Do you think people should change themselves to find love?

Question

SincerelyAnon · Accepted Answer

Define what you mean by change yourself.
I think growth, self-development, evolving is important personally.
I don't know why change is looked at like a bad thing but it's not.
You should do it for yourself more than for anyone else though.
Will leveling up your look, your mannerism your career, etc attract someone different than what your use to in my experience yes.

Change does not have to be a bad thing.
But you should change for yourself and not just so you attract someone for love.

Leolove0813 · Accepted Answer

Never change yourself, you are who you are. I believe you compromise on things in a relationship to build it. But never change because of someone else

Grond21 · Accepted Answer

When you love someone, you are loving them for who they are. which means if they change to try to find love, they are cutting themselves off from who they are, and therefore from the deepest love. So now, I don't think you should change who you are fundamentally to find love.
That being said, it is vital to grow and continue to better yourself. The better of a person you are, the better of a love you will have

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

No , if someone can't love ypu for who you are then they aren't worth your. time , if u have to change to be with someone amo that will happen is you will miss the Real you and start resentimg that partner , so again not. worth changing yourself for anyone , if. they dont like the Real you they dont deserve u

aWes0MeNeSs · Answer

As in become someone they're not, no. But work on themselves and try to be the best version of themselves they can be, yes.

Heaz99 · Answer

By changing yourself to find love, you're basically setting yourself up to be incompatible with the other person. You may have changed yourself to find that love, but would you really want a relationship with someone who expects you to be someone else? That would mean they don't love the real you and having to live knowing that would suck.

Also, your wants, needs and ideas will be incompatible to that of their wants, needs, Ideas and such. This can cause arguments and often when people change they don't actually change, they more so, put a mask on to look different, when in reality they are hiding the real them. Your true colors can show through and you might start to argue because you don't agree with something like their religion or how hot or cold it is in the house (something my parents fight over regularly)

And if you get married well, your in for a rude awakening because you will get into so many fights with one another and it will probably end in divorce. For boyfriend and girlfriend relationships this will just end in a breakup and with the lines 'Why did you lie to me about that!"

lightbulb27 · Answer

hummm... ummm... hummm...

Yes... I think we have to change, change is good, it's hard... it's downright awful sometimes. To some extent, change is the value... not the having. What is the best part of presents... the surprise!

But I'm saying we should change into our truer, better self, not become fake to get something and have it be a show. because that is not going to work.

If the question is... will someone love me the way I am... the answer is maybe not:) We all have to learn and grow, hopefully in a good direction towards where we want to go...

Lliam · Answer

If you are the kind of person who wouldn't want to belong to a club who would have you as a member, maybe you need to figure out why you wouldn't want someone like you as a member.

We should always seek self improvement. At every point in my life, I thought I had it together. But a few years later I would look back and see my flaws. I would realize my errors in thinking, judgement and action. We can work to improve ourselves by reading, seeking advice, etc. A lot of improvement takes place as a result of experience, trial and error, and pure chance.

Our basic personalities are set in stone, but our beliefs, behaviors and perceptions are not.

One of the greatest errors is to believe that you are who you are, take or leave it.

So, should people change themselves to find love? Or, rephrased, should someone look deeply at their self and seek improvement if they want to be worthy of the kind of person they would want to spend the rest of their life with? Absolutely.

Aethereal · Answer

I'm not sure. I think the time to make changes is when you're already in the relationship, to smooth out the few rough edges of incompatibility. But before that, you don't know what the person you want to be with likes so you might change the wrong thing.
A good rule of thumb I think, is to define the most important features of the person you want to be with, and then ask yourself whether you're the kind of person he/she would want to date. For example: you can't say you want a fit guy with a six-pack while you yourself avoid the gym like a plague. You can't expect kindness and loyalty if you don't intend to be the same way to him.

HeavyRoller · Answer

It depends on what you are changing. If someone is a crappy communicator for instance then learning how to talk and resolve conflict is a positive change. I mean we all try to improve with change to make ourselves better people and more compatible lovers. But, changing your beliefs, your likes and dislikes, your life goals? These types of things should not be changed without very careful consideration and only changed if YOU want them to change, not because someone else does, or just because the change will make someone be with you.

man_with_a_v · Answer

its kinda funny you ask. recently i was single and saw no hope of ever getting a girlfriend i wanted or in general with all the rejections and avoidance from them, so with that being said i got multiple tattoos on my face including a big one on the side cause i said fuck it can't get a girlfriend among all other things as well and actually gave up that hard on finding love but a couple days roll by and i get a message from a girl who was actually surprisingly into me and wouldn't you know it she's my girlfriend and its love lol. now in regards to attitude nothing has really changed in that category

Screenwriter · Answer

Changing a few bad habits is possible. Maybe smoking or gum popping. But changing one's essential personality is impossible. And the reasons for change have to be INTERNAL, not EXTERNAL. The person has to want the change for: life improvement, health improvement. "Love" can be as passing a fancy as a "new car." Once the thrill is gone, the change can fade too. A change that offers longterm benefits, not a quick thrill, is likely to stick.

Mollynotgemma · Answer

Not change themselves but perhaps look at how they are living their life. By changing they could actually be becoming true to who they are! As the way they have been is a facade and the change is not changing them... it’s changing their mindset to not be afraid to be who they are!
So it is actually about change! As long as it’s dropping the mask

Daniela1982 · Answer

Nope, if you can't accept them for who they are then you should probably move on to someone else. Because you will probably wind up old and lonely if you try and change someone.

koalakola · Answer

People don't really change. They can have change their perspective, views, habits but not much what we are inside.

A caring person cannot just change him self to otherwise. That person will still care but will be more conscious to 'not care'.

No, people shouldn't think of changing. Most of us are mistaken on how we approach love. Try to change that. It's much simpler, like fixing a leaking tap.

ShortCircuit · Answer

There are some changes that need to happen in some individuals in order to be successful in a relationship. For instance, if someone has no ambitions, they need to change that. However, if someone has "nerdy" interests, they don't need to change that, and instead should find a partner who shares those interests--because that doesn't pose a threat to the success of a relationship, and thus doesn't warrant a change.

Piteka5 · Answer

Yes and no, changing ourselves is the main part of self improvement, changing ourselves for others is also a part of that, but should not be done lightly. But always remember, not all change is bad, and sometimes we need someone on the outside to point out what we can improve

JakeMist86 · Answer

If you suck as a person, then yes change yourself. If you and you partner suck, both of you change. Good people only!!!

For real though, if you find an attribute that you admire and want to change, then do but if you are trying to change just to make someone happy then no.

WhiteSandBeach · Answer

Yes, I do. If you’re insecure and negative person, work on being more confident. Losing weight, eating healthy and not being lazy, can significantly increase your chances of being in a committed relationship.

jackdaw2345 · Answer

I don't think they should because a person cannot hide his true personality. And if a person changes his/her way to be likable by their partner it's like fooling them and at one point true personality will come and then there no guarantee that their partner will like them. So it's better to find the one who really likes you just the way you are.

Sapio99 · Answer

It depends. Are you changing just to get the other person to love you or are you changing to improve yourself? If you change just to get someone to fall in love with you, you'll be sorely disappointed. However, if you change to improve yourself you'll be a happier, better person and that makes finding love a little less difficult.

Bluemax · Answer

People should improve themselves, which is a form of change, with or without the intention of finding love.

Farah-luna · Answer

if it's a bad habit then yes for sure, however if it's about you and your personality then no, don't change if for the world as a person that truly loves you will cherish that and think it's the best part about you and that's why they love you.

stardust101 · Answer

If it means stop cheating, stop lying 🤥, stop yelling and being verbally abusive and don’t beat your partner, then yes, changing those things about oneself would help.

BeMuse · Answer

You are who you are, that’s not changing. You might try to hide it for a little bit but it will come out eventually. When it does, things might be over quick…

slatyb · Answer

People who have anti-social behavior should change that if they want to attract a partner.

Wishfire17 · Answer

No. Then that's just bait and switch. Find someone who actually likes you, not what you pretend to be.

R_ūshī · Answer

No, but sometimes it happens with you realising. It hurts like hell when you break up afterwards tho.

Littlemeee33 · Answer

I have been changing myself and still haven't found love I think I am now at the point where I am gonna give up trying to find love

A-man-22 · Answer

A small amount.

It's called compromise, I haven't seen anyone that fits perfectly together at all. But the strongest relationships I have seen are where both sides can compromise on occasion to accommodate the other.

Torari · Answer

Yes, to the extent that i believe everyone should strive to be their best self. Buy i don't think you should do it for love. Do it for yourself. People loving you is a side effect.

Ice_Sirène · Answer

I feel like that thought will always cross someone’s mind. In certain situations it will work, but most of the time, people realize it’s not worth it

arabgoddess · Answer

People should be loved the way they are. No one should change for anyone but themselves

Avicenna · Answer

Only what prevents them from maintaining relationships, but even that can be impossible in a lot of cases even where the willpower exists.

ChiTown33 · Answer

On the outside if what they got going isn't working. But don't ever change who you are at your core. You'll never be happy. Even if you do find someone.

89kid · Answer

No bc you will loose urself doing so. But if u were a person with a bad past and changed then just be careful

brightphase · Answer

Be yourself. Your love is chasing you. If you change then that love would chase someone else.  So be you. You will get it someday

R_Cakes91 · Answer

Not being yourself to find romance is a recipe for divorce.

Liam_Hayden · Answer

Yes, but with clarification. Do change your attitude, location, and other such things. Do not change your principles because then the "love" will be fraudulent.

loveslongnails · Answer

I don't think that's necessary. At best, you round off some edges and being with someone can help you do that. But "basic" things are set for the most part. You just have to find a compatible partner.

AnneMicheals · Answer

If you mean changing themselves for theirselves then that is a yes. but if you mean that they should change themselves for someone else to fit their preference then that is a no.

HeyMikie · Answer

Only if they want the change for themselves and are comfortable with it. It is always best to just be yourself.

IIGrifterSixII · Answer

Be who you are is BS lazy advice. . Work your ass off , be the best you you can be and yeah that means changes

Drumlin2001 · Answer

People shoulf change themselves for their own personal growth, not just for someone else.

NerdInDenial · Answer

If you are undesirable and want to be desired, you have no choice but to change.

JosyJosy · Answer

No, or you'll never be yourself. Relationship would be prison

Dchrls78104 · Answer

No, and that's a stupid notion; if you did change yourself to find love, what you would find would not be love.

JackofSpades · Answer

Should you change yourself? Absolutely.  Should you change yourself for the purpose of finding a partner or getting laid? Absolutely not.

13IsALuckyNumber · Answer

No. If you change yourself to find love than you will never find it. You will find love just as who you are if you really want it.

Missoctober13 · Answer

Not necessarily change yourself but there is always room to improve yourself to be a better person but that has to be your decision and no one else's

ivysandy · Answer

For me! I don't need to change myself because am the kind of girl that every guy want to be with, not because of my beauty but because of my character

403186guy · Answer

Well, a person has to be about their own life and goals, and then if love happens, then ok. Take care of your self and your own area first, then go from there

Rippersavage · Answer

Yes, but only if they're growing to become better versions of themselves

AshleyMadison00 · Answer

Awakening themselves to become a reflection of what they want

jasonhardbod · Answer

Everyone changes but u shouldn't change until you found one. U should only make changes to make your partner happy that u are comfortable with

coolhandroo · Answer

I think people should always work on self improvement and if that makes you more likeable good for you

Waterwhistler · Answer

No, I never seen compromising ever helped anyone. It's just a rumours that people love to believe in. Let them go please.

YHL6965 · Answer

No. I think people should work being themselves, who they really are, and that could require therapy.

Randallsnyder · Answer

I dont think they should, because then you try to be someone you are not. Later down the road when they find out could lead to a worse scenario then if you stayed who you are.

24brownish · Answer

Yes.. change from a selfish to compromising one... 😂

Iron_Man · Answer

If they are heavy yes they should and. If they have a bad personality and start fights

Exorcist_Rampage · Answer

No. Love should come the natural way by being true to yourself.

Nikunj70 · Answer

Yes love is world's strongest feeling ever that can change anything...

COMMODOREII · Answer

Hell no!! Don't change i love you the way you are. 😁

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