I haven't heard from my boyfriend in 2 weeks. Sometimes people need time & space to themself but how long is too long? Is it over, what should I do?

[Anonymous]

I have been dating my boyfriend for 5 months now. We are in a long distance relationship, we're a 3 hour drive away from each other so it isn't too bad. Before we started dating I asked him if the distance would be an issue, he said it was not. Things were great, we talked almost everyday on the phone, videochat, we saw each other in person & went on dates. He told me that he wanted to be with me & that he found what he was looking for, he didn't need to look any further. He made it official with me after one month of dating. We have been in a committed relationship now for 5 months. Recently he has faced hardships back to back. He had his own moving business but things fell apart when he experienced a car accident due to the negligent driving of an employee. The employee crashed a moving truck damaging the customers furniture inside. The customer may try to sue him because of this. Shortly after this incident my boyfriend got in a car accident on his way home. His car was totaled. After that he seemed to get depressed. I noticed that he started calling less & answering the phone less. We were supposed to see each other Jan 29th-31st. He didn't call or come. He called 2 days later wanting to see me but I was upset with him so I didn't answer my phone for 1 day. The last time I spoke to him on videochat was on February 3rd. I told him that I was upset that he did not spend time with me like he said he would. He apologized & said he has been going through a lot. Feb 3rd we discussed me coming to his area to spend time together. I was going to travel to him. He said he wanted me to come, he agreed to it & we would talk about it more. He was happy to see me on videochat, smiling, everything seemed fine. Feb 3rd was the last day I spoke to him. He hasn't said anything since then, no calls or texts. I called him numerous times & left messages. I spoke to his brother he said he talked to him a few days ago. Should I wait & see if he reaches out or should I move on?

[PrettyPriya]

A lot to unpack here. Seems like the first thing is both of you are being a bit childish with the ignoring phone calls. You did mention you did it to him for a day. Yes, not the same as two weeks, but still...

I think you need to reach out one last time. Make the offer to go see him when you schedule permits. If he can't be bothered to text back... send him packing so to speak.

[Asker]

The only reason I ignored the phone call is because I was really upset and wanted to calm down. But yes maybe that was childish. What should I say to him when I reach out one more time? I’ve tried expressing how I felt about this, I called and texted and left a voicemail. I don’t know what else to say. It’s really bothering me because I love him and I don’t know why he’s acting like this.

[PrettyPriya]

Ok, so if it were me, I would write something similar to this:

"Hey, I know you have had a lot happen in life recently. I feel just terrible what you have had to deal with. I want to be there to support you, but you are not letting me in. I love you very much, but a relationship is built on trust and communication. We are lacking that latter bit.

Please know that I care for you deeply and want to see this relationship move forward. Is there any chance that we can set aside some time to talk and make some plans to see each other? As always, I look forward to hearing from you."

You can reword it how you see fit but you get the idea.

[Asker]

So I should send something like this and that’s it? Don’t say anything else?

[PrettyPriya]

That is what I would do. You can't do much more at that point. He is actively ignoring if he can't be bothered to respond. If he isn't going to put the effort in, why should you?

[Asker]

That’s true. I guess this will be my final message. I’ve been trying to communicate and forth effort but you’re right off he won’t why should I.

[PrettyPriya]

I really hope it isn't the end. I hate seeing that, but often it is for the best. You can't force a relationship. I wish you the best of luck.

[Asker]

Thank you

[PrettyPriya]

You are most welcome and my pleasure. Wishing you the best. Take care!

[Asker]

Thank you, you take care as well. Thanks again for your help. I sent the message to him that you suggested. He still hasn't responded. I reached out to his brother to see if he has heard from him because I started to get worried. His brother said that he has heard from him a few days ago and he seems to be working hard. He said that he is like that sometimes he is hard to get in contact with and talk to. Supposedly even his brother has a hard time getting in contact with him sometimes. He told me not to worry. I asked him could he tell his brother that I have been trying to contact him for 2 weeks. He said he will let him know. I guess there is nothing else I can do. I'm very sadden by the situation. I have tried to fight for the relationship and show him that I care. I guess he is ignoring me or something, or going through something. I thought about sending another message but I guess I shouldn't. Thank you again.

[boggboss]

Seems both of u are not prepared to be long distance as it requires amazing communication for it to work as its the only form of the relationship u have and he seems just shit at it and u used it as a tool of punishment

[Asker]

I didn’t use it as a tool for punishment I took 1 day so I could calm down. I always communicate with him I’m very open and I’m ready for the long distance relationship. He’s the one that has been shutting down lately. It feels like he’s depressed due to his circumstances or something. Relationships take work and I’m ready and willing to do that. But yes you’re right his communication seems shitty right now.

[Agagagagaga]

Long distance relationships aren’t real relationships. Just my opinion.

Sounds like he is going through some shit. Video chatting and texting isn’t going to help him.

[Asker]

So just stop reaching out to him?

[Agagagagaga]

I don’t have any good answer as I think long distance relationships don’t really work. He’s probably depressed and sounds as if he is going through some difficulties in life, financial and professional. Your relationship is just one more thing he has to maintain.

I’d say maybe email him, tell him to hang in there and give him some encouragement. If he wants to hit you back when things are more stable for him he will.

[Iron_Man]

That was rude of him not staying in contact with you explaining why he needed a time out

[Asker]

Yea I thought it was rude too. If he needed time to himself I would of given that to him I just wanted him to tell me so I know what’s going on not just disappear. I love him and I don’t know if I should wait and for how long or just more on. I feel hurt.

[Iron_Man]

That’s awful and very upsetting I’m sure for you I think you should give him a couple more weeks and see what happens

[Asker]

Yea it has been very upsetting. He didn’t even say happy Valentine’s Day. I’ve been feeling hurt , emotional and pushed away. I’ve been thinking about what I could have done to make him not want to talk to me and I can’t think of anything. I did send an emotional message telling him I’m was upset and hurt and that I didn’t like how he’s treating me the day after Valentine’s Day but I felt that it was justified, it’s rude to behave this way. So if I don’t hear from him in a couple more weeks just move on without saying anything else to him?

[Asker]

As a man if your life was falling apart financially and you were really stressed out would you just disappear and not talk to your girlfriend for days or weeks?

[Iron_Man]

I am so sorry to hear that you don’t deserve it. No I wouldn’t walk away I would say something

[Asker]

Yea I don’t think I deserve that either. Should I send one last message? Or not?

[Iron_Man]

Yes of course you should but maybe in a few days

[Asker]

I sent another message but he still hasn’t replied. I spoke to his brother and he said he has spoken to him a few days ago. So it seems like I’m the only one he hasn’t spoken to. His brother said that he is strange and he is like this sometimes. Sometimes it’s very difficult to reach him or talk to even as his brother. He told me that he’s a good man and that I shouldn’t worry myself about it. I asked him if he would tell him that I’ve been trying to reach him for 2 weeks and he said he would. I don’t know what else I could do. Should I wait or just move on? I love him but I don’t know what to do.

[Iron_Man]

Wait it out stay in touch with me so I can show you support and give out advice to you 😊

[Asker]

Thank you I would really appreciate that. The waiting part is the hardest part for me because I don’t know how long it will take to hear from him.

[Iron_Man]

I will be glad to help you definitely stay in contact and I really hope it works out for you stay positive but be busy and get some good exercise in clear your mind

[Asker]

Me too, I really appreciate your help so far. I’ll keep busy and try not to think about it much. You think he will reach out to me?

[Iron_Man]

There’s a chance but time will tell. God bless you

[Asker]

Thank you 😊 I really appreciate your help

[Iron_Man]

You’re so very welcome 😊

[Asker]

The only question I had was, you said give it time and to wait but how long should I wait before I say enough time has passed, I waited long enough?

[Iron_Man]

Give it two more weeks unless you can’t handle it

[Asker]

Ok, I’ll try to do that.

[Iron_Man]

Let me know how it goes

[Asker]

I will! Thank you!

[Iron_Man]

You’re welcome

[In_Trance]

how long were you with him before distance became a factor?

[Asker]

By distance do you mean physical distance or emotional distance? Physical distance was never a issue, we are both ok with it. But he started acting distant emotionally as far as calling less and talking less at the end of our 4th month together.

[In_Trance]

physical distance. How long were you physically together? And when is the distance suppose to end?