Im still not sure how i feel about men and if im only attracted to girls. Im not ready to put a label on my sexuality.
There was this girl in my we were always fighting at first and acted like we hated each other because my dad arrested her dad for some really bad stuff but deep down i was crazy attracted to her. She's extremely smart, beautiful and witty. She's all i ever think about and she makes my heart just wanna melt.
We got made to work together on a class project and i tired really hard to let her know i wanted us to be cool with each other. We started working really well as a team together and found out we had loads in common. She started opening up to me about her dad and how he'd lied to her and her mother and put she wished people would just be honest with who they are.
I got lost in the moment and kissed her, seeming as we both come from strict Christian backgrounds i was terrified once she pulled away what would happen but all she did was lock the door and carried on making out with me.
We've been dating in secret for 4 months and we are really starting to have some strong feelings for each other. When im with her it's like im in heaven but as soon as the thought of my family and friends finding out im scared sick. I've not even told my twin sister and we tell each other everything. It was bad enough when my mum found out me and my ex were having sex. She kicked me out and made me sleep in a tent in the garden to let everyone know she was punishing in the town as it put a lot of shame on the family in the community.
My ex boyfriend is still pretty beat up about us breaking up and i don't want to hurt him even more.
We bouth agree but God made us the way we are but we are scared others won't see it that way.
I'm not sure how old you are, but I remember my bestie in middle school came out to me (as the first person) that she also likes the same gender and who she was crushing on at the time. I just laugh with her about it because it does not change who she is, she is still the same person, and it doesn't matter to me cuz love is love. And I hope the first person you decided you are comfortable enough to share this important part of yourself will be someone that you can really trust and confide in.
I know it is scary, confusing, and frustrating... but considering how you are unsure of your identity and your mom's treatment will put you in a really tough position... I don't think it is a good idea yet. I'm sorry to hear your mom made you feel that way and put you through that type of punishment. I would hope and suggest for you to come out when you and your girlfriend are BOTH ready, confident, more established in your relationship, and in a safe space in your lives. It does not make you less of a coward. Coming out now to your parents or the community might be more risky considering the way your mom punished you :/ I wouldn't want anything bad to happen to you and your girlfriend. Please stay safe and I hope you'll find the answers you are looking for within time. I will pray for you and your girlfriend <3 PS. Hopefully, there are Gender Community Resources that you can research in your city that will offer support and consulting with what you are going through :)
It does not make you more of a coward*