Love is not what you find or what is handed to you... it is what two people choose to create and nurture together. Most people are too self-focused to be healthy partners. They look at it as what's in it for me rather than what can they bring to the relationship that will add to the life of a partner. When they do focus on bringing something, it generally has nothing to do with what they've discovered their partner values and appreciates. Guys assume all they need to do is go to work and provide for the family. Girls assume all they need to do is cook, clean, take care of the kids and give their guy sex. It would be nice if people took the time to learn how their partner sees and defines a relationship rather than assume they already have all the knowledge they need.
I won't settle for someone who is looking for a provider of a lifestyle or someone who expects me to be a lump of clay to be molded by her. Unfortunately, too often, this is what I encounter. People focus on their own sense of entitlement, legitimizing it by saying this is what should be. Yes, they can find people who want the same thing they want, but assuming others who don't want it will change for them makes no sense.
Love is difficult to find, because people are looking for something else and calling it love. Without effective communication, you won't have more than superficiality in a relationship. Rather than insisting on being heard, show the other person you value that person enough to want to understand his/her thoughts and feelings, so those thoughts and feelings can be incorporated in decisions the two make together, without making any unilateral decisions that might impact the other.
Just read posts on this site. People focus on what should be rather than just saying "this is my preference." It's much easier to find what we are seeking when we clearly state it from the start rather than just assume whatever we want is what we'll get. Unrealistic expectations leads to nothing but frustration and disappointment.
1. Adults don't surround themselves with people their own age in large numbers on a daily basis like they did in highschool.
2. People who want actual love, are for whatever ridiculous reason, refusing to use dating sites, or quit after a short time. This is especially true for most women, who are so uninterested in finding the right guy, that they aren't able to tolerate wading through the sea of internet jerks to find one.
3. People don't have enough patience or work ethic to find the right person.
4. Women see men showing interest in them in any way as being creepy, but they also at the same time, expect men to make the first move, so no one ends up making a move.
@TheSpaceGnome #2 Is absolute horse shit about dating sites. Relationships that start from there are freak occurrences at best. Your better killing yourself than be a man on a dating site.
It’s simple. Unrealistic expectations and never being satisfied. It’s encouraged and even incentivized to throw out the person at the first sign of trouble and find a better partner instead of putting in the emotional work and working through it together. Relationships are hard and our society is repulsed by everything that makes a relationship successful.
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People want love but they want it in the package they choose. So people will constantly waste their time on locked doors they have no hope of ever opening. While the door that would actually be the best match for them might be right next to them, unlocked even.
People wants it for free without effort and no one wants to work for it they rather keep looking for the next free doze. They also want it instantly under their conditions which usually are ridiculous high.
Once you find love it still has to be maintained. It can go away with stresses betrayals, growing and changing in different ways. Then if you've spent a large amount of time with the 1 person you thought would be beside you 100 til the end and it goes bad... we block our heartsto not ever feel that kind of pain again. Then there's severe trust issues so I'm not sure once a true love is broken if there can ever be love after.
Well in a way your happiness and how you deal with situations is your own choice. I meant you create a loving (relationship) out of any relationship you want if the other person wants it, so love stops being some kind of thing that happens on it's own or at first sights.
Love is instinctual, its a reflex response to things that bring us joy, and what brings us joy is determined by our individual genetic makeup responding to external stimuli.
It really doesn't have anything to do with choice. You can't choose what you like/love.
No, I can't, just like I can't choose what foods taste good to my taste buds, or what music I find appealing, or what color combinations I prefer. thats hard coded into me so to speak.
No one can, because no one can choose their genetic makeup.
Uhmm no, it depends on the criterias which you're choosing upon. If you like what you like by your primal instinct you'll always feel you're going by what your instinctive pre tastes are even if they change over time, you can't have a choice over subconscious/instinct because that's your instinct by definition. But if you change your criteria and really look at people for what they are and your instincts change. if you had said attraction it could've been valid given a lot of people judge on what they find attractive by their primal instinct even if those instincts change over time (it's sort of a recursive argument..)
Are you suggesting that people will change their mind about what they like based on deciding to ignore what they actually like? because thats not how it works, thats just self torture, and will cause a person to eventually snap.
Here is how it actually works: Your genetics determine how something makes you feel, physically or mentally, your genetics determine how you think, how you understand, how you learn, how you respond/react to anything.
Every time you make a choice, or even just have a thought, it's a response to your genetics interacting with your environment, its an evaluation of that, and a consequence of that.
If you change your mind, it's because your body made you. it didn't like how something felt, or looked, or acted, or tasted, or sounded, or whatever, and so your mind obeys that, because feeling bad sucks.
All thoughts, all choices, all changing of the mind is primal instinct, no matter how long you thought about something, or how confused you are, or how certain, or indifferent. It's all your genes talking.
Umm i think what you're suggesting is that there are only two factors that affect how someone works, genetics and the external environment which is obviously the case. If you extend this argument a little more you can say you have no free will too, but in a way it seems difficult to live like that so we have to pretend it exists (free will). You even choosing to like someone and deciding they're good is instinct too (that way). What I'm saying is you can consciously choose what you like, and make things work (youdonthave to rely oninstinct). It's the deterministic world view.
That diet and injury and infection and random mutation and other physical changes are the only things that result in changing your mind about something, and that the only exception is missing important information regarding effects, but even that is genetics controlled.
For example, if I learn that a tastey food ingredient is carcinogenic, I won't get enjoyment out of eating it anymore even though I like the taste, but that response is because my genetics force me to care about avoiding danger, wheras you have other people, who read cancer risks on cigs, and still enjoy toking away at them because of a genetic difference.
Free will means choice ("free"). If you don't get choice from a fundamental physics point of view free will doesn't exist. If you extrapolate and run out a physics simulation of the universe you never had a choice..
I never said the body argues with itself. Also depends on your definition of argue, i think the fundamental argument has shifted to (or has always been) if you can control your choices, from a physics point of view you can't but if you take into account the "consciousness" and "free will" which we have to pretend exists and live by, choice exists and it can be controlled.
Yess, I don't see how that contradicts my point infact I suspect it's what I'm saying. But you could also say planets have free will. Define free will and awareness? How can an object be aware if free will and choice aren't a thing? Then it just becomes a chemical reaction. I don't understand consciousness well enough to fundamentally say what seperates a planet from a brain or what reaction it is.
An organism has free will, a robot, which is unaware of anything it experiences or even that it exists, does not have free will, despite also being made of physics.
I think what I'm asking is what fundamentally differentiates a very very smart machine from a complex animal (or even a simple one) where does the line lie.
Unfortunately many people (men and women) are addicted to the digital life. But not if they have careers, families, and friends. Also, it is only the young ones who are dancing there.
Many mature women and men don't have time for that
90% girls! They’re going to destroy themselves because of them seeking so much attention. That’s it 14 15/15 year girls half naked or jump in front of Tiktok! Weird things are becoming normalized. There are events in places like Brazil I’m sure Europe does this too. That the events everyone is in nude. A way we’re born they say. For 2/3 days from ages of 12 to 50 everyone are naked drink / watch TV/ and swim shower and etc.. all naked. Imagine.. a boy watching everything naked a grown men looking at young naked girls.
The vast majority of women have deal breakers that make them undateable. Ie slut, feminist, fat, career obsessed... i found my girl but it literally was finding a girl that wasn't these things and not finding a girl is match out of dating many women. She was the only girl that didn't have these dealbreakers i met in 6 years i was single and i date and talk to a lot of girls. Thats pretty sad. I know men are quite shitty too but i dont date men so i can't say.
I think it is difficult because people are trying to find it, instead of it finding them. You cannot rush or force love, it happens naturally and on its own time.
Too many people are looking for a good time and not looking for someone who would make a good life partner. You might want to date the most interesting man in the world; but he is the last guy you'd want to marry.
Gag is literally flooded with e-thots virtue signalling about how special and different they are. How the fuck is that even possible. Truly amazing. The universe is full of unicorns.
Do they lie or do they really just not know who they are? I seen women go on about how sweet they are only to tern into the biggest harpies you ever met.🤣🤣🤣
that's funny even though it's true for both genders.. no one knows what they want most of times. And everyone thinks they're ten times better than they actually are 😅
Love is hard to find because women are always looking for a better guy. No loyalty at all and never satisfied with what they have. So for guys what that means is that no matter what you do, you’ll never be good enough as long as there’s another guy out there who she considered better than you.
When it comes to relationships ships, Guys like the comfort and intimacy of familiarity. Women on the other hand find this boring, so newness is much more attractive and exciting. As long as there’s a guy out there that she considered “better” (there always is - and guess what, if she doesn’t already know him, she won’t avoid getting to know him when she meets him, even if she’s already in a relationship) the relationship is always at risk.
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