Have you ever fallen for someone who was married or in a committed relationship?

Question

meetkitty123 · Accepted Answer

I was tagged or sent the question by a follower. I usually aim to answer questions if sent one. However I'm not sure how to answer this. It's rather painful subject for me.
I always believe marriages should be left alone. I myself have never openly flirted or dated much less fallen in love with a married man. If I find out he's married I back off even if I had a crush. And by crush I mean I found him cute or sweet. I would talk to the person if our paths crossed but shamelessly flirt or temp the guy, no never.
Now if it was the other way around and the married man was flirting with me and chasing me I have always turned them down. Faster too if I know their wife.
Now in my current situation I feel conflicted. I still would never date a married individual and especially not if he had a family but I'm conflicted because it is I who is in a restrainful frustrating marriage. We have agreed to stay together due to financial matters and because it would keep the kids in their home. We had previously signed a will that states the house goes to the children but if we divorce we will lose the house because we have to sell it. We are not a romantic couple and we each have our own bedroom. It's been clearly decided we have a marriage of convenience. He had attempted an affair which never took off because I discovered it and then He more than once gambled off quite a bit of money but this last time was the worst and got into serious trouble. The debt was over 10,000 and overall the amount he wasted came to 90,000 and that's only cuz I quit calculating by that number. I had been filing for divorce. It was going to be messy. Especially when it came to slitting the house. The cut we would each get after the debts he built would not be enough for me to buy a home or a condo in the safe town I been raising my kids in. The nearest affordable city is at best risky at worst dangerous. He would be facing the same issue but since he was one person he would most likely be able to find a studio where a studio wouldn't be an option for me. Around 6 months of us being separated he got a diagnosis of an illness which will progress and eventually be terminal. If he divorced me he would end up in a nursing home in the state would take his money to pay for it. So he came up with a proposition I stay with him as his caregiver and wife but in name only. He gives me power of attorney we both keep the house. the kids keep a roof over their heads, don't get uprooted and stay in a good school system. A counter offered that we divorce we keep the house. stay as roommates and I care for him but he was very adamant that if I divorced him then he would demand we sell the house and split it and he reminded me the kids will then have to be moved into a crappy neighbor. I reminded him he would be moved into a crappy nursing home and well this is where we find ourselves. At least most if not all the heavy fighting has stopped and we get along like... Roommates or friends.
So I was Free to date according to our arrangement but what's the use I said to myself in the beginning. I thought to myself People don't date married people and who would want to anyways if the person is tied down? 🤷 All I could be is honest. I never hid the fact that I am married. Though I need to say I never went searching for a lover. I had a friend who helped me through the abusiveness during the separation. Well he and I are still friends but its grew into becoming friendlier.
But I'm unhappy. Some days I feel trapped and some days I feel I am doing the right thing for my children. I feel obligated to remain married because of the vows. I believe my family and friends would think badly of me if I leave my sick husband. Many days I wish I was able to divorced him before he was given the diagnosis. It would be more accepting of me divorcing him because of his wrongdoings but now that he's ill it feels like a terrible thing to do.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I dated a guy who told me he was single. We met in a d. i. y store, and continued developing the relationship for 3 months through calls and texts.

He told me he had a flatmate, his ex partner the woman he bought the house with. He said they hadn't been intimate for 5 years and were living in separate rooms, occasionally they went out with friends.
But mostly led separate lives. He concluded that his schedule meant they saw each other in passing when she'd be returning occasionally if she hadn't already met friends after work.

I believed him, I thought his honesty was completely endearing.

When we went out he didn't turn his phone off, or on mute, if she called he didn't take the call away from me. It was mostly to ask if he was going to be back to feed the dog, if not she'd ask her or his parents.

We first started sleeping together 5 months into our relationship, we went to hotels, we were in the city and he wanted to drink and not worry about driving us back. We always spent a few days together doing couple things.

Around 6 months we got into a routine of him coming around mine 4 nights a week, I stayed at his a maximum of 2 weeks but I felt weird.

But like he said she wasn't there. Her room was closed off, his didn't have anything that belonged to her.

No photos around the home either, he did introduce me to the dog who wasn't so friendly she would sit outside the bathroom door of the bathroom or stare at me, he'd make her stay in the kitchen.

Things were starting to get serious, I wanted to introduce him to my family but as we discussed his family the subject of race came up and things suddenly didn't look so great. My age also started to become a issue.

I really wasn't impressed with what he was saying. So I started to look a little closer at him, the life we could lead.

I wondered why I hadn't met her even briefly if things were OK, I questioned why she'd stay for 5 years without sex was she dating someone he didn't know.

I raised my concerns and he said that he didn't want to lose the house they had.
I told him I didn't want to live there.

I ended things. He really fought to get me back so I told him in the event he sorted things I may consider, but I wasn't going to lead a secret life, especially as he was talking about marriage and kids.

He came back pleading but my mind was made up.
He started calling me into the early hours, so I threatened to contact her myself since he was so transparent in all his details.

He called my bluff so I contacted her.
And it all exploded.

We kept in contact briefly when my dad fell ill but it really didn't feel good. I was a mess and still angry with him, so I told him to try and lead a better life.

He has since moved and bought a better house.
I do regret contacting her, but in the end its freed us all.

tonyaii745 · Accepted Answer

Let's of people have spoken on this, I just wanna add my story.

In high-school my first senior yr there was a girl I originally met online it was Instagram everyone at high-school was connecting that way and Facebook was becoming a mom and dad platform where older generations alike could express and connect with the younger family members however Instagram during my high-school years was taking off with the lack of older people, in all honesty was great for posting public without family knowledge and still be mainstream social media.

A girl from my school found me on Instagram and gave me a follow, she instantly started liking a bout load of my pictures at first.

We got to talking on the platform and tbh I really liked talking with this girl. I took a look at her profile prior wondering who's this new person liking my stuff I thought we'll was sum girl I didn't recognize with pictures of her and her boyfriend. Now I knew I had to keep in mind she has a boyfriend and respect that so I did.

We really hit it off, she suggested hanging out at school and said that it would be nice to talk more so we did I think it was that first in person meet and talk that swayed my attraction more her way. Ik she was beautiful but I also knew she had a boyfriend too so I wasn't gonna flirt but surely this only forced me to actually get to know this girl.. only then when I started to get to know her more and her and I got together in public to hang out as friends I really started to fall for this girl.

Her and I would exchange music and somewhere along the line become love songs, I remember this one night I was telling her I walked my good friend partway home from the shitdump area of the city I live in so ik he's safe and she sends me this song mind you first time I ever heard it "Paul Anka: put your head on my shoulder" I was thinking why has she taken a turn for favoring love songs when we exchange music, part of me in bits of time figured she grew feelings towards myself or something and eventually I grew balls to tell her only once that I fell in love with her and I apologized for crossing the line.

If I'm honest I think she really did feel something back but I never wanted to come between a relationship telling her I loved her once was just so it never went unsaid or unknown of and that I could move on

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

Yes I have , a girl I had such much in common with , we pretty much would of been a great couple no doubt but the fact that she was already with someone i had to let her go, it was hard to swallow but out of respect for her marriage I didn’t go any further with her and told her to divorce her husband before we go any further , Cuz we came pretty damn close a few times to having sex , part of me kind of wishes I went for it looking back at it now. Because to find someone with great chemistry and connection is an amazing thing. Nowadays, I usually meet girls that lie about being married and I don’t find out until after I have sex with them that they are , part of me wishes they would just be upfront about it before lying to me and misleading me on but people are selfish and do what’s best for them, crazy world we live in , the thing is when we meet someone we are attracted to and we have great chemistry and connection that’s all that really matters , cuz most people get into relationships for the wrong reasons , and most of them aren’t happy and just sticking it out for convenience, so the way I look at it is , if she actually loved and respected her partner she wouldn’t be looking elsewhere and she would be stopping herself from cheating on him. People that can cheat don’t love and respect their partner period , so why they stay with them is more for financial reasons and what they already have invested in that relationship is the primary reason they stay, especially when kids are involved. Cuz it’s definitely not love if they can go screw someone else, it’s convenience, so if it’s just sex she is seeking then fuck her, but tell her she should go divorce her husband cuz she definitely doesn’t love him, she is just using him if she can screw other people and if it’s love she is seeking then tell her to divorce her husband before you go any further with her, I know so many people will say this is wrong and crazy to do but this shit happens all the time so why try to sugar coat it , I would respect my partner more if they were just straight up honest with me that they weren’t in love with me anymore and that they wanted to see other people over being blind sided that she is going out screwing other guys

jennifer_bloom · Answer

I’ve had crushes on married men but never been in love with a married men and I’m not sure I have even been friends with a married man outside of church or bible study or prayer circles etc… or university or work etc…

caz_johnstone · Answer

For me it's the opposite. Im married but attracted to someone who's not. It's not easy. I have never been unfaithful and this has messed up my heart. It's so much wiser to give diligent thought to your heart and not let it fall for certain people that are in the no go zone. I have cut off all feelings to this guy for the sake of having peace within myself otherwise things may have gotten messy. Be careful of married people too is my advice, they have someone in already, or even family, don't be the one that helps wreck that. If things don't work out between you and the married person they will always have their marriage to fall back on, their foundation if you will, you will have nothing but heartache. Totally not worth it.

Puppystarfish23 · Answer

Not knowingly. There who was freelance at my old work and my i really liked him. He was super kind and sweet, I wouldn't say I "fell" for him it was just a crush. I really liked his vibe and he was a really cool person. I got a little sweet on him and he was abit of a flirt with everyone so stupid 18 year old me got abit carried away. One of the male colleagues I rejected got jealous and told me he's been married since he was 16 years old. He was only 26 so he'd already been with his wife 10 years. I was really shocked and embarrassed with myself, as soon I found out I backed off big time and lost all feelings for him.

Years on he found out I liked him when I was younger and he said he was very flattered but he was happy I found a man who makes me feel special about myself after we just laughed at it. He truly is a really great guy and his wife is a extremely lucky lady.

lightbulb27 · Answer

that's about all I fell for, for a long time. I was comfortable if they were taken, I'd go for generally older women. Girls were scary. There were few that were single, I dated a few single women, generally didn't get past 1 date. For the most part, I couldn't function or be attracted to single women especially younger than me. My psyche was all jacked up.

that's not at all clear what I said, 50+ years is a lot to summarize. how about screwed up. doing better now, but it takes time to reflect and right side the mess.

p. s. stay away from married or divorcing people. Don't be a rebound. There may be exceptions, like when divorces go on for years and the emotional junk is resolved by then, but I'd generally work on yourself if going for married/divorcinb people.

NathanDavis · Answer

I met someone, in a committed relationship, someone quite interesting and we got really intrigued with one another, this happened at a work/business/connecting setting so we had to spend time together either way... this happened almost daily for about two weeks, we had a lot of time to kill so we were also hanging out... anywho, it was incredibly challenging to not to start to feel like I'd fall for her

I had to remove myself from the situation lmao... because this was one the cases in which I could just not handle to "just being friends" with someone that interesting, the usual is for me to be able to handle these things but from time to time... there's that "chemistry" that can't be helped with so I just went NOPE.

Anonymous · Answer

Yes.
We shared a place (apartment with few rooms - along with few other people) when we were at work abroad. She's married, and I am single.
Did not act on it, but I tried to treat her special, I think.
We got really close. We had lunch and dinner together, we jogged together, sometimes watched movies together. I felt inspired just being with her - I sadly did not feel this feeling on any of my ex-gfs, even the latest one. And no, nothing ever happened to us.

Just thinking about this makes me want to thank her for the moments we shared, the experience and the feeling of genuinely wanting to care for someone.

Anonymous · Answer

Yeah and I am reevaluating my life.
I NEVER ever found committed or married people to be desirable. This is first time.
Maybe I'm tired of my life and tired of being alone. I finally liked him but found out later.
I envy his marriage and I was secretly hoping for them to separate.

Queenzee22 · Answer

Yes, currently am involve with a married man
It's stress free
And you both are matured enough especially him because he as a family at least
Then also he cares more about you, he knows the feeling of being cared, and love for.
If he really loves you then why won't I get committed

CuriousJC · Answer

There is no committed relationship believe me I've been trying for God knows when. But I have fallen in love with a married woman a few times, but apparently they are committed to their husbands were nowhere to be found while I am taking care of her and her kids for the time being. Such as picking up the kids from school making dinner and making sure they get to bed doing the dishes waiting for the wife to come home but yet I don't get no naughty time because of their husbands

worldscolide · Answer

When I was 17 yes.. She was with someone, I had no idea. When I found out I kicked her.. She told me that he beats her and abuses her and that's why she was stepping out, after doing some digging and talking to people around the situation, I found out she was lying through her teeth.

RiverUndertheSkY · Answer

I don’t understand people who only go after people in committed relationships, frfr that erks me.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

No, I haven't fallen for anyone like that, but I have been attracted to people who are in relationships. But the difference between me and other people is I know right from wrong and I respect other people's relationships. So even though I think they're attractive, I leave them the hell alone. It's Friends Only. Because that is the right thing to do.

EssenceOfLight · Answer

Define "fallen". I slept with married women and half of my GFs had a boyfriend while we started dating. It's difficult to trust someone in matter of loyalty who betrayed their spouse or boyfriend. Maybe people who think they are someone special tend to think they are the chosen ones, but I've always reject this particular way of thinking.

paradiseonearth93 · Answer

I had a crush on my plastic surgeon and on my boss before but never fallen in love with someone married because that would just lead to heartbreak in my opinion and be worthless. But the crushes are fun.

spartan55 · Answer

I've never understood this at all. If I meet a woman, and I find out she is: married, or in a relationship I SHUT IT DOWN on the spot. It's a non-starter, kind of like those big ROAD CLOSED signs. Not an option, ever.

Scotte1us · Answer

Its awful, its like a crime , please dont do it you may fall in love but dont touch if she is married or have a boyfriend, because just think if it was you and someone else screwing yor girl , would you like that? also destroying a marriage like stealing a car and wreck it. STAY AWAY

Flower7 · Answer

Yes but only because they lied to me and told me they were single. But generally, if I ever know that a guy is involved with someone, I stay far, far away from him.

Pummel · Answer

No... please don't you do it... I am not judging.. just think about the children (if there are any)

And if she tells you that she has a horrible relationship with her husband... tell her good end it and then we will talk

TheAfrikan · Answer

I did n she was just an inch of coming to me. But she was like her husband provides a lot for her financially n it woukd be hard for her to to walk out because of that. But she was willing to come though she had another burden of living her 2 kids. So I often fall for married women, I do not know why.

Cryptoanonne · Answer

Yes, but never people my age fir sone reason. It almost always happens with someone much older than me in a setting where I interact with them a lot but find out theyre married later. can't help it

Have you ever fallen for someone who was married or in a committed relationship?

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