What would you do if your boyfriend told you to shut the f up?

[Anonymous]

We got into a fight and I interrupted him and he kept yelling telling me to shut the f up. I hung up on him. Texted him to never speak to me like that again. Now he won’t return my calls and is ignoring my texts. He’s been depressed since right before this and I’m worried about him but then again I’m pissed. What would you do. Dating for 2 1/2 years by the way.

[Walamagicc]

I would’ve done the same thing you just stated. Hang up and tell him never to talk to me like that again. I don’t give a fuck if he is depressed. You are his girlfriend. You have NOTHING to do with his depression. He needs to learn how to control his emotions and speak to you in nicer tone. You deserve more respect than this. And why is he ignoring YOU when he’s the one that messed up. That doesn’t even make sense. You should be ignoring him if anything, he’s acting narcissistic.


I also don’t like how you’re defending his behavior because he’s “depressed”. Depressed or not, you don’t talk to someone you’re with like that. I’m not telling you to leave him because this isn’t my relationship but ask yourself this, if he’s speaking to you like this now, imagine the things he will say to you when he REALLY gets mad. Trust me, I have dated someone like this. First it starts off with little shit like this and then they start calling you derogatory names, and emotionally abuse you, and sometimes that can lead to physical abuse. Don’t ignore any of these signs or brush them off.

[Asker]

Thank you. I do believe he may very well be a narcissist actually. There is no reason to ignore me. I was dumb and sent him a plant to cheer him up. Literally the only response I got was thank you that was very very thoughtful of you and I truly love it thank you. I responded and he has not responded back. I probably made the mistake of blowing up his phone with at least 30 texts and 4 phone calls but I seriously am pissed that he won’t respond and I did nothing. Just like a narcissist!

[Asker]

I also see this as a sign of verbal and emotional abuse. He shut down after I told him I was not mad but hurt and disappointed. It was downhill from there.

[Walamagicc]

You don’t need to feel dumb. You just love him a lot and love makes you blind. It made me blind. Narcissists are VERY good at manipulating their victims and making them feel like their crazy. He probably does stupid shit to you like this all the time and when you defend yourself he calls you “crazy” “overreacting” “sensitive “. I’ve had a guy who would always disrespect THE FUCK outta me and say some rude shit and when I called him out he told me these things. He had all the signs of narcissism but I didn’t know what that was back then, thankfully I ended it ached 3 month 1/2. If I would’ve stayed any longer, he would’ve continued to abuse me. You should leave him. You would be better off for your own sanity.

[Walamagicc]

And also, please don’t text his sorry ass again. Don’t send a single message to him once more. He doesn’t care and all you’re doing is feeding his narcissist ego. A narcissist CANNOT be fixed. If he doesn’t get back to you to make amends then you know where you stand and it shouldn’t be next to him.

[Asker]

He does always say I’m overreacting. He asked me why I was so emotional too. Which was weird. We have been dating 2 1/2 years. I actually tried to end it last week. We met and talked and I told him I’m in love with him and he’s not feeling the same so I think we should end it. He didn’t understand why. He said just because I don’t feel the same way? Then he convinced me to continue and said he has issues with feelings and it’s 1000% him not me. The. The fight and no talking now.

[Walamagicc]

If I have to be completely honest with you, a narcissist CANNOT, I repeat CANNOT love you. You’re just an object to them. You know how when you go to the grocery store and you are shopping, you grab a package of toilet paper. You don’t care which toilet paper you buy. You just grab whichever one. You my friend, you’re the toilet paper/his supply. He needs you more than you need him.

And if he’s saying “because I don’t feel the same way.” There goes the gaslighting, making you question of breaking it off will be the right decision. If you break up, he will replace you with another girl in probably like a week. My narcissistic ex dated a girl on and off for 4 years, lied to me about how long ago it was he broke it off. Turned out it had only been a week before he started talking to me. I was the new supply! But i understand now that I wasn’t any more special than his ex. We are objects to the narcissist. They will throw you out how a child does an old toy. This is what narcissist do. They can’t be alone. You’ve already spent 2 years with this loser. Don’t allow him to waste any more of your time because he clearly doesn’t care about you. He doesn’t even care enough to apologize to you.

[Asker]

Amen!! Yep I’m slowly realizing this. I guess maybe I felt like he was shut down for a reason an I could fix him. That’s not the case. He’s really just mentally ill.

[Walamagicc]

There you go sis! Honestly, if I were you, I say block him. He doesn’t even deserve closure from you. Fuck him!

[Asker]

Ya I actually just tried calling him to tell him off, just want closure I guess. The first time it rang once and went to voicemail and the second time it rang about 6 times then voicemail. So whatever. He can ignore me. I won’t block him but I will ignore him when he becomes ready. I even texted him to ask him to please respond and let me know he is ok and he can’t show me that courtesy

[Walamagicc]

Sis, you don’t receive “closure “ from a narcissist. They don’t care about any of that. Why are you still reaching out to him? You keep texting asking him to respond to you. Don’t EVER beg a man to talk to you. You seriously need some higher self esteem because I can tell by the way you’re pleading, your self esteem is really low.

[HOAAH]

I think i would give him space.

I have told my husband this before.

We would argue about something needing fixing and he would just talk and talk about how my feelings are wrong and how i am taking it all wrong... Then i am the only one actually doing something to fix the problem so i just felt like what he was saying was irrelevant plus it was pissing me off because he was just annoying me.

Take a step back.
What were you saying that upset him?
What was it that he needed done?

[Asker]

His ex texts me weird crazy texts and claims I do it to her and I don’t. She evidently got one and he asked me if I sent her a text and I flipped out because he should know better. I told him he was worried about her and he started yelling shut the f up. Now I can’t get him to even text me back or call me back.

[HOAAH]

He sounds like he was mad because you assumed he still cared about his ex. He needs you to trust him.

[Asker]

He literally will not respond to me. Won’t answer the phone and just let’s it ring to voicemail. It’s some sick twisted head game. I don’t know how someone can do that to someone. I left him a voicemail literally crying and he won’t even acknowledge me. He’s just sick. I could never do that to a person ever.

[HOAAH]

If you don't trust that he loves you and you think he loves her than he will feel like you are labelling him as the bad guy. Therefore he feels hurt. It is like you called him a name.

[Asker]

So I went to his house because I am not ok with being ignored. He had so much hate in his face. He actually said he thinks I’ve been texting. her. No I haven’t. I was crying and upset and left and started sending him texts that she sent that there’s no way I would know anything about. He then said he just needs to figure everything out. He doesn’t know who’s lying.

[HOAAH]

It sounds like he doesn't trust you

[Asker]

Well I found proof it’s her texting me so I sent it to him late last night, told him to F off and then blocked him.

[DesolateRain]

I would text him that about how I didn't appreciate being disrespected like that and you want stand for that to happen again, but also let him know that you know he's having a hard time and just remind him that you're here or him, not against him. Then tell him that you love him and tell him you're going to give him some space, after a while reach back out to him once you believes he has calmed down.

If I were you, that's what I would probably do.

That's what I would do considering the circumstances you've given.

[Asker]

I did that. Called him 4 times today and had to have sent 30 texts and he just won’t acknowledge me. I told him I’m worried and scared and begged him to please respond and let me know he’s ok but nothing.

[strawberrylipstick]

I understand why he would be frustrated, as its important to be able to express your opinion and being interrupted is aggravating, but telling you to shut up was way across the line. I used to be in a relationship where I wasn't allowed to express any opinion against hers, with the addition of impact as punishment, but no matter what the level is, it doesn't make it okay to snap at someone like that. Definitely don't forgive that without a genuine apology

[Anonymous]

You guys should probably break up, it doesn't sound like a fun relationship.

[Anonymous]

I'll tell him put some respect on my name, I won't tolerate the disrespect.

[zjanellez]

nothing. you take him back and that reassures him to do it over and over again.