My boyfriend holds hands & cuddles with his female “ best friend “ . Am I wrong to think there is something else going on?

[Thatgirlgigii]

My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly 9 months and he has this female best friend who is all over him. She tells him she is his main girlfriend , puts her leg on top of him , etc. I told him about this issue and the only thing he tells me is that she jokes around with him like that or he tells me that they’re really good good friends. But sometimes I notice that she treats him like a boyfriend and I don’t know If I’m exaggerating or I’m just paranoid.

[Leavesbound]

Invite a male friend of yours over and the four of you can have a little party and make sure that male friend shows you the same kind of attention your boyfriend gets from his "best friend" and see how he reacts. I'm inclined to think he'll get the point. I had a female friend for a number of years who also was a friend with benefits but those benefits only happened when we were both single. Then I met a girl and dated her for a while and my benefits friend was irritated and started to hang on me all the time, especially in front of my girlfriend and then one day asked me to cheat on my girlfriend with her. She even had the audacity to insist that I could not resist her. She actually tried to order me to have sex with her. I told her to f*ck off and that she should know better as that was contrary to our friendship agreement. I then told her that we can't be friends any more if she is going to act like that. Then the next day I told my girlfriend what happened and that I had to tell my friend to get lost. I didn't like it because I don't like losing friends but I can't let someone ruin a good romance for me and she had no intention of being with me in a romantic way. She just wanted exclusive rights to my genitals. So I told my girlfriend that since I lost my best friend she was going to have to be my replacement best friend and do with me all the things my best friend used to do since I broke it off with my best friend to be with her. She didn't seem the least bit upset about this change. There might be some useful advice in my story.

[Interstate]

First, it isn't a good idea to be living together unless you are AT LEAST engaged.

Secondly, what you described is throwing major red flags in my face, as well! She is trying to put the moves on him and very likely trying to steal him away. It would be a very good idea to sit down with him and tell him that this makes you uncomfortable. And you would appreciate it if he didn't hold hands with her, and ask him to TELL (not ask) her to discontinue the home-wrecking behavior; It isn't proper. But something else to consider before burning her at the stakes... if he initiated the hand-holding first, I would say it is definitely leading her on. So it is best in this case to look at both sides.

But if you want to REALLY stand your ground, approach them both and 1. See what their reactions are, and 2. Express to them BOTH that you want the P. D. A to stop. For all you know, you could have a private conversation with him, but he neglects to say anything to her. But at the same time, if that were to occur, it would give you a good indication where his priorities are.

[bobalife]

Ummm I’d dump him ASAP if he don’t make changes to tell his bestie to stop doing that or preventing her behaviors, and I hope you are asserting respectful boundaries because everyone can agree here that it is not platonic nor okay! She’s pretty much disrespecting you infront of him and he’s not being respectful/empathetic about it by letting it slide. It’s not cool. Of course it’s gonna make you question and feel insecure if there’s something going on between them too. Do you trust him? Do you think he’s faithful? If so, hopefully he can show you. If he’s not willingly, there’s something between them nor not gonna be a good boyfriend in the long run.

[45Fstraight]

I would just back off. I mean back SO FAR OFF that he doesn't get your time... as in leave him.

He sounds like a man-child and he doesn't have respect or value for you or for the relationship he has with you. If you give him an ultimatum and he pushes his friend away, he'll just resent you.

MHO is that you should leave and if he really wants YOU, he'll come running to you on his own.

I would walk away and find something fun to do the next time he has his friend around and then I'd be verrrry busy for a long time.

[Interstate]

At the same time, she has to hope if he were to come back for her, that he isn't doing it just to have BOTH worlds at his disposal.

[coachTanthony]

-----------If you don't like the behavior then you should tell him. If he makes excuses then that is basically what he thinks of you.

~Coach T Anthony @thedatecoach IG

[natured]

I don't think you're exaggerating, I had a similar situation and i immediately put the record straight. I understand friendship and I understand everything, but there has to be a limit.
He has to respect you as his LOVE CHOICE, and respect her as his FRIEND and keep distance, physical and emotional distance.
It's a bad feeling, and if a man truly loves and respects you he will put boundaries, it happened in my case and it worked pretty fine. Today me and her even get a long pretty well we even have random meetups without even my boyfriend being around.
She was mature enough to understand, i hope it will be the same in your case.

[Nawlins34]

1.) You're not exaggerating or paranoid if what you're typing is exactly what you're seeing/hearing
2.) You're also not his girlfriend. At least his "main" girlfriend.

Your "boyfriend" is inviting this behavior and you're not okay with it, otherwise this post wouldn't exist.

You've brought your concerns to him directly and he dismissed them. So you know what has to happen; if this is still an issue for you, break up with him. If he tries to "make it work", decline the offer. Because the truth is he doesn't want you; He wants a girl that will allow him to do what he's doing without giving him a headache.

There are plenty of guys who don't "hold hands & cuddle" with their female best friend. Just my opinion, I hope I've helped. Be safe and good luck.

[Starrisunset]

I have a boyfriend and also a male best friend. My best friend and I have been friends for about 15 years... we're really close. We hang out once a week. We've even been on vacation together while I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend. My boyfriend isn't the jealous type and he knows he can trust me so he doesn't mind it. While me and my friend do things that wouldn't be considered "normal" (like going away on vacation together) we never cuddle or hold hands or touch in any way shape or form. We don't need to be touchy feely to be good friends. Maybe it's just a friendship, maybe not. That could just be the way they are but the important thing is your boyfriend respects your valid concerns. If you've spoken to him and told him this bothers you, he should respect you enough to put a stop to the touchy, feely stuff. If they're best friends they can still be best friends without all of that.

[HiveBee]

Whew that sounds... crazy lol. That's too much! I mean damn...

It sounds to me like she's in love with him honestly. she's just waiting for when he finally falls for her? I dont know lol.

Maybe they have a secret sex relationship?

I mean I have female friends in relationships. They hug me, flirt with me. They know they shouldn't, they know their man would be mad about it. I threaten to tell their man on them for hugging me or making comments about my dick print seen through my pants.

These girls are awful. They dont respect their boyfriends. Super sweet friends to me tho lol.

Yea, that shit ain't right and there's zero respect for you from either of them.

Dont just let them get away with it. I'd just dump his asass if I were you. If a girl did that to me? Bye bye.

[Jesibel]

My opinion is they are being completely inappropriate and blatantly disrespecting you and your relationship and the fact they do it openly is a smack to your face. I'd say tell them to quit being disrespectful and inappropriate and have respect for you and your relationship but the truth of the matter you shouldn't have to say so. So my advice get out of that situation cuz no one deserves that shit. You got to know your better and deserve better then what you're getting from the situation. I hope everything works out for you whatever your decision may be.

[DJB72]

Sounds like he needs to sort out his priorities. Her behaviour is inappropriate for sure. He probably doesn't want to choose between you, but you need to make it clear to him that you're not happy that he's allowing her to be like that.

My closest friend is a girl. I don't spend much time with her now because I'm married. When I do, we hug when we meet and when we say goodbye. No platonic kisses, no sitting on my knee, zero. I've known her much longer than I have known my wife. But I won't disrespect my wife that way.

[snackthatsmilesback]

That sounds kinda suspicious yeah. Have you talked to the friend to see if she thinks she's joking or not?

Even if he actually is just friends she could be trying to get him from you. Or he could know that and just likes the attention which he'll have to yknow drop that. Or he's just hoping you believe the friend thing so they can do shit in your face and that's rude I'd say dump him if that's the case.

Unfortunately I don't know the best way to figure out which or if they are just friends, but talking to the girl alone you maybe could get more info.

[Weloveyou2]

You would be Crazy to Not question it or not to feel the way you do about it!! No that is Not a normal..."Innocent" Bestfriend Male and Female friendship. There is something more to it than be innocent bestfriends. Best friends are Not all touchy feely... putting her on his, acting like she's the girlfriend in front of the ACTUAL girlfriend-YOU!!
how Disrespectful!! You should set boundaries now, before its too late... before she becomes the ACTUAL GIRLFRIEND... If its Not too late.

[KatieGotMail]

If you’d feel weird brining it up again in front of him, ask one of your friends to get a little too comfortable with you in front of him. See if a) he notices b) he reacts to it
Honestly that’d stress me out too much I’d end up dumping him but maybe he’s just oblivious (not likely, but always possible)

[shteph07]

Yeah. It’s gonna be a NO from me. Absolutely not okay, especially if you’ve already talked to him about how it makes you feel. There needs to be boundaries and if they really are that close, then he should be able to talk to her and she should be able to understand.

[HayleeBeaity123]

I’d leave him girl. Ain’t no MAN going to disrespect his lady like that. He’s disrespectful. How would he like it if you had a guy friend whom you’d do all of that with? Very childish and disrespectful! Leave him without notice, because how are you going to stop that? There’s way more men out there who’d treat you better than that.

[hahahmm]

He's not loyal. She's a total slut and he's into that. You must have something he wants from you like money or using your car or something. Maybe a free place to live?

You should've dumped him in the first 4 weeks or less. It doesn't take 9 months to figure out that someone isn't loyal.

[ArztSchlachthof]

If you don't like it and it's something as serious as this is, you should be concerned and tell him. Making excuses is the very first sign of "the great collapse", so watch out. He should be able to make you happy by solving this problem in an appropriate manner.

[Hxxmx]

It is possible they have nothing intimate going on (for now).
It is also possible they had something close to intimacy but did not push it further before he met you ( most likely)
One thing we all can agree on is that you need to have boundaries set up and asap.
You should however use a less dramatic approach and be really friendly throughout.

[jspl90]

well there is a younger female friend that I have held hands while walking the dog and talking about issues etc but cudling no although there was one time when we were drunk and we kinda sat on the same recliner (dont know if that is the right word) and I basically was kinda laying on top of her but while we talked🤔but there was nothing sexual about it we treat eachother more like brother and sister BUT I would hold the line that no habitual cudling

[jspl90]

but anyway sit your boyfriend down and talk with him that the cuddling and handholding bothers etc and ask him to do a thought play that if you swap things around that you had a male friend who you would hold hands with and cuddle and would he feel fine with it🤔and do this without being passionate just cool and polite but firm

[Anonymous]

You're not wrong. When you feel something is up, it usually is. Ask him how does he feel if you had a Male bestfriend doing that to you, the way she does to him. Don't be afraid to ask him questions if he seems bothered to answer questions honestly, there's your red flag.

[tatianamay]

You’re not wrong at all. Sounds like they had something going on in the past. Bring your make best friend do this in front of him. He’ll get the clue and not do this again. Also, talk to him. Tell him that it makes you uncomfortable

[Anonymous]

i think you should talk to her about her relationship status like having a girl talk. and you can also see how your boyfriend and the girl react with their other friends. if she jokes around with many of them, it might just be her personality. as far as treating as a boyfriend goes sometimes you can even say siblings are in an intimate relationship if you don't know they are siblings. you might wanna do some research before coming to a conclusion

[Guanfei]

I used to do that too, with my best friend, years ago. We were so close that sometimes people thought we were together. Lots of cuddles, hugs, etc etc.
And yet we weren't together, she had boyfriends, and they knew what our relationship was. At first it would bother them, but soon they saw what it really was and it was fine.

[I_want_a_moustache]

Definitely suspicious... What I would do is (assuming you have apple) is get him drunk enough to unlock his phone and then when he's passed out you can use his iCloud so that you can see his messages from your computer. Or you could be ruthless and interrogate her.

[_bunny_]

I don't know it really depends I do that with some of my friends although I hold their hand cause I'm half blind in one eye but I do cuddle with them when I'm really sleepy or bored hahaha but my husband knows I have nothing going on with them

[Petermorgan34]

That would piss me off if my girlfriend did that. Your feelings are 100% valid, personally I wouldn't put up with it and find someone else

[IveGotNoName]

I'm not a controlling person... but if my boyfriend had a best friend he cuddled and held hands with, I would tell him that if he didn't stop doing those things with her, I'd leave for good.

[DarkCarousel]

Yeah, I’m 100% out of that situation by now. That’s ridiculous.
Best of luck to you but I hope you don’t tolerate that. Move on.

[Alejandro3000]

This guy clearly doesn't respect you, im really shocked how you didn't go mental and confront her. If he is acting ignorant to incite jealousy i would suggest you dont waste your energy over him and just ditch him.

[designer1]

Ummm that is not ok! Especially if you are not ok with it. You should talk to him and set some major boundaries. I’m sorry they’re being that inconsiderate of your feelings wow 🤦🏾‍♀️

[spartan55]

And is fucking her right under your nose too. You are a fool.

[Supernormal]

First of all, where's your own male best friend. Get yours, hold hands and cuddle. Lets see his reaction

[musicdove]

Uh yeah… major red flag. Maybe there is nothing going on, but if he doesn’t have boundaries and tell her to back off, he needs to go hun. Sorry😬 Also, she sounds like a skank. She’s bad news.

[fjh80]

Cuddle up with another man and see how he likes it.


Also, he’s a man so he might be too dumb to know she wants him. You gotta lose that idiot.

[maryyjdk]

For me, this is cheating. It sounds like he has a second girlfriend, who he is trying to establish a secret relationship with. The age of your relationship is also a factor, for example in younger ages it would sound more normal, childish etc. but as you seem to be 20 years old I'd say that the most wise choice would be to break up with him and move on, especially if he does more things with her than with you.

[slatyb]

You aren't exaggerating. It's very odd and would be unacceptable to most people.

[Pasiton5]

Have you y talked with her personally and ask ummm what the hell is up with you 2i mean yeah their more than friends it's deeper than that or he's gay

[Anonymous]

Sounds like she's flexing her feminine muscles and seeing how far she can take it without going all out and getting a boyfriend. Maybe she'd like him as a boyfriend, maybe not. I'm not sure that's the point though.

[LonelyDeer]

I don't think you're wrong to think so. It doesn't seem like a "joke" to me when people do that

[DaMack999]

Stop being jealous and give him a taste of his own medicine. Get a guy friend to do exactly same thing.

[SmokinAces2000]

Yeeeah that sounds kinda strange I mean if they were best friends since they were like toddlers maybe but that’s still inappropriate to hold hands and cuddle with another girl if you have a girlfriend

[Prideful]

No you are not wrong, as his girlfriend you have the right to clear things up.
I wouldn't like it if my girlfriend is being cuddley with "male friends", not at all.

[ItsMeItsMe1989]

Nope

why does he need a girl in his life, other than you, and his family girls (mom, aunt, grandma) etc..

[Exterminatore]

Nope not wrong at all for thinking that. I would not be ok with any of this.

[Browneye57]

No, you're not. One of you is the backup plan. You?
And what's yours?

[Anonymous]

This is cheating to me. He is disrespecting you. Get your own male best friend and do the same or break up. This is not how friends behave. I also would not date any guy with female bestfriend.

[Opinion Owner]

Why do i get dislikes?

[Opinion Owner]

Cheaters dislike me lol

[anylolone]

Yes. I'd be even more of a slut if that was automatic.

The only reason why I don't cuddle with guys is because I really hate their smell.

[Scotte1us]

Stop it or leave him , dont have her near you dont go out 3 of you at same time my advice or you might lose him

[Anonymous]

Yes omg, that is disgusting. You have to get rid of him. Any girl would be angered by it. Dump him, nope!

[Opinion Owner]

You’re not paranoid or crazy! You need to lose this man unless you’re willing to share him. They’re both disgusting

[Anonymous]

she wants him and puts the extra bullshit effort in when she sees you around to make you jealous and to piss you off

[Opinion Owner]

you need to beat the bitch's ass is what you need to do

[Tstrbrainer]

I think you have every right to be upset about it unless you are in an open relationship

[Anonymous]

They fucking or have fucked in the past or will fuck in the future. Either way it's going to lead to fucking or more fucking.

[Nazgol]

That's messed up! Lol. Tell him to stop doing that or end it with you

[he-takes-a-part]

Lets do the same thing together and verify whats going on

[EaterPeter]

You are not wrong. Those should be exclusive relationship privileges only.

[NoLookingAtSoleil]

It doesn't have to go anywhere further from that
Habits can get odd

[UglyBoy1997]

jus kill yourself, its the answer to all life problems

[TeaganDoll]

id def be weary... they have somethiing together previous to you that is intimate for sure

[CertifiedHandsomity]

Buy a (what rhymes with pun) and (what rhymes with hoot) him

[randomguy246]

She's establishing dominance. If you're into it have fun.

[iseekpinetrees]

Red flag dump him n move on. Not normal behavior

[ItsTheNephilim]

So he has two girlfriends, right.

[JosyJosy]

All I'm gonna say is "You're not wrong."