Why do men have this belief that a woman who cheats is worse than a man?

Question

I read something on twitter from a man who said that there are no good people in the world after he found out that his girlfriend was texting another man. He continues to say “I know I cheat but when it’s done to me, I can’t handle it”. Of course someone posted those tweets on Instagram and the comments were horrendous. I was surprised that so many men didn’t find a problem with cheating, however the only problem was when they realized their girlfriend was unwilling to allow it and they cheated back. Basically men had a problem more that a female cheated on them rather than up and leave the relationship.
So my question is where did this idea come from that a man cheating is wrong and forgivable, yet a woman who cheats is the worse and unforgivable? I don’t agree with cheating. However, I’ve been in situations where I realized anything is possible when emotions are involved. We are all human and can be vulnerable in certain situations.
So why should a woman accept a man that cheats but a man shouldn’t?

WhateverMayBeWillBe · Accepted Answer

Sounds like double standards and pure bullshit that people tell themselves & try to convince themselves that the wrongs they are committing are "okay" and not harmful & selfish...

One explanation that I can think of comes from the manosphere/redpill/PUA community, their sentiments on this is that it's easier for a women to have casual sex and harder for men to do the same (the 80/20 rule... which I agree with) and because of that they feel it's justified for a man to cheat due to it being more difficult (I agree with the difficulty, but I don't agree with the right to cheat). *That's like saying it's okay to kill a man who is big & strong with a butter knife because it would be difficult BUT wrong to kill a boy with a machine gun because it would be easy - which is idiotic thinking.* The Manosphere/MGTOW community often use the key/lock analogy - A key (a man) that can open any lock (have sex with any woman) is a master key (an alpha) but a lock the can be opened by any key is a shitty lock (an easy whore). But I don't agree with that analogy, because I feel that a man who will have sex with anyone he can is an easy whore and probably has little to no standards (I've known men like this and they are repulsive & disgusting and untrustworthy). Regardless of gender, it's always wrong to cheat no matter how you justify it, it's better to just end the relationship.

I really despise these types of double standards because they are absolute bullshit and create divisions between the sexes, and I myself can fall into this type of thinking because of my own frustrations and poor experiences within the world of dating & relationships. I think it's hard to discuss these topics without adapting some sort of misogynistic or misandry type of thinking (again I have been guilty of this)... I think the best thing we can do is ask questions, listen & learn so we can try to do better.

Vegasrunner · Accepted Answer

Lol, this is just one of the hypocrisies of relationships. Most of them are slanted toward women this one just happens to slanted toward men. The answer to your question is actually basic common sense. Typically a man pursues a women, so when they enter a relationship the man is expected to change his actions while a woman doesn't have to change her behavior. A woman can just sit back and refuse men as they come knowing that anytime she wants to there will be man ready and available for her in the event her relationship ends. As has been pointed out on this site it's much more difficult for men to meet women, so entering into a relationship and stopping cold turkey puts a man at a huge disadvantage in the event the relationship fails. This is part of the reason guys struggle so much w/ breakups in my opinion. They go from putting all their energy on one woman to all alone while women can basically take their time to heal and then just select the next guy. It's so much easier for women to meet men, that guys look at it as unfair if a women cheats because she could just break up and get another guy whereas most guys only have a limited number of women that they will have in their lives and they start to have FOMO if they pass on one of them. Not a popular opinion for sure but it's the reality.

little_bird1 · Accepted Answer

Because to men sex doesn't mean anything, and to women it always does. Men having sex is usually just a physical release, similar to eating when hungry. Women having sex involves feelings. You rarely see a woman having sex with a random dude just because he's hot, no he probably did something to woe her, something that she was desperate of experiencing, something that was going on within her for quite a time. Then when she goes back to her man that thing that was missing will keep missing. While men on the other hand can literally fuck a girl just because she's hot and willing, completely objectifying her. And continue having an awesome relationship with the woman that they love, because nothing was missing in the first place, he was just horny at the time he bumped into another girl. The point is, women rarely do it in the heat of the moment, they do it because they are not happy. Men usually do it in the heat of the moment even if they are happy. So it's up to you to compare which reason is worse: lack of self-control or lack of happiness?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Men hypocritically hold women to higher standards than they hold themselves. They can sleep with whoever they want but a woman who does that is labeled a slut. They cheat and think they’re worthy of forgiveness but it’s an unforgivable sin if a woman cheats. Where do these beliefs come from? It’s just good old-fashioned misogyny. They feel women are below them and they can dictate rules that aren’t fair and equitable. They perceive wrongs committed against them by women as more serious than the wrongs they inflict in return. When I see signs of this in a relationship, I immediately cut ties because it’s only going to manifest itself in bigger ways down the road. A person’s chromosomes do not make them superior in any way.

MzAsh · Answer

Some men still believe they get to do what they need to do to “spread their seed.” Another part is you have weak women like the Kardashians for example, who keep taking back men who lie and cheat over and over and over again.

MrOracle · Answer

I don't agree with cheating either - not me and not her.

Still, there's a huge difference between men and women that often (though not always) comes into play here: when women cheat, it's ALWAYS emotional - she doesn't just want sex with another guy, she has FEELINGS for that other guy. And that makes the cheating 50 times worse.

Whereas with a guy, the vast majority of the time, if he cheats, it's purely a sexual thing - he usually has no emotional connection to the girl, and as long as she's reasonably physically attractive and she's willing, that's enough. That kind of sex is purely a sexual release - it's not emotional. Yes, there are guys who have mistresses/side pieces - an ongoing relationship with another woman, and THAT usually IS emotional - but that's also the exception to the rule. Most guys who cheat are doing it with random one-night-stands that they probably will never see again, and don't really care if they do or don't.

Again, I'm not condoning cheating by anyone, in any situation. I can still recognize that there's usually (though not always) a pretty significant difference between how men cheat and how women cheat.

Moose304 · Answer

I'm going to catch a lot of flak for this comment. I'm a big boy and have my big boy pants on as well as my flame-proof underwear. OK here goes. Cheaters in general are lowlifes. I honestly rather not be around a cheater EVEN YEARS after they did the deed. I don't give a dang what your gender is. You are lower than whale poop to me. With this said, here comes the part where the hate starts. Women for obvious biological reasons sometimes do something that is so dang disrespectful I have been known to throw things when I am told it happened. In a marriage after sleeping with your AP you get into the marriage bed with your husband with that other man's seed inside you! I could add knee time and kiss later, but men do it as well after! I will never change my mind on this. Have the decency to at least sleep in another room. Men that cheat just like women that cheat have been known to do the deed on the marriage bed. I understand that. But a woman getting in that marriage bed with another man's seed inside her is despicable and so disrespectable I am surprised they can even look in a mirror and not feel shame. Flame away, but I will NEVER apologize for that statement or opinion!

hahahmm · Answer

I never cheated but I understand why there's a double standard. "So my question is where did this idea come from that a man cheating is wrong and forgivable, yet a woman who cheats is the worse and unforgivable?" -- 1.) Because men are expected to be a human shield for their woman if any violent/emergency situation happens. A man then thanks it's pretty bad if a woman tricked him into being willing to sacrifice himself for her. 2.) Because most women are okay with men being whores as long as he provides everything else she wants. 3.) Men (with half a brain) don't take whores seriously so he can't be in a serious relationship with a cheating whore. 4.) It follows then that the double standard is created by women who are unwilling to give their life for their men & who are okay with being with a cheater as long as he has lots of money, nice house, great career and so on.

Mantinziza · Answer

Its a long time social stigma, that has some how managed to remain, I can't wrap my head around it personally, were still a young species I guess.

I can't cheat. won't cheat, I've had women come after me being in a relationship that wanted to cheat, that were in a relationship, FUCK THAT. YOUR PROBLEMS aren't MINE.

I've only slept with 1 person in my entire life and she's gone... even attempting to date at this point makes me feel like im cheating, I hate how so many other men just wip there dicks around like its some kind of toy... I hate douchebags.

TheorionMage · Answer

When a male cheats he is unconsciously motivated in sowing his 'seed' and if progeny result, the originally pledged resources of his marriage vows is being 'stolen' by being hypothetically distributed over more than the original pledged couple's progeny. In medieval culture, and the Lord of the Manor's 'rights' the appellation of 'Sire' (Father) was QUITE literal! Bastard children were expected to be MORE 'loyal' to a rich 'Sire' than mere Serfs.

BUT... one must NEVER forget, assuming the infidelity is HETEROSEXUAL, the unfaithful male does NOT cheat by himself. There exists a SECOND (or more), female (s) who is eventually KNOWING she's complicit in his immature infidelity. One can only wonder at the short-sighted-ness of that cheating male believing that she the 'side piece', ALSO is going to be 'faithful' ONLY unto him.

ASmith43 · Answer

I have been on this Earth a while and I have noticed a few things. Women cheat far more often than men. Men cheat when there is an opportunity. Women make those opportunities happen.

Briffault's law

"The female, not the male, determines all the conditions of the animal family. Where the female can derive no benefit from association with the male, no such association takes place."

When a woman cheats she's looking for a replacement male. When a guy cheats, he's looking for some quick sex.

AviatorTom · Answer

I'm not sure that opinion applies to all, or even most, men.

I could understand it, though, because women can get sex much more easily than men can. I'm speaking generalities here, not specifics.

Consider these similar scenarios:

Woman walks into a bar and announces "Who wants to have sex with me?". It's pretty much a given that at least some of the men will say "Sure, let's do it!"

Man walks into a bar and announces "Who wants to have sex with me?". It's pretty much a given that none of the women will say "Yes" and most will probably throw things at him or have him arrested for sexual assault.

CasaNorba · Answer

cheating is wrong no matter who does it and no party is allow to accept it. but I'm guessing it hurts a man more because when men cheat they just cheat because they're sexually dissatisfied in their relationship.

a man can fuck as many bimbos as he likes during a relationship and still love you.
not women though, when women cheat its because they were propelled by their emotions which that's cheating at a way higher level.

the fact that women make even hookups and one night stand emotional pretty much speaks for itself.

Not_Average · Answer

Women cheat a lot differently then men and the way women do it, hurt men more so than their way of doing it. Women tend to cheat with someone they’re comfortable with since women are so emotionally stimulated when it comes to sex. Typically it’s a co-worker that they’ve worked with for a number of years. To the man, it’s our mission to protect our home. That means our wives and our children. When a woman cheats on a man, it’s letting that man know that your ability to protect, lead, and satisfy me is inferior. The years of comparing is what destroys the man. Men typically cheat in a sporadic moment without the emotional attachment. It’s more driven by beauty. Since society values women so much more on beauty, it hurts woman more to cheat in this way. Imagine being in your 30s after having a kid, and your husband cheats on you with a 21 year old? That’s gotta hurt. So I think men and women would both be less hurt by infidelity if it was done in the opposite way.

Anonymous · Answer

Men don't like it when it's done to them because they feel like they should be the only ones to have their cake and eat it too and that it's alright if the wife doesn't know.

Like how my husband think a its perfectly okay to follow another woman online and like all of her sexually explicit photos pretty much calling her hot and saying she's way younger than the age she told him.

But I am sure any man would say at least he's not out physically cheating on you but this is just as bad. Knowing my husband is looking at another woman sexually and then turns around telling me he loves is a fucking lie

Anonymous · Answer

They are hypocritical and cruel. Of course men and women who cheat are the same. They do betrayal to their lover. There is no logic in this statement. Some say that ‘’ women should have emotional connection to have sex so they can not cheat their husbands just for sex’’ it is not true because i know that in these last years many women who cheat have fuckbuddies rather than lovers. They love their husband but because they can not get enough sexual pleasure they just cheat for sex. ( i am not justifying this) but the way someone cheats does not make the result more innocent. The cheater is cheater who has no morals he or she.

Lockey_ · Answer

Cheating is never excuseable in my culture but it is kind of logic and historical thing that one man has multiple woman instead of the other way around. The reason is of course that only this way He can give his strong genes to multiple descendants in parallel.
A woman has only the Potential to give her genes to about 10-20 descendants while a man could do hundreds in a life time.

I guess this history is still buried deep in our bones.

loveslongnails · Answer

It's called "patriarchal privilege" if you want a term for it, or just simply, hypocrisy AND ego!!! For thousands of years men have cultivated the idea that they're biologically designed to "spread their seed", so "cheating" isn't really cheating, it's natural. But the same isn't true for women.

Let's say I buy the biological argument for a moment. What about responsibility for the child? Overpopulation even? How much multiplying should be done? None of that includes doing it once you're married, unless you have an open relationship, in which case it's not cheating.

When it comes to this, men are just ego driven hypocrites who try and justify their own bad behavior by demonizing that of the woman's. It's not rocket science.

Dan_cColt · Answer

Might be controversial but men tend to cheat in a more sporadic way while women tend to cheat with someone they have a sort of emotional connection with or are comfortable around. Most men can cheat and have no emotional attachment to the woman. For men it's more opportunistic but since for females it's typically easier to get sex where as in most men have to bring a sort of "value" for her to feel comfortable it tends to be looked at different. Just like how men and women are different cheating can also be incorporated into the differences for both genders.

Anonymous · Answer

I’ll answer your question with a few questions.

A man and a woman are in a friends with benefits situation. One of them has caught feelings, while the other is perfectly happy with the arrangement because they don’t really feel anything. Which one has caught feelings? Which one only wants “one thing”?

A man and a woman are on a date. One of them is playing a little bit hard to get. They’re attracted to the other person but they’re a little weary that they might only want to “hit it and quit it”. Which one?

Anonymous · Answer

I'm not sure that's true, however I know why some might think that. It's no secret that most of the time, if a woman cheats, there's SO MUCH more "meaning" to it. It's not just physical for her most likely, but also emotional meaning behind it. For guys, likely ONLY physical and "means" much less for him if he does it. For a woman, her relationship is likely over and done (for her in her mind) if she's cheating. It's not like that for a guy a lot of the time. He could still very much love his wife (in his mind). Of course there are exceptions to this for both genders, but generally speaking in most cases.

Anonymous · Answer

When a man get caught cheating what excuse does he have? None. If he says or does anything to justify it he looks like a POS which he rightfully is.

When a woman gets caught cheating what excuses does she usually have? Usually a whole litany of bs e. g. “the other guy made me feel special” or “it was an accident”. You even see this in movies and TV. Do you remember the Korean couple in the lost TV series? The wife was cheating on her husband because he was working his ass off (for the wife’s father) and he “wasn’t around enough”. He finds out and walks away from her and she’s like “why won’t you talk to me!” It’s because you cheated you selfish cunt. Then weak sauce of weak sauce he “owns up” to not being around and lets her off the hook.

But you don’t see a role reversal on this in movies and TV. You don’t see men getting away with saying “you weren’t there for me” to their girlfriend or wife. Now why is that?

Hypnos0929 · Answer

The idea is a man can cheat and still love his spouse and that he's probably just looking for variety/someone who will do things she won't. Meanwhile if a woman cheats it's because she's looking for an out, or wants out but can't find a good way to leave.
Personally I somewhat believe this idea. Generally speaking women who cheat do not love their spouses for a variety of reasons (whether he's bad in bed or she wants a different personality or she wants to escape her current life). Men on the other hand can cheat and return back to the same woman and not think of her as worse/less important. I don't think it's always true but women often cheat for themselves and their desires, whereas men can cheat just because.

Notfabricated11 · Answer

I just seen this topic on a podcast and thier take on it is that men don't have many options opposed to women. A women can go to the club and can definitely leave with a win easily but a typical average man will have to work 10 times harder to make that happen. So in a relationship if a man cheats because that 1 out of those 50 girls got with him it isn't as bad. But if a woman cheats and her odds are 45 out of 50 males then that's makes it a lot worse. Lol this is what I heard. I honestly could care less I dont own anyone. You cheat on me your cheating yourself and moved out the way for me to find someone who won't.

Why do men have this belief that a woman who cheats is worse than a man?

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