I feel like an idiot. What do I do? Do I pull away?

Hi everyone I’m a late 20s male and my best friend who is female is in her very early 30s. Some backstory, I consider her to be my best friend, we’ve known each other for about four years now, and grew especially close during covid where we started to go on vacation together and get drinks and dinner together.

When we first met I was not attracted to her, but out of the blue one day I started to see her differently. I know she only sees me strictly as a friend.

So fast forward a couple of weeks ago, we had a huge fight where she was upset that she believed I picked plans with another female friend over plans I had with her (true, but wasn’t my intention) and when I was drunk (very drunk) we had an argument where I stormed off and told people she did not care about me. After that fight I was genuinely considered with the state of our friendship due to a text she sent me. As a result, I wrote her a letter apologizing, but also confessed I was in love with her. After she got the letter she thanked me for it, and we picked up our friendship where we left it without addressing the fact that I just confessed I was in love with her.

A huge part of me wants my friendship to change to a romantic relationship, but I know that is not going to happen. However, I know I will get jealous and envious when she dates other men. I’ve been dating other women, but a part of me can’t let go of how I feel about this friend. I genuinely want her in my life, but I don’t know how to deal with this feeling of being so jealous, which I hate.

I feel with the status quo my friendship with her is one on a timer where I will get jealous and envious when she dates other people, and end the friendship completely out of hate. So my question to you all is what do I do? Do I pull away completely until the way I feel about her goes away or just no longer be friends with her? And how do I pull away?

Also: I was told by other close friends my friendship with this friend was too imbalanced.
I feel like an idiot. What do I do? Do I pull away?
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