I'm turning 30 in August and getting down because everyone is having kids and getting married what should I do?

Question

MrOracle · Accepted Answer

You aren't in a solid relationship because you didn't prioritize being in one. Just like everything else important in life, anything that is of value requires some sacrifices to have and keep. Your friends who have husbands and children didn't travel the world as you did - they made that sacrifice so that they could have a lifelong relationship. You made a different choice.

It's not too late for you to get a good relationship for yourself, but it IS probably too late to get a relationship with the high-value, highly-desirable kind of man that you want. In that respect, you're going to have to "settle." You might have been able to attract such a man at 25, but you won't easily attract them at 30. If you can accept that, and you can accept a man with an AVERAGE income, who isn't necessarily hot, isn't over 6' tall, etc., you can still find a quality husband who wants to have a family and will take good care of you, but it may never be that life of luxury that impresses people on Instagram.

But make no mistake: the clock is ticking, and your ability to give a man children of his own is something that many men value very highly, and every day that goes by, your value in this respect goes down, so if you are serious about getting married and having kids, you need to start making that a HIGH priority in your life, to the point that you're willing to make some serious sacrifices in other areas to get it. You also need to accept that the man is going to want things too, and if you are unwilling to provide those things, men are going to be unwilling to give you the relationship you want. At 30, you no longer hold all the cards as you have for the last 15 years. You will want the man to provide value to you, but he will also expect you to provide value to him.

As I said, it's not too late, but it WILL take some hard work on your part, and the ability to make some sacrifices and compromises. You need to learn what men want and what they prioritize - and the assumptions you have right now are probably not correct.

caring__1 · Accepted Answer

What leads us to stay on our hamster wheel is when we don't take the time to learn from our past. Write down what you've learned about yourself and others throughout your life. You can even map it out on a large piece of paper and post it on your wall. Look at it regularly, and you'll find it easier for you to see which options will take you where you want to go and which are dead-end streets. Don't maintain patterns expecting different results. Find new approaches that are more likely to provide you with progress you can measure.

Life is a journey. Never focus on end-goals; savor the little things, for they will be the basis upon which your life grows. Girls start planning their wedding in kindergarten. By the time their wedding arrives, they have been thinking about it so much that nothing can ever measure up to their fantasy. Not only that, rarely do these girls consider what will happen the day after their wedding.

People want to be parents, yet rarely do they take the time to learn how to be the best parent they can be. They'll view being the best by comparing themselves to others rather than focusing on the outcome of seeing that child grown up as a functioning, productive, worthwhile and happy adult. Rarely do parents consider how their choices impact the kids. They just focus on what they believe they should do (becoming a reaction to their parents), rather than helping their kids to believe in themselves through exploration and discovery, along with feeling safe enough to freely and openly share their thoughts and feelings.

It's not about chronological time or specific moments in time. The more you understand yourself and others, the greater the likelihood you'll connect with someone special (not just marry to be married). We tend to be short-sighted when we feel rushed. Take the pressure off, so you can broaden your perspective and see more opportunities.

poof_22 · Accepted Answer

First of all do you WANT to get married? Trust me marriage and children are not the end of the all, many women are unhappy in these situations and you are not guaranteed support at old age so just saying. However If want these things, don't SETTLE for less. Keep your standards high and your expectations low. Children and marriage are a big deal and if you can't find someone who will be able to support you and your family at difficult times you are going to experience a rough life. My mom was 32 when she married my dad who is the same age as her. They were both financially established and mature enough to raise a child. They make a great team and I personally believe is partly due to their age since couples with small age gaps have better mutual understanding and not large power dynamics (makes sense).

hahahmm · Answer

A lot of selfish people out there are making babies with people who aren't good mom/dad material or great wife/husband. They rush into doing things so they can have the appearance/brag about having something. Don't be like that. Make yourself the best person you can be and then find a high quality and find the same. It turns out that it's harder to do the right things in life than the wrong things.

So set goals and work towards your goals. Only follow emotion when emotion happens to line up with a good plan.

BCRanger10 · Answer

The first thing I'd say is keep in mind that believe it or not, your situation is not all that unique. There are a lot of people in our generation who are either delaying marriage, if they're even getting married at all. And there are many reasons for this; school, debt, social media, bad examples from divorced families, prolonged adolescence, and others.

The most basic thing you can do is know yourself well enough. If you don't already, know what kind of woman, and therefore what kind of wife and mother you want to be. That will help you know what kind of man you want to attract.

Beyond that, there's not much I can offer. Dating, marriage, and family aren't one-size-fits-all endeavors. I know it may seem overwhelming and even discouraging, but it's also an exciting adventure.

If it helps, I met my wife when I was 29 and got married when I was 31.

slatyb · Answer

Realize that not all your married friends are happy. Marriage is not magic. Do you want to be married? If so, what are you doing to meet potential partners?

NamerOfStars · Answer

Like the man says: when it doubt, dance. It doesn't solve your problems, but sometimes it confuses them, and you can use that your advantage.

Now, what is it about this that bothers you? The lack of kids? The lack of personal companionship? An increasingly profound sense of alienation as your friends drift away one by one into ever-more demanding lives that leave no time for you?

MrtoddsWildRide · Answer

Enjoy that you don't have someone else making a mess of your house and you can sleep on the diagonal.
Take a look at your checking account. It's three times bigger than it would be with kids even if a partner was contributing.
I'm not knocking parenthood or marriage. Both can be wonderful, but appreciate what you have and don't worry about what you do not have.

awkward_author · Answer

I just accept my reality, and think about all of the things that make me happy about being single. Trust me, it helps.

Anonymous · Answer

It's better to be single and happy (be happy with your life and what you do have), than to be in a bad relationship or one that isn't good for you. Remember that. Don't "settle" for someone that you're not going to be happy with just because you feel like "time is running out". You've still got time.

RARETRAMP · Answer

You are a leo it seems like. Leos tend to like children. What should you do? That's an interesting question. You can pray to almighty God. Improtant for human being is to have faith and if you control faith then sky is the limit!!

Avicenna · Answer

It's not too late- my ex was 34 and I was 37 when we had our first child. Just prioritize meeting someone you'd want to have a family with.

Slartybartfast · Answer

Accept it, not everyone has a family.  Single life can still be fulfilling.

PositiveNote · Answer

You should throw one wingding of a birthday party!!! 30-45 can be the best years of your life!

HighValue · Answer

If you want kids, I would recommend putting in serious effort into finding someone now.

Anonymous · Answer

Then it simply wasn't meant to be. You can accept your fate and move on or you can battle a losing struggle and end up asking this question.

JoyGirl · Answer

Don’t rush anything. 💜

Anonymous · Answer

Everyone around me I'd the same and I'm only 24 but I doth look upon my field of fucks and care not for it is barren

noohair · Answer

Life is a marathon, sprinters don't finish well. 30 is young.

Kiran_Yagami · Answer

Find a husband. If you can't do that, then improve yourself so a husband might actually want you.

Anonymous · Answer

You can always get married and have kids. Just need to focus on the person you want and doggedly pursue that and drop guys who don't fit your mold.

Bklynbadboy12 · Answer

I wouldn't worry about it your turn will come

Anonymous · Answer

Baby ribbies and hitting the wall simultaneously. Bummer.

FunkyMonkee · Answer

Have kids and get married!

KatherineJ · Answer

It’s not a competition.

James899 · Answer

What's your goals. Do that.

LegendaryIcon · Answer

try about being 33, and still single, stfu

unwokewoke · Answer

It's not a race.

Anonymous · Answer

where are you from?

Anonymous · Answer

I am available

I'm turning 30 in August and getting down because everyone is having kids and getting married what should I do?

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