How to get out of a friend zone?

[VishalReddyS]

Is it even possible?

[WindAtMyBack]

You don't. Don't waste your time and move on. Time is the most valuable asset you have. Once you spend it it's gone and can't be gotten back. You should be spending that time finding someone that has a real chance of working out.

You ain't getting any younger. Don't get past your prime and regret the time you wasted chasing phantoms.

[VishalReddyS]

Thank you

[genericname85]

super easy. stop being friends. can't be in the friend zone, if you're not friends.

[aWes0MeNeSs]

No, you unfortunately cannot make someone like you as more than a friend, especially if they have told you that that is all they see you as.

With that being said, I was friends with both of my exes before we dated, so friends can become more, but when someone tells you they only see you as a friend, believe them.

[VishalReddyS]

She didn't tell that... She said if you get feelings let me know, i like her and she likes me.. mostly just as a friend..

[Baredog69]

Thank you very much but it's just a fact that she is flirty sometimes she has other male friends but has no relationship with anyone. It's a mystery it's a puzzle and I've got to solve it. I know I can't make her like me romantically but I'm not going to accept that until I've exhausted everything that I can do to change your mind.

[aWes0MeNeSs]

If she asked you to let you know if you got feelings for her, maybe there is a chance!

[aWes0MeNeSs]

@Baredog69 Sounds like a confusing situation if she is flirty. The bad thing is, however, if she has said she only likes you as a friend and you keep shooting for more, it will only push her away. I'm not sure it's possible to change someone's mind about whether they are romantically interested in you, unfortunately. I wish you the best of luck in your situation, however!

[Anonymous]

Maybe you could get out of it but you’re there for a reason. It’s REALLY hard for women to maintain guy friends because (as you are putting on display) they always have ulterior motives. So when he comes out and says he has feelings, more often than not it’s disappointing.

[mobiusforniner]

Why would confessing feelings mean a man has "ulterior" motives? I started being friends with a girl. We became close. She was someone who understood me and I understood her. I sacrificed my time and energy to care and be there for her. She prioritized me above everyone else. So, naturally I fell in love with her. I couldn't take it anymore so I told her I loved her. It ended our friendship. But does that mean I had "ulterior" motives?

[VishalReddyS]

To add to mobius.. i didn't even care for her initially, she was just a acquaintance who showed lot of interest in me. We became close now. And she shared lot of things about her that made me fall in love. But since beginning, there was this discussion about being friends and nothing more than that. But now I like her. Should I act as a friend now? Also i don't have any ulterior motives..

[Opinion Owner]

@mobius so that’s supposed to make it suck less? Women are so very rarely given the opportunity with a guy to just be friends. You took her actions and personalized them in a way TO fall in love. You took her prioritization as her having feelings when literally, that’s the benefit we give close friends. You could’ve left it at that but no, you chose to romanticize and fuck it up. I am glad you decided to step back if you were gaining feelings but I am sure she’s disappointed regardless to lose a friend.

[Opinion Owner]

@vishalreddys thank you very much for giving me incentive to double down on what I said to möbius.

[Opinion Owner]

You both are taking the word “incentive”, honing in on it and making that your catalyst to sidestep the basic heart of what I am talking about. Regardless of what led you to your feelings, you both misconstrued your “best friends” feelings (9/10) and actions as interest when she was literally treating you both as a friend. A guy with no initial attraction to the female friend would NOT take prioritization, being confided in, etc and twisted it in your mind as meaning more than WHAT SHE TOLD YOU IT IS. Like Vishal: she said you will be nothing more than friends. So why twist around her actions in her mind if you didn’t want them to mean more?

[Opinion Owner]

Also, I should have said “the phrase ‘ulterior motives’”, not incentive.

[mobiusforniner]

You didn't answer my question. How does having feelings mean i have ulterior motives? I didn't approach it that way. Just sort of evolved. doesn't make my feelings any less legitimate, because you know what? Men have feelings too. Love is a very basic feeling of sacrifice and commitment, which naturally occurs in close and trusting friendships. So your response only proves my point that a man and woman cannot truly be friends. And woman aren't stupid. They know from a mans actions whether or not he has feelings for them, so dont pretend and act all surprised if he comes out and tells you. 9 times out of 10, do you have the balls to ask your guy friends if they have feelings for you? Or if you feel they are crossing boundaries? No, you wait until they fuck up first and you pin it on them for having ulterior motives and misinterpreting them.

[Opinion Owner]

I think some confusion is happening here, so we should go ahead and clear that up. For starters, how am I proving YOUR point, when I’ve essentially said from the start that men and women can rarely be friends? If for some reason that point didn’t transfer for you, then please allow me to clarify that it was exactly what I meant. Now, since you are focusing very much on the “ulterior motives”, let’s go ahead and address it. In the one time I mentioned ulterior motives, sure I could’ve worded that differently, maybe popped in “usually”, turning that sentence into “they usually always have ulterior motives”. However, your question specifically asks “how to get out of the friendzone”, insinuating that you NOW have ulterior motives. Maybe you didn’t go into the situation like that, but that’s what it has turned into, and this knowledge only adds to what I am talking about. Now, nowhere in any sentence did I ever dispute the fact that men have feelings too. Actually I feel like that is a pretty obvious thing that you really didn’t need to include. But altogether, your statement suggests that ‘eventually in a friendship the guy is gonna fall for you and you clearly notice it but choose to play dumb’. You know that in rare cases, the guy can have no feelings for the friend right? I know there are dudes who don’t take a woman treating him like a friend, romanticize her actions to make him fall in love, and that’s that. But my point was, this occurrence hardly happens and it’s usually disappointing when his feelings are confessed because now we look like the bad guy or like we were toying with your head. Now to address the last part: do I have the balls to ask my guy friends if they have feelings. Well dude, why the heck would I do that? It completely defeats the purpose of a friendship because now I am opening the door for something else to blossom and that isn’t what want.

[mobiusforniner]

Also, how upfront are you about telling your guy friends you dont want a relationship? Most girls dont, because deep inside they like the feeling of being attractive, wanted, and pampered. So, if you're not upfront about it, not setting a boundary thats understood from both sides, you're just as complicit, perhaps even more so because you know he likely has feelings but and chose not to say anything. So who has the ulterior motives? And if you're truly a friend to your guy friends, do you attempt to counter or clarify your position when they confess to you? 9 times outta 10, girls dont. They run away.

[Opinion Owner]

Let’s play devils advocate and say that I went ahead, made the assumption (because this IS an assumption until the person verifies) that my friend likes me, then asked him about it, followed by saying that I want to remain friends. You know what is gonna happen? Our friendship is either gonna get very awkward, he’s gonna try to flip it on my by saying that he never had feelings and I’m dumb for assuming otherwise, or just stop talking to me altogether. I can say this with factuality because I have experienced all three outcomes and they’re all shit. It’s a fucking trap. So no, I’d rather not delve into asking such a BIG question if I have no intention of becoming more. If he wants to bring it up however, then obviously that is an unavoidable conversation.

[Opinion Owner]

Also I love how you, a dude, are spouting off about the thought process of the female mind as if you’ve ever walked a day in our shoes and have any inkling of what thoughts go through our heads. If you truly think that most of us assume our male friends have a crush, get all big-headed and KNOWINGLY decide to tease, torture, and string you along for the sake of feeling attractive and pampered then you are delusional. Most of us are being ourselves and you take those actions and twist them into something more simply because you are gaining attraction. Who’s fault is that? Should we lessen ourselves for the sake of maintaining our friendships with you and not having to worry about you wanting more? Maybe let our hygiene and looks go down the drain? Come on now.

[Opinion Owner]

Interesting how you choose to vilify women for not asking our male friends if they have feelings and being bad people for not doing so. The boundary is the word “friendship” itself. On top of that, how the heck is choosing not to say anything having an ulterior motive? Lol like what is the motive other than trying to stay friends.

[mobiusforniner]

by the way, this is a good discussion and I appreciate your feedback. But I respectfully disagree and you more or less prove my point. The problem is in your scenario no one is communicating- and that's what GOOD friendships require. If I ask you about your feelings; or tell you what I'm feeling or what I perceive, why does that make me a bad person? When does being honest count as having "ulterior" motives? You assume love as having ulterior motive. It doesn't. Yes it hurts, because guess what- real friendships involve conflict and the ability to overcome conflict makes such friendships stronger.

That's the point I'm not understanding from you. Your silence in the situation doesn't make you any less an offender. You know when a guy likes you by his actions and yet you choose to remain silent and label it "friendship". No, that's being delusional and you're taking advantage of his feelings.

In my case, my friend depended on me for very personal issues. I'd drop anything to help her because I love her. I'd come over and cook dinner for her at her apartment and snuggle beside her as she lay curled up on her couch and we'd watch TV together. She sometimes talked about what life would be like together. Yet when I confessed I loved her, she freaked out and claimed I misjudged her. Nah, right? We were just "friends". How the hell else I'm I supposed to interpret that? I felt used and betrayed by someone I deeply cared about.

[VishalReddyS]

I agree with mobius, maybe a girl and guy friendship is hard. We are bound to get feelings if not now but some where down the line. If it was a normal talk it is different. But if someone shares each and every minute of her life and calls you up when she is tensed or needs any help.. i mean she has lot of other friends.. But she asks for me only.. so don't know if it is still in friend zone.

[mobiusforniner]

Which is what my point is my friend. Be honest. Someone should say something. If you take your platonic friendship and make it plutonic, well, so be it. Life is short and regardless the outcome, at least you can move on knowing you did something rather than regretting you didn't.

[Opinion Owner]

That’s the thing Mobius, I’m not snuggling up with my friends on the couch, expecting them to be at my every beck and call, cooking dinner for eachother and all that. It sounds like every thing you and your friend do is blurring the lines between friendship and partner. This is why you are where you are, because there is no boundary in that friendship. If I were doing all of that then OF COURSE feelings develop lol I mean come on. When you speak of ulterior motives, you keep simplifying what you’re doing and calling it something else. Maybe your question should not have been “how to escape the friendzone”, because you’re not even addressing that. I said to you that maybe you didn’t go into that situation with the intent to catch feelings but now you have and now you want something different. THIS is where the ulterior motive comes in to play. I don't know what you’re missing about this, dude. Maybe your not understanding my point, but I’m not understanding a few things here. Like how is my silence making me an offender, if I have no proof of my friend having true feelings for me and I am choosing not to go down that road? My stance is this NOW, after already having taken the road you suggested 3 different times and my outcome being what I’ve already mentioned.

[Opinion Owner]

You’re talking about that from a position that you probably have not been in, however I’ve already done the whole ‘it looks like he has feelings, we should talk about it’, and my outcome was no where near as flowery as you seem to expect it to be. I mean look at your response there, which was feeling used and betrayed when that was probably never her intention. That’s why I say the outcome is always shit for us and IF we suspect you have feelings, we’d rather not address this. However in most cases we are completely oblivious.

[Opinion Owner]

What you and Vishal do with your friends are OBVIOUS situations that would lead to falling in love with your friend. These are not things I do with my male friends because I am always sure that the boundary is respected. To which, maybe you guys shouldn’t have let your friendships border on to romance as closely as they seem to have. Like obviously you’re going to fall for the person you talk to every minute of ever day, and doing boyfriend-like things then settling for friendship. Me and my guy friends hang out Tuesday and Friday nights, go to the bar, or to bowl or some shit, maybe check in during the week if something specific happens, confirm our plans for a night out, ask how our respective partner is doing, invite the partner to the outing, and this is tinge extent of our friendship. This is HEALTHY, this embodies the word friend in it’s entirety. What you two are doing is not what friends do. There is a massive difference. So going forward, I will bear in mind that you two treat the women in your lives as girlfriends, and I know how to maintain a boundary.

[mobiusforniner]

What I'm trying to point out is, if you're unable to be honest and share your feelings there's no point in engaging in a friendship at all. If you feel your male friend has feelings and you don't say anything, how is that any better than your male friend confessing his feelings to you? And no, me developing feelings doesn't mean I have ulterior motives or want anything. It means I feel an emotional connection to that person. Love is given without expectation of receiving. But I felt close to her and she made me feel happy. If you think love implies some kind of giving with the expectation of receiving, due respect, you don't know what love is.

[mobiusforniner]

Thanks, your description of your dude friends is obviously a far cry from what the OP and I are experiencing.

[Opinion Owner]

Dude, you LITERALLY labeled this question “how to get out of the friendzone”. Why do you keep saying that you don’t want more but you are the one who said you want more? Please explain how this makes sense. I am very honest with my male friends, and as I’ve already said (and at this point I feel like you are ignoring it on purpose) is that three different times, I’ve gone down the path of having that conversation when I suspected other feelings. These did not end well. This is my literal experience, dude. Can you please acknowledge these things before we continue.

[Opinion Owner]

And Mobius, I need to correct that because I’ve just realized that it was Vishal who’s asking how to escape the friendzone and not you, so I do apologize for the confusion. If you have no other intention for your female friend then cool, however, I still stand by saying that what you are experiencing is far from a friendship and I don't know how you can even call it that at this point.

[mobiusforniner]

I agree, so thanks for at least validating I wasn't crazy for confessing to her. Thanks for such a long drawn out discussion. You have lots of wisdom and i wish you best.

[Opinion Owner]

Let me re-work my statement from the perspective that you are not OP lol. In a healthy friendship, of bourse there is honesty and I am open with my male friends. I’m fortunate enough to have the dynamic with them that we can talk about our issues and give sound, honest advice about absolutely anything. But there are some topics that are better if they present, IF it were even a thing. Like you talking about me acknowledging if I felt like one had feelings. For starters, this is a broad assumption. It’s me taking their actions, over-analyzing them, and deciding to make something out of my verdict. The conversation itself, form my experience, is a lose/lose situation. Firstly, it’s uncomfortable, because I’m going it to it knowing that I could be wrong about their feelings and if I am right, I will have to reject him. I know that there will be a lot of disappointment, and ultimately the friendship will either never be the same again or it will just be completely over. I’ve gone down the honest road three times, and it has gotten me cussed out, ghosted, or beyond repair. Unless you have gone through that situation at all, or did it and walked away unscathed, then you are just talking from a place of obliviousness, and I say this respectfully. For me, that is a can of worms I won’t even open if I know that I have no intention of dating my friend. Just as I have a mouth, so does he and those are his feelings to make the choice to act on. It’s not my job to pull them out if I want nothing from them. Tbh it also just sounds full of myself, to assume someone likes me and ask if they have a crush that I have no intention on honoring. Pretty cruel as well.

[Opinion Owner]

Also, just seeing your response as I sent that comment and likewise, I wish you the best.

[jennifer_bloom]

Honesty and Consideration and Compassion make a woman interested in a man

[Anonymous]

It really depends whether she has any interest at all. Some smoldering embers can be stoked with a little effort. But if she has NO interest then forget it. The good thing is it'll cost you no pride to find out. If you've paid her a lot of mind to date. Now's the time to pull a 180. Drop her flat. Don't talk to her, don't look at her. As far as you're concerned she doesn't exist anymore. If she has any interest at all she'll want to change this and seek you out. If she doesn't you have your answer.

[RobT312]

Tough. Hard to make someone see you romantically when they don’t have that feeling. Never hurts to try: you need to stop treating her like a friend and pursue her. ... maybe she will like your confidence and see you in a different way

[Leonharted]

Stop being friends with them. Then you're definitely out of the friend zone. Seriously, if you aren't interested in being friends, then don't lie and say you are, hoping that it will change into something else.

[dankstranger]

You can't make someone love you or like you. No amount of kind words and nice favors will make someone like you in a romantic way. It doesn't work that way.

[Baredog69]

For heaven sake somebody please answer this question. I've got this beautiful girl that's a roommate I'm crazy about her but she has no interest what the hell do I do help me.

[VishalReddyS]

Well is she even your friend? Are u zoned? Like is she interested in you but not just romantically? Just trying to get the difference

[Baredog69]

She and I are great friends sometimes she's flirty when she leaves she comes and kisses me goodbye. But other than that there's nothing. She trying to sit on the couch for her feet up on my legs so I can massage her feet which I enjoy. But still nothing romantically happens. I think she knows she's driving me crazy and jerking me around it seems. She's a really good girl very nice beautiful she's pretty much everything I've ever looked for or wanted in a woman. I will not let this opportunity go away and bust.

[mobiusforniner]

Despite the back/forth conversation I replied above to a female poster- dude, just be honest. Tell her what you feel. If she shares that feeling, you'll know. Or, in the other extreme (and be prepared), she'll fall flat, start floundering, twitching and foaming at the mouth.

[VishalReddyS]

😂😂 sure

[Baredog69]

😂😂😂😂😂 dude you should win an award for that answer

[exitseven]

I never really believed in the friend zone. If you are romantically interested in somebody you should make a move. The worst that can happen is she says no.

[Ms_Vanderquack]

By walking away.

[VishalReddyS]

Hmm sure is one way but not the perfect way

[Ms_Vanderquack]

The only reliable one.

[RolandCuthbert]

How is it not possible?

Just walk away.

[In_Trance]

It's not possible move on

[bean2k21]

pull your pants down

[LatinEnergy]

NO...