Is it cheating if they dumped you before they slept with someone else & took you back the day after?

[Anonymous]

Just a basic question, in my experience my current girlfriend was talking to another guy behind my back, she was gonna go to a bar party with me for an event but I ended up not being able to go, she ended making a plan to go to a guys hotel room instead & I found out, we fought & we broke up that night & she tried to get back together again the next day, then the same guy invited her to a pre-game Christmas party & she said she was going & I told her I was uncomfortable, they showed up to the same bar together & I beat him up (wasn’t a good idea), she ended up sleeping with him that night (I know because I showed up to her house, they were both in their underpants when I showed up to her house for my clothes I’ve lent her) after the night at the bar. She tried taking me back the next day (& It’s a little gross I was with someone else & got her to answer the phone for me to say I’m busy lol) & I ended up taking her back. She being saying we weren’t together when these things happened for months but I still feel cheated on & betrayed & I don’t know what to do how to approach the situation because she doesn’t let me talk about it & says it’s a long time ago & pushed my feelings about it to the side for half a year & I’m very unhappy with her (but I’m more scared of being unhappy without her). Since the second issue happened I’ve been less committed to her & flirting with other girls & making new relationships (I have not had sex, kiss or physically cheat) because I don’t feel safe or happy in my relationship & she’s trying to tell me that me flirting with other girls is cheating though. I’m just wondering if what she did would be cheating because she says it’s not & expects me to forgive her for it but I don't know how too (& I feel more foolish by the day)?

Yes

No

Updates

+1 y

Also we’re relatively young, (22 & 20) & we were supposedly ‘in love’ many months before the first time she did this happened & it really surprised me.

[SomeGuyCalledTom]

She's using a technicality to avoid any guilt in the matter. The fact is, she was already planning to cheat on you before the "breakup", and she took you back only AFTER she fucked the guy she planned on fucking all along. She sounds like a manipulative bitch and you're better off without her.

"but I’m more scared of being unhappy without her"-- this right here is the crux of the issue. You KNOW she was disloyal, you KNOW she is treating you badly. But you won't leave her because you're afraid of being single. Well guess what, you were single when you first came into this world, and that must've worked out well enough, coz here you are, safe and sound. Trust me, you'll be happier without this toxic whore in your life. You might feel depressed initially, because she's probably a source of comfort in your life, even despite the fact she's bad for you in the long run. But once you rip that band-aid off, and embrace being single again, you'll feel a lot better in the medium to long term.

[Unit1]

Technically it's not cheating but it is just as disrespectful as being cheated on. It's still betrayal.

She is a hoe. Enjoy the sex while you can or dump her. Your call.

"flirting with other girls is cheating though"

I think I can see now, that she "revenge cheated" on you as a response.

[Asker]

No I never flirted with girls before any of that happened

[Unit1]

Then again it depends on your intend of the flirting whether it's for finding side girls or if it's just for the fun of it without cheating.

Still if i were you, i consider it being cheated on still.

[mamasan]

It's not TECHNICALLY cheating, but it's like the Friends "We were on a break!" episode. Maybe it wasn't technically cheating, but that doesn't make it okay. It sounds like she was planning on sleeping with him even before you broke up. She might have slept with him anyway, and she might have intentionally picked the fight with you to get you to break up with her just so she could sleep with the other guy.

I was shocked when I got to the part where you said you have been with this girl for 1.5 years since this incident. For me, that would have been an absolute deal breaker. And as far as being afraid of "being unhappy without her", yes, that is probably true at first. Just like with any breakup, it will take some time to get over, but that doesn't mean you should stay together. It doesn't sound like you're very happy with her now, and it's better to be really unhappy for a short period of time than to be somewhat unhappy indefinitely.

[btbc92]

It can if you only dump them just to sleep with other people. Either way, that can be cheating. You shouldn't have taken her back. Once you hop out like that, adios. And stay out.

[Anonymous]

Long story short, yes. This didn't "just happen" she planned it for a while. Its just like when women say they "want a break" what they mean is "I am going to fuck this guy but I don't want you to be mad about it, because I feel like you are a better provider. I just want you to buy me stuff while I fuck other guys and you don't get upset about it." The fact she won't even let you flirt with another woman while she fucks other guys is a huge red flag. End it now Bro!

[Dchrls78104]

It means that you are being objectified. She reminds me of the kind of hen that cackles in her master's house and lays all her eggs in another man's coop. Best to just stop seeing such a girl because then you would become a simp enabling a slut.

[SalamiSalmonella]

no, but its stupid.. I wouldn't take them back if they treated me like that.

[OddBeMe]

“We were on a break!” It’s the Ross fallacy. Technically yes, but if you don’t tell the other person about it it’s cheating.

[Liam_Hayden]

Homey don''t play that. If we break up, we done and I don't care what she does.

[CupcakeKiller]

No. Still pretty shady though.

[Gwenhwyfar]

TL;DR

U guys are both fucked up

[Anonymous]

I did NOT understand that at all. Please learn to better story tell.