I feel like I'm fucking up my relationship?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I we've been together for 7 months. Sometimes I text him cute little texts and he doesn't reply. Like tonight he said that he's tired and couldn't meet so after our phone call I left him a text "I feel you my little pumpkin, sending you a big kiss chilling at home it's the best" but he didn't reply. I don't know if I'm suffocating him with my love but I feel like expressing my love to him or when I miss him. He says that he loves that I'm caring and sweet. Am I overthinking this and potentially destroy my relationship? My friends think I should relax and not think about him all the time but I'm so in love that it hurts when we are separated. Don't want him to think that I don't trust his love for me just sometimes I wanna hear it more often or him calling me randomly to say i love you. Do you think i should text him again or call him and tell him that I need to hear that he loves me more often? I am feeling like I push him away. Tonight I'm going out with friends and I'm thinking to text him later "just want to say I got home, good night and sweet dreams" although he didn't reply to my texts. Mostly he's playing video games.

[Datboi65]

You're probably overthinking it. See, men have a different way of expressing their love for a woman. My main question would be, is he there with you most of his time? Does he do things for you? Does he listen to your complaints? If the answer to all is "yes", then boom. We express love and appreciation through actions, but women do so more through words. Then again, people can be different. If you think that saying "little pumpkin" is cringeworthy (which it actually is lmfao) then, change it with something else. But just because he doesn't say it, it doesn't mean he doesn't love you back. See, you've been with this dude for 7 months so just ask. Don't be one of those "do you love me?" because we all know that it sounds insecure. Ask if he likes to get called "little pumpkin" and see his response. Best of luck haha.

[Asker]

Yes I know he texted me today to ask how my day is going and asked what movie I'm going to watch. He is there and listens to me it's true. For example when he sleeps over and I have a nightmare he holds my hand or brings me water or painkiller when I get my period. And when I slept over he had already bought almond milk because he knows I don't drink regular to make us a coffee the next day. Little things that I know he cares and loves me just isn't a man of a lot of words.

[ikEVERYTHING]

I'm telling you, leave, I learned this the hard way, dude it really sucks. I come from a very affectionate family and I was with someone who wasn't and at some point they ignored me and my affection annoyed them. I then met who is now my fiance, yes I'm young but for chastity reasons, and she is also a very effectionate person and we do not have any issues in regards to this. I'm telling you, find someone new, leave this. Ok well.. talk to him first, but if you still don't see that you're feeling better then dip before you accidently manipulate yourself.

[Asker]

I don't want to break up cause when we are together he's super attentive. Like one time I had a headache and he woke up in the middle of the night held my hand and kept asking me if there's anything he could do about it. On my bday he got me a book that I loved and cost a lot. Also, our sex is amazing and he's genuinely good guy

[ikEVERYTHING]

Yes but how is it effecting your own mental health? If you are sure that it's all going to be ok then keep going I suppose and strive for a long term relationship. If it continues then I will say again, leave. I also don't advise using the sex as a reason to stay, you shouldn't have done it in the first place as it causes many issues in the long run or at least it can, most times it does.

[Asker]

This is the first relationship for both. I just feel we have a different understanding of love and communication

[ikEVERYTHING]

Alright then, again, that's my advice. Just be careful

[Asker]

Should i text him "you're super attentive and loving but sometimes I need you to be more responsive cause that's how I feel loved and cared"

[ikEVERYTHING]

Sure, that is a good idea. Whilst applying morals i formerly mentioned

[Asker]

Well maybe today will be too much cause we spoke on the phone and I texted him sending you a big kiss and stuff like that. Maybe when i get home send him a goodnight text? Like just got home, sweet dreams. It will be my 3rd text in a row but if it's my boyfriend shouldn't matter right?

[ikEVERYTHING]

It shouldn't. This is why my advise is to find someone with morals who won't want to sleep with you immediately and want to wait, then you have more security that this man is legit. Also a man who is more affectionate because as someone who is, I can tell you, you can't have someone who isn't, it will kill you

[Asker]

Mostly he is, sometimes he doesn't reply but shows his affection and love in different ways. I left him a similar text two nights ago and the next day when something good happened at work I called him and we chatted about it and he was super supportive.

[Asker]

I mean i left him a similar text sending you hugs or something but he didn't reply. I just want to tell him that sometimes i text you and when I don't hear from you i feel like a fool.

[ikEVERYTHING]

Just talk to him

[Asker]

Yeah but when? It's never the right time. And he started lecturing me how to communicate my needs

[ikEVERYTHING]

If he's telling you that then do it whenever, literally whenever. If he's busy just ask him to text you when he is available and then maybe do that once more if nothing comes from it and then if it happens again, let it go man

[SecretsofKB]

So I'm reading through your conversation with my friend @PrettyPriya and she's right. Dialing it back a bit may not be a bad idea.

The being said, I do think it is reasonable to want him to at least respond to your cute texts. As the very least, he can acknowledge that he got it and send a quick "I love you too" back.

But other than that, listen to @PrettyPriya.

[PrettyPriya]

@SecretsofKB

Agreed. He can say something. They just need to find their rhythm.

[Asker]

@PrettyPriya alright! So not a good idea to write a good night text right? I mean if I'm trying to dial back a bit...

[PrettyPriya]

It sounds like you are still in the “honeymoon phase” and he isn’t any longer.

Unless there is something concrete to point to for change of behavior, that would be my guess.

[Asker]

Is that a bad thing? He says that it's normal for our relationship to get to a more comfortable level.

[PrettyPriya]

No, it is not a bad thing. He is also right. You do start the settle and the excitement is tempered.

Just sounds like that you two are at different paces, which happens. I don’t think you are ruining anything.

Maybe just dial it back a bit. Doesn’t mean all the way! You can still (and should) express your feelings.

[Asker]

Was it a big deal to text him after our phone call? I was scared to go full in into our relationship but know that i feel comfortable I started being more expressive. So should i stop contacting him? Little pumpkin is a pet name I made for him and he liked it. So I guess i shouldn't text him again after that right? I just want to tell him that I'm more expressive of my love but it doesn't mean i don't think he doesn't love me for not doing the same? I feel like I'm panicking without a reason.

[PrettyPriya]

I think you are panicking. Just slow a bit and deep breath. You are fine and didn’t do anything wrong.

I don’t think it was a big deal to text an hour after calling. I also think your pet name is fine. I think where you’ve gone wrong a bit is getting worried.

Just because he doesn’t respond right away maybe like before doesn’t mean he doesn’t like/love you.

[Asker]

I just felt frustrated texting him i feel you my little pumpkin, sending you a big kiss, chilling at home is the best" and not get a reply back. I feel like I'm going to snap and text something I'll regret.

[PrettyPriya]

Yep, I think you will regret that. That is why the deep breath and look at the situation as a whole.

Yes, you sent affection and he didn’t reciprocate. Does it mean anything? Probably not. Don’t beat yourself up. Best talk to him and see what his thoughts are.

Communication is everything and maybe he never liked that or something and it finally got to him.

Maybe it is something else? You and I can sit here and speculate all we want, but he holds the answer, right? 😊

[Asker]

We talked about it and he says I'm overthinking it.

[Asker]

I just want to tell him that sometimes I send you affectionate texts and you not replying makes me feel like an idiot. Can we work on that?

[PrettyPriya]

I think you can but be realistic. Maybe that isn’t his thing. I do think then he needs to show affection another way.

This is where the talking about it will help. Approach it positively and try not to get upset.

I’m more than happy to give any advice I can. You can always PM me even if you don’t follow me.

[Asker]

No it isn't but for example he buys my favourite milk when I sleep there or holds my hand during the night when I have nightmare or bad sleep. Just felt that he stopped communicating as much and maybe that much affection annoys him.

[Asker]

I really feel like texting him a Long painful text but I'll regret it. I wanna write him " I feel left out from your life, it frustrates me and I love showing you my affection in words and actions but doesn't feel like a real relationship anymore. You stopped pursuing me or showing me your love and care so i am really left confused if I'm the only one trying here. Baby I want to feel loved and cared and appreciated sometimes especially from you as my partner. Do you think we can work on that?

[PrettyPriya]

Sounds like he cares for you very much. Maybe the pet names isn’t his thing maybe.

[Asker]

I thought it was cute when i sent it. It will ease my anxiety to know that he accepts me as i am, affectionate and expressive regardless if he responds to me or not.

[PrettyPriya]

That seems like you are accusing. Not sure how he will react. I would say it differently myself.

[Asker]

Any ideas? Don't want to be accusatory but understanding and honest.

[PrettyPriya]

Maybe just ask if the pet names bothers him. He shows you affection other ways. Maybe it is as simple as he doesn’t like the name.

That would be problem solved if the case.

[Asker]

It's the first time i texted him a pet name. Usually i call him like that and he doesn't mind it. So for the rest of the night i do nothing right? I'm thinking to text him when i get home, "just got home, sweet dreams x"

[PrettyPriya]

I think that is a perfect text to send. Leave the name out and see what happens.

Be prepared that if late might be sleeping. I think you have the perfect text though.

[Asker]

Why is it such a big deal a pet name? It's my first relationship and I wanna be myself. If i text again I'll exclude it.

[PrettyPriya]

I personally don’t think it is, but some people just don’t like having the pet names or the one you gave him.

To each is own but I agree that I don’t find it a big deal.

[PrettyPriya]

Thank you for MHG

[SweetDumplings]

I don't think you're doing anything wrong but it would be nice if he was more responsive to you and your love for him. But your friends are right you do need to take a chill pill 💊 like relax okay lol

[Asker]

Haha thank you you made me laugh! So does he love me even when he's not responding?

[SweetDumplings]

Yes I'm sure he does when he comes home or gets back to you talk to him about how he doesn't respond and how it makes you feel then maybe he'll reply more.

[Asker]

For example, I know today he would be home chilling. He told me he was playing video games that's why he didn't call back for 2 hours. I texted him right after our call and was the only time I didn't overthink what to say. Just wanted to tell him that I'm loving him a lot ( I bet he knows)

[Anonymous]

I haven't been with someone for longer than 6 months so I can't tell.
But I hope it works out for you, you sound sensitive and with some of your emotional needs undermet and you deserve more love back~

[Asker]

I am sensitive af maybe he can't handle being loved like this

[spartan55]

I would advise dialing back the te. texting. Especially ones of the 'little pumpkin' variety.

[Asker]

I thought it was cute and it was the first time i used it

[spartan55]

Do what you want, but guys don't care stuff like that.

[Asker]

Well okay point taken. So I shouldn't text him good night when I get home?

[spartan55]

More stuff we don't care about.

[Asker]

Okay then I'll do nothing. Or a text saying "just got home I'm horny and drunk 😂"

[spartan55]

Now that is a much better idea!

[AviatorTom]

He may not like being called "my little pumpkin". I know I'd have a problem if my SO called me that.

[Asker]

Why would have a problem with that? This is not someone you just met but your SO. People can be so weird.

[AviatorTom]

"My little sweetheart" is fine, a nice sweet term of endearment. But to compare me to a large orange fruit that people cut up for Halloween... that's not something I want to be called, even if I know the intention is to be sweet and endearing. In a way, it's almost degrading. And I'm betting other guys feel the same way.

[Asker]

It's not downgrading at all, I haven't insulted him. He is ginger looking so I made up this pet name for him which sometimes I call him in person. So am I in the wrong here?

[AviatorTom]

He may like it, or he may just put up with being called a pumpkin. Just saying... that would bother me and it wouldn't surprise me if it bothers him. Your original question implies that you are disappointed that he didn't reply, and I was just mentioning a possibility of why he didn't reply. If I were in his shoes, I wouldn't reply and hope that you'd stop calling me a pumpkin.

[Asker]

Alright so he's making a point with not replying. But he calls me little Kira also and I haven't for a second thought it's something bad. If he had some humour he would reply something like that

[noohair]

Seven month is not a ling time and sometimes the love is not equal.

[Anonymous]

How was the previous relationship before this guy?

[Asker]

Toxic and although we used to be in daily contact he wasn't in love with me. But that waw a friends with benefits not a boyfriend. This is my first boyfriend.

[Asker]

Also he was always responsive but as I said we used to be friends fucking occasionally not a couple. In the end he told me he wasn't in love with me. So in fact while he used to meet my communication needs he didn't meet my emotional needs, feeling save and loved. This one does so thats why im thinking that love isn't always expressed in how much he replies back. Sometimes when he doesn't I feel ashamed or a fool for expressing my love or being so fucking sensitive.

[Opinion Owner]

I assume he has things to do gym , video games etc. I think he keep his options open and your becoming side check or not the main chick. Give it a week or so if this continues use your mind and understand this is going to end for whatever reason he has. Be careful to invest all your love into him because you may not like what you get later and your heart might be broken to pieces and you will not recover for years I knew a girl was good from outside but deep down was empty and toxic because of what happened to her was very similar she invested everything including her cash but she left drained.

Chad break hearts babe. Give it a week and observe how he acts I don't see you have much choices unless you accept to be side or not the main chick it's not too bad in my opinion many girls accept it.

Wish you good luck

[Asker]

What are you saying? I am his girlfriend and I know he doesn't date others. Maybe he does have side chicks. I don't know that but I don't think this is the case.

[Abdulwahh]

Leave the relationship