Shouldn't the partner who works from home do a larger share of the housework?

[Anonymous]

So, about a month ago, my boyfriend who I live with started a new job working from home.

He loves it, he says he gets an adequate amount of sleep now and is earning more money while saving more on petrol etc

What annoys me is he isn't doing more housework; he has more time to spare, and can do it during the day etc

We had a big argument about this the other day because I feel that since he doesn't have a commute he should be doing more and would make my life a little easier and he said that regardless we should both be sharing the housework equally like we always have and I disagree

Yes he should be doing a larger share

No, he's right and it should stay the same

Updates

+1 y

So we had another fight about it, I’m told him that if he cares about me he would do more chores and he said (irrelevantly imho) that when he had a commute it was longer than mine and he still did half the chores and that he also pays a bugger portion of the bills and I said how he still has more time during the day and he just went “WRONG!” And went on how he works a longer work day now just without the commute, and how he does most of the cooking (he likes cooking so he’s being stubborn )

[Xoxocutekitty]

If he is eating 3 meals at home, is creating more mess to clean up when you get home?

In this case, it is perfectly valid to not want to come home and clean up after someone who isn't distinguishing work space to personal space.

I think another thing to do is to redefine tasks. Fetching from tbe grocery store and cooking are two different tasks that suck after a workday.

Since his hours are more flexible, it would make sense for him to pop into the grocery store in his spare lunch hour so that you have all the ingredients you need to cook for a day or two. Or if you do a weekly shop, he can offer to cook more on weekdays, so you Can come home to a hot meal after a shitty commute. You can cook on weekends.

I think the less time sensitive stuff like vacuuming, yard work, cleaning the bathroom, can still be split down the middle (or used as a bartering chip for making him do time saving stuff).

It sucks to come home when your partners dawdling on their ass while you have to get groceries, unpack them, and cook post 6pm.

[integrale77]

First of all home working is not always more flexible I work a shift just the same as when I worked in the call centre same hours same breaks and half an hour for lunch.
Only difference is I don't have to travel.

In reality you can only expect extra time back in lieu or travel and depending on what that travel time was it might not be getting much back!

[Anonymous]

1. Is your boyfriend now being lazy now that he is at home and not actually doing the previous chores/household duties he did before?
----If yes, then talk to him about actually fulfilling his equal share. If he is doing an equal share, then it is not unfair for him to ask that you continue to share the chores equally.
2. Do you have an extremely long commute that gets you home at late hours making it impossible to take on a lot of the household duties?
----If yes, then talk to him about how many hours you actually have in the day, because it is fair to say that after a long commute, one would be exhausted and if he has far more hours after his work day where he is not working as compared to you, it would be fair for him to take on a bit more.

Either way, communication, not fighting, is the key. Don't just let anger rule the conversation. Explain these things---I drive 45 minutes and get home late---it does not make sense for me to then start dinner that late. If you cook, I will do the dishes afterward. You can compromise on who does what and shift around what gets done and by whom. If all else fails, suggest something like a once a week cleaning service, or lawn service, or outsource things like grocery shopping to store pick-up and let someone else tackle those things for you so you can be happy and not stressed over the workload.

[MannMitAntworten]

Sounds like he is engaged in what he is employed to do but just at home and doing the same division of labor. This foes not mean his work load has decreased. It may have even increased. The line difference is a lack of commute. I gleaned nothing in her post that anything other than his working at home now (and earning more) has changed. He work load did not increase. Her commute did not increase. Her argument is she still has to drive so he should take over more of her current share. Then proceeded to het into a fight over the issue. A foreshadow of his future torment by her. If he is wise, he will reconsider their living arrangement. After all, it is significantly easier to pick up and cool for one than it is for two.

[Opinion Owner]

@MannMitAntworten You should probably try not to project your issues on to their relationship. Every couple has arguments. That doesn't mean at every turn either should end a relationship. That's hardly a mature thing to do. Asker is probably asking this to ascertain what she should do rather than keep arguing.

[MannMitAntworten]

Project my issues is you projecting. Her fighting with him continues. She gleaned zero from your opinion. She even leveraged, “he cooks more because he likes it.” Excuses. Just excuses why she feels right and is seeking support for her position. Nothing else. She is in the wrong. The “mature thing to do” is to convey this and nothing less.

[Opinion Owner]

@MannMitAntworten you can side with either or, but I'll repeat what I said, every argument a couple has doesn't need to end in them breaking up. If that's how you solve relationship problems, that's on you.

[integrale77]

I work from home so I know how much it frees up your time.
So let's break it down I roughly got 5 he's a week back sounds good and loads of time to do more?
Wrong that's 1 hr every working day hmm maybe I can do a but more in that extra hour... oh wait it's actually 30 mins at the beginning of my shift and another 30 mins after.

So in reality your not getting too much extra time just a lot less stress going to and from work.

So maybe he can do a few bits and bobs but he's probably needing to focus on not leaving cups of coffee and snacks around from while working.

[Crankor]

Well I don't think working from home is enough to say he should be doing a lot more because really all that gives is what n an extra hour of time? Sure he could do little things here and there during his work day but that's not something that should be required of him. His priority is still work at that time

[MzAsh]

How many hours do you work and how many hours does he work? Are you really having an argument over the difference in commute time? I don’t think working from home really factors in that much. It’s still time that he should be focused on his work and not anything else.

[Anonymous]

I'm on the fence on this one. I work from home but my work schedule ranges from occasionally having some free time during the week to working 12+ hours per day. I freelance, so my hours/workload can be unpredictable. During my busy times, it would be virtually impossible for me to contribute more to the household. However, during my less busy times, I would be willing to do a bit more housework than usual.

In your boyfriend's case, I don't think you should demand, or even expect him to do more. But if I were your boyfriend, I would do it anyway because if the chores are done, we'd have more time to spend together.

[Trevelyan88]

Hmm... How long of a commute do you have to work? How long of a commute did he used to have and how many hours a week do you guys work?
I suppose you could argue that if you both work 8 hours a day and you have 30 minutes to work, than you "work" an hour more than he does and therefor he should do an hour more housework pr. day.

[Trevelyan88]

His argument that he pays more of the bills is invalid... His salary being higher doesn't matter, only the hours worked matters... This however makes his second and third points valid... If you didn't do more chores than him, when he had less free time than you, then I can see why it isn't fair he should now that your roles are reversed... And you seem to indicate that he says he is now working more hours during the day, so the lack of commute doesn't matter, which is true if he used to work 7 hours and commute 1 hour and now just works 8 hours, then that comes out to the same... So you really have zero argument if this is true... If you however believe he is lying then just check his pay checks, they should say his weekly hours.

[libsaretards]

Work from home is still work. Just because he enjoys it does not change a thing. If you are both working, then housework should be equal too. It would be kind of him to do a little more to account for difference in commute, but it is not wrong for him to decline to do so. If his work hours are less, then yes he should pick up more chores.

[MzAsh]

Gotta say I agree with this.

[admles]

Nope.

Just because he has now been given a gift of time saving, doesn't mean you automatically get to do less chores.

If his commute had increased, would you have taken on extra chores? Of course not.

You both commit equally regardless.

[Anonymous]

You're the one with the vagina go do your job and clean the house and make his 3 squares. No one cares about women's careers. Their a joke anyways. You get there through affirmative action and virtue signalling, not meritocracy. Near thing you can give to society is offspring so why not do something about your most valuable assets; your eggs.

[UCrayCray]

Buddy! You don’t even know the difference between their, they’re and there, and yet somehow you think you are in a position to determine who is and isn’t valuable?
😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣

[Opinion Owner]

A simple typo doesn't change the facts. Go make me a pie

[UCrayCray]

You want to claim some superiority over another, you better be above reproach. Otherwise you just look like a moron.
Can you guess where you fall?

[Opinion Owner]

If you back talked me in person and then I dropped you with a single blow guess who's superior? Men treat women with kids gloves because they can't handle true equality.

[UCrayCray]

And little bitches like you threaten women because you can’t compete with real men.
But you keep telling yourself how superior you are. Everybody needs an who boost, even if it’s just based off THEIR own imagination.

[UCrayCray]

**everybody needs an ego boost**

[UCrayCray]

**boast** ffs!!!
Thankfully I’m not claiming some sort of superiority. I’d end up looking just as moronic as you do if I did.

[Opinion Owner]

Wtf are you talking about? I've beaten the f*ck out of plenty of men too, no biggy. Equal rights for equal lefts. If someone talks shit they need to back it up. If someone beats me in a fight they are superior and I'd they can't they are inferior. Women need so much assistance from the state and from men. Abortion, welfare programs, police forces, etc. Women need that cuz they can't fend for themselves in the real world

[UCrayCray]

“I've beaten the f*ck out of plenty of men too.”
Sure ya have? Just like all the other internet tough guys. 🤣
You can be anything you want on the internet, why choose a woman beating pussy boi?

[Opinion Owner]

I don't hit ladies, but I do hit bitches. That's a saying I've had for years. If you don't conduct yourself a certain way as a woman and have no class you're worth less than dirt. So I don't honestly care because if you conduct yourself uncivilized you should be treated as such. Not being a pussy in current year. Didn't you get the memo? We're "equal" now so now you can prove it. ☺️😈

[Opinion Owner]

How we roll in current year 😎 https://youtu.be/osHJT73kBMo

[Adam1978]

He can do a little more, since there is no commute time. But then you have to do more errands, since you are out and about more. So they will even out. He can't do house work during work hours. He needs to produce work for his company.

[UniquelyBasic]

Yeah, maybe if he wasn't working and was at home then I would say its only right for him to do his part to contribute to the relationship by cleaning and doing more of the housework. he's working from home though so he's busy still.

[lrina]

accidentally misclicked, i meant to say no. but just because he's working from home doesn't change anything, he's still working just as hard as you are.

[LingyRolls]

He's WORKING from home. What don't you understand about that?

[BeMuse]

He has a job and apparently a lazy shit bag girlfriend.

[Sixgunsound]

If you want equality, start living like it. If you don’t want equality, say so.

[Kaamraj]

The partner that makes less money; man or woman should do the chores.

[MzAsh]

What if they’r both paying an equal portion of the household expenses?

[Kaamraj]

@MzAsh - If they are roughly paying equally then they should divide the chores; one cooks, one preps and or does dishes, one washes, another dries, one brooms, other mops.

[MzAsh]

I agree

[exitseven]

I agree with him. He is lucky enough to work from home but you are still supposed to be partners.

[linka_pat307]

If things were better wen you two were sharing chores why complicate things noe
Enjoy the happy moments before the storm comes

[MannMitAntworten]

Living alone is better. Just do that and the entirety of the domestic duties shall be yours alone.

[CuriousMufuxka]

Wow surprised at the vote count! As a former househusband, I became lazy and hardly cleaned. I did cook though.

[Iron_Man]

Not if he’s working for eight hours at the house he’s probably busy nonstop

[Twalli]

Working grom. home doesn't really give you anymore free time

[bamesjond0069]

Men ought not do house chores. Whether he works home or not or more hours or not is irrelevant.

[Paul09]

I'm he works. He isn't a house husband lol. Unless he works like 4 hours.

[Paul09]

Um* not I'm , dam auto correct.

[In_Trance]

You both live there. you are both responsible for housework

[CallmeTheKnight]

You're the one that's wrong