Would you stay with a boyfriend who tells you you're instigating an argument when you're just expressing feelings, does he have anger issues?

[rachvartannn]

hi guys, so yesterday I (26F) pissed my boyfriend (24M) off over something that I admit was dumb and he lashed out at me and said he's "about to" cheat on me it was a relevant part of the conversation so he did not randomly say this and immediately took it back saying he didn't mean it and was "mad" but that is not acceptable of course, he said he should not have said that and would never. This morning I told him I should not have to feel like I have to call him cus I'm paranoid due to what he said, I was hoping he would offer reassurance or say sorry cus he hasn't--he just said last night he should not have said it to me. Well, he cut me off and said I was "being snarky & snobby" whilst mimicking/mocking me in this nasty high pitched tone saying that me saying that was saying that I was trying to tell him "I'm going to blow his phone up constantly now to make sure he is not cheating and he better pick up" I merely said I felt paranoid due to what he said, just wanting a bit of reassurance or an I'm sorry.
Then, when I tried to explain to him what I meant was not malicious or controlling it was to tell him I feel hurt and wish I got an apology, he started screaming SHUT UP and trying to talk over me so I hung up on him. Later talked to him and he was screaming at his seatbelt not working in his delivery van and yelling "COME ON MOTHERFUCKER WHY ARE YOU ON THE BRAKES" to a car on the road, like I've noticed he constantly screams at cars to himself while driving, especially on days he is mad at me and he was like "I'm chill the only problem I have is you, you make me not chill" so he essentially blamed ME for his anger towards other cars even though I've heard him rage at five cars in a phone call before on a day he wasn't even mad at me. Makes me feel like he is blaming me for his anger? I was not even trying to instigate an argument I just wanted reassurance, and he told me that it was my fault he lashed out at me like that yesterday.

[Heartache0405]

Most women do instigate arguments. Men try to end arguments. Women start them and keep them going until they're tired or until they win. I'd break up with you if I were him

[rachvartannn]

I agree, we can be dramatic. I am however self aware and generally do not try to instigate and I also am never interested in winning but just reaching an agreement or common ground like peace. I totally agree tho most do it maliciously. I dont think he needed to be dramatic he couldve just reassured me and asked me to drop it now, I was already going to. thanks for your response:)

[mark000h]

Your boyfriend is an asshole with anger issues.

[WhatTheHeckkkk]

After reading the title, Nope.
Nope. Not a chance. I’ve been there, done that. He’s disregarding everything you’re telling him and he will not listen to how you feel.


As for your recent posts, I would suggest you do break up with him because it is looking like a very unhealthy relationship. It won’t get better unless he is willing to put in the work bug he needs to prove that to you. He needs to prove that he is getting his anger managed and he will be more considerate.

[rachvartannn]

It’s so hard to leave him because of the good memories but I think that his true self is this angry mean vindictive person and I’m over it if he wanted to change he would’ve by now for example he used to give me silent treatment if he was mad at me even over something dumb even for two days straight and I told him it caused me to have panic attacks yet he would do it even more often

[dudeinohio]

I'd say he is mentally abusing you.