My boyfriend didn’t want anyone to help him change my tire?

Question

Yesterday while on the interstate my car tire just about exploded. My boyfriend asked did i have a spare tire (which i did) and he started to take the bad tire off.

My boyfriend was struggling trying to get the car jack to lift the car up. As well as trying to get the tire nuts off. So i offered to call my dad.

And he said “does your dad have a better jack?” I can get the tire off if he can bring it. And i said “i think so but hell more than likely change it if he comes”

So a few minutes later he says “you can go sit in the car” i said “no i want to watch”

Then a car pulls up and it’s a random man who ask do we need help. And my boyfriend mumbles “tell him we’re fine and we don’t need help” and instead of telling him that i say “ we could use help the nuts aren’t budging”

The guy helped my boyfriend take the bad tire off and put a new one on

And my boyfriend said “you’re lucky i love you”

TL:DR; why did he act like he could do it alone what’s wrong with asking for help

SomeGuyCalledTom · Accepted Answer

Macho bullshit. I can understand the subconscious roots of it, but at a certain point a man must know his limitations and transcend unnecessary pride. He's not quite there yet, so he compensates with the "army of one" posturing and hopes he'll somehow muck through in the end. Its not a huge deal in itself, but at teh same time he shouldn't take it out on you when his macho bullshit falls short of the task at hand. He needs to learn there's honour in acknowledging that point where outside help is needed. But tbh that needs to come from the men in his life, if he has tp learn it from his woman then it would only wound his pride and ego further and provoke more defensive "doubling down" behavior. I know that sucks for you if you see the issue more clearly than he does, but ultimately you gotta either just wait for him to mature at his own pace, or find some other guy who's already at that point of maturity that he's able to accept help. Besides, people who can accept help without pride, in my opinion, are more likely to "pay it forward" later. Maybe today he needs to accept help changing his tyre. But some other day he might get a chance to "pay it forward" by helping to change someone else's tyre, and then it's a double win coz in the end he looks both heroic AND humble in your eyes. But anyways I'm reading several layers deep into this situation, it's possible he was just being an ass about it and there's no deeper explanation lol

Aethereal · Accepted Answer

It was a matter of pride for him. Many men consider it over (or alongside) practicality. By getting help from strangers or your dad, it implied that:

- You might not rely on him to do things, and will thus call upon your dad, even strangers for help first instead of him,
- You might lose attraction to him because he can't do this thing, or needs help when other men can do it alone,

If you had called your dad, you would also have made him lose face in front of his girlfriend's dad, because it would look (to him and your dad) like he can't take care of a problem you're having. That would make him worry your dad will think he isn't good enough for you.

Getting help must have seemed practical to you (and it well was), but many of us guys like to feel like our partners believe and rely on us to take care of problems without outsiders (especially other men). He might have been more amenable to help if you wanted to call a service (someone whose job it is to help). But that depends on his personality. He might have also just been very keen on showing off his handiness to you in some small way.

Smoke-n-Growls · Accepted Answer

I mean, maybe he really wanted to try it on his own/impress you, but it's best if he knows when to ask for help.

I get not wanting to, though. I'm the same way.

But unless you were in a hurry to get somewhere, let him do his thing. He probably hasn't had a chance to change a tire entirely on his own, probably wanted to give it a go.

Maybe next season change you two can change all four tires over together. Get in the practice, and you learn, too.

I changed my tires over with my dad twice a year, and look forward to making sure my current partner can do it with me, too. (I say "with dad", but we shared tools and swapped between us to change tires on both cars.)

Livewire3 · Accepted Answer

Ego possibly.. Was it lighthearted? I get the impression it was said in a mean way. People get frustrated when they've been working hard on a task, and often they say things they don't mean. After he has time to cool off, ask him if he meant to be hurtful. If he says no, you should tell him you don't like to be treated that way and maybe give him a one time pass. If he says yes, then I'd seriously consider if he really considers himself in love with you and if you are okay with him treating someone he loves that way.

ElGee · Answer

Thats a question for your boyfriend to answer. I personally would not ask for help simply because i know how to do it myself. And when i say that i can do it, i mean it. If lugs are too tight, ill usually use my own body weight to bring down the lug wrench and loosen them up. Newer cars normally have arrows on the bottom that indicate where to put the jack and then just start doing some manual labor to get the jack to lift up.

Your boyfriend may have perhaps had his ego crushed a bit when you saw he couldnt change a simple tire (which is what most men are supposed to be able to do). Same goes for when a guy doesn't know how to do a simple tune up on a car.

BCA6010 · Answer

Being able to change a tire by oneself has long been a staple skill that any grown man should be able to do. Now in this day and age where upwards of 30-40% of 18yr olds don't even have their drivers licenses, there's generally not as high of a demand for that standard anymore, but it could still be seen as embarrassing to your boyfriend, especially in your presence.

Either make a joke about it, or just ignore it and move on; I don't know him so you're going to have to make the call and what's the best way to get past it.

MrOracle · Answer

It means that your boyfriend is insecure about his masculinity. He was obviously struggling to get the job done (which isn't necessarily anything bad - I've changed 100 tires on the side of the road, but occasionally, the situation or the tools or whatever isn't great, and it's harder than it should be), but he was being prideful and didn't want to have to accept help from some other man - he thought it would make him look less like a man to you, and he can't bear the thought of that.

The thing is, a secure man is going to realize that he can't always do everything himself, even if he can do most things, and he won't be afraid of accepting help from time to time. Hopefully your boyfriend learns the same.

Andres77 · Answer

He needs to practice.
Also sending you to sit in the car when it's up on a jack is like asking to die.
His manhood was hurt.
Help him out of it.
Here's an idea.
Tell him that you're afraid of what would happen if you had a flat tire and there was no signal to call for help. "Teach me how to change a flat tire."
That way he's not worrying about getting shown up by your dad or strangers and he'll get practice AND you'll learn how (this is the most important thing).
Also, keep a board or a wider metal plate in the vehicle so if you ever have to jack it up in the dirt or grass the jack won't sink into the earth.

His ego was bruised. He didn't want your dad to see that he was struggling to care for your dad's baby girl.
There's a positive way forward.
Good luck.

hahahmm · Answer

A man wants to know how to do things... and to do things. Women tend to want to find things - like go shopping or look in the bottom of a bag of Cheetos for more cheetos. It's the same reason why men used to hunt wild animals while women gathered veggies or kept the stew pot hot.

He wanted to think that you trust him enough to let him handle it. He would've been fine or eventually got help if he needed to on his own. It wouldn't have killed you to wait and see.

Browneye57 · Answer

He wants to prove his worthiness to you. What I don't get is why that confuses you.
Let him know that he's the best thing that's ever happened to you, the most important thing in your life, and you couldn't live without him. And if he's not, cut him loose and find one that IS.

TangBang69 · Answer

Because that is a very awkward situation for him , he doesn't want to admit he is inadequate to handle the problem and it is embarrassing when another man steps in to save his girl from distress. Poor guy, bless his heart though because he tried, he wanted to save you from distress himself because if he truly likes you he wants to be your hero and one you know you can turn to in such situations. Some guys would have sat in the car while you changed the tire, I've seen it.

Phoenix98 · Answer

We as men like to fix things if something needs fixin well we're gonna be the ones to fix it not anyone else.

And your probably hurt his pride and ego a little, he was probably trying to impress you a little. And changing a tire isn't really a two person job.

MotorcycleMan · Answer

Because he feels like as a man, he should be able to do this by himself, no problem.
Needing help to change the tire might be insulting to his masculinity and capabilities.
Then again, maybe he just plain didn't need help and didn't want to bother others.

KrakenAttackin · Answer

You are jabbing a major source or pride and ego for a man. He already feels very badly that another man had to help him. His changing the tire was his chance to show his protection of you and he "failed" in his mind.

Kudos to the gentleman who stopped to help.

Craftsman · Answer

Sounds like the boyfriend has his fragile ego involved.
Were it me in your place (Which I am not, since I'm a male, and don't know either one of you) I'd be a bit careful and watch with a more keen interest how he treats others who help or serve.
You said, "we could use help the nuts aren't budging". You talking about wheel lug nuts, or boyfriend nuts?

Anonymous · Answer

For most men, part of our ego strength comes from proving our competence, especially in front of our female loved ones. Suggesting that he needs help is like telling him that he is incompetent to take care of you.

How would you like it if he told you that your tits aren't big enough?

greyislife · Answer

It’s just a pride thing, in these types of situations some men feel like they need “prove themselves”. To them they’re ability to do certain things is a reflection of their masculinity.

Waldoe · Answer

his "Manhood" was challenged... and you shot him in the heart when you told him he wasn't man enough (you ask a stranger to help) His pride and ego are wounded, I hope he doesn't leave you... you are supposed to stand by him and support his "manly" efforts... instead, you made it clear that you don't respect him... guys can have fragile egos...

exitseven · Answer

It is indeed a guy thing. He does not want to look like a fool in front of his girlfriend. I can really identify with him even though I learned how to change a tire when I was 15.

Anon621 · Answer

I think he wanted to take responsibility and use that moment as a moment of chivalry to help the girl he loves who was in a troubled situation at the time

cloudspy · Answer

Your boyfriend wanted to be your hero and you fucked it.

humanearth · Answer

Its a man thing, really there is such a thing.  A real man is not aloud to ask for help

Savage_Wisdom · Answer

Guys like to feel like they can take care of their girl.

WesBrewer · Answer

Sounds like he is an introvert to some extent, or he was trying to impress you the whole time and he feels like you ruined that chance.

My boyfriend didn’t want anyone to help him change my tire?

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