I tried weed, and my boyfriend disapproves. What should I do?

Question

Okay well I am 22 and my boyfriend is 31 for starters. I have never tried weed in my life and only ever wanted to at least try it once, so I did since I was given the opportunity with a blunt while over at a family members house. I let my boyfriend know I tried it of course and he gave off a vibe that he was a bit upset at me with his texts and wanted to talk to me. So went home, him and I talked and he said he is glad I am only trying it once as he is highly against smoking weed. Like I get that he is, but I don't see the problem. Now I am not sure how to talk to him since he is currently still a bit upset with me.

WhiteSteve · Accepted Answer

I mean... I guess I’d say it’s a little uptight of him, he may be a little misinformed. I look at people who have a problem with weed like primitive cavemen living in a different millennium, lmao. I guess if you’re straightedge I understand more, but like if this dude thinks it’s ok to drink alcohol but has a problem with herb... holy fuck, man, lmfao🤦‍♂️ That’s when I really discredit anti-weed people, if they think alcohol is totally fine but weed is “drugs”... I just wonder what rock they live under. We can go back and forth and throw science at each other, but the fact is, I’ve seen SO MANY examples of people doing dumb, out of character, potentially life-altering things while drunk. I’ve seen stoners crush a pint of Ben & Jerry’s in one sitting, that’s about as bad as it’s gotten lmao.

There are these very stupid stereotypes and stigmas about weed, and it basically boils down to people not thinking for themselves and allowing governments to tell you what’s right and wrong, what’s healthy or harmful, and worst of all, BELIEVING THEM. Alcohol is legal and can be bought at the store, so it must be ok. Weed isn’t and can’t, so it must be bad for you. Just lmfao @ that logic. And where I live, weed IS legal and CAN be bought at the store, same as alcohol. And let me tell you, ever since the state legalized recreational weed, it’s gone mainstream. I’m a medical patient, but my dispensary I go to does recreational too, and you’d be shocked at all the gray-haired, straightlaced looking older people who now want to try it out because the government says it’s ok now. Again... just lmao. Restaurants offering CBD-infused burgers and drinks, etc... it’s not just for “dirty hippies” like idiots try to tell you.

I’m not trying to sell you on weed, that’s your own call, I’m just trying to sell you on thinking for yourself and not blindly falling in line with whatever a bunch of complete strangers who don’t know you or genuinely care about you say you have to. As for your boyfriend... same deal, I’m not saying he has to arrive at the conclusion that weed is great, and it sounds like he’s coming from a place of (perhaps misinformed) concern for your well-being. And it’s certainly his right to feel how he feels about you doing it while being in a relationship with him, just as it’s your right to say “this is what I’m doing, love it or kick rocks.” I don’t think he should upset WITH you, like you let him down or something, that’s kind of crazy and maybe just a result of his obviously misguided views on marijuana. But he feels how he feels, so I suppose it’s cool for him to make his disapproval known... I’m just saying you don’t necessarily need to fold to your boyfriend’s every disapproval. Live your lives as you wish, don’t tweak how you live your life too much for someone else, tweak who your “someone else” is in accordance with with how YOU want to live. But that’s more just a general principle, this doesn’t sound like a hill that’s worth dying on, you just tried weed once, you aren’t taking it up full-time. I just like to remind people that living your life based around what someone else thinks about it is no way to live, beyond small and reasonable compromises. Maybe you never smoke weed again, and that’s totally fine, I’m just saying don’t do it because you don’t want to do it, not because someone else doesn’t like it.

devilman666 · Accepted Answer

Personally I think the age difference is a bit much but maybe that's just my taste speaking, I like a partner within 2-3 years of my age, older or younger I don't mind either.

As for the actual topic, I feel like you should break up with him, but that might again be my bias. I'm a stoner, I love smoking weed, I love the feeling, I love the high. When people judge me for smoking, I instinctively pull away, it's my life and I don't want others telling me how to live it. This includes family, but luckily they accept me, even if they sometimes judge my smoking habit. I get their points, that it saves money and I will be healthier, but at the same time, I just feel empty when I'm not high, I've struggled with depression for years, and weed has been a large part of helping me feel less depressed, it's like it lets me ignore the bad shit and just focus on the things around me that make me feel good. I sleep better, eat better, and generally enjoy everything more when I'm high. Sorry for rambling, I just can't currently see myself being happy without weed, so if someone judges me for it then it affects my opinion of them harshly.

With that said, I'd suggest looking into the health facts about it, while it isn't very addictive, it can be for some people. It also has differing affects for everyone, so while it makes me feel content and confident, it might make you feel nauseous or anxious or something else. It affects people differently, so you need to decide for yourself if you want it.

Saris1 · Accepted Answer

He'll get over it, but, his concern is legitimate. Remember, he has more life experience than you and contrary to the nonsense... marijuana is still a drug and some people own ruin to it. Now, before you dismiss it... Alcohol is totally legal, available and popular... would you disagree that Alcoholism does not exist, or that alcohol has never hurt anybody? Obviously, no.

That being said, he has to remember that you are almost a decade younger than him and that to come to his conclusion he had to experience the same thing at around the same age.

AmandaYVR · Accepted Answer

He is imposing what he believes is a moral judgement on you. “All drugs equal. All drugs bad.” And this is categorically not true. What about pharmaceuticals? What about government agendas (they have used various drugs on soldiers, etc when they see fit.) Life is not black and white. Are you about to get a lecture? Don’t let him intimidate you. Acceptance of cannabis is wide nowadays, both culturally and governmentally. He sounds rigid in his thinking. One time does not an addict make.

mrfoox · Answer

Hmm, well I would suggest talking it through with him. Explaining to him you only wanted to and did try it once. I have had a sheltered life myself and never had the chance to try, given the opportunity I'd be curious to as well. Meaning, I don't think you're being crazy for doing this or anything. Maybe he just have bad experiences in the past concerning it, I don't see otherwise why he would be so upset about it, unless you do these type of things often, which I don't get the feeling you do..

SydneySentinel · Answer

I wouldn't like it either. He may be unsure of how you will move forward--- continuing to do it or chalk it up to a one time thing. I don't want to date someone who uses it unless they have a medical reason for it or if it is legal (maybe).

nightdrot · Answer

Not sure I understand the question. You told him, he expressed his displeasure, issue over.

Other than to add that communication is key to any relationship. If you sense he is still upset then ask him.

To be fair, you may have made him question your judgment. So - as long as you mean it - tell him that you are sorry for upsetting him, that you hope he is not angry, maybe that you feel silly for letting your curiosity get the best of you, and you won't do it again. Maybe then throwing in to him that you genuinely hope that what you did will not put anything between the two of you.

Now if you DON'T mean that, then don't say it. In that event, you either just move on and wait and see where things go. Alternatively, if you see yourself doing more marijuana or other drugs, best let him know and talk about where it leaves your relationship.

The choice is yours. At all levels. That said, at least on the surface, every relationship has it bumps along the way and I would not worry. The issue will resolve itself with time and as you rebuild trust between each other.

By the way, for what it is worth, steer clear of the marijuana. For me, honestly, I could overlook maybe experimenting once, but beyond that it would be a deal breaker.

Aethereal · Answer

Weed is a deal breaker for him. Everyone has deal breakers, including you. To understand how he feels; imagine if he went and did something that you consider a deal breaker, and then told you "it's not a big deal" or "I don't see the problem". Can you see how that's red flag. That attitude is warning him that you're considering making this deal breaking activity a part of your life, and so he might have to break up with you. Since he probably loves you, he'll naturally be hurt and upset about the thought.

Mamaganja · Answer

Drop him like a bad habit. I can’t stand people that think weed is bad. I know plenty of people in pain who can not afford prescription meds and doctors visits who smoke weed and no longer feel the pain. For myself, I smoke weed and always will because I do so responsibly. I make sure I have nowhere to go and do not drive while high. It calms me down and makes me think rationally. I have major depressive disorder and after a brutal rape involving me getting stabs between my fingers to avoid my face, I am not able to leave my house and live a normal life and I give credit to weed. It keeps me at peace and makes me feel like no matter what everything will be okay. I’ve had doctors speculate that I have bipolar disorder but cause I smoke weed, I am no longer trying to self harm with alcohol and self destructive behavior. I like feeling happy.. weed does that for me.

btbc92 · Answer

I would not date a person who smokes. And of story. He is not attracted to that kind of person. Age have nothing to do with this situation. He's letting you know that if you continue to smoke weed, he's going to leave you. He's giving you another chance or else you may not have him anymore for a boyfriend. He didn't get with you thinking your going to try to smoke weed. You'll lose him. I promise you if this isn't going to be the last time you do it.

dantheman1118 · Answer

I have always found it interesting that people are really against weed. Those same people usually get hammered on the weekends. That's funny to me. People against drugs is funny to me. Drugs are like everything else in life. It's all about moderation. Don't over do anything in life because it's not good. With drugs you can get addicted and/or die (not weed) but if you can maintain it, do it. If you can't, don't do it. That simple. a lot of drugs that are illegal are down right fantastic. I think some of them most people should try at least once. Then there is people that can't be responsible around canned air. It's ok to do drugs just don't let drugs do you.

BitterSweetApplePie · Answer

It's your body, you can choose what to put into it; similarly, it is your life and you can choose how to live it. Just be aware that there are consequences to every action you make, and it may be illegal where you live (I have no idea).

If you enjoyed it, then let him know. Of course, don't choose weed over a relationship, but choose your happiness and free will over a relationship. Hopefully he isn't controlling about it!

As a person who smokes like it's her second job, that would kill me! 🤣

4eyes2mouths · Answer

I work in the Cannabis industry so I don't think I can fully understand why people truly believe it's bad other than being taught that by your parents. Anything you do should be within moderation. The fact you have only tried it once shouldn't be a problem but he might as felt deceived by not knowing you as well as he thought he did. I'm 30 and my girlfriend is 22. We have been together for 5 years and if she did something out of the ordinary it would shock me as well. I think he might be coming from that standpoint. Either way I work in a dispensary and a lot of my customers are first timers as well. Since it's becoming more available people are more curious than ever to try it. Especially with edibles. Ages range from 21 to 80 year olds. It's one of the better drugs out there. No fear should come from it.

GingerGuy · Answer

It's something that he wants no part of or wants in his life. A "deal breaker" if you will. Think of something yourself that you absolutely don't want your partner involved with or doing, it's the same thing. It's possible (a guy thing) that he simply just needs some time to "get over" this (if you aren't planning to do it again and he knows this), but just tell him how you feel about it and get him to share his feelings with you. Tell him how important his is to you and you want to work this out if it's bothering him.

t_dog473 · Answer

I've lived with potheads my whole life. I used to be a pothead in grade school. Sure it can't kill you, but it definitely makes you slower, especially if you're a wake and baker, and I've never met anyone who did not suffer from more general laziness and lack of motivation after picking up weed than before they smoked. Even though it's not physically addictive, I don't know anyone who smokes weed, and I know a lot of them, who isn't emotionally addicted, and who will be in a bad mood if they don't get their weed fix.

It's a dealbreaker for me. If my SO became someone who smokes on the regular I would dump her ass without a second thought, but I don't think trying it once is that big a deal, I wouldn't be happy about it though.

Madhatter920 · Answer

Do what you want. Just because he has an irrational aversion to marijuana doesn't mean you have to. If you want to smoke, smoke. Doesn't hurt you or anyone else. However, you know the consequences. He may not be able to tolerate that you can lose him. So does smoking mean enough to you to risk that? In any relationship, you've got to pick your battles. It doesn't make sense to you why he's against it and if it's that big of a deal for him, then does understanding really matter? You can try to talk to him and come to an understanding, but bottom line if it's a dealbreaker then decide if this is the hill you're willing to let the relationship die on. Chances are there will be many more disagreements in the future. If you stall on the very first one, you're in for way more trouble down the line.

maihu · Answer

Have a REAL conversation with him about why he has such a strong opinion against weed. What experience made his stance so against it? Once you see and feel what he felt and saw, you just need to acknowledge his thoughts and feelings and he'd respect you more. He's probably seen someone waste their life because of weed and doesn't want you to go through the same. I too am against weed, but if you've just tried it then it maybe okay unless you're thinking of doing another weed session.
So, just talk to your boyfriend and he'll explain everything. Also, the person/people who tried weed with you have had a terrible first impression in your boyfriend's mind now, so keep that in mind as well.
Thank you.
Hope my advice helps you.

Ripper_E · Answer

Everyone I've ever known that smokes weed wastes their life. I don't mean they are drug addicts but they spend time worrying about buying it or acquiring it instead of being productive. The ones that do hold down jobs, they spend too much on it.
More to the point, it's illegal, so they are lazy and breaking the law.
Weed isn't like cigarettes, but he probably has had experiences that make him highly against smoking. If you don't see a problem, it's because you don't want to. Talk to him and hear what he has to say. If it's illegal where you live, then that alone is a problem.

Mroz75 · Answer

Do what you think is right to do.
Some will say leave him and smoke, and some will say stay with him and don't smoke.
But i think you should actually talk about it with him, nothing beats communication. Like sit him down and talk about it, and everything will be okay, and you said it you wanted to try it once, so tell him i wanted to try it, and had the opportunity, and it just happened🤷🏻‍♂️
Note: we human beings when we do something that our partner didn't liked, we start noticing things in much more details, so it may be he is not upset at all.

_sheeze · Answer

Stop using it. Not because he disapproves it but because it is for your own good. Do what you want. You dont need others permission. But if it affects your health, you as a being and anyone surrounds you then better stop it. Its better to live a happy than a shorter one.

revanthp915 · Answer

It's alright there is nothing wrong in if he is upset because he cares for you so he is upset nothing much
Time will cure the distance just be as u were before better don't do it again as you said you wanted to try just once and it's done
What ever it might be stick to him I am sure things will get back to normal
Have a happy life 😄
Many said drop your boyfriend or weed come on dude this is life it's not gonna be simple right we have to deal with the problem and see that no one is hurt
BELIVE IT

adidas0169 · Answer

Do you respect his opinions? when your with someone your suppose to respect each others opinion. in the end you need to decide if want to continue smoking pot and potentially losing him if you care for him or continue smoking and break up with him or say it was just once its not for me and stay with him or its not for me and leave him. me personally i dont have a problem with pot as long your not doing everyday all day but couple time awk who cares your not hurting anyone. its has a lot of benefits but a lot of people dont see it or care to know them. i personally dont smoke it bc everywhere i have worked there's random drug testings and i dont need it. but i honestly do think you guys need to talk and have him tell you why he's so against it and from there it will be easier to decide what your going to do. best of luck

Quidthonian · Answer

If I had a girlfriend like that, she would be "fired" immediately. From day one, she would have know that I do not support smoking of any type. Weed is both a smoke and a narcotic. With me, there would be no second chances in this department. This would be a cardinal sin in my book: she has just proven that she can be tempted by narcotics. She is not as strong as I need her to be.

My issue is that you don't see a problem, where he does. You guys have a bit of a conflict in the relationship. I am not going to give you the lecture: I'll let your boyfriend do that.

I would expect you to do some research on the effects of smoking weed. I would expect you not to do that again. I would expect a genuine admission of guilt and why it is wrong, indicating possible addiction to weed and possibly stronger substances.

DizzyDesii · Answer

I dont support weed so i wouldve been turned off too. I literally freaked when my ex brought back cigars from cuba. He said it was for collection but then started smoking em so im glad we’re not together now. After he started smoking that, he started saying weed prob wouldn't be so bad and just other things that he always disapproved of. I hate when people change from peer pressure honestly

I tried weed, and my boyfriend disapproves. What should I do?

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I tried weed, and my boyfriend disapproves. What should I do?

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