Do you believe its right to be jealous of your partners past?

Question

Im thinking about ending a relationship i’m in. We have been together for almost 2 years and our relationship has been 50/50 in the terms of beautiful and rocky. My partner has dug into my phone and went back into old messages from 4+ years ago (messages I didn't even know I still had), WAY before him and I started hanging out and dating. (Keep in mind, I was single for 2 years before dating him and did casually date and explore my sexuality but not crazy in my opinion! My body count is 4 including my 2 past relationships, had 2 one night stands during my single period & i’m 26). He uses my past against me, and shames me for it by calling me degrading names whenever we get into a heated argument (slut, whore, stupid bitch, “yeah you wanna fxxk other dudes but not me” etc) He basically brings this up as if its relevant to our relationship and as if its happening today. I have no contact with these people from my past. They all live in another state. Theyre not even brought up or talked about by anyone but my partner.

Every day I remind him I love him and I only want him.
whenever he gets angry from an argument, he jumps right back to this topic and slut shames me. I dont understand why? I know myself his body count is 8 bodies (he's told me before we made our relationship official) and he's only had 2 gfs in his life but somehow thats okay? I dont ever shame him for it because, as I also point out to him, I wasn’t in the picture. I have no right to judge him based on the past decisions he's made or who he's been with. If anything, its a waste of time in my eyes. Im only thinking about our relationship and moving on forward with him.

We plan on going to couples therapy but at the moment we can’t afford it. How can I help him? I've been patient and dealt with this for so long and i’m really thinking of just giving up on this relationship. Its really taken a toll on my mental health - I already have PTSD with panic attacks and this is a huge trigger for me..

Ceslovas · Accepted Answer

did... you just said/I quote:"you wanna full other dudes but not me.."I don't know.. but it sounds like dying for fukk.. i mean help..;)

I think it is passion for each other that's dying not relationship itself. But.. once passion is gone. . . relationship about to end too

Just hit the right button. Turn that heated argument to something more... u know..;) gosh use imagination

U both of u like two little Kids... one is begging for attention approval that he is good enough... next one which is you in this case

closed off bit

Let me put subtitles to this. your heart is closed off.. by callong you names he trying to get inside your heart... like kid screaming.. shouting... love me love me! ;)
But he don't need your words... he needs your attentive heart felt touch.. soften your heart and let your heart open more and more... and you shall see what you call problem is no longer there... then it happens you won't get offended anymore. .. everything becomes so. light between you too;) trust me cause I know that! all. u going to see is his pain.. his suffering! and all you gonna feel compassion and kind curiosity.. love and affection.

There are no evidence that talk therapy works but once u too soften your heart.. right words finds it's way...;) because otherwise all that u say just bounce back to you... he won't accept your words... because he don't need that... he don't need help.. all. he asks subconsciously. .. please come close to my heart! see.. feel I am in pain love !
U both need that... it is not problem of jealousy. . jealousy masks deeper hidden pain... underlying issue:) but he cure is one... close heart to heart connection =love;)

Fireguy17 · Accepted Answer

We all have a past, the older you get the more skeletons you have in the closet.
Don't ask if you don't think you can handle it.
Or in this case go digging through you phone.
I'm not happy to hear about the verbal abuse.
In time will it escalate into physical abuse, I certainly hope not.
My feeling is that he will have to get over it, which doesn't sound like he will or want to get over it.
Why was he going through your phone?
That is kind of an invasion of your privacy.
Myself I would move on.
Find someone that is able to accept you as you are, including your past.
Life is too short for that type of treatment, you deserve to be treated so much better.

Jesibel · Accepted Answer

Girl, I need you to listen to me when I say, "you can't help him"! He needs to help himself and go get some professional help for his insecurities, jealousy and outlandish outbursts of verbal emotional abuse he has at times towards you. He should really talk to a mental health doctor so he can get to the root of his problems so he can build up his self esteem and get therapy for whatever his issues are. You alone can't fix him and in my opinion is a waste of your energy and time trying. Tbh once the level of disrespect he's gotten to is reached its usually a done dotta. So if I were you I'd tell him that your done getting disrespected, and degraded and that until he gets some type of therapy or counseling and can control him self and learn to treat you with respect once again then your sorry but he can't be in your life. If he really loves you he'll get the help he needs to continue having you in his life. If he doesn't then guess what he don't deserve to be a part of yours. I hope this helped. I hope everything works out for you.

Starrisunset · Accepted Answer

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Girl, he sounds toxic. I know it's hard to give up on someone you love but he knows he's hurting you when he says all of those things. The fact that you don't throw his past in his face shows maturity. Especially after he's been using your past against you. While you already have so much time invested in this relationship, 50/50 doesn't sound too good. It's normal to have rocky spots in your relationship but honestly you should probably be having a lot more good times than bad. I suppose couple's counseling could help but honestly, you have to ask yourself... is he worth it? Is the relationship you have worth fighting for? I know every story has 2 sides but from what I'm hearing he's the problem...

natured · Answer

This is sickening, i'm so sorry that you have to go throush such tyrany.
You should have broken up with him juse because he has been calling youdegrading names. THIS IS MENTAL ABUSE.
And I don't even think therapy will help here, because words can dig deep and hurt you like hell...
You must be an angel to support such idiotism, he doesn't deserve you.
I'm really really sorry, but you deserve someone that doesn't judge you on your past. Also because there is NOTHING TO JUDGE.
Wish you the best of luck
-D-

ChrisMaster69 · Answer

Bin him, that’s as toxic as fuck.

a persons history should not matter.

only weak guys get triggered by it, no one else really cares.

seriously dump him, save your cash on couples therapy and get out of there.

his mind is made up.

sorry but you want to avoid anyone like that

ARealHonestHuman · Answer

If you're focused on their past and comparing it to yours, you're not growing and you're gonna just start problems. The moment that matters is who they are now, not then because whatever they were in the past either helped them sculpt themselves into what they are now. The past shouldn't matter at all unless you're sharing a story.

hahahmm · Answer

Eh, my take is not that he's jealous so much as he gets off on making you feel bad and uses the past as ammo. Actually in MY life this is a woman's tactic for trying to win arguments. ha ha. Which is why myself and a lot of guys don't give them the ammo in
the first place.

People are on their best behavior in the very early years of a relationship. You're seeing his better side... his kind and generous side right now. I wouldn't stick around to see his true soul.

Andres77 · Answer

Fucking drop that piece of shit and thank him for showing you his true colors before you got any deeper.
Fucking amazing what a douchebag he is.
If you love him and you want to suffer every day for the rest of your life and live in a state of fear and manipulation... then we can't help you.
Consider these lyrics...

KrakenAttackin · Answer

"did casually date and explore my sexuality ", you rode the cock carousel! No man wants to date a whore. And if he realizes he is dating a whore than he will just see her as someone to pass time with... until you "accidentally" get pregnant, of course.

topramen1565 · Answer

I wouldn't sat right but it could be reasonable depending on the context of their past. Like person X is jealous of person Y because they had a really good partner and did cool stuff while you and her don't live much of an exciting life.

Another instance can be as simple as they had the pleasure of going to another country but you didn't.

Sincerly_KittyCat · Answer

What the hell drop him, what a weirdo, that's signs of being abusive. Drop him like a hot potato and dont look back because what does your relationship before have to do with you currently. You change he needs to know people change.

Dazed0N0Confused · Answer

Wtf, this is toxic as fuck. Screw the couples therapy HE needs personal therapy & you need a better partner.  If i was you, i would end it, & i would've done it a long ass time ago.

Anonymous · Answer

he's sick in the head. he harrasses you for 4 when he has 8 he's a piece of shit and you can tell that fucking dip shit loser i said so. dump the boy man child and find yourself a real man who can satisfy you

Mladenn · Answer

There is no excuse for calling you slut, whore etc. its just disgusting, get away from that toxic jealous idiot. good luck

BeenThereLovedIt · Answer

He's a jealous prick who is grooming you to be on the defensive at all times. Get out while you still can.

Yourfriend2021 · Answer

He shouldn't be calling you those filthy names, tell him not to do that anymore and you can't change the past. He sounds like a jerk, you should find someone else.

Browneye57 · Answer

Wow. A relationship made in heaven. You kids are a complete failure.
And all that victim shaming and self diagnosing mental issues - GET A SHRINK if you're fucked up in the head. And quit trying to blame your man.
If he's not the best thing that ever happened to you, cut him loose and find one that is.

SnakeBoop · Answer

... yeah fuck no. the best way to help is to get rid.

thathonestman · Answer

Only 4 guys and you are 26? I know of girls in their early 20s who had 4 guys just last week. If that’s a problem for him, move on. Because that’s not changing. He has no idea how lucky he is.

jamezsexton · Answer

No. Took me while to learn this one unfortunately. But now i get it NO

rcljr · Answer

Not their past, so long as they don’t keep throwing their past in your face

Jeannettesimon · Answer

I don't think so , forget about their past and move on.

Anonymous · Answer

Find a virgin, leave this used up manwhore. A new dildo has more worth than him. Who tf is he to slut-shame you, when he has higher bodycount

Anonymous · Answer

it is a right to be jealous but it is not to act upon them

Anonymous · Answer

Just leave. You're both losers.

OddBeMe · Answer

Not in the way he is. That’s abuse.

AdriannaMay200162 · Answer

No I don’t think it’s right

Oddi_211 · Answer

That is some toxic shit.

Anonymous · Answer

Do you have sex with him?

williamHD · Answer

Drop that man

In_Trance · Answer

It's fkn dumb

anylolone · Answer

Just bolt.

Uptowngirl88 · Answer

Leave

Do you believe its right to be jealous of your partners past?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Do you believe its right to be jealous of your partners past?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

We're glad to see you liked this post.