Is his reason for lack of sex worth me sacrificing my needs temporarily?

[Anonymous]

I have a dilemma. I want to leave my relationship but I don’t.

My boyfriend lost his big wig high paying job of 200k+ per year due to covid.
He has since been offered a CEO position for roughly 90k.
My boyfriend attached his self esteem entirely to his income and career.

He is not where he wants to be career and income. These are his reasonings, for being completely indifferent towards me intimately. He stated he doesn’t feel good about the state of his accomplishments therefore intimacy is not on his brain at all.

It has been about 5 months now that he has shown little to no interest in me. We’ve had conversations, and he very clearly states each time he is still attracted to me but issue mentioned above is this core. He does not want to break up.

I love him and I want to do life with him but I’m miserable. I feel like he is my roommate. I don’t even want to be home anymore. Relationships without intimacy is killing my light and love.

[Pasiton5]

The minute he turned down a gig cause it wasn't up to what he was making, i would have said you arrogant so and so it's better than nothing, dummy got a good night's rest and woke up and left, there's more going on here that just what he is telling you, i don't give a damn what hat too a man is experiencing long as his junk wakes up proper he ain't turning down no stink so either he's got one foot in the closet, or he's got a hideaway with a honey hidden away, 5 months serious man i don't give af damn if the world just blew up got to get some anyway even as we are going to the after life, you not is keeping something from you and i don't mean just his junk,, how fine are you by the way a10, 7,5,2, nah you can't be below a 5, right? Maybe it's just saying try to be a10 or 7 at least

[Asker]

He didn’t turn down the job. He took it and he is trying to make the company successful. He is under a lot of pressure. Also we have had sex in the last 5 months when I initiate. He doesn’t turn me down he just doesn’t seem to be interested unless I pursue. He’s not cheating. I know this because he is in his home office all day and he never goes anywhere alone. He always wants me there. I get up before him and go to bed after. So while I would normally agree with you it’s highly unlikely it has to do with infidelity simply due to the fact that it would be physically impossible for him to be 2 places at once. as far as my looks, I keep myself fit, I’m 10 years younger and do fitness modeling as a second job for fun money. I truly believe he has something going on mentally that has nothing to do with me.

[Lionman95]

What´s more important to you, you´re or your boyfriend? Are there any other ways you could create intimacy? For example how about you start to a initiate a ritual when ever he comes home or when ever you two meet hug for some time. I mean not a short quick hug but a long one. If he wants to grab his phone, take it away put it on a shelf/desk/whatever and just hug him for some time.
It may be weird first for the both you, after some time it could help him cool down. It could help sort his feelings and he starts concentraning your breath and pulse rhythm. Would that be a possible compromise? If he asks why you that, tell him you need his touch and you need to feel him close. It might take some time but that way you could create intimate moment without sleeping together. It takes less physical and psychological preparation and can be effective for the both of you.

[MrOracle]

As a man, our careers are important, but it seems clear that he has a very extreme and unhealthy view of his career, and that's a real problem - as this situation has made quite clear.

My view is this: either he's willing to get professional help (counselling/therapy), with your support and perhaps participation, or you need to end this. He can't ignore your needs - or his damage and responsibility - indefinitely, yet that's exactly what he seems to be prepared to do. He's like a spoiled kid: if he can't have his toy, he's going to throw a tantrum. Well, you can't support that kind of behavior, or it will never end.

So, he has a decision to make. You should have already made yours (depending on the outcome of his).

[InferiorElegy]

Always seems to be about the women and a guys money, when a man loses his job why does the woman always leave?

I hate to break it to you but your guy didn't attach those things to his self esteem, life, society and women in general did. You man is going through something and he's not feeling worthy of you right now because as men we are raised with the thought that we aren't worth shit if we can't provide for someone we love and we are also shown that once we can't provide the female is fine to just exit the relationship because we are no longer of use and this post of yours is just reinforcing what we are raised to believe.

[Asker]

This is so dumb. None of what you said is what I said.

[InferiorElegy]

Nope you did, but I'm not going to argue it's pointless plus I really don't care.

[Pterodon]

Most men’s identity is tied to their career. When they lose their career they’ve lost their identity and are completely lost and in a very bad identity crisis. It’s like a death. It’s very traumatic I know this very well myself. There’s several stages he’ll go through before acceptance. I don’t remember the exact order but it starts with denial then anger then bargaining then grief and finally acceptance. This process can take time. If you really love him you need to help him through these stages and let him know his job isn’t his identity and his job isn’t why you’re with him. This is not a reason to breakup if you really love him

[Asker]

I am trying. I’m not leaving. I love him and I do everything I can to support but slowly and silently I feel so terrible and undesirable.

[Pterodon]

This is what true loving relationships are. You have to take the bad with the good

[Asker]

I get it but I’m in my late 20s and I just wonder is this what I have to look forward too. But obviously the reason I stay is love.

[Pterodon]

There will be good times again

[Asker]

Thank you

[bamesjond0069]

Go camping. Its not an environment where money is king its about survival. Him building you a fire and taking care of you will probably make him feel like a capable man again. Or get him focused less on work and more on some kind of man activity ie guns or motorcycles NOT video games... I think he's just depressed.

If that doesn't work you need to be sexually aggressive. Masterbate on the kitchen table. Jump on him naked every second. Literally wrestle him to remove his clothes. Eventually it should work. Either you will pin him down and fuck him or he will get very horny by having to be aggressive and tackle you. Win win either way.

[Birdlegs]

I completely understand this dilemma he’s probably in a pretty depressed spot rn and I would guess he just has no desire because of that. I would guess he just needs your support rn. But of course if he’s not having sex with you and you don’t like it you can always just leave him so🤷🏾‍♂️

[Asker]

Thanks for the reply. I understand but I do know that if I were reversed he’d probably move on.

[Anonymous]

A good therapist might be able to help him work mentally through his career dilemma, you through your decision dilemma, and you both through your relationship dilemma.

I suggest trying an individual therapist for him and/or you and/or a couples therapist for you both. It may not help, but it may, and sounds like you could really use some help.

[Asker]

I go to a therapist to keep a sound mind but unfortunately he doesn’t believe in therapy.

[nerijukas]

Need to be there for him, support him ! Ur about to do what woman complain all the time thay guys do that to them. he's more worried about getting a good job so he can support himself and you he dont care about sex

[Asker]

Okay, I asked this question because I want real advice from real men so thank you. I don’t plan to leave. I offered to help him find a secretary to keep his calander and appointments. I love him so much obviously or I would be here talking to strangers about how I feel. It’s just hard because he disconnect so much and when I go do my own thing to keep my mind off of it he gets mad at me for not being around. I don’t think he realizes the struggle of being lonely in a relationship because he is still receiving all the same attention from me.

[nerijukas]

Oh okay okay, here i suggest you start of easy with him again. Friday after work and when you eat dinner go for a walk at night. Help him relax. He needs to feep safe and loved

[Asker]

I’ll try

[es20490446e]

https://youtu.be/lrfJG68HCm0

[Not_Average]

So as soon as he’s down on his luck and in a bad season of his life, you want to to split because your needs aren’t being met. Try therapy. Try different approaches.

[Asker]

Lol that’s not what I said at all.

[exitseven]

Are you sure you are there for him or the potential paycheck he may get someday?
Anyone who so identifies with his income is very insecure and will display this in other ways.

[Asker]

Lol dumb.

[DWornock]

Dump him and look for someone else. Otherwise, while you are waiting for him, your desirability is dropping.

[Asker]

Yikes it’s not exactly that simple. We live together and share bills and just moved across the country. I don’t really have anywhere to go.

[DWornock]

People divorce and your ties are not greater than married people, and you are not lacking in talent, so you do have other options. Eventually, if the situation doesn't improve, you will leave. Since you want to stay together, give it another six months. However, if after a year total, if you don't see any improvement, you need to realize that you don't have a lot of time. As time passes, beauty decreases exponentially. If you wait until you are 30, guys you can have now will no longer want you.

[Asker]

I found this great until you go to the end saying after 30 I’m longer wanted by men I may want lol jesus that’s harsh.

[DWornock]

You will still be wanted but your choices will be less. You will even be wanted by some men when you are 40. However, there is a lot of truth in the following? At 20, girls sell it; at 30, they give it away; and, at 40, they buy it. You may not like the truth, but if you were to go to a club where people go to meet and dance, you cannot compete with the girl you were at age 20. You will be sipping drinks while she is on the dance floor or dancing with her rejects. Of course, you can say, "Now I run with a different crowd" and that is not untrue.

[AbuGhareb]

Dump him when he needs you the most, how woman of you.

[Asker]

If you actually read my comment replies. Leaving him was not something I wanted to do.

[Jmmmfi4]

he's obviously depressed

[Asker]

I have asked many times but he denies.