Girlfriend didn't come home last night. Thoughts?

[Anonymous]

Hey guys, so I've been dating this amazing girl for a year and two months now. We moved in together about three months ago.
Since we started dating. My girlfriend has complained about my wandering eyes on multiple occasions. I tend to stare at every girl and make eye contact and she hates it. Which is understandable.
I tried to stop it but its a stupid habit. She said its embarrassing her when we're out together but im starring. And she's smoking hot but she says when I do that, i make less attractive girls feel like theyre bettee than her.
It got so bad that she stopped wanting to go out with me. And she doesn't trust me around anyone attractive. Although I've never cheated on her or any of my exs.
Things have been going great for us and I want to marry her oneday. But two days ago we went out. And she caught me starring and i smiled at this girl in the restaurant we were at. After we left the restaurant. She walked off while i was waiting for the uber and didn't come back.
I got worried so i called her and she texted me saying. "won't be home tonight". I tried to call and text but she ignored me.
Then she comes home the next day at 12 pm and pretends like she didn't dissappear the whole night. I tried to talk to her but she snapped at me. Saying i always flirt with other girls.
Anyways. We haven't spoken much today. She's been sleeping in the spare room. I dont know how to feel or what to think.
Any thoughts? Advice?
She's 22 and I'm 25

[Wonderer89]

So... you behave in a way that makes her uncomfortable, you’ve acknowledged you can see why your behaviour makes her uncomfortable yet you’ve kept doing it to the point she doesn’t want to go out in public with you.
But your expectation is that she maintains the parameters of your relationship by being a respectful partner (telling you where she is, coming home to you, sleeping in your bed) yet you don’t need to respect her by not obviously ogling women when you’re in public together?

She may have cheated when she stayed away. But there’s also a good chance she’s gone to stay with a friend or family member to get some perspective on whether or not she wants to stay in a relationship with a guy who doesn’t respect her enough to slightly amend his behaviour to make her feel comfortable over an issue he has acknowledged as inappropriate

[Luopio27]

@Wonderer89 I fully agree with your answer.

[Nerdvana]

There's a saying in the business world. If you are not taking care of your customer, somebody else will.

[Anonymous]

psh you don't want to marry her one day. you keep looking at other girls, she will find a better guy. just the way that it is.

[Not_Average]

Sounds like she’s cheating herself and trying to cover it up by diverting attention onto you. I’d be furious if she just left me hanging like that. Waste of my time and a complete lack of maturity. You need to straighten her out or walk away. That sounds intolerable.

[Maxiebleu]

Her actions aren't tolerable but his actions is? Both people need to respect each other and communicate, he needs to stop staring and flirting with other girls, period. No woman (and men too) want their significant other to be looking and flirting with other people whether its a habit or not. Yes she probably could at least communicated with him on where she is going, but I completely understand where she is coming from and what she is feeling. She definitely could have be honest and said something along the lines of "I am upset with you and I need some time alone" or even say "I am upset with you because I feel disrespected. I am going to stay at my friends house tonight." Not saying that she didn't cheat, but it could be a good possibility that she just stayed at her friend's house, to clear her head.

[Liam_Hayden]

You admire beauty, which is natural for guys. She doesn't like it, which is normal for women. The problem now is that, in all likelihood, she used your looking as an excuse for her doing. She probably hooked up with another dude. Prepare your escape.

[DaveJord]

You said, "I tend to stare at every girl and make eye contact and she hates it. Which is understandable."

Is it understandable? Honestly, ask yourself that question. Sounds more like she has insecurity issues to me.

I had a girlfriend once... I was on the phone with her, and some guy asked her to dinner with me right there on the phone. A strange guy she met the day prior at a social event. She said yes and rushed me off the phone. She calls back an hour later after dinner and acts like she can't understand why I am upset. There was nothing understandable about it for her.

She called me a jealous, processive and controlling boyfriend. So why is it so understandable that she should be mad at you for making eye contact with other women? I do it daily as an aspect of daily life when you live in a society of people.

So, in reality her behavior is completely inappropriate, but she is using her feelings to manipulate your emotional state as if this is all your fault, when in reality she needs to take responsibility for her behavior without blame shifting it back on you as if you're the one that is responsible for her actions.

See you look at other women, and you take full responsibility for that. because that's your actions, and you own it. Still doesn't make it wrong. She did what she did, and it not your fault at all. Trust me my man.

[Apple1996]

Can't blame her. I wouldn't come home to my man if he acted like that

[Klinkton]

You smiled at someone, that someone happened to be of the opposite sex... I smile at Male and female alike. You have done absolutely nothing wrong in this situation!! Sounds like she has issues and is making them your issues. She isn't doing it on purpose, I dont think? Should you just glare at people, keep your eyes on the ground or just constantly stare at her? Would holding a door for someone get you in trouble, too? Or would that be ok just as long as you dont smile or make eye contact?

Maybe you look too long, maybe she is insecure or maybe its a little of both? My thought is, tell her your thoughts, and express what you feel towards her and reassure her that she has nothing to worry about. Also, make it a point to try not to eyeball other women, too much anyway...

I dont know her, but one night away, i would say she is trying to make you jealous. She could have cheated, I dont think so, though. She snapped because of her feelings towards your behavior, she stewed on it all night and when you questioned her, she reacted. Not a reason to say she cheated. She feels wronged by your actions, so you questioning her, upset her, because in her eyes your a flirt.

I dont know you either, but if it were an innocent smile and not a smile with a nod and wink, she should not be upset! That's not normal.

[AMS700CX4u2]

You have evidently not read marriage vows, it is about commitment to one woman. You have moved in with her three months ago and you haven't modified your behavior in preparation for that "one day it's gonna happen", marriage. And so when is that behavior going to cease? When are the eyes going to be on her and nobody else? Do you expect her to accept your wandering eye and disrespectful actions as "just the way you are"? No need to change here? Sounds to me like you need to move out and get your own place. If you want to be free then you need to pay for it. No mooch train. Why is someone 22 years old being the adult and someone 25 years old being the adolescent. The vows say that you are choosing her above all others. Many don't consider what they are agreeing to. That means above family, above friends, above business acquaintances. Think!

[lightbulb27]

I've had this habit and to some extent, I do it whether it's women or not. I'll stair at dogs too... I want to connect with others. That's personality and other stuff.. e. g.. I have an idea why I do it. Why do you think you are doing this? May be worth therapy time to dig into you more.

For me, I find my attention is easily drawn away to other places, not just women, but like I have an easily distracted mind.

Bottom line is she feels insecure. She sees you do this with her, whats it like then when she's not there.

You could try making changes in life, like sitting in a different way so you don't look so long, changing your thinking, practicing. Helps to change it if you understand your motive/driver.

you can try communicating that you want to change and are looking for ways to do that. probably help her to talk to therapist so she realizes it, isn't necessarily her... although it could be.

[RingOfFire]

Man the NUMBER ONE THING that girls HATE is when you are checking out other girls when the two of you are together. They HATE this. You need to get some horse blinders or something. I know it is really hard not to do it because its your natural instinct. But if you want to be with a girl you MUST resist.

Sounds like she finally got fed up and wanted to give you a taste of your own medicine. I'm betting you still have a shot at the relationship, but you need to break that habit. And fast. When you see a hot girl just think of gay porno or something to turn yourself off.

[Lisia]

I love the replies from some guys on here. 🙄 This girl deserves someone better ngl and if you really wanted her, you would've quit staring and even worse, smiling at other women at least when she was with u but even granting THAT wish was too difficult. Nah go find a girl that doesn't care you look around but remember she's going to do the same thing to you.

[worldscolide]

Sounds to me like she. 1 cheated on you.. And two, she's too insecure and immature to be dating. I dated someone exactly like that, but her response was not to cheat or disappear.. Her response was to hit me, scream at me, threaten me. And eventually she sliced my face up.

Drop her. As much as you might like her, what you have is not love.. It's a manipulative controlling relationship and it's not healthy for you. Find someone better. Someone more stable.

[Mangospacho]

Well, since we are the third party here and we only know the things about your girlfriend from a second party source, obviously we are the most qualified to tell exactly what your girlfriend is thinking. So here it goes:

Your girlfriend is mad at you. It’s your job to find out why. You can’t outsource your relationship to us “relationship consultants” even if we are licensed relationship consultants.

[Twalli]

Have you seen the show "Temptation Island" there was this one couple on it two seasons ago where the girl complained about the exact same thing that your girlfriend is. After he showed that he can "flirt" or be friendly to girls without betraying her trust, they stayed together.

[Anonymous]

I hope she finds someone good already. I know its gonna happen for her, i just hope its soon. If you care about her though, you can help her and break up with her yourself. You sound disgusting to be with. No offense.

[RavVid]

You know what she was doing. It is not coming back from there. Change the locks.

PS she wasn't so amazing.

[Miristheiss]

It is over. First, a mate vanishing overnight...100% deal braker.

Move out move on.

Quit looking at girls.

[imawfulatusernames]

So you behave in ways that makes her comfortable and show other women interest around her and your shocked she spent a night away…? You’re gonna lose her dude

[LiamJHayden]

Without the subtext I would have thought she hooked up. After reading it, she probably spent the night at a friend's home to try to shock you into seeing just how inconsiderate you have been.

[Anonymous]

So you have been pushing her away for a long time and when she does stray you act hurt. She deserves better.

[Nerdvana]

There's a saying in the business world. If you are not taking care of your customer, somebody else will.

[OddBeMe]

Umm she’s really sensitive to that. But if you really can’t stop yourself from looking. Find a gal who doesn’t care


My wife points out asses she likes. Wait…

[Iron_Man]

Obviously, you’re going to have to get an answer. You can’t be ignored for to long. So go get it

[gorydetails]

She fucked a guy she’d been emotionally cheating on you with for months. Dump her immediately