Why do people get mad when you say cheating is a mistake?

[Not_Average]

I give little grace to cheaters, but infidelity is a result of dealing with difficult emotions in a way of indulging in something that’s pleasurable to you in that moment. You have a choice, and you can either deal with the relationship issues head on, or betray your partner and be selfish. Betraying your partner and being selfish is definitely a mistake. It’s a choice that most regret.

Updates

+1 y

A mistake is to simply acknowledge that you made a decision that was wrong. You guys are adding more to the definition.

[WhiteSteve]

I feel like the majority of people get SUPER triggered by the topic of cheating, almost to or maybe even all the way to an irrational point. Obviously, I don’t endorse cheating, but it’s kinda wild to see this universal automatic disgust at the mere mention of it, because at the end of the day, nobody dies (unless someone snaps and kills someone lmao). And the less committed the relationship, the less true, real life impact it has, like in a marriage, it could end in a divorce, mess with kids emotionally, etc…. I get it. But if it’s just a dating couple…again, I don’t endorse it, but the only impact is on somebody’s emotions, or maybe even NOTHING, if not discovered, and the rest of the world keeps on spinning regardless.

So I just think it’s interesting how it’s generally a death sentence in most people’s eyes. Like “once a cheater, always a cheater”….. I mean, that’s simply not true. It’s entirely possible someone could do it once and never again. But people are so guarded with their emotions, they just feel safer branding someone for life, in hopes of reducing or eliminating the possibility of it happening to them personally, at least in their minds. I don’t think it’s admirable or honorable to cheat, but I mean, it’s not first degree murder lmao. If you don’t want to date someone with that history, that’s your prerogative, I’m just saying let’s keep it in reasonable perspective. It’s a betrayal of trust at its root.

So people just see red when cheating gets brought up, because I think it’s maybe the worst-feeling deliberate thing someone is fairly likely or at least capable of doing to us, since most of us will make it through life without being victims of an extreme violent crime. But cheating could happen in any relationship, and it happens enough in the world where the threat is realistic in general, and I think that just freaks people out and they lose composure at the mere discussion of it. To call it a “mistake” either isn’t strong enough wording or offers too many potential loopholes for their liking, they need unequivocal condemnation or you might as well be cheating on them yourself, lmao. Just standard thought/speech policing that we see from people all the time about all kinds of other shit too, gotta make sure you’re denouncing it strongly enough for everyone else’s satisfaction.

[Diodoro]

Mistake lends itself to either referring to ignorance or being misguided, thinking you were doing right but actually doing wrong. You just didn't know any better.

Like children are often misguided in their thinking. They're so inexperienced that they really didn't know any better. Sometimes even thinking it was right, but actually was wrong.

A regrettable decision isn't a mistake. You might regret your decision but that doesn't mean you didn't know what you were doing. You may not have expected the negative outcome after the fact but that's not the same thing.

You can regret decisions you fully understood beforehand and that's what cheating falls under 99% of the time. When you say mistake it more or less comes across like this...

I fucked your wife. But I said "whoops" after. We all make mistakes.

Maybe I even regret the decision to some extent. But did I fuck your wife kinda knowing it was wrong going in? You bet. So it wasn't a mistake. It was a choice that I may or may not regret. Regret has little to do with how it should be addressed.

There is a difference between remorse and regret tho. Regret is being upset about the effect. THEY feel bad and regret the outcome of what they did. Remorse is being upset that they hurt you specifically.

If someone is remorseful that carries more weight but again doesn't mean it was a mistake

[Diodoro]

With full sincerity. Cheating is never a mistake. You may not have consciously decided to do it at the start. But eventually you decided to do it. And it was just that. A decision.

We're all tempted. Still a choice. You could argue it's hard to have self control at times and you are right. That doesn't mean a choice becomes a mistake. It means in a state of emotional weakness you made a poor choice.

Oftentimes you baby step yourself there

[Not_Average]

Why can’t a choice be a mistake?

[Diodoro]

Mistake inherently entails not knowing it was wrong, or thinking it was right until proven otherwise (like a child would)

[Diodoro]

People misapply the term mistake all the time. That's why there's confusion here. There's what it actually means. Then there's how it's often used (incorrectly)

Like when someone asks "can I borrow $50" when they're really just asking to have $50 without it being a loan they payback, which is actually what borrow means. They're just misusing the term. Mistake is like this aswell.

Yes we all make mistakes. Cheating isn't a mistake. But not just that. Not every little or big thing you do that doesn't end well doesn't mean it qualifies as a mistake.

Like a bully who picks on the wrong kid and gets fucked up. I'm sure he regrets that choice. But it wasn't a mistake. He knew what he was doing, it just didn't go how he wanted.

[Not_Average]

“
Mistake inherently entails not knowing it was wrong, or thinking it was right until proven otherwise”

That’s not true though. You’re adding more the definition. I’ve made plenty of mistakes in my past that I knew were not good for me in the moment. Taking anabolic steroids in college was a mistake a made. I knew at the time is was bad for me. I still did it and today I look back at that as a mistake

[Diodoro]

You can look back at it as a mistake, but that doesn't make it so. It was a poor choice. Maybe you even regret it, but you know what you were doing at the end of the day

The definition of mistake outright says action or judgment that is misguided or wrong (incorrect, not immoral)

Definition of misguided - led or prompted by wrong or inappropriate motives or ideals
well-meaning but misguided do-gooders

It involves intention and your intention is related to the knowledge that you have at the time.

Explain to me how cheating can be well-meaning

[Diodoro]

Thanks for MHO sir

[Anonymous]

Simply because cheating is not, nor will it ever be a mistake.

According to the Cambridge Dictionary, a mistake is defined as "an action, decision, or judgment that produces an unwanted or unintentional result:"

When one cheats, whether in the heat of the moment or planned... the result is indeed INTENDED. The cheater may INTEND to get emotional support, they INTEND to get pleasure, they INTEND to be with someone other than the person that they promised to be faithful to. They WANT to have emotional or sexual affairs with someone other than their partner. All of this is a a choice! A cheater made the choice to be in a relationship just like they choose to cheat. Cheaters need to take responsibility for their actions and call things what they are. Betraying a partner is not a mistake. It is intentional.

If someone is that unhappy they should just make the choice to just be honest and leave. But, apparently it's much more convenient to be accountable rather than have integrity, self-control, and be faithful.

There would be no reason for regret had a cheater not made a wrongful decision in the past. Regret is the result of the consequences of a decision were unfavorable.

End rant.

[Sabretooth]

unless you're drugged.

[Opinion Owner]

@Sabretooth then you're not cheating. You're being taken advantage of. That's a crime.

[Ninaface]

@Sabretooth if someone drugs you, its a crime. If you choose to drink or take drugs in an environment without your s/o or with people you may sleep with, thats making a choice too. And honestly I've been shit faced drunk and still able to say no. The only time there isn't consent in that type of situation is if you're unconscious, or unable to consent because of how messed up you are.
I disagree with the heat of the moment statement, though. Slapping someone is something that can be done in the heat of the moment. Sleeping with someone is not. It takes too many thoughts and steps to lead up to it to ever be considered in the heat of the moment. Thats like saying a school shooting was done in the heat of the moment, even though the person needs to think it out, get the gun, sneak the gun in, and then pull it out and use it.

[Ninaface]

Although with just kissing, I could agree that can be heat of the moment. But if you're so overwhelmed with lust that you get to that point; you already had the thoughts and relationship that lead to it. You should've cut it off. Still just as responsible

[Opinion Owner]

@Ninaface Absolutely!!! You are speaking FACTS!!!

[Sabretooth]

@Ninaface I'd argue that by kissing... you've already crossed the line.

[Ninaface]

@Sabretooth thats why I said even though thats something that can be done suddenly, there's still steps that lead up to it.

[Sabretooth]

@Ninaface talking about the rush.

[Ninaface]

@Sabretooth?

[Sabretooth]

@Ninaface from the kiss.

[Ninaface]

@Sabretooth yeah

[Ninaface]

Most cheaters are narcissists who only say its a mistake because being caught effected THEIR life or made THEM feel bad. They aren't actually able to empathize with the person they hurt. If they didn't feel bad or have consequences, I doubt you'd really find anybody who was still calling it a mistake.
There's a lot of steps that lead up to cheating, a lot of choices made. Id have more room for forgiveness if a man hit me once vs if he cheated on me once; because slapping someone is done quickly and in the moment. Cheating on someone isn't done without thinking. Its vindictive and cruel with no reason other than to selfishly satisfy the pleasures of ones self, or to hurt the person who loves and trusts you.

[Ninaface]

Pretty sure thats just called regret op. Mistakes are accidents, and cheating is never an accident.

[Not_Average]

Look up the definition of mistake. That’s not true

[Ninaface]

"an action or judgment that is misguided or wrong" an action that you take, that is wrong. That you know is wrong. The examples given also provide that context. Its not a mistake if you aren't misguided and you know its wrong as you're doing it. Sorry op but nobody here is gonna be makin you feel better about your "mistake"

[Not_Average]

I’ve never cheated in my life. I’ve been cheated on though

[Ninaface]

Then why are you trying to make it seem like what it isn't? People who cheat only see their actions as a mistake because of the personal consequences. Not because there's some new information that wasn't available before. If someone cheats, they should say that they did something wrong and they knew it was wrong; they put their own selfish desires over the needs of their partner.

[Not_Average]

No where in that definition does it say that though. I took anabolic steroids in college knowing it was bad for me but I rationalized using them. I was too immature at the time to realize how detrimental this was, but I still knew it was wrong at the time. That was a mistake I made in my life.

[Ninaface]

Agree to disagree, as do majority of people you'll meet.

[OlderAndWiser]

If you say that something was a "mistake," you are suggesting that the person should not be held accountable because they did not intend the consequences.

A mistake is something like, "I thought I had time to pull out and make my turn before the oncoming traffic got to the intersection but I misjudged the timing." You intended the behavior - pulling out from your stopped position - but you did not foresee a collision with the oncoming traffic.

When you cheat, you intend to have sex with someone other than your partner and the consequences for your partner are foreseeable. . . but you just don't care. Where is the excusable mistake?

[OlderAndWiser]

For most people, "mistake" connotes something that was unintended and therefore something for which the actor should not be held responsible.

[Not_Average]

Sure. Like for me I took anabolic steroids in college knowing how bad it was. Today I look back, and can say that me rationalizing the use of steroids was a big mistake.

[OlderAndWiser]

Yes, I understand, but employing the word "mistake" in connection with cheating sounds like you are asking for forgiveness.

[Miristheiss]

Mistake minimizes it and makes it seem like an accident.

I mistake is something like taking the wrong turn while driving, forgetting to carry the 3 when doing math or adding the numbers when you needed to multiply, forgetting to turn out the light when leaving a room.

Cheating is a malice, wilful choice. You know 100% you are doing evil, you know it is wrong, you know it will hurt your mate, you know you are breaking a promise yet you are selfish and full of lust and you just don't care. Tomorrow will take care of itself... maybe I'll not get caught but I choose to spend all of this time with this person who is not my mate, I enjoy the flirting, the attention, the feelings, the fun, I'll meet them for drinks, I'll spend my lunch breaks with them because I like it and I want it and I want them sexually. I choose to not honor a boundary and my mate to stay clear of this person, I want, I want, I want.

Mistake has an understanding of accidental, unintentional, you got confused or didn't know.
An affair is 100% known, 100% wilful, 100% evil and you know exactly what you are doing. In the moment you just don't care. You knew you were entering the danger zone and soon as you start to get some feelings and enjoy their company and attention and you choose to keep going forward because you LIKE it instead of cutting that person out to keep the relationship safe. You know this will devastate your partner and hurt them in the deepest way and you choose to do it to it to them anyway.

[LesterJester]

Call it whatever you want and/or make whatever excuses anybody can think of, it doesn't change what happened and it won't change the consequences of the action.

Calling it a mistake or calling it an intentional action with zero regrets is irrelevant.

The ex who cheated on me cheated. Her reasons, excuses, justifications or regrets are meaningless. The trust has been broken and you never get it back. The relationship is over. If you want to sleep around with someone else, then break up with who you are with and show a bit of dignity.

[LesterJester]

Besides, if that person can't think ahead towards the consequences of their actions and would rather than take an action they'd enjoy right now, then that's not someone I want in my life.

Chances are they thought about the consequences and did it anyway because they figured they'd get away with it.

They took the risk and now whether because they got caught or can't live with the guilt, they can accept what's coming to them.

[AD240pCharlie]

A "mistake" doesn't have to equal "It wasn't my fault". Doing something you later on regret can also be considered a "mistake". Yes, you made the choice and you were fully aware of what you were doing but that doesn't mean you can't consider it a mistake.
For example, if you decide to try heroin because you want to know what it's like and end up getting addicted you can look back on the decision that got you to that point and say that you made a mistake. It's still ultimately your own fault but you still regret the decision.

[NewgodX]

I think the question is similar to asking Is stealing OK or would you kill someone they they tried to kill you

Different people have different versions of ethics, I would not pay less to my employees to keep max profit for myself but some people do it and love it and even advice others to do it

Now about your question
Mistake is usually considered bad or negative but then it's on the person who you are telling it to, as I said earlier they see no wrong in it and when you tell some one that they are making a mistake where they belive there is nothing wrong in it then the problem
About regret again different people experience regret in different ways , some don't even regret killing multiple people some people regret saying a lie it depends on that particular person

[jillybeanns]

People get mad when cheating is sugarcoated as a mistake because it’s like a person is trying to minimize the action of cheating. A mistake is something done on accident. When you cheat, it’s not done on accident. It’s not an unforeseen circumstance. It’s a conscience decision a person decided to make. Therefore it is not a mistake.

[Not_Average]

But a mistake isn’t synonymously linked to an accident. I’ve made plenty of mistakes in my life that weren’t by accident.

[jillybeanns]

Sure, that makes sense. But even if I take that sentence away, the answer to your question still remains the same.

[Adam1978]

Because you can't make a mistake when it requires so many steps and you know each one is wrong. You choose to do it. Hench it's not a mistake. You are just sorry you got caught or have regrets. But since you knew it was a bad thing no one has any pity for you. And you trying to avoid the consequences of your actions anger them.

[Jessica405]

No. Not a mistake. A mistake is an accidental error. Infidelity is a deliberate act.

[Jessica405]

Reference your update: i stand by my statement. Cheating is a deliberate act. A mistake is done accidentally. Who the heck makes deliberate mistakes?

[Not_Average]

A mistake isn’t synonymous with an accident though

[Jessica405]

Both are unintentional.

[SnakeBoop]

nah, they only regret it when they're caught and how they realise that they're a shitty person who deliberately went behind their partner's back to disrespect them. People are damn near suicidal and unhappy in a lot of relationships but don't feel the need to unzip their trousers for every one with a required genital.

[Dude_777]

Oh, here you go. My favorite topic of GAG i. e "accidental cheaters"!.

Don't forget to participate if you have something interesting to say on these. https://www. girlsaskguys. com/relationships/q4635287-if-accidental-cheating-were-a-forgivable-act-lets-assume-how-would https://www. girlsaskguys. com/relationships/q4640241-what-are-some-of-the-most-hilarious-worst-ever-cheating-cover-ups-you

[Dude_777]

https://www. girlsaskguys. com/relationships/q4640241-what-are-some-of-the-most-hilarious-worst-ever-cheating-cover-ups-you

[Flower7]

Well one of the issues with that is that often cheaters make that same "mistake" over and over and over again. More than once is not an accident.

[Anonymous]

I was called everything in the book by my ex and I know I deserved it. I betrayed him in the most obscene way. Planted seeds of doubt in his mind. He never bounced back.

It wasn’t until later on that I realized that just saying “it’s a mistake or he didn’t fill my need emotionally” was just a cop out.

[Not_Average]

Sounds like you have a lot of conviction. How has that impacted your self esteem and self worth?

[Opinion Owner]

I will always carry some guilt for doing that. Because he was good to me. But it never impacted my self esteem/worthy. I just know I f$&@3$ up badly.

[ShaTTeredMasterpeace]

Cheating is not a mistake. It's a decision. It's a choice. It's not an accident. People that cheat make the choice to betray their significant other. Dumbing it down to a mistake is just annoying

[Valerose]

Thank you!

[spartan55]

Mad? Eh, no. More like a stupid attempt at an excuse. Forgetting your car keys is a mistake. Cheating is a conscious choice.

[Coulis]

A mistake is spelling the word tomorrow tommorow. A mistake is taking the wrong direction on transit.

Cheating is a decision. There are many steps and micro-decisions before you actually get into the sack with the person.

[tatianamay]

Because it is not a mistake. People CHOOSE to cheat. They know that it is wrong, and yet continue to cheat on their partner

[Phoenix98]

They get mad because by acknowledging that it was a mistake they have to acknowledge that it was a conscious choice they made.

And doing that means they have to take responsibility for their actions.

[ChrisMaster69]

Cheating is a conscious decision.

it does not happen by accident, ‘oops I seem to have put my male bits in your lady bits’

It’s the lowest thing just about a person can do to another

[BCRanger10]

Because it's not a mistake. It's a conscious choice.

[Anonymous]

They don't believe it is, and they are highly emotionally attached to the subject, probably because they have been cheated on in the past or have an overly developed fear of being cheated on (perhaps they saw it in their parents).