My girlfriend has so many doubts. She questions my fidelity every now and then. How can I settle this once and for all?

[Sed444]

[Anonymous]

Have you cheated on her before? If so, that could be why or if you act sneaky. Do you contact her less frequently? One thing I can't stand is when my boyfriend goes totally silent and unreachable, especially when he goes out of town. It makes me suspect that he may be cheating. Then again, he has cheated before so my fear is somewhat logical. If you have never cheated on her, then she may be unfairly projecting infidelity from a past relationship where she was cheated on, onto you. Be communicative and honest with her. Don't be secretive or hide. If she's still accusing you of cheating despite that, then the issue is her. She needs to work on her trust issues that are there from a previous relationship before she can move forward in a current relationship, otherwise she will sabotage any chances of having a happy, healthy relationship.

[Sed444]

Well I try to communicate as much as I can, but in Weekends I go out with friends and family and I cut contact. Am I the issue here?

[ObscuredBeyond]

That depends. Cutting her off completely from contact is probably not okay. Of course, if she sends you 200 texts in an hour... she may need counseling.

[mindNsoul]

you can't settle it once and for all if you are not giving her reasons for suspicions anywa! this will take time she as she is currently afraid of something. find that out and start from there. she needs to be wanting to work on it with you as well.. it doesn't make sense to be miserable daily on the fear that on day she might prove that you are a cheater! let someone she respects address it with her or go to marriage counseling.

[Sed444]

She always refers to her previous experiences regarding that matter

[mindNsoul]

Sit down with her in an intimate loving atmosphere.. hug her, hold her hands and let her feel how much she is safe with you.. dont make it sexual please. explain to her in a calm voice that this behavior hurt you and that it is not fair to you to get punished for things other people done to her. tell her to ask something very specific from you. then you ask of her something specific in return. so each week or day you guys agree on actions that will contribute to peace and love of the household. for once, she might say just pick up the phone when I call u. say okay and in return if I was unable to, trust me that I'll call you ASAP and you won't blow up my phone (or) when I pick up the phone you will speak to me with kindness and love. there is going to be tendency to bring instances were you didn't come correct (blame) but dont react to an emotional person by being emotional. stick to you base, be calm, kind, and loving.
And then lead by example and actually show her that you would answer your phone 99% of the time and she should come to you with respect, love and kindness.

This is a team work. and both of you would fall short but never ever stop the process or quit. And put some ground rules for fighting and talking to each other. Alwas express love and kindness during fights. Again both need to be willing and committed to this. Find a good counselor. It is just not realistic to expect a happy home in the presence of an insecure partner. And it won't just stop because you hope so or push it aside..

now.. everyone dont come to me saying why should he be the one sacrificing or why women are entitled or any of that rubbish. In all relationships there is a person who slightly a better leader or more mature emotionally regardless of gender. He is the one asking here and he can only change himself and no one else no matter how much he loved them. So since he is trying to fix it I asked that he leads this journey to a happier marriage 💕

[coachTanthony]

You need to nip that in the butt NOW.

Otherwise you will end up like all these other guys who get married and scared to go out with their friends because they have now been trained through their wives and their insecurity to NOT rock the boat.

You are the captain of the boat. Steer it wisely.

[ImagineSketchy]

She sounds really insecure... Let her know what you're up to often... Or rather what you aren't up to.

[OlderAndWiser]

How can I make my partner change to my liking?

[GonegirlInterupted]

At this point, its her, not you. She probably has had issues of infidelity in the past and now doesn't trust men. Maybe she is cheating herself, but either way it won't be a good situation for you. You will never be able to prove to her you are faithful and that can't be a good situation to be in. Plus, I hear she has threatened to leave you? You have to do something about it and make the decision of whether or not you are happy.

[Sed444]

I kinda I'm happy

[GonegirlInterupted]

Then I would suggest you take it day by day. Remind her that she is beautiful and special to you. Tell her she makes you happy, tell her she rocks your world and may be then eventually she'll realize that you wouldn't do such a thing.

[Sed444]

Coool you should teach me

[JoseyWales4]

This may be a bad idea but threaten to leave her if she keeps doing it, she what she says

[Sed444]

I did and she was gonna leave me lol

[JoseyWales4]

I’m sorry. This is a bad situation

[AynonOMouse]

If she accuses you of cheating when you are innocent then she broke the trust in the relationship and ruined it. It will never be the same after that.
Just leave her and tell her it is because she is messed up and tell her that when she ends up with an actual cheater it is what she deserves.

[moonpie89]

Don't give her reasons to doubt you. Be honest, communicate, don't hide things or act sneaky.

[Sed444]

She wants me to talk to her all the time

[moonpie89]

And you don't want to?

[Sed444]

No believe me, I love it but I'm afraid for us as a couple in the future, especially considering that I don't get jealous easily not compared to her

[moonpie89]

Have you communicated that with her?

[TheFlak38]

this is a reflection of her own behavior. You're the one who should question her fidelity. Because every time a woman acts hysterical about her man being unfaithful in the end it's her who can't keep her legs shut. By accusing you first of the things she might do (if she doesn't do it already) she claims the moral high ground first. It is her "gotcha" moment that keeps you too busy struggling to prove how loyal you are while she is not.

[jss123]

I've always said if someone did this to me I'd leave them. Either you trust me or not. In my case my ex was scared I'd cheat because her ex did I didn't. I hate cheaters and she knew that. I discovered SHE was the one cheating and projecting it onto me.
Massive red flag.

[yeolsb]

I’ve always believed honesty is a key. Probably you’ve lost her trust. Do smth for her to show that she can trust you and you care about her, if that’s how u feel. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

You can't, its not about you.

She needs to learn to love herself.