Have I ruined my relationship?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I are together for a year and a half. We are currently on a long distance which is being hard on me and I miss him. He is my first boyfriend and first orgasms. I had a really bad day at work and when we talked I kind of went into a spiral and told him some negative things and that I'm unhappy and to have an open relationship cause I miss him and he stopped making me feel loved or wanted. He got mad and frustrated and told me that every time I bring my frustration from work into the relationship and that if I want to cheat I can do it (he was angry). Basically he said it's annoying that I'm anxious about the relationship and trying to sabotage it. I told him its my anxiety talking and got defensive because I was also frustrated by our communication. We spent a wonderful weekend when I visited him last week. I am literally crying my eyes out now cause I feel horrible about the whole thing. He sent me a song after that and a voice message, something that he hasn't done for a while and made me feel left out. I love him a lot he's sweet and kind and I know he never does anything intentionally it was just a misunderstanding. I dont handle his absence very well and get insecure. I sent him a video apologizing but he didn't reply. Don't want to go overboard but I owed him an apology and I hope he gives me another chance. I feel like i ruined it. He says its alright but I know it isn't. What can I do to assure him that I'm happy with me just going through a rough period? My anxiety is really bad now. He found me a therapist which I'm seeing. I'm hurting a lot thinking that I hurt him. Just want to improve our communication so I also feel secure.

[DoctorSex]

Long distance relationships usually do not work, I believe the only time they really work, is when the parties involved are married.
Why did you move away?
The backbone of Attraction and relationships aren't things you can take for granted, it is based off physical touch, verbal communication in person, and rhythm (Usually expressed in the bedroom). Without these things you're relying on the jet fumes of a departed relationship to sustain you, and you'll slowly and painfully grow apart.
I'm sorry for not sounding so optimistic, I wish I could be but that wouldn't be honest.
It sucks that he was the one who you soul bonded to, if I was you I'd run back to him as soon as possible, more is at stake than you realize in this moment.

Kind regards,
DoctorSex

[Asker]

He is the one who had to move abroad to finish his studies. He's a month away and a month here. When we are together is magic when we are apart I kind of need a bit more reassurance cause I'm afraid I'm losing him. It seems that my anxiety about it is backfiring. If you ask me I'd run to him anytime I miss his hugs and kiss on the cheek in the night. He is the one who introduced me to new emotions and connecting with somebody. I feel its worth fighting for it. I dont know what he's thinking but he is hurt by what I said. I handled it poorly and I'm devastated. Sending a song after it is positive that he's willing to work on it and we love each other. I think sending him a video apologizing just reminded him of the discussion all over but I needed to apologize for my behaviour and thought he might like seeing my genuine emotion

[DoctorSex]

I agree. It is worth fighting for, the alternative is horrendous. Finding someone else and making a mistake with them will absolutely destroy you spiritually, so your only real option is to find a way to gently nudge him. It's normal for you to feel a little insecure about the relationship when there's time apart.
Historically men only left their women in times of war.
Here's what I suggest and I've never given a bad piece of advice in over 15 years.

Buy the book, "Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs"

Or you can download the pdf from pdfdrive. com, read the book yourself, then send it to him and make it clear that it is important to you that he read it.

A Relationship is a test of endurance and compromise, it was never meant to be easy. Even though it's tough, take time to find solace in the fact that you are in a dance and it is better to try and dance than to never have danced at all.

Kind regards,
DoctorSex

[Asker]

Ohhhh thank you so much for this, best advice I got in terms of fighting for the relationship. I'm downloading it now.

[Asker]

I love the metaphor of dance-

[DoctorSex]

You're more than welcome.
Be careful of miserable people, they often recruit for company.

Best wishes to you,
DoctorSex

[Changiis07]

I mean you should not tell him that he can start seeing someone else or he will think you are. It's good to communicate and to control your feeling as well when you are having separation anxiety or he might start seeing you as clingy/needy

[Asker]

Yeah I get this one. Is becoming overbearing. I am crying even more right now cause if it ends I feel like its all on me and I'm such an idiot for creating all this doubt...

[Asker]

Is it too late to work on it now?

[Changiis07]

No but just relax. If you already reached out and apologized then let him reach out to you now. Start looking up videos on how to manage long distance there's a bunch on youtube. Start looking at different ones to see which one stands out the most. Lots of helpful tips. Plus if you had sex with him already and he is your first then that will def make you more attached

[Asker]

He isn't my first but the first to make me orgasm and our sex life is amazing. Yes my whole frustration is due to lack of intimacy and physical connection. He said by what I said it seems like i miss sex and not him which is not true. Yes I apologized so I need to respect that he might want to process this and take his time.

[Asker]

Thank you so much! When we were together he said that im wonderful and all of his friends agree on that so I feel like an idiot for doubting him and making him think that im looking for other options. I am so loyal never occured to me to do anything with somebody else. Being overly sensitive doesn't help either.

[Changiis07]

Oh okay! Yes I see it's very hard to have a long distance and from what I hear it usually doesn't work unless both are willing to make it work. It's best to think before speaking out so that you don't hurt him nor he to you. From what you told me it sounds like he thinks you only want him for sex which is not entirely true so best to go on a walk and really think how you want to word things. It takes time and it's not too late

[Asker]

He's assertive that we will get through this if I can handle myself so he's willing to work on it but he isn't expressing his emotions so it was hard for me to know that he misses me. he's there for me and being supportive just doesn't express his love in words which being together works cause he does lots of genuine gestures of care but when we are long distance plus not feeling your boyfriend's love cause you aren't physically together and there's no words of affirmation makes me frustrated. I kind of wanted to give him a wake up call on how I feel but should work on my communication skills cause it sounded like I am unhappy cause im not having sex but I felt unhappy cause I stopped feeling wanted. Maybe is because he spoiled me in the first months with love and affection and I missed that. you're right next time a walk or taking some time to collect my thoughts before picking up the phone.