Why do some men criticise the women they’re with when she makes mistakes?

[Anonymous]

I’ve never dated such a judgmental guy before. It’s like he gets snarky over some things either myself or others do. I know we all get irritated from time to time but I get the impression that men that are hard on themselves are also hard on others.

[BarryLiverstone]

Because she made mistakes

[Asker]

Who doesn’t? Are you going to criticise your children when they do so they’re too scared to try anything in case they fail etc? It’s a bad way to be.

[BarryLiverstone]

Yes I’ll use discernment with my kids. When they fail I’ll discipline them

[Asker]

They’ll watch the way you treat others regardless of how you treat them. That is not a smart approach in all honesty.

[BarryLiverstone]

It’s smart because I will be consistent and fair, when they succeed I will praise them. Even when they fail and I discipline them I will be a loving and supportive parent teaming up with my wife. Obv I want them to see how I treat others as I’ll be one of their most important role models.

[Asker]

You’d be wise to read up on some psychological research if you’d like the best for your kids and relationship. Criticism is a downward spiral. Positive feedback however, helps people reach much higher. Criticism is actually one of the biggest indicators of divorce too with a 90% guarantee. Doesn’t take a genius to figure that one out either.

[BarryLiverstone]

Negative criticism sure. I never said negative criticism, I said I would use discernment. Also would be age appropriate based on expectations. In other words I would have rules and there would be consequences. I can’t just use positive feedback always, that sets them up for failure as an adult.

For example let’s say my 10 year old daughter is caught stealing candy from the gas station. Should I praise that action?

[Asker]

Criticism is criticism. That’s the point of this question. Feedback isn’t attacking someone for making a mistake, it helps them overcome it instead by enabling them to.

[Asker]

Criticism attacks someone’s character or actions in a negative blaming manner implying that they’re not good enough. Children are especially sensitive to this and will be extremely hard on themselves and others as adults if not handled correctly as such a vulnerable time of development.

[Asker]

It’s also a form of abuse and wears at another’s self esteem. They’re two very different things.

[BarryLiverstone]

Words matter. Let’s define criticism:

serious examination and judgment of something
“constructive criticism is always appreciated”
synonyms:critique

[BarryLiverstone]

Obv I wouldn’t attack my kids. But when they take an action I will judge that action based on the rules and will hold them accountable

[Asker]

Accountability is good. But again, here we’re talking about criticism which is different.

[Asker]

In terms of psychology and relationships criticism is defined as a negative action that equates to negative outcomes.

[BarryLiverstone]

That’s why i said that words matter and defined criticism outside of the limited scope of psychology. Constructive criticism isn’t negative.

Also consider that this entire answer you have been critical of me. You haven’t provided positive reinforcement and you have been judge mental.

[BarryLiverstone]

So circling back to my original answer. When people make mistakes we should hold them accountable. This should be done in a consistent manner, we shouldn’t Nick pick or do so in a negative way and should also allow for some grace as people often live stressful lives.

[linka_pat307]

That's true

[PeterSmith1983]

And the other way around the same