In a relationship, what's the difference between tough love and abuse?

Question

1Sophisticatedme · Accepted Answer

Tough Love: you are strictly, firm and clear of what was the issues at hand and resolve the problem right there and then, and even though its in the heat of the argument, you would sort it out and apologize for what was said to each other that may have hurt yoyr feelings, and you end the problem by thinking what could be done to improve it and so you don't have to repeat thesame problem again in the future in your relationship.

Abuse: verbal abusive towards your partner. It goes to the extreme where you not only hurt the feelings of your partner, you degrade the partner by accusing, faulting everything but his or herself, yelling and making threats of leaving or wreking your belongings, taking financial away from you, getting control of who you are and not allowing you to do anything against your will, always putting you down and telling your family and friends you are doing well in the relationship when you are not, making you feel like he or she owns you, asking you for sex when you don't want too sometimes, has a tempertemtrums... your partner would be a narcissist and thats abuse and toxic in your relationship so get out. So this is not tough love this is abuse. Seek help or get out of the relationship before you have kids, it gets worse if kids are involve. So becareful and be wise and be choosy when seeking a partner.

jerseygal623 · Accepted Answer

Abuse:  If the person hits you, or verbally/emotionally cuts you down and makes you feel like you’re worthless. Also if they appear to enjoy kicking you while you’re down. They could also be “nice,” only to push you back down once you get comfortable. If you’re feeling drained, scared, angry, constantly fearful, etc., then you’re probably in an abusive situation. Tough Love:  I think to recognize this though, there’s got to be feelings of trust, and discernment. I think it’s important to know who the person giving the criticism is. To me, criticism is constructive and welcome if you know the person is saying it to benefit your situation, and whether you accept that advice or not, they will still love you anyway and not treat you any less because you don’t take their advice. They also may be willing to work together with you, if you ask for the help. (Ex: You want to lose weight, they recommend/set up a workout schedule for you, and they do it with you, even if they don’t need it for themselves.) Once the self-improvement goal is met, I’d say I’ve typically felt empowered and accomplished overall.

bluetoblack99 · Accepted Answer

Tough love fits the following criteria:

You must already know the person very well
You must not be a hypocrite and criticize the same/similar problem you also have.
You get no enjoyment/satisfaction from criticizing them.
You must criticize them privately.
You must criticize them about something over something they can control. For example telling someone they need to eat healthier & exercise more to lose weight can be tough love. However telling a guy he’s too short and it’s unattractive is a cheap shot and abusive. He can’t control his genetics.
You must give them constructive advice on fixing their problem

There was a girl who I had a crush on in college who knew quite well. We worked together. She knew full well I liked her.

One time at work I was singing to a AC/DC song and she “you have such a high pitched voice. Sometimes it’s higher than mine”. She said this after I was deep in the friend zone and she was with someone else.

I remember that hurt. Really hurt. I always hated the sound of my own voice and having a girl I crushed on for so long saying it was “too high” was a kick in the nuts.

GoodManDave · Accepted Answer

To me, tough love is letting someone deal with the consequences of their bad actions, instead of always “rescuing” them. Let’s say it’s alcoholism... Tough love would be getting rid of an alcoholics drinks, taking him to rehab meeting when he doesn’t want to go... holding an intervention... not enabling him to drink more, taking their car keys so they don’t drive, perhaps... it’s supposed to be difficult, but supposed to come from a place of love. It’s supporting them, but not letting them walk all over you. It’s not easy. and it’s different for different situations... sometimes it even means walking away, at least until they get better or honestly change their behavior.

Abuse may be... constantly nagging and screaming about his former alcoholism and not letting up. Or constantly insulting and berating him, even when he may be doing pretty well at not relapsing. Constantly screaming and getting in his face. Obviously, threatening him. It doesn’t HAVE to be physical, though there’s often that element.

AshViper · Answer

Example of Tough love.
Someone is involved with an alcoholic. They refuse to contribute to alcoholism by not giving money for booze. They even look into AA groups and/or rehab centers for the other individual. That is tough love.

The same ideology parents use when a kid wants a cookie before supper, a kid wants to play video games rather than do their chores, etc. They love the person but no matter how much that person whines, cries, throws a tantrum, or acts like an overgrown 2-year-old they're not getting what they want because typically what they want isn't good for them.

Example of Abuse
Someone is involved with a narcissistic individual. That individual demeans, degrades, and erodes the other's confidence. That individual makes the other believe that they are "broken", that "nobody else will want them", etc., etc., etc. That is an example of psychological abuse. Of course, there's physical & sexual as well.

Any behavior - psychological, physical or sexual - that makes someone else question their own worth is abusive. It is literally that simple.

weasley8 · Answer

Tough love exists when the power dynamic is equal. Abuse exists when one partner has power over another.

Tough love is reasonable, and doesn’t hurt the other partner. Abuse is unreasonable, and goes beyond what’s healthy.

Above all, tough love is predictable, and leaves you with a decision or a solution. Abuse is unexpected, and leaves you feeling like you’re walking on eggshells.

pleasestopthis · Answer

Someone who gives tough love may say harsh things to make you recall your senses but by no means will belittle or humiliate you, openly or with veiled insults. When they don't respect your will and instead act controlling and disregarding of your autonomy then it's clearly abuse and no love at all.

lanadelrey25 · Answer

Abuse would be making someone feel less than they are, name calling, beating etc. and that does nothing for them. Tough love is more like doing something someone won't like in this moment but will appreciate it later on.

lucky840 · Answer

Tough love is when the person being the tough loving one is being tough because they truly believe what they are doing is going to help the one they love. Abuse is when they are doing it because they want to actually hurt the other person whether it's physically or mentally and have no intention of helping.

jshm2 · Answer

Lets be honest.

Any dimwit using the expression "tough love" these days, is really just being disingenuous about their form of abuse.

There is no legal "line" between tough love and abuse, But usually the "difference" is the amount of evidence collected.

JosyJosy · Answer

Father not saying goodjob well done etc, but when you ask "did I do it wrong?" he says "if you did it wrong, I would have told you" tough love Father beating you up physically, emotionally

Cherokeehp · Answer

If you can’t tell the difference you should not be in a relationship.

SexyAshh · Answer

Tough love is telling you like it is, being straight up with answers you probably dont want to hear. Abuse would be anything physical

iseekpinetrees · Answer

Tough love is no physical contact. Or emotional pain. It's more a lesson learned

darkcloud1945 · Answer

If a guy hit s a girl for any reason to make a point that s abuse. Exception is if she is hitting you first then defend yourself. Tough love is hard to explain, example leaving a person hooked on drugs and refuses help you tell them to get help and they don't you stand and not give in till help is sought in a rough outline

Belgie · Answer

Tough love is when you tell people the truth in order to make them a better person.
Abuse is when you see them becoming a better person, and you belittle their progress and efforts because you want them to remain weak and under your thumb.

Liam_Hayden · Answer

Tough love is not letting someone get away with ultimately anti-social or self-destructive behavior. Abuse is harshness for its own sake.

Missycloak · Answer

Tough love makes you better (perpetrator does it with good intention to make u see some truths). Abuse does not make u better and is only hoping to keep u down.

HayleySmith · Answer

It doesn't matter what the definition of tough love or abuse is if you don't like then you shouldn't be with that person who makes you feel that way

jahaims · Answer

Abuse has no positive outcome. Tough love may hurt their feelings but help them in the long run.

amelieknows · Answer

Simply — abuse causes harm, tough love doesn't. Abuse breaks you, tough love makes you stronger.

GothRose2 · Answer

There's no such thing as tough love. It's an oxymoron. Love can not be tough

have_a_good_day · Answer

You switch it to an animal you love.. If you think it would hurt the animal or make it distrust you.. Then it is abuse

Stanfordmorris90 · Answer

Long relationships create more emotions between each other and more feelings. Expectation demand is-high in long time relationship.

purplepoppy · Answer

Tough love is how abusers justify their behavior to themselves

jgokgotit · Answer

Tough love is putting your foot down and not budging. Abuse is degrading someone.

WowwGirl · Answer

A lot I'd need a example my friend

allenwants2 · Answer

Rough love is when a parent has been through it 2 many times and say kid it's time to sink or swim and toss him into the pool of life

DeltaCharlieEcho · Answer

If a woman abuses a man, it's tough love; if a man shows a woman tough love, it's abuse. Prove me wrong.

msc545 · Answer

Very little difference. Tough love is often an excuse for abuse.

Robort · Answer

Abuse is what other partners doesn't want to do it. And tough love can go to any limits provided both are into that.

jimmy2 · Answer

Tough love is a way to show love in discipline abuse is a disregard of love in a person.

In_Trance · Answer

Tough love is constructive

sunmike · Answer

Intention and emotion behind actions

Silverio_Stieger · Answer

When she screams, ask for help and cry 😉

YHL6965 · Answer

Tough love does not sound much like love to me.

In a relationship, what's the difference between tough love and abuse?

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