At what point in your relationships did you start to see the other person's flaws/problems and not just brush them away or overlook them?
Was it early in the relationship, after, or did you never have those "blinders" on at all?
When you finally realize you don’t really have much in common with them , Most people jump into relationships based off of looks and overlook the big picture , Most people pretend to like what their partner likes. because it’s new and exciting to them and pretty Much bury the things they enjoy to please their partner , so after awhile that person starts to miss the things they really enjoy and start resenting their partner, when you finally realize you been missing out on things you really enjoy , Why it’s best to find someone that has a lot of the same interests and same things in common as you , before committing to that person , even the little things like music and movies , foods hobbies etc.. that you enjoy, if your partner doesn’t like a lot of the same things that you enjoy then you both really don’t have much in common and won’t really have things to talk about and share with each other , Prime example , say you like to have a few drinks and and unwind sometimes on the weekends after a week of work just to relax and you are in a relationship with someone that doesn’t drink, that doesn’t understand why you need alcohol , eventually you both will bump heads when they start telling you to stop drinking and you defend yourself saying No I enjoy the taste of beer , I been drinking like this since the day we met , I been down that road before and that’s why those girls are my exes lol So it’s best to find someone that has a lot in common with you , not someone just pretending they like The things you like cuz it’s new and exciting to them and they think oh it doesn’t bother me , cuz eventually it will. When you realize sex was the only good thing out of the relationship. And then when that starts dying down as well then you finally realize you wasted your time with the wrong person. Why most cheating and affairs occur. Cuz people
Commit to the wrong people , Why I won’t commit to someone until I feel I really have a deep connection and chemistry with them when I pretty much see them wear my shoes like I wear theirs and know she likes a lot of the same things I like , When you meet that person no matter what their situation is you both know you are meant to be
Love doesn't develop right away from the jump. You notice the flaws you just decide they don't matter because of how you feel in the moment. Anyone who has had bad breakups saw the red flags way in advance but ignored them for emotional reasons.
As for when the blinders come up and down, a lot of that has to do with the "newness" of the relationship. If a guy gets a really hot girlfriend for example. In the beginning she's this mysterious thing you're figuring out. Then in time she's no longer this mystery thing. She's just your girlfriend.
That happens in a few months. Assuming sex is being had. I believe sex expedites this process
I think it depends. If you're dating someone you're not supposed to end up with, I think we instinctively see the flaws very early on. We still like this person, so we overlook all the flaws. Over time, the little red flags become glaringly obvious. They get bigger and bigger as the person gets more comfortable, until one day, you wake up and wonder how you got here and how you've wasted so much of your life with this person who's so obviously not right for you.
But let's flip the script. When you're dating "the one", whatever flaws they have are miniscule in comparison to all the other things you love about them. My boyfriend is messy and scatterbrained, but he's also smart, hard-working, quick-witted, protective, and he would give you the shirt off his back if you needed it. Sure, being messy and scatterbrained could be viewed as "flaws", but in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't matter one bit to me.
Thanks for MHO!
I think it can be any amount of time. Just depends on the chemistry of the two people.
People can see flaws right away, like in the first interactions, if they are not into the person.
Or they may like them so much from the get-go, the irritations are so minor, they are easily overlooked.
I find a lot of relationships max out around the 6 month mark, but not sure if there's any true validity to that, or it was just random for me. But it was a pattern. Though we tend to see patterns in all sorts of things, where there maybe isn't one.
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Ironically, after the relationship or my interest in him is over.
When you like someone, you're so smitten, you see past obvious flaws or issues others can see a mold away. I know with both my exes, my friends were like, "He's all wrong for you because: x, y, z..." But of course I liked the guy so much I looked over it-
Until we broke up. Then the "blinders" were lifted as I had that infamous, "Why didn't I see that?" conversation to myself and kicked myself for not seeing said flaws or issues.
For me it happens before or within 1 date.
That state of love, or infatuation, seems to be an evolutionary phenomena that compels us to mate. We fall in “love” or infatuation quickly and very strongly wanting to spend every moment of everyday with that person and we act better than we are and ignore faults in the other that we couldn’t ignore over the long term. This state of infatuation is highly unsustainable as it requires too much energy to continually put your best foot forward. So that state can give rise to true “love” which is reciprocal and or elevating someone to the same status as self, or it can fall away once that initial infatuation is over.
As for how long it lasts that’s really anyone’s guess. Some say there’s a big mile marker around 4 months, some (like joe Rogan) say that men have a certain “post nut clarity” that lets them know almost immediately if that woman is someone they’re interested in pursuing. Personally I think Rogan has some merit, but I think the infatuation period is typically longer a little longer most likely a few years when most divorces fail. This, I believe, is because that few years is enough to sire and raise a child beyond its initial danger period. That’s my two cents anyway. Let me know if I need to clarify anything. I’ve had a few drinks
When you start to have situations. You go on a vacation, where are you staying? How easily can you agree on stuff, how do you work out arguments. Going through different situations shows you what it is that the person you're dating really wants, what they really care about.
And the key to truly knowing someone is knowing what it is they want and how they go about getting it.
The situation doesn't necessarily have to be bad (although it makes it a lot easier to see what's going on in their head) it just needs to be a situation where your partner is presented with clear choices. What do they pick? Why did they pick that choice and what ultimate goal are these actions trying to accomplish?
I think this depends on each situation/person I’ve been with. I would say I’ve been “love blind” maybe 5 times. When I feel obvious rejection is when I wake up, thankfully. It’s funny because later, whether it be months or years, they come back and are fully interested but the rose colored glasses I once saw them through is gone, all the magic I held them to, gone as well. It’s awesome for me since I have a tendency to really not let go and allow myself to see someone for who they are when I’m in that “obsessed” stage. Usually I can note the red flags from the start but I brush them away or justify them, and they always pop up later.
But yeah it’s kinda funny, sometimes I just wake up one morning and the spell is lifted, and I feel this mental clarity and it’s great (especially if they were causing me a lot of pain). Currently waiting for that moment now with someone. I think I’m getting there, I hope to see him clearer the longer we’re apart.
This is a real thing. I have a picture of my ex-girlfriend that I took when we went camping in Canada. She is just wearing my football jersey sitting on the trunk of my car. I used to look at that picture and my heart would just go crazy. Now, years later I look at it and wonder what I saw in her in the first place.
Typically after three months to two or three years. Once you have been around someone a lot and gotten to know all their faults, habits, idiosyncrasies,, their life style and they way they treat others. Even the amazing sex loses its novelty, even if it remains amazing.
Even if true love develops, the excitement of infatuation fades at some point. You realize that your partner is not the most perfect person in the whole world. They are just a normal person.
When you move in with them,
or when you see them or you both having to deal with a major crisis.
usually moving in does it.
this is why friends with benefits often fail, the sex and friendship is great but when they move in things start failing,
been there got the t shirt, read the book lol
When you actually move in with them and start co-habitation. This is where their true colors show.
I used to think shacking up and playing house was bad, but not so much anymore. This is really the only way to truly learn what someone is really like. Are they messy? Lazy? Are you sexually compatible?
If you fuck this up you sign yourself up for a lifetime of frustration and disappointment. So I say do a trial, try them on, live with them for a bit, then decide if they're marriage material or not. Just tie the knot before you have children, otherwise it's all really confusing to them.
Depends on how much effort your s/o is willing to put in to keep their true self a secret.
I mean.. I was with my now-ex for 7+ years, though I knew him for a few years longer. I only found out that he’s an active drug addict 2 weeks ago, despite us having spent 4-5 days a week together and many weekends spending the night...
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The first fight. I knew my last girlfriend for 4 years before we dated and hoooooly shit I saw a side of her that I never knew existed. I loved that woman, but the second we had our first fight I didn't have any delusions about her. She was still the best thing since sliced bread, but it gave me some perspective.
She was a total diva. She had a massive princess complex that you would just never know was there until you had a romantic connection with her. She had the attitude that she was going to do whatever she was going to do, and that was that. I was and still am basically fine with that, but I do ask for communication and consideration of my feelings and needs. It was weird because she was always very loving and supportive when we were friends, so I don't know why that changed once we became lovers.
When the trust was gone. It took twenty something years. I mean I knew they were there but my love for her was stronger. Plus I wasn't the easiest to put up with but we had a love and a relationship that all our friends wanted. We were best friends and crazy lovers until the trust was gone
Yes I think it happens with time everyone is different and it happens for many different reasons. Could be because you and your partner got too comfortable with each other and what may have seemed like a cute little habit at first had turned into something that actually kind of bothers you. Im sure you've noticed it in other relationships you may have had as well. No one stays the same, you adapt to eachother or you find yourself parting ways. Lets just hope you guys haven't gotten in to anything serious before realizing you may not be receiving what they're putting down.
It's a myth.
You either care about the flaws or you don't.
Love isn't blind, it's sometimes stupid, but it's not blind.
People aren't not seeing the flaws, they are instead saying to themselves that they don't matter.
Sometimes this is true, sometimes it's not.
Everyone has flaws, but some are more apparent than others and you see them right away. For me, the blinders are always off, but very little surprises me anyway. It won't make too much of a difference unless I somehow missed a deal breaker kind of flaw.
When your break up/ apart. And in my opinion "love is blind" to means you'll do anything and go through everything. Not "ohh idc that he's got a cleft lip, a toxic personality (like 70% of every alone person) and a chip on his shoulder, awee, he completes me."
The moment i address it, its better to be honest with yourself and accept that its a deal breaker than to beat around the bush, settling for qualities in a person you dont like. As long as the flaws dont give me a headache its fine
It was said that most relationships fail after 3 months/less than five months, because at that stage you can’t keep pretending.
The blinders are already off just because you read new and is being nice to you just need your help you're only special for a certain amount of time if he is talking do anybody rude if you yelling screaming talking shit no matter what he's doing that's how he's going to treat you is just a matter of time people think oh he would never do that with me just a matter of time what you see is what you get and it's only a matter of time but you will find out
Two working and two living together. The cost of living plus the stress of both living and working together... pass. that's when the pleasantries become less and uhh even less so are the whole 'being tolerable', i feel. Splits or divorce in no time at all. Lol.
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