain ways will this work and the Lord knows this ! wives need to use their common sense when it comes to their husbands actions ! If she is being abused by him in anyway then she needs to leave him until he grows up and learns self control ! wives are not their husbands maids , full time sex partner , not his doormat or baby maker either ! wives are human beings who need their husbands to cherish their wives the way Christ cherished his church and gave his life for all ! husband is not allowed to let other males do anything they want with their wife just because the husband is over his wife and the man of the house ! Wives are not their husbands slaves ! the husband should be mature enough to know that he needs his wife to help make decisions in all matters that he has to make decisions on and about too ! Thanks
Well the bible talks about it. But it also says for husbands to submit to their wives as well. A Marriage is 50/50 relationship. Men need to honor their wives wishes if they dont want sex. Men are the head of the household usually in traditional marriages but that doesn't mean he goes and spends money on a boat and only uses it every other weekend. I believe that any expenditure or major decision they talk things over. Wives are not meant to be walking mats either. They are the one of major parts in the marriage. It takes two to tango it also takes a lifetime to get things right. So I think both should submit to each other.
Submissive women turn me off. It makes me perceive them as weak. I don’t want a weak woman.
Respect is the thing I need in a woman in turns of being my partner. But I can’t be with a woman who isn’t her own person when she’s with me. Agreeing with absolutely everything, “obeying” me. I don’t want a woman who bows to me like a puppet. I wouldn’t be able to respect her or see her as my partner.
I need a woman who challenges me. Someone who’s not afraid to tell me when I’m wrong or push me past my best. Obviously don’t be a bitch. But be my partner. Not my slave.
Depends on the extent. I mean, she should definitely not act like a robot and give her husband the remote control. That would be a terrible way to live. But listening and letting him take the lead when the time and situation is right should be a thing to consider. Men like power and are born to be leaders. Masculinity and testosterone. Women are made to be feminine. It's biological in humans and animals. But it doesn't mean she's a slave. Women play their own role and don't need permission to do things. Women are smart in their own way and know better. It's teamwork. Also, have you noticed when geese and other animals cross the road, it's always the father in front followed by the mother and finally the kids? That's an example of power and dominance and leadership in a male.
Personally I'll try my best to have sex majority of the time with my husband. But I require this back if I feel like it and he doesn't, then that's not a good deal. Sometimes arousal can get pretty painful. So both partners should be respectful or allow for open marriage if they don't want sex. Everyone has needs.
Being submissive is not being a doormat. Submissives in bdsm relationships have contracts they both agree too. Also being submissive is important in certain situations for both man and wife, otherwise arguments will happen and sometimes one just is better at giving a certain advice. E. g. if my husband knows more about cooking white wine sauce I'm going to let him guide me and listen to him.. as it just makes sense that way.
It seems to be the natural way. I like most women could never respect a man I could dominate and wouldn't want a guy like that as I see them as weak and unattractive, I dont see them as men. I find that through being submissive I can get my guy to do almost anything for me.
Oh yes I’ve seen that. She had someone admitting that her husband had sex with her in her sleep after letting him know she wasn’t in the mood. That is rape. Married or not, you don’t do shit like that. And the Lori woman played it off like she was being dramatic and should have enjoyed it.
Anyway, I think that submission should be a choice and although I would never in my life subscribe to that lifestyle, I wouldn’t bash the next woman for doing what she wanted.
I do not think it’s healthy to push other women into that way of thinking or even my way of thinking. We should just be taught that we have options and that we are responsible for the choices we make in life no matter what it is.
I believe that one should not do something they don't want to do regardless of circumstance. I will beat the shit out of someone before I allow them to force me into something I do not wish to do. This concept should be universal for all. If you choose to be that submissive than fine but you shouldn't have to just because your a female. I personally like a strong will.
Once again I believe to see a word (or: term) funnelled into a specific 'direction'. A ship should have only one captain. Which does not mean that this captain can do whatever he (she) wants. Looking at history: Women were mostly acting submissively within a marriage; however, they had power and authority over the 'house'; and other fields, too. What we two do over here: whoever is more competent in a specific 'task' will have the last word. So, we have a 'captain on duty', and a 'captain on stand-by'.
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