Why are finances so taboo in a relationship?

Question

So me and my friends were discussing this the other day. One is a married woman the other one is single. The other one is in a serious relationship.

we all grew up in different financial backgrounds.
It kind of shocked me when my married friends said we didn’t talk about finances until marriage.
I’m always one of those persons that I need to get myself together before being with someone else.

TheSpaceGnome · Accepted Answer

You ever go over to a friends house, hang out, and just have fun doing whatever it is you both like?

Did you go into that situation expecting their financial aid? Or wondering if they "had themselves together"?

Or did you just go there because you enjoy their company and wanted to do x activity together?

To me the latter seems far more likely.

You don't actually have to "have yourself together" to be loved. In fact if they require that of you, they don't love you, they love using you.

Everyone I ever dated was a mess, they didn't make my life easier or even have their own life going as they planned (and I didn't expect them to).

In every relationship I've ever had, we never talked about money, at least not as if it were part of our relationship, and the only things that drove us apart were differenciating goals, not how well off we were, or if we had our shit together.

The only times money even came up, it was more; "why can't you get x game and play with me? eh? whatcha saving for? oh really? thats so cool! I should get one too." or "look what I got today!"

We talked about which video games were more fun and why, what anime was better and why they shouldn't make live action versions of them.

We sent eachother stupid funny shit, we asked eachother what kind of lewd things we were into, we told eachother what pets we liked having, and what our goals and hopes and dreams and hobbies are.

it was a lot of "omg me too,".

We talked about lots of things, but money never came up, because there was actually real reasons to spend time together, and we didn't feel the need to make up utilitarian benefits to convince ourselves we were worth eachother's time.

Get married, have kids, get financially stable, buy a regular old house, blah blah blah.

Is that really why some people date? To live out a stereotype picket fence life, lose independance, and become dependant on eachother while raising mini people?

How boring...

Where are all the women who see marriage as a promise to stick around no matter what, not a way to leech off someone.

Where are all the women who want to build a glowing replica of soul edge for comicon?

Where are the women who want to show me their scorpion or fossil collection? Or want to discuss interplanetary travel? Or why gorillas can't speak verbally? Or what features they wish were added to their favorite game series? Or how time travel isn't possible. Or which kinds of physics laws would need to be violated to have infinite energy.

What ever happened to 2 people lighting up eachother's world just by being there?

Thats not to say starting a family is bad mind you, but nowadays most people are so focused on the future and what someone can do for them to boost them up in the world, that they forget that the point of even dating someone is to have a best friend you do everything with, including your failures and mistakes, and unexpected road bumps or dissapointments.

People are not tools, and thats why harping on money is taboo, because yes, we need money to live, but you don't place the value of a person's income above them as a person.

If they don't have their shit together, than you help them make it so, and vise versa. But you don't abandon people or turn them down because either you, or they "aren't there yet".

There is no "right time to date", and life will often shit on even the best laid plans.
The best part of having an SO, is that even during times when life sucks, they still make it worth it.

TheFlak38 · Accepted Answer

Women always live off of the energy and money of men. Women in eastern european countries are very honest and open about this. "A woman's money belongs to the woman and the man's money belongs to the woman as well" Yes I have heard this. This trend will only reverse years after the vast majority of women will be out-earning men and we are already heading toward that direction. Women get better salaries and higher positions given by men who worship the vagina like a god, while men in lower classes become increasingly lazy, since working their asses off doesn't guarantee success anymore. Success is only guaranteed if you have a vagina.

Daniela1982 · Accepted Answer

You don't get finances in order before marriage your marriage will most likely not last long. When people get married they sometimes overspend. A new house, a new car, new furniture, etc. I have seen a couple of friends do that and both are divorced because they were always bickering about money and all the bills.

cloudspy · Accepted Answer

They are not taboo but no one wants a partner that is all up in their finances. Everyone's finances are personal and also in my opinion everyone lies about them. Unless you are jointly saving for something or running a household together and have a joint account they are none of any one else's business.

Smoke-n-Growls · Answer

I don't know. I think it's mostly a parents-taught-me scenario. Though technically mine didn't do it themselves, they did teach me strong financial habits.

Personally, finances are also an interest, given my bysiness background. So I like to talk about it and having a fiscally responsible partner is kind of a turn on, tbh.

DizzyDesii · Answer

I need to know if the person im dating is employed or in debt. But i do not need to know his salary as long as he's paying his share of the bills

JustAnj · Answer

My husband and I started talking about finances when we moved in together after 2 years.

Talking about money in general though we started talking about that whenever we would go shopping so that's pretty early into our relationship.

Savage_Wisdom · Answer

When you're dating, guys might not want the girl to feel bad when we take them out on a nice date.

Irnwhdbsj · Answer

I think because there's the expectation that your finances become joint when you marry which I hate. I have zero intention of ever sharing my bank account with my partner.

Given that background, they aren't taboo for me though it's hard for me to convince guys that I don't care about their money which is very annoying.

kyleelyn199723 · Answer

That goes from relationship to relationship. Me and my boyfriend discuss finances all the time and I helped him get out of debt. I also helped my ex get out of debt. I think in a relationship , it’s important especially because you need to learn how your partner spends. But essentially you are correct. My boyfriends friends are broke and their girlfriends have no clue that their boyfriend borrow money from my boyfriend

Lionman95 · Answer

Because it´s a sensitive topic. The problem is that in our modern society many people define themselves by how much they make. Money is more than the ground you´re living on. For some people it´s a status symbol.
Because of the fact that many people, especially guys feel less worthy if they make less than their partner it´s a sensitive topic.

ohshee · Answer

For sure I'm the same as you but I don't think it's so much taboo I mean is it's a part of life when you become involved with somebody and you need to talk about it you can't be a secret it has to be out in the open

VDrago14 · Answer

It's a touchy subject simply because when it goes well it's great, but when it's a struggle we don't like to discuss it, especially since there is a sense of failure, when there really isn't. Sometimes cuts need to be made and we are hesitant to do so.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

Money should be talked about at least beginning in engagement, if not before. Never wait until after you're married to talk about money.

Anonymous · Answer

I don’t think that’s typical but that’s actually a neat idea. Just don’t talk about finances and it resists women marrying for wealth.
I’ve had a similar sort of idea where I just don’t talk about what I do for income, like don’t even say I have a job. Either way the point is that if we get married or stay together it’s because you like me and not my wealth or job or status.

Likes2drive · Answer

Yeah that’s kind of too late to talk about finances once you’re already with that person because they could be in a lot of that and a burden to the other spouse and finances definitely make a difference in a marriage because I can make or break a marriage

TheBootyChest · Answer

Because it reveals a lot about a person. If they are bad with money, or also how much they make and that it can cause jealousy and insecurities.

exitseven · Answer

My wife and I had many serious discussions about money before we were married. The irony was is that neither of us had any.

Anonymous · Answer

The problem is, lots of women here get married to a guy for his money. My house is worth 1.2 million and I have my own business. Does a woman have the same stuff? Or is she just trying to have an easy life with someone who has everything? Finances should be separate unless you work together to buy a house, cars and more.

genericname85 · Answer

i wouldn't say that they are. i mean i wouldn't need to know "exactly" how much my partner makes. but a rough ballpark number would be normal to know.

Luopio27 · Answer

What you and your partner have, is love.  What people you are talking about have, social status & money depending on relationships.

Waldoe · Answer

I would Rather marry a woman with a Good Heart... above all else...

lazermazer · Answer

That's a damn good question.  Financial planning is critical for modern lifestyle. I wish i could find someone like me.

Anonymous · Answer

Men make the money and resent it. Women spend the money and don't like to talk about it

AthKristin · Answer

I don't know, we talk about money openly and have one account together.

legalboxers · Answer

money is the killer to all relationships

EaterPeter · Answer

Coz people are silly

Nick-Matt · Answer

It depends on the guy you with.

Why are finances so taboo in a relationship?

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