I was dumped & bocked by my boyfriend of 3 1/2 months. We started out as exclusive friends with benefits, which was OK with me, but It soon became clear we were more than that bc he called me his girl was scared I was going to leave him. It broke my heart bc we’d be sitting there having a good time & he’d get depressed & say “you’re not gonna leave me are you? they always leave me.”
He’d say to himself “don’t say anything to scare her away” & “ You been waiting a long time for a good woman & god sent you one”. Some people who saw us together (it’s a small town) approached me to say he had bad luck with women & were surprised he’d be with someone shy like me. His ex-wife cheated on him & gave birth to another man’s baby but he stayed with her for another 10 years before she left him & the kids. He’d pull out weapons & hold them to my face bc he thought I was cheating on him. He’d grab my hair & jaw which left a bruise once. Also he hit me in the face 3 times leaving a bruise on my eyebrow & a knot on my head.
Maybe 3 weeks before he ghosted/blocked me, he told me he loved me & it scared him bc he’d been hurt so many times. I told him I loved him too but he seemed to think it was impossible for me to feel that way. Soon after that it’s like he took back what he said about loving me. The last time we hung out together before he ghosted me was OK. There were a few minor incidents but the night ended on good terms I thought
I accept that he left me. But I need to know why. If he stayed with all These women who cheated on him & treated him badly, I must’ve really done something horrible to be the first woman he dumps. How does he go from being so scared I’m gonna leave him to discarding me like garbage? I never should’ve complained about him rushing me over to his house or going to sit in the other room. I never got mad when he abused me. When he pointed weapons at me I’d beg him to stop, but I never cussed at him. I could’ve easily gone to the police but I never did.
I think the issue is, it's just really hard to trust some when you've been hurt before, especially as drastic as someone cheating on you. Theirs a fear that it will happen again. I deep routed guilt and shame that tells him that he's not good enough for genuine love. or that it's to good to be true, so there must be a lie somewhere.
I'm kinda speaking from experience, I was never married or cheated on but I had a relationship with some who didn't genuinely love me. he never respected my boundaries, and only wanted one thing.
when I tried to date again I was so paranoid that the same thing would happen. I took any little thing as a "sign" that they genuinely don't love me and only see me as something to use for attention or pleasure.
maybe he's going though the same thing, it's not you, it's his relationship trauma. He's simply not ready to love again. He tried but he's not ready for something real.
Spot on. I think anyone who's experienced cheating has experienced some level of what you describe but most don't have the courage to say so