Girlfriend (first love) woke up out of induced coma, should I go visit tomorrow? Her mom doesn't want me to be around even tho I saved her life?

[Anonymous]

So last week after some near tragic events took place, i managed to save my girlfriend from death as she was then taken to a hospital in a rush I have seen her once in ICU, the "2nd day" after and during this visit it was the first time she woke up so aware, she literally started crying when she recognized my face and even started to squeeze my hand harder... Prior to that she would just open her eyes and nod but she could already move her limbs... So the fact that she actually cried and was awake was a pretty positive signal/reaction, even her mom said so... Till she asked me out Now since the following day her mom basically disallowed me from seeing her cause she was/is afraid her daughter would want to come with me...(her daughter is 21 and im 25..) Yesterday i dropped her some nice cards and they told me she had already been transferred to the normal care which is great news Should i just go tomorrow in the morning? Cause id love to see her and just appreciate her smile and presence really... The fact that she is still here to me is a blessing, specially since she is my first love. And I'm just confused and lost too since so much happened

[kyleelyn199723]

I think you should respect her mothers wishes and just wait sometime. Disrespecting her parents is not a good thing especially during this time. I know you are amped up to see her and miss her, but just wait it out. I’m glad she’s alive and it’s awesome that you saved her life. This is going to be quite a story for you two. Just please respect her parents. They are probably going through it right now just as much as you are.

[Asker]

I know i should, but even my therapist said her mom sounded a little vengeful. In all honesty the relationship between her and her mom wasn't the best already... And her mom never thanked me for what happened, she only accused me (same day i went to visit in the. Hospital)
And the next days i got gradually cut off... She couldn't even tell me by cal anymore as she literally texted me 2 minutes after we had called...

[Asker]

She even told me i had to stay away 6 clear months and that "my daughter would want to reach out to you but ill make sure that doesn't happen"... Sounds healthy?

[kyleelyn199723]

Maybe she is being vengeful and if sometime goes by and her mother is still being that way, then I would go visit, BUT at this very moment I can see where the mother is coming from. Your girlfriend is probably scared and clueless right now

[kyleelyn199723]

Hmmm I think you need to be a little more clear explaining your story then instead of leaving details out.

[Asker]

Her mother knows her daughters history, she knows that her issues come from way before she ever met me..
Thats what I also told the police during the report.
But she is persistent
Im trying to see this from a human pov too, saved my first love from death and im not allowed to see her...

[kyleelyn199723]

@asker my only thing here, is if the mother finds out you are visiting, there’s a high chance she may shun you out from doing so in the near future by getting the hospital involved on keeping track on who is visiting her. Her mother does sound kind of crazy.

[Asker]

Yes exactly what im afraid for too
But i know for example, in cases like my girlfriend they would let a psychiatrist talk to her and see how the patient feels, my therapist said id prolly get involved there if all goes well..

Her mom literally only said thanks twice via the phone, 5 days after it happened, hung the phone up and then sent me a text to say its over and how im supposed to "just forget about all of this"
And me not seeing her would be her only way of recovery...

Remind you;
Her daughter had an experience this traumatic too, when her 1st boyfriend passed away when she was a teen and knows how deep someone can fall mentally specially a partner.. she could be a little more empathic too in my opinion

[kyleelyn199723]

@asker if you are this defensive on people giving you the other side to things, go see her. You are combatting valid advice. I am not the only one that suggests that this can be a risk on this forum. But it’s your life. No need to argue

[Asker]

True
But its just if we had listened to her mom, the relationship was long time over

I'm a black guy too, when i to visit their mothers dad, he was really hostile and racist towards me (they were very wealthy white people) and she never said anything or even apologized for their behavior

She even has another court case running over the custody of her 2nd child with another guy and it wasn't looking too good either

[Asker]

In a twist of events
The mother had contacted me yesterday to tell me her daughter would love to talk with you and would contact me in the next few days :)

[kyleelyn199723]

@asker ahh! Aw that makes me happy to hear! I hope everything works out for you and you get to see the girl you love

[Asker]

Hope so too! Her mom must be really mad, she hasn't even answered my message yet lol ( like i said she wanted to separate us for at least 6 months, no contact; "i know she will reach out for you when she is getting back, but i dont want that, and you shouldn't entertain it..." Lmao
Last week she called me one last time to tell me i shouldn't leave her any messages anymore and that is was officially over

Couple days later she texts me that her daughter would love to speak with me

So happy tho was like falling in love all over just the thought only, hearing her voice again :)

[Arsh01]

Yaa you should. Visit her. She needs you even her mother dislike you. But if you like her and care for her you should visit her

[kyleelyn199723]

Caring for her also means caring for how her parents feel during this time. If you don’t respect her parents, you do not care about her.

[Arsh01]

@kyleelyn199723 well miss if she want him to visit her and she wants to see him. Don't you think it's been bad things in that position for her. As per as I know when someone is ill you should create a positive environment to get recover for illness...

[kyleelyn199723]

@Arsh01 right but I can understand where a parent is coming from when they say certain things can disrupt the process. I would want to go home too if I was in her position

[Asker]

Exactly specially since this case is severe and traumatic

Id like to be there for her and help her
I want her to be and feel good

When i saw her cry it really meant something, the way she looked in my eyes before she started crying
It clearly meant something to her

[Arsh01]

@kyleelyn199723 don't you think it might be unfair as per your thinking this the moment when people get attached to each and show their care for eachother. This might turn out for them as a good relationship as a friend and as a lover too

[kyleelyn199723]

This man claims he saved her life. This man isn’t her immediate family and it’s a very dangerous thing to play around and lose your chances of his mother completely blocking him out from seeing her.

[Arsh01]

@kyleelyn199723 just think yourself in the position of that girl and say what you like to do

[crazy8000]

@kyleelyn199723

That's the mother that creates a messed up situation. not her partner.
The mother must take herself in the neck and grow up. let go of her ego and let her daughter's love be the one taking care of her as she wishes not as the mother's deluded emotions dictate.

[kyleelyn199723]

@crazy8000 what y’all aren’t getting is the mother has power over this man in this situation. She can completely shun him out from seeing her at all

[kyleelyn199723]

@Arsh01 my parents aren’t that toxic so I would never be in her position, but again her parents have the power over this guy.

[Asker]

@kyleelyn199723 i did save her life fortunately the neighbors and police arrived fast after me to further give first aid

It was a matter of literally seconds, its something i dont like to relive or revisit
Police told me too; u are hero, u did what u had to do and what u did was good, be proud and patient

[kyleelyn199723]

@asker I would never deny that saving a life makes you a hero and you should be proud, but this is a situation that can get sticky if you don’t tread lightly

[Asker]

@kyleelyn199723 my fear too
She has the power
She even accused me of changing stuff in her cell phone cause i had it in my pocket on the way to the emergency...
And now she has the cell phone so all routes are blocked obviously

[crazy8000]

Not really if she is an adult.
If she does the hospital makes a huge legal mess for themselves.
The only way the mother have a right is if the daughter is legally diclared unfit to make her own decisions and the mother is her legal guardian.

[kyleelyn199723]

@crazy8000 someone coming out of a coma can be determined to not be able to make their own decisions.

[Asker]

@crazy8000 ofc that is true too!
When is someone legally declared unfit?

[Asker]

@kyleelyn199723 she is now transferred to the normal care section and no longer in the ICU tho

And when i went to visit yesterday a worker told me i could visit and check her up if i wanted in the room but I was scared her mom would be there waiting so i just dropped the cards

[kyleelyn199723]

@asker bottom line: my advice. Tread lightly. Her mother is crazy and will find ways. That’s how crazy people work

[Asker]

@kyleelyn199723 but what to do then?
She will get fired out of hospital and move across the country, chances will be even slimmer then sadly

And i mean were both grown ups too, i know she's in shock too but cmon aim it in the right direction

[kyleelyn199723]

@asker another thing, if her parents are signed on her HIPPA I think they do have a right to reject you personally

[Asker]

@kyleelyn199723 hippa?
I was there yesterday and nobody said anything
I hope she received the letters tho
Also got no message from her mom yet

My best chance is to wait until the psychiatrist gets involved i reckon

She cried so hard when she saw me,. Even her mom confirmed this to he nurse... Then she pushes me away like this
I have feelings too you know

[kyleelyn199723]

You should read into HIPPA laws. No one said anything because the mother hasn’t cared yet. Once the mother finds out she can take action. I’m just warning to be prepared.

[Asker]

@kyleelyn199723 o yeah in Europe this is standard, medicals aren't allowed to give info specially in ICU
And that's what she sorta did the day after my visit, prior to my visit I could still call
Day after my visit, my inquiring was denied..

Now she's in the normal section which means anyone can see her anytime they want

[Asker]

@kyleelyn199723 tell me, what would you like your partner to do if u were in the hospital?

[kyleelyn199723]

@asker of course visit me but again. I don’t have crazy toxic parents that wouldn’t allow my boyfriend not to visit me. So again, I think you should be ready just in case her mother try’s to take action. Know your facts on what your rights are as someone that is secondary care.

[Asker]

@kyleelyn199723 yesterday i got her a card with a poem, drawings and sprinkled all over it with her favorite scent

Im allowed to visit for sure
Just dont think im getting any medical info

And thats all i want anyways just to see her
I saw her crying holding my hands as she tried to speak but there was too much dirt in her throat to talk... I definitely think my visit there meant something to her...

Im going to check by early tomorrow morning and. Bring her some gifts too

[Anonymous]

That's tricky. If the mom comes. Then what?

[Asker]

she's 21
Im 25
There's no illegal activity going on either (just the mom trying to scare me away probably)

If u were laying there would u like your boyfriend to visit? Cause she is most likely not that aware of the situation between her mom and me

[Opinion Owner]

Go see her. Forget the mom

[Asker]

she's already transferred, same day as i left her the cards :(

[Opinion Owner]

So why can't you go to where she is? If she's your girlfriend, make shit happen. Don't sit back and cry about it.

[Asker]

Cause they moved but i dont know where its the other side of the country, but I'll try to ask her niece 2moro
Her mom obviously knew i wasn't going to find her

[Opinion Owner]

If she's your girlfriend, do you not have her phone number? Is she not trying to contact you, as her boyfriend? What's the true story? Help me, help you.

[Asker]

She was in a medically induced coma, her mom said her face was partially paralyzed for a little so i don't know about her being to reach her phone since her mom confiscated it from me and told me i couldn't contact her any further ( i even sent a message to her mom this afternoon about my material and she still hasn't responded)

I know very little about her current situation that's the problem, her mom has everything

[Opinion Owner]

Then you should probably let it go

[Opinion Owner]

I see! What is it, you want her to know? Or, what's the goal/needed now that I actually get what you are saying.

[Asker]

Just to see her man
Like see her, appreciate her, kiss her on the head or touch her hands one last time
Whatever it is, just one more time even if it would be the last memory that should be framed in my mind, it would be a lasting and important one...

Used to see her every day then like that, she's gone

[Asker]

Even if she's disabled i still love her as the human i knew

It's painful