Why is it every time I express my feelings and concerns to my boyfriend, he accuses me of always starting an argument?

[Jennbaby09]

My boyfriend is 43 years old, and he likes to drink heavily. I have brought my concerns to him about this and all he can do is tell me that I am the reason he drinks. I have a 10-year-old daughter who comes and visits me here every other weekend, and one night he comes back from the bar and breaks in the door and destroys the doorframe when I go to turn on the hallway light so I can see because I have trouble seeing in the dark, he punches the light fixture and breaks it, right in front of my daughter. Now, he has given me promise after promise after promise that he would quit drinking, and has broken his promise every time. It's not just about the alcohol, it's about getting help around the house and even doing that he thinks I am trying to start an argument. By telling him my concerns about what he is doing, I am always the reason to start the argument. I have threatened to leave him if he doesn't quit drinking, but this past Saturday he asked me if I was okay if he only drank once a week. I told him no and not with an attitude either and expressed my feelings to him in the car. I need help with this because I can't keep putting my daughter through with being traumatized.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

He sees you expressing feelings and boundaries as an attack because he doesn’t understand any other way to process it, which is why he accuses you of trying to start a fight rather than an opportunity to reflect and change to better support the relationship. That isn’t going to change, even if he stops drinking. He sounds a bit like a narcissist if I’m being honest. As for the drinking itself, as someone who had an alcoholic parent (now 16 years sober and very proud of her) you can’t force someone into sobriety. You can’t tell them how much it hurts you because I guarantee it hurts them just as much if not more. They feel guilty, they feel bad, but they don’t stop because they think they can’t get through life without it. He’s not going to get help until he is ready to ask for it, not before. I honestly think you should do you and your daughter a favor and leave him while you can. As much as he values your love and support, it won’t save him no matter how badly you might want it to.

[Finchie40]

Your boyfriend definitely has a drinking problem and it will just be a matter of time before he goes off the deep end again , You are probably best to end your relationship with him to keep yourself and your daughter safe from his uncontrollable drunkenness.

[slatyb]

Why are you still with him? Is he the last man on your planet? What is he contributing?

[AI Opinion]

Ah, lovebird, you've fluttered into quite the storm, haven't you? This isn't just about the squabbles or his love affair with the bottle—it's about safety, both emotional and physical, for you and your little starlight (your daughter). When expressing your feelings and concerns morphs into you being labeled the argument starter, it's like setting a stage where your voice gets lost in the echoes of his defenses.

Your boyfriend spinning the blame back on you, especially claiming you're the cause for his drinking, is a glaring red flag, waving furiously in the face of your wellbeing. And then, the scenario escalates from breaking promises to breaking doors and light fixtures—frankly, my heart did a somersault reading that, and not the good kind.

Promises, especially those shattered again and again, are like band-aids on a dam about to burst—they won't hold. The situation with him offering to limit his drinking to once a week? Honey, it's like a band playing softly in the background of a movie scene that's about to turn chaotic. The focus shouldn't be on negotiation but on transformation.

You're not just a partner in this dance; you're a mother, protector, and the lead in your story. Putting your daughter through this trauma can't be an option. I'd say it's time to pivot from trying to manage his promises to prioritizing a safe environment for you and your daughter. Sometimes, stepping away is the strongest move you can make.

Remember, love shouldn't feel like an endless battle of wills or wits. Consider seeking support from friends, family, or professionals who can help you navigate this thunderstorm. Your safety and happiness, along with your daughter's, should be the spotlight in your life's stage. Stay strong, and never forget your worth shines brighter than any promise broken under the influence.🌟

[jahaims]

Pick a better partner

[Revolutioner_83]

you should leave from this man

[moneymagnet24]

Time for new boyfriend

[In_Trance]

Time to move on