Why is it difficult to find love?

Question

Tdieseler · Accepted Answer

Simple, people dont know what it is. Love is work, love takes work but when it comes to relationships, women, especially, expect it to just fall in their lap out of the blue. Or think that a list of things (a recipe) if achieved, will magically turn into Love. This is why many women pick the wrong men, too busy seeing the things they have on their list that will create love, instead of seeing what matters.
doesn't help that in order for relationships to start now, you have to satisfy a preliminary list. I remember a time when people just went on dates and got to know each other, now, you won't even get that far unless a certain amount of things on that list is checked.
That being said, its gonna be difficult to find love when everyone has a checklist of expectations from the other person, and here's a tip I've been trying to tell women for a long time now, "You are the reason why you can't find love, its all around you, from people who can find it with you, if only you will put down your fucking list, and instead of thinking about what you want, and can get from a relationship, how about you make a list of what you can BRING to a relationship"... call it a resume.

lol... reminds me of a survey i conducted once when i asked women to write what they wanted in a relationship an some of those lists were loooong, and Specific. and when i asked them to write what they could bring to a relationship, most didn't even get up to 5 things on that list and what was listed was vague and general... like "i will be there for him"...
You want love, learn to take chances too.

razelove · Accepted Answer

Disconnect. Men expect women to fall into more traditional roles without being willing to be a provider or defender themselves. Women expect men to be a provider and defender without compromising any of their previous party lifestyle.

I'm not saying that's true for everyone, but it is by and large the case. So you wind up with women who are playing the field as "girl power" and men who are doing the same as "fuck bois".

Neither is interested in finding love, rather if they do find a genuine connection they will reject, ghost, and friend zone it as a threat to their lifestyle looking at the risk/reward. A guy looking for love is labelled a simp, a woman is condemned by other women for not embracing her "empowerment".

I wish that wasn't the case, and that so many people didn't buy into narratives that divide us and lead to both genders being bitter and unhappy, but that is the trend. Like, simple question, have you found dating, and the expectations of both your peers, and the men you date have gotten better, or worse over time?

Peer pressure and access to technology are changing the way we meet, date, form relationships and families. Those initial positive aspects are turning very... terrible (infinite options through dating, and unrealistic expectations from porn and media), for lack of a better word. Tinder lifestyle is a symptom of that, not a cause.

What are your expectations and requirements for who you will/would date?

jegrah · Accepted Answer

Honestly, I think there are quite a few reasons. People's standards are MUCH higher, I've seen people on Tinder say "swipe left if you don't drive" "swipe left if you live at home" so on and so forth. If you ask me, judging people by whether or not they drive, or who they live with is a little self-entitled and you must be prepared to understand that people may have struggled financially, the economy is rather tough. However, some people are lucky and won't make allowances for things like that. That's one example of what I mean by 'high standards.'
There are those who have problems with commitment and priorities. For example, potential partners have said to me they don't have time to drive from the next county to see me, or they can't even make time for their best friend who lives down the road. Then the likelihood is they're not going to make time for you.
There's also a lot of competition. If you go on a date and there are one or two little things you don't like about that person, oh well, there are half a dozen other single people out there who could be better. Some people will only settle for 'perfection' which doesn't exist, hence why these people often find themselves alone.
People put their careers first too. Some may put all their energy and social life into their job, which leaves them with no time for someone else. That or they're just unable to prioritise. I've had guys dump me because they've got a better job in a better place, or they have started a new job and lost interest in me as a result.

btbc92 · Accepted Answer

Simple. Because you cannot find love except for in Jesus and God. Love should already be in you. The problem is that people have forsaken that because it's too religious, fictional, mythical, or Disney supposedly nowadays. I'll come to realize that the Innocence that God has commanded us to have, people are told to not have because of the way of being an adult. Notice how the most miserable people in the world are those that are adults. People have forgotten what love is anymore. And then when you offer that, people rejected. So it's not that is difficult to find love. It is difficult to trust people who constantly throw the word around and still don't know what it means to have love for the other person besides themselves. The world teaches that love is having sex and doing things sexually. When is not true. Yet that is exactly what people do.

Sonorous · Answer

Because things are complex and always changing. I'm bound to leave something out but here are some reasons as to why things aren't always compatible:

There are different types of love. And we have emotions for different reasons which means that the motivations for seeking out the same valued emotions can be different for different people. Even the very definitions for which we use to explain our emotions are complex and confusing. Then on top of that, other factors of reality can mess with things like intensity, duration, style, form, etc.

We're not compatible in ways we'd like to be. But we try. We're here obviously not to get along emotionally. But instead, to (seemingly) reproduce. That's why it's not uncommon to see a lot of unhappy people but plenty of kids.

Brainsbeforebeauty · Answer

Because people forget what love and relationships should be about. Because people think you can order the perfect relationship like ordering from a take out menu.
Because people are so caught up on what the other has to offer, or what benefits they get, instead of what they are willing to offer and how their partner would benefit.
It wouldn't be so hard to find love if people would just love people for who, what they are instead of what their expectations of people are...

jennifer_bloom · Answer

I think one reason it’s difficult is that if it was easy less people would be loyal to their partners or appreciate them

OlderAndWiser · Answer

It wouldn't be a valuable prize if it was easy to find.

FriendlyDrugDealer · Answer

It’s a matter of where you have been looking and the type of people you have been looking for.
We have to look in the biggest issue when we try to date, understand that we can’t just push unrealistic expectations on realistic scenarios.

There was an old mentor of mine who believe in the motto of accountability. Always look into yourself and see if there is something you done wrong and try to correct it with improvements. Don’t be rough just be honest and acknowledge it’s apart of your journey to happiness.

Now the people you talk to, try to understand what’s the type of relationship you want and try to find a person who is on the same page with you. Also never underestimate the power of chance and luck. I encourage everyone to search on all platforms and avenues possible to meet new people because the next partner in your life could be on an app or a coffee shop you stop by every day.

I think I’ve been lucky with falling in love at least 3 times in my life but there was plenty of mistakes along the way so I’m grateful when I do hit the bullseye.

Anonymous · Answer

This video explains a lot. I think it was this guy too that said it too, “men need to feel at peace.” Notice the general culture exuded by women... “Men this, men that... Men are to blame. Blame, blame, BLAME!” Women in an awful LOT of cases do not look themselves in the mirror to see what they offer men. They expect men to cater to their every need. Men are seldom ever good enough for the modern woman. Do NOT fall for the terrible DESTRUCTIVE politics of today’s world. Women ARE capable of whatever they set out to achieve, but they have to stop acting like they are better than men and that only the top 3% of men are the only things that can bring them joy. There are plenty of regular guys out there doing the best they can and know how, making a reasonable wage, that only want a committed and loving partner, that won’t even bat an eyelash to them... and what for? Because he doesn’t own a yacht? As if a regular guy couldn’t look good enough, be successful and worthy enough, treat you well enough and treat you to a fun time or getaway every once in a while. It goes both ways too, ask yourself, are YOU doing your part? Are you being enough for somebody else? Are your expectations too high? Are you grounded in reality? The faster EVERYONE knows and grasps these concepts and that our modern culture and society is TRASH, the better off we will all be.

caring__1 · Answer

It's generally because people are more focused on what they expect from the other person rather than what they bring to the relationship. If you see value in what you offer, through the other person's eyes, you're more likely to see value in what your eyes tell you, also. After all, the greatest joy we'll ever experience is sharing in a loved one's joy.

Another problem is people's reluctance to learn and use effective communication skills. People generally talk at each other rather than show a true interest in understanding the other. The other person's perspective makes just as much sense to that person as yours does to you.

Back to expectations, are they realistic (from the other person's perspective, not from yours)? A lot of people feel entitled to have a provider of a lifestyle, but just because I want you to give me a million dollars, how likely would you be to unconditionally give it? When we're realistic, seeking no more than we bring to the relationship, we're more likely to see stability over time. Imbalances rarely lead to healthy relationships. I'm not saying everything needs to be completely equal, but a good effort goes a long way.

Lionman95 · Answer

Because different people have different preferences. Guys and girls think they are entitled to the best the other sex has to offer. The problem is that there are so many ways of dating today that one looses interest in going on a journey and trying things out patiently.
Also I see our modern day focus on sex as a problem because sleeping with another isn´t making love if you don´t have love already.
The biggest problem is that we´re not willing to give and fight for something on the long run, we´re looking for easy intimacy hoping it will last long.

Dazed0N0Confused · Answer

People just have too high of expectations & can't find the beauty in another's imperfections.
"Girls want a tall guy". My boyfriend is shorter.
"Girls want a guy who look like Brad Pitt or the like". My boyfriend looks like Seth Green.
"Guys want a girl with big boobs/butt, but a tiny waist". I'm a size 16 dress with a boyfriend who's a size 28-30 pant.

If you can let go of societal parameters or personal parameters that are superficial, such as looks that will fade in time, & just look on the inside, your odds of finding love increase.

MCheetah · Answer

This gets asked a lot on here, but here we go again...

- Social media
- Hookup culture
- Simp culture (Twitch and OnlyFans)
- Male players and womanizers
- Narcissitic/entitled women
- Shallow women ("No men under six feet, please.")
- Online dating apps
- Horrible dating pool: Whores ("bisexuals" and "open relationship" people), Trannies, and Single Mothers
- The economy (more time for work, less time for socializing)
- Feminist cunts/MeToo scaring men from making the first move.

And so on.

ladsin · Answer

Lots of reasons surely, but the largest that comes to mind for me is because our concept of love is sophomoric or superficial. Our sense of love has been influenced by Disney and other such novels which purport love to be “happily ever after” and easy. Love isn’t like that. Love is hard, it’s a commitment and it’s selfless and it’s sacrifice.
What we tend to think about when we think of love is actually lust or infatuation. It’s that initial period of newfound love where you act better than you are and ignore faults in your partner that you couldn’t ignore over the long haul. That state may eventually fall into true love, but often doesn’t.

JSmuve · Answer

Because what we want and what's available to us are often two different things. We live in a culture where we can connect with people on the other side of the world but are appalled or fearful when someone stops us on the sidewalk. We increasingly isolate ourselves in our phones because it feels safer, ultimately eroding our ability to connect. Women prefer to meet online because its safer and gives them options but secretly are turned off by the guys who have to "resort" to online dating, preferring instead to use their platforms as a means of advertising their social media as opposed to genuinely finding someone. It also doesn't help that guys love based on looks and women love based on looks or socioeconomic status so we're always chasing the proverbial carrot in front of us.

Breanna_nonbinary · Answer

Finding love isn’t difficult. Understand what makes a relationship succeed and grow is the difficulty. Relationships need honesty. Not only with each other but honesty with yourself.
My wife once told me when we first started dating that geese mate for life. She thought that was very romantic. I replied to her they also don’t have to talk to one another.
Love is just a feeling as is distrust, stress, anxiety etc. always being honest with yourself and your partner about your feelings will alleviate the distrust, stress, anxiety etc and will allow your relationship to have more room for love.
😊

Siren777 · Answer

I would say love isn't difficult but more so other factors and choice. It becomes difficult when people are more idealistic.

Paolaa988 · Answer

Sadly, nobody cares anymore about the value and true meaning of love. They either just want sex or a friends with benefits because they'd feel like thatd benefit them better than a relationship and they dont wanna put the effort, loyalty, and commitment with love and relationships. It's also hard because its finding that ONE person who just gets you, has a deep connection with you, and that compatibility😔

DocJones · Answer

I think it is difficult to find love because as a whole we are somewhat selfish, impatient, unrealistic and insecure. We often think about our own needs above those of a boyfriend or girlfriend. We don't have the patience to let love develop gradually. We mistake infatuation for love only to feel let down once the initial newness wears off.

We are often unrealistic in our expectations and give up too soon when things don't go how we envisioned. Insecurity often causes us to be a bit clingy or get jealous when we should trust and give space to the other person.

Some people are lucky and find love early and it lasts forever seemingly without much effort. The rest of us have to look a little harder to find it and work a little harder to keep it.

Browneye57 · Answer

It's not. You have to be WORTHY. Have you done the work?
Tell us, what exactly do you bring to a relationship that would be considered high value?
You need to be able to articulate this as a high-value guy will expect it.
Do you have any idea how to KEEP a man? My guess is you've never even considered it.

Oh, and it's not your empathy, or your golden vagina - every woman has those.

Anonymous · Answer

There are a lot of reasons tbh, it could vary from person to person.
1. High standards
2. Not meeting the right person.
3. Being shy around the guys or girls you like.
4. Unrealistic or too high of standards for example a 2 wanting an 8. In most cases that'll never happen.

FlutteringFeelings · Answer

We shouldn’t be finding love. Living life well and focusing on better ourselves should be the main concern. I’m sure everyone wants to meet someone genuine and fall in love one that but it shouldn’t be the main priority. The greatest things happens to us when we least expect it and looking for it won’t make it come any faster.

Anonymous · Answer

Honestly? Because most women prefer the world of make believe as a opposed to the real world. Ergo they tend to latch on and develop feelings for guys that are the biggest liars the greatest storytellers. After this happens to a woman 4 or 5 times rather than her taking responsibility for how easily misled she is she decides to just blame ALL guys. And from then on it's just downhill for both genders. No guy can regain her trust because she's just chosen to distrust. And all guys would be best served just avoiding her altogether but she doesn't come with a warning tag that says " perpetually broken". So she comes in and out of guys lives wreaking havoc seeking some sort of retribution in her head for days past.

iseekpinetrees · Answer

Because any don't try hard to connect. They want that fast satisfaction.

ohshee · Answer

This is so weird , I just woke up. Good morning I clicked on to g a g and this is the first question I see I took at the picture I read the caption I think it took me like 3 seconds to find it so what I'm saying is I guess you just have to be at the right place at the right time LOL

genericname85 · Answer

Because even the concept of love is so extremely complex that it's highly unlikely to even find someone with an understanding similar enough to yours. And that's not even touching the difficulty of finding an attractive partner that is also a good enough partner emotionally and personally.

jimmy2 · Answer

I have a theory

Lets see. 60 years ago when dad left the home and never came back that left mom and the kids. Mom had to work 2 jobs or more and that left little Johnny out in the cold. Little Jane tags along with mom as much as she can abs also has to help little Johnny. As generations afyer generation dad mot been home leaving Johnny yo grow up as a man. This man generation after generation of no fault to their own these men do not know how to love themselves, a wife or his children.

That leave Janes as women out there to fo one of 2 things. Teach their man to love himself. Her and kids or leave his company in Search of another man

sensible27 · Answer

It's not so difficult to find people you like. But most people are in the phase of growing and the problem comes from the fear of growing apart.. like a tree spreading it's branches. And when you meet people what their roots are and what their barks stand for, and akin to the trees you see them by their branches, hold them by their branches.. and sometimes it takes time for us to see them.

RCLJT · Answer

Expectations on both sides are set too high, exacerbated by tv shows, internet and Hollywood. Women want a “ real” man, 6’2”, full head of hair, supermodel good looks, bank full of money, cars, yachts, mansion, cheerful, permanent hard on, etc. men want a supermodel that wants sex with him 24/7/365, she also has to cook, clean and keep her supermodel figure and sex drive after birthing 4 kids…

CallmeTheKnight · Answer

1. Most people in the market don't love themselves and are very insecure.
2. People set unrealistic standards.
3. People push their insecurities on who they're dating.
4. People have sex without understanding why they're having sex in the first place.
5. People who are sure of themselves will not just put with the foolishness of someone who's still hurt over their ex or play games.

RingOfFire · Answer

There are a lot of reasons. But one of the biggest ones is that most people don't learn what love really is until they are on their 40s or 50s at least. They think they know, but they don't. So the reason it is hard to find is that they are looking for the wrong thing.

Nazgol · Answer

Because it takes time, hard work and dedication & people are not up for it any more. We became impatient & lazy as a society and seek instant gratification

serious · Answer

Good question but there is no easy answer to this. It depends on a lot of factors, both internal and external.

Brett18 · Answer

Honestly I think it's because everyone now a days has experienced something bad when it comes to relationships. So they close themselves off to something new... or sometimes it's just timing. Sometimes you meet someone and everything clicks but they just met someone else right before you

Z1pTD · Answer

Because we have correct expectations of which virtues our loved one should have and people aren’t taught anymore that these virtues are a good thing.
Basically, natural law requires that we love a caring and compatible mate, and there aren’t many of those anymore.

blondfrog · Answer

Maybe cause people go for looks too much. Which is fine to choose looks but to let it override everything else is where its a problem. Also same concepts goes with choosing a guy or gal cause of their status or salary. It seems like even in high school we start looking for that. You go for status and will choose the guy who is captain of the football team instead of that guy who is also good looking but doesn't play sports. I don't know.

Jesus_is_the_guey · Answer

Society we’ve ruined our core values and destroyed the foundational principles in where a good and lasting relationship begins
not saying the it as all pro before we’ve made some progressive strides but we’ve also made some very big issues

Jack9949 · Answer

A great question. Primarily because most people (guys and girls) are immature. It just takes time for us to find eachother. Work on yourself first. Don’t think of relationships. You will fall into one eventually through the natural process of selection if you so choose

Anonymous · Answer

I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that men and women do not need each other anymore, so they don't value each other like they used to. Men are no longer required to protect and provide for their mates, and women have largely reduced their value to men to just sex and procreation. That's not a recipe for the kind of relationships our grandparents had.

Purplemonkey242 · Answer

People want to play too many games and don't care who they hurt. I think most people these days have trust and commitment issues.

The_Maphio · Answer

Because you search for it. Love is something that befalls you.

sattii1987 · Answer

Love ends up either being misunderstood or not understood at all, and each person has a very own definition of love. That's the reason why when we search for our version of love it's not to be found in our partner and feel he or she doesn't love us when they feel the same as they have their own definition of love.

Libbers · Answer

Maybe you are wanting it so bad. I always thought love happens when you least expect and want it. But what do I know. I haven’t been in that situation yet.

DaisyM23 · Answer

Because love is a two way street and the world is much more complex now

fonduegirl · Answer

L - life, and what is life without love? O - "oh wow" V - very surprising turn of events E - (how) extremely normal I find it https://youtu. be/wHV70zK_a-k

suisuiola · Answer

Most of the time it's because you're not looking in the right place and not going for the right people

Dinosaursandanime65 · Answer

Because you’re trying. It’s like when people try to kill a spider. Instead of keeping calm while trying to kill it, they either run away or let it get away. Is that a good comparison? Does it even make sense? I couldn’t think of anything else

jasco · Answer

relationships take time and energy, they also need good vibes. So work on your vibes. If men/women aren't attracted to you the way you are to them than more than likely its a you problem

Avicenna · Answer

Compatibility is difficult to find, as is the determination to make a relationship work through adversity. So is selflessness.

Anonymous · Answer

People often choose someone who is fun to date; but isn't the best choice for marriage. You might enjoy it for awhile; but eventually their drama catches up with you and ruins the relationship. Boring = Happy. If I need drama I go to my entertainment not my SO.

jshm2 · Answer

Be more lovable then, kiddo.  You're expecting too much of others, while giving so little of yourself.

ShaTTeredMasterpeace · Answer

Because "love" has lost its value thanks to people who use it as a tool.

Account · Answer

I am going to be honest, people don't even learn to love themselves. How can anyone even expect them to love others?

Anonymous · Answer

It's not. It's difficult to find the kind of love that you preconceive of, and hold in your mind as the ideal or perfect kind of love.
Love is not hard. But it's too often rejected because it's not the one that we hold in our minds.

ct1243 · Answer

Definitely the times were in and how society views love. It’s extremely difficult finding someone for a committed relationship nowadays

Rangers · Answer

Nothing that valuable is easy to find, the lord wants you to work for it and earn it. It's absolutely worth it, coming from a guy who damn near scanned every square inch of the planet to find it

es20490446e · Answer

Because people are searching in the wrong places, aka online. Real love can only happen when you trust someone, and that can only happen after knowing them for a while outside dating.

Ironic_Method · Answer

Because people are complex and finding someone that matches and complements all of you is pretty tough. But man it hits the spot when you find your person (s).

chriscdi · Answer

cause love is confused a lot with other feelings and finding real love isn't as easy as people think it is, which makes it harder for the people that know what love is, to find real love

Hanrej · Answer

It's not. Everyone is looking and so you could say the potential for love is in everyone you meet.

You MAKE it difficult because you have standards and expectations, dealbreakers as well as certain things that interests you.

DaMack999 · Answer

Because it's 2021. We love modern sexuality how we evolved from single point of view of love. 2 guys and a girl can love one another. 2 girls and a guy can love one another. 2 lesbians or 2 gay guys. Etc. So world has become so vast.

Mehzmeh · Answer

I was taught, you never go looking for it. It finds you. But you can't just sit on your ass. You have to put your feelers out there. And let people know you are single. Also, make sure you are happy with yourself. That's how it usually happens.

Sunnybabe23 · Answer

Because love is the opposite of selfishness and 78% of people are extremely selfish

Why is it difficult to find love?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Why is it so hard to find love?

Why is it difficult to find love?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Why is it so hard to find love?

We're glad to see you liked this post.