Would you accept an apology from a physically and emotionally abusive ex?

[Anonymous]

Please don’t judge me. I know I am really wrong for having done this. My ex boyfriend of two years left me because I used to hit him a lot physically. I gave him black eyes and bruises on his cheeks and body parts. I would hit him with objects because I was short tempered. I would even hit him for small mistakes such as him forgetting that I wanted onion rings instead of fries. I would make him cry with my words as well. Now he is with someone new and I feel really bad and I’m thinking about how badly I treated him a lot throughout my day.

Yes, tell him sorry. We all make mistakes.

No, i would never forgive you.

Other

[WhatTheHeckkkk]

I would never forgive an abusive ex.
I’ve been through it, and getting out of an abusive relationship was hard. Moving on was probably the best decision I have ever made. I will never forgive my abusive ex. I would never forgive anyone who has hurt me in such a manner.
An apology is not enough. Not even actions or “proving you changed” is enough.

[annabananna]

I’d accept the apology but I wouldn’t keep them in my life.

[OlderAndWiser]

I would probably accept an apology but that doesn't mean that I would forget what had happened and it doesn't mean that I would give you another chance.

[Moose304]

As someone with a black belt in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu as well as hundreds of hours of Hapkido training I am not overly concerned with being hit. Of course, I am no one's punching bag. I am not someone who defaults to violence. I will do my best to avoid it if I can. The mental discipline required that was developed during my training gives me inner peace and I don't need to get physical. If attacked I use just enough force to stop the attack. The issue is with women I will walk away. I said the above because I have been attacked by women. I have had my nose bloodied. I have had my lips busted. I even once had a knife thrown at me. This is because I work with men going through divorces. These wayward wives can be nasty! I have been arrested because one filed a false police report. These types I just walk away from. In a personal relationship, an apology is not enough. Sure I can forgive, but this is drama BS I don't stand for. You are forgiven, but you are also not part of my life anymore. So to answer the OPs question yes I would accept an apology however, our relationship is over! You are now in my friend zone where you will stay in perpetuity!

[humanearth]

No way in hell, you are just like ex-wife.

She destroyed my life, my career, my will to live and destroyed me financially.

Because of her, I really thought of committing suicide and almost went through it.

I hate that woman with everything I have inside me. If I ever see her on the street, I just might kill her with my bare hands, and she left over 20 years ago. The hate for her is still so strong, all I see is blood. I would be happy once she is dead.

She destroyed me in all shapes and forms. My life will never be normal again.

I hope you're happy destroying men's lives. You are nothing more than a Succubus.

A succubus is a demon or supernatural entity in folklore, in female form, that appears in dreams to seduce men, usually through sexual activity. According to religious traditions, repeated sexual activity with a succubus can cause poor physical or mental health, even death.

Sarysa the Succubus Queen

[TommyMountainFigure]

I can handle myself in a fight.. Genuinely!!! not just saying that. but I was in a relationship once with a girl who liked to bash me about because she knew that even though I was capable of doing so, I never hit back.
Then, once she pushed me too hard and I came (VERY) close to retaliating. but instead, I turned around and walked out.

You want the truth? If you date someone who is capable of killing you with just one punch, DON'T abuse them. I certainly wouldn't accept an apology from you. The time to consider your actions is BEFORE you commit them, not after!

[PhenomenalQueen]

I would forgive you, but I would still wish you the best. I wouldn’t want to remain in contact, but I would definitely congratulate you and let you know that I’ve forgiven you and that you need to move on.. No need crying over spilled milk. We all make mistakes, the good thing is you realized that it was wrong. You wanting to apologize says a lot especially if you’re truly sorry for it. Please stop beating yourself up, we all need a reality check sometimes. Also, it could’ve been anything that kept you like that, so don’t beat yourself up over it.. Angry is a secondary emotion, so it sounds like you were hurt before that. I’m sorry, I hope that you have healed and you are better now.

[SomeGuyCalledTom]

You probably only feel bad because he's moved on, not because you're actually remorseful of your actions. Personally I don't think abusers can really even BEGIN to be sorry until they've served hard prison time and been humbled by that. Maybe not the reassurance you were hoping for, but I highly doubt he'd be in a forgiving mood just because you supposedly feel bad. Statistically speaking, the chances are good you'd continue the abuse if he actually took you back. The best apology you can give is to leave him alone in peace to be happy with his life.

[Aakash_Hangargi]

On his behalf i forgive you, be in peace and let him be in peace.

You have to carry this with you , there is no other way.

Honestly he forgives you or not really doesn't matter you forgiving yourself and moving forward and what you have learned from this situation and how you better yourselves is what matters now.

Also your appologosing won't even do half a good to his ego so let it be just move on.

And don't do the mistake of showing him that you are good person now it would only make him feel worse about himself.

Just stay away and let the time heal both of you , and by luck if fate brings you together somehow then appologise

[AdithyaR]

Obviously you should apologise but in the end, he is allowed to not want to forgive you.
Also at this point, I doubt there's point in you trying to apologise cause you might end bringing back those old memories for him. Maybe just write a letter to him apologizing, don't ask for forgiveness, don't ask for him to come back or anything. Just tell him you're sorry for your actions and you will try to be a better person.

Beyond that, the abuse you mentioned is very severe, and it does paint you in a very bad light, ngl. But now you know the consequences and what you did to deserve that. Work on yourself, get therapy and anger management and try to be better. But don't expect him to magically come back, move on from that and let him be.

[AdithyaR]

Also answering the actual question, no I wouldn't forgive an abusive ex, that and cheating are two areas I can never forgive.

[Anonymous]

If I could truly see that she really has changed then yes I’d be willing to forgive. I understand that people do change, that maybe she had a lot of problems she was going through. But that does not mean that I would get back w her. Part of me forgiving her would also mean leaving that past behind. You could try to reach out to him if it bothers you that bad. I’d just say something like I don’t expect you to believe me or forgive me but I wanted to apologize for everything I’ve put you through. I’m not asking you to take me back, I just want you to know that I’m so sorry. I’m glad you met someone else who I hope is treating you the way I should have treated you. I can’t undo what I’ve done. All I can do is change which I have done as well as apologize. Leave it at that. I wouldn’t sit there expecting him to answer or respond, to jump up in joy forgiving you or something like that. Just say your peace, leave it at that unless he decides to engage in a conversation w you.

[Anonymous]

To a certain extent. I'd accept an apology in that it would be something I'd very much appreciate. It would be something that would greatly mend our relationship (whatever that might be) going forward and significantly help me on the road to forgiveness.
However, that does not by any means mean that I'd get back together with him. That will never happen. I'd be open to the possibility that he could change and maybe he'll be a lot better for a different woman. However, that woman will never again be me.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like my wife. It is heart breaking, the worse part is she thinks its justified because she came from a well to do family.

Thinks my middle class family were poor peons deserving no respect at all and even hate them in her fits of rage convened they will somehow "tear her down" even tho she sees them at most once a year for maybe a week. (Really only meets with them for a few hours.)

The regards me as poor even thou I make about a 100k and am the sole breadwinner.

I think theses words are said in sickness and despite the difficulty and danger, I am determined to honor my commitment even if it cost me my life. For me commitment is everything, and I hold no anger.
I think perhaps God choose me for this task because I am so self-controlled.

She says she will get better, and I'm working to get her accept professional help. While we work thou books to help her learn to control her emotions and get over her anger issues.

[Staximus]

I love onion rings more than most people, but I would never hit somebody because they got me fries instead. You need to go see a psychologist and figure out why you are so angry. If your parents beat you and you're taking your anger out from that on him, then you need to break the chain of abuse. One day you are going to hit the wrong person and they are going to beat the hell out of you. You might want to get control of yourself before that happens, and if you want to keep a guy around. Do yourself a favor and don't have kids, you can't beat your kids every time they piss you off. If you have kids, you're going to go to jail for beating them. You should have went to jail for beating on your boyfriend. You're lucky he didn't knock your teeth out.

[Seinna]

Don't think whether he'll accept or not. Apologise because he deserves an apology and not because you want to feel better after apologising. Chances are you will feel better after a heartfelt apology even if he doesn't immediately forgive you. If you wronged him and you're honest about it then your focus should be on making it right with him and not on yourself. Apologising should be about the other person, not about us.

[Seinna]

And to answer your direct question - it depends on what he did and why. In general I'm not good at holding grudges and neither do I want to. It's hurting me more than anyone else to do so. Of course forgiveness doesn't mean I'd want to have anything to do with that person after that but we could possibly part our ways on better terms.

[corasthots]

No. I would never forgive them. As someone who’s been a victim of physical, emotional, sexual abuse, never.


He was a grown adult, he can make big boy choices. I’ve seen a preschooler get over temper tantrums faster than him.


I’m scared in all of these factors of abuse (yes, physically too).


I tell myself that “it made me stronger and now I can focus on myself”. But I’m reality I’m definitely screwed up for a while to say the least.

[yucychan]

No, I would not.
And I hope that abusive ex would stay away from me as far as possible.
Tbh, I don't think you are even sorry at all in the first place.
You feel empty, like there is no one whom you could pick on, to belittle in order to make your pathetic insecure self better.

[Anonymous]

I'd say give him an apology! In a text or in person. If I were you, I'd take some time to do some self evaluation. Personally I just did this with every single person I've wronged in my life or left on bad terms. I made a list and then a side note on what went wrong. Then I specifically messaged each person with a genuine apology for the actions as well.
Everyone excepted it and I was surprised by the relationships that were mended bc of it.
I gotta give it to the show My Name is Earl.
Side note- don't be quick to anger, as words and actions can not be taken back. Only apologies! Good luck

[Godsvengeance]

You should apologize regardless of whether or not he will accept it because you wronged him and you should admit that. Hopefully he will accept, but he might not and you have to accept that. He does not owe you accepting your apology.

I would accept your apology, but I wouldn't trust that you had changed until I saw that you behavior didn't continue with others.

[BirdieBeep]

Apology? Sure. Take you back? Never in the hell. I think you should apologize. But don't expect him to forgive you. But I think if you are truly sorry and regret what you've done, you can and should tell him. But nothing more than that.

[VanillaSalt]

I feel bad for the woman that raises her hand to me… I’ve been abused and I don’t take it anymore… one day I snapped and threw my mother across the room… I refuse to be treated like that by any man or woman…

[Moose304]

I would caution you about this. In a private setting if you strike a female there is an almost 99% chance if she files a police report in the US you are going to be arrested for domestic violence. I know two men who today can't own firearms because of a domestic violence conviction. In public, you stand to encounter Capt Saveaho! I was in California several years ago and watched this happen. The female slapped the male. The male then started beating the shit out of the female. Then about 2 minutes later 3 men were beating the shit out of the male. Had I not been there they might well have killed that guy. As it was both were taken away by ambulance. It's a free world, sir. Capt Savaho's are everywhere just beware.

[VanillaSalt]

Appreciate the concern…that being said I don’t need the governments permission to own a gun. You can tell me no I’ll still do it. The same with a license. I’ll still drive. And if someone wants to insert themselves I carry a knife at all times because I know how stupid society is. Regardless I’ll be arrested for hitting her as unfair as it is but she’ll never raise a hand to another person again I bet you.

[Anonymous]

I might forgive them, but I would NEVER take her back. People who are physically and verbally abusive hardly ever change. If you keep putting up with it, they will get the message that it's ok to treat you like shit. Then, they get more pissed when you finally put your foot down because they think everything is ok because you keep putting up with it...