Who should do housework if both spouses work?

Question

dynamicyandere · Accepted Answer

It shouldn’t be so black and white.

I believe chores are best done together because you can even make it a bonding experience and ask each other about each other’s day and things like that, all while working to cook food together or clean together, etc.

In terms of what’s right, it always varies from couple to couple.

But, what should always be the case is however work is divided, responsibility expectations should be clearly communicated, negotiated, and agreed upon.

Let say I work as a clerk at a laidback office and I’m married to a wife who’s a surgeon that works graveyard shift every single week, always under the pressure to save people who are at risk of dying on her operating table.

I’d be happy to take on a bit more chores so that she doesn’t feel as stressed when she comes home.

As for my actual situation in real life, I work 70-90 hour weeks to cover all of our living expenses, and it allows her to work from home as a digital artist, doing as much work or a little work as she wants to. I still help with washing dishes most of the time.

But, she’s happy to cook and clean for us. Not because that’s all she can do (she earns commissions on art projects) or that’s what she’s “supposed” to do. But because she genuinely wants to help me with things around in the home, especially when some days I literally wake up and work until I go back to bed.

Every couple needs to figure out what works for them.

nitsuj86 · Accepted Answer

My wife and I have certain chores that I do, and the ones she does. Sure, I cut the grass, pick up dog poop, and work on the house/vehicles. She does the dishes, does laundry, and cleans the bathrooms. Typical gender role stuff.

But if I needed her to do any of the chores that I typically do, she would do her best to do it, or help me where she can. I also do the same.

I like fixing the house and vehicles, she doesn't. I hate doing dishes and laundry, she doesn't mind and has "her" way of doing it / doesn't like me to. But if there is a pile of dishes I'm just gonna do it if I have time. She doesn't know how to fix the car or build a shelf, so I can't really expect her to do that for me. But she has picked up dog poop, and would cut the grass if I asked her to.

It's not about who does what chores. It's about being appreciated for the things you do for each other. While my wife may hate the way I do laundry, she still appreciates that I will do it for her if needed.

My parents were always very 50/50 and I admired that. Both would cook, clean, and do the things that needed to be done to raise children. They had their roles, but they never viewed them as static.

ElGato31 · Accepted Answer

Cooking? Have some proper meal planning and prep in place and freeze portions. If we both work, my spouse can't expect me to cook every night, if he wants that, he can cook.

Cleaning the house? If you go "clean as you go", you don't actually need to spend too much time on it, a weekly hoover and that's it. Occasional deep cleans. Laundry? While cooking you can do that too.

Yard, garage, anything outside, "manly" stuff is for him, I'll take care of the inside of the house. Home delivery for groceries, again, needs some planning but saves a lot of time.

It's seriously overdramatized how much housework you actually need to do.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

The answer depends on the couple and their circumstances and preference. I do more housework than my fiancé does but he earns more money than I do and works longer hours to do it, and his job is more stressful than mine. He also takes care of the yards and maintenance of our house and cars. There is also the fact that I care more than he does about keeping our home a certain way, and he cares more about keeping the house and yard a certain way. It works for us and I feel like it's fair. I think people make way too big a deal out of this.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

My girlfriend and I both work. She enjoys cooking and assumes responsibility for the cleanup after meals. I do all other chores around the house.

Pinay_ako · Answer

Both of us! I wasn’t born to be someone’s maid nor he’s my boy.

Lliam · Answer

Both. My wife and I have settled into a system of sharing the housework. I don't know if it's 50/50 but we aren't keeping track and we're comfortable with our arrangement.

She does most of the cooking because she is picky and, besides, I don't really enjoy cooking. But I do some.
We both help with cleaning pots and pans. I put everything away, including emptying the dishwasher.
I empty the garbage.
I do all the mail runs (almost 2 miles round trip to the mailbox).
I sort the mail, pay the household bills and balance the checkbook.
I do all the laundry and put it away except for her clothes because she is picky about how hers get washed and dried.
I don't mind doing the things that I have chosen to be responsible for.

It's easier when we both change the sheets on our king size bed together.

She does most of the grocery shopping.
She does a lot of the other cleaning such as floors, carpets, counters and bathrooms.
She cleans the cat boxes. She feeds them in the morning and I feed them at night.
She makes the hummingbird water, cleans and fills the feeders. I hang them up.
She's a busy bee and does lots of other stuff.

We both work in the yard where we have gardens and also raised beds and some fruit trees. She does more yard work than I do because she is the one with ideas about what she wants. She also works hard at sprouting a lot of veggies from seeds inside the house, moving them into the greenhouse, and planting them when they are ready.

We have a girl come over about once a month to spend 3 hours cleaning. Aside from dusting, vacuuming, mopping, thoroughly cleaning the bathrooms and kitchen, she will even do windows even shampoo our carpets if we ask ahead of time.

Moose304 · Answer

I took a few minutes after reading this question and gave it some thought. I can't answer this question because I live alone and have a maid that does most of my house cleaning. The only area she doesn't clean is my office. Over the years the only solution I have seen stand the test of time is a designated day to clean. Both partners are present and the house gets cleaned. The exceptions are the bathrooms and Kitchen/Dining room. This is one of those situations I like to call a wild thread. If you pull at an exposed thread you can weaken the hem. When I see a wild thread I quickly burn it off. What happens in these situations is one partner will miss something and all of a sudden something that the partner did 2 years ago gets revived. On this subject, I am forced to be a bit of a gloomy gus. In most marriages where both partners are working and spending so much time away that housework becomes an issue, well, they come to an end! People think of a relationship as 50-50 effort. That is BULLSHIT and is one reason most people suck at giving relationship advice. A relationship is 100% effort, not 50%. There are times when a Husband has to give more effort. His wife may be going through a problem with her job. Same with a wife if her husband is having other issues. As to the question, the housework is just part of the decisions that have to be made. These decisions are specific to the dynamics of the couple and there is NO one size fits all solution. If you love that person you will work it out. If you can't work it out over time the relationship will rot from the inside! Sorry, but on this subject, I refuse to blow sunshine up a butt!

TheorionMage · Answer

Cohabitation is an 'enterprise' much like a watercraft... YOUR half of a boat does not sink independent of the OTHER half!   In the 60's there was a counterculture maxim:  "Ass, Gas or Grass... nobody rides for free"   MUCH depends upon if there are pre-teen children in the mix.  These days often multiple 'part-time' employments are necessary and commuting to/from needs be entered into the equation so housework needs be apportioned accordingly.  You can only 'burn the candle at BOTH ends' for SO long. I ended my first marriage when I worked one full time and one part-time and the wife only worked one part-time and couldn't find the effort to keep a one bedroom condo with no minors 'civil'!  We''re NOT talking 'Better Homes & Gardens' just NOT 'morning after houseparty' disarray! Dishes in sink, clothes all over the floor, overflowing wastebaskets... yuck!

Anonymous · Answer

Gotta love how feminists paint a picture of men being freeloaders while women work fulltime jobs AND do all the domestic work. But of course they conveniently disregard the fact that men still earn significantly more on average than women do, and there are very good reasons for that. They are EXPECTED to. Its what men are valued for by women and society despite what feminists claim. Men work longer hours and they do more difficult, dangerous, dirty, unpleasant and stressful jobs to earn more money for their families.

Also, the studies that show women do more of the domestic work intentionally leave out all the work men do caring for and maintaining the house, yard and vehicles. Those things are not considered at all in these studies.

Should men also be expected to do half of the tasks feminists consider "domestic work" as well. Is that fair? I don't think so.

This issue is one of the reasons feminism gets no respect anymore.

Genie23 · Answer

Both should. Both are adults. Both should be responsible. They're partners which means they should handle things together. Depending on one person/expecting that person to take care of the whole house everyday is not fair. We live in the times where most people leave their home at an early age for studies and all. So, almost everyone knows how to take care of a house. I say, both should decide which chore one wants to do, which chore other should do. In case, someone's too sick or too busy, it's fine. The partner can and will take the full responsibility for few days.

AMS700CX4u2 · Answer

The more you do together the stronger your relationship will be. When children are involved include them in the chores. It is difficult for a son or daughter to throw the family under the bus when they feel incorporated into that family. Not Me, You and the Kids but us. Our Budget, Our House , Our Car, Our Vacation. US. My wife knows how to tune up a 327 Chevy. She helped me change the head gasket on a Toyoto Corolla DX and the clutch on a Chevette. My daughter finished her high school requirements and needed an elective. She chose automotive mechanics and won the Auto Tech trophy, and worked at Jiffy Lube before heading off to college. Don't marginalize those you love, empower them.

OfMiceandMen · Answer

I think they should share the housework and the yardwork. I have no problem doing laundry, vacumming, etc., they are just chores. I already do all the housework at my place. Just did a spring cleaning from top to bottom.

Doing yardwork such as leaves, snow, etc., can be fun together. Maybe a little tussle in the snow or leaves.

Chores to me are a free workout, especially doing the leaves, wood, etc. It is great exercise and keeps you both in shape.

ArrowheadSW · Answer

That is the kind of thing that needs to be worked out between the two spouses. Some couples have the deal where the wife does the housework and the husband does the yard work. But the arrangement can go many different ways. If there is no yard work, the housework can be split.

Haha456 · Answer

usually its always the wife who works full time, is the official parent of the kids, and also does all the housework.

then people wonder why women initiate 2/3rds of all divorces.

research has proven that married men live longer than single men but married women do not necessarily live longer than single women

WanderingLoveWizard · Answer

My girl and I had a deal where I'd do all the hard work (fixing things, doing renovations, putting things together, yard work, shoveling, etc...), and she'd do the cleaning and grocery shopping.
I still cleaned up after myself though, she wasn't my maid

Call it sexist all you want, idgaf, and neither did she

UniquelyBasic · Answer

Well first of all both people should pick up after themselves and not burden the other with their mess if possible. I think the person who makes less money or has a less demanding work schedule should do the housework but obviously not everything. Both have to be responsible and help out as much as they can. One person may have to pick up the slack every now and then and vice versa. It's a give and take and the housework isn't going to really be split evenly all the time.

Prettygurl12 · Answer

Whichever one works less or has the less demanding schedule.

genericname85 · Answer

i would each according to the hours they work or according to the income they generate. and if everything is exactly the same, then 50:50.

Razp_Sorbet · Answer

Both should. If they work the same hours then the house work is 50/50 if one works slightly less than the other then they do slightly more

Jessica405 · Answer

Options C or D. It should be shared out, either working together or separately. As long as it gets done, there should be a bit of flexibility. My guy always does the trash and heavy work. He wants to.

worldscolide · Answer

It should be split in such a way based on hours worked outside of the home. For example i personally work 70 hours per week. If my wife worked say 40 or less, it would still fall mostly to her. If on the other hand she worked as much as me, we would split it down the middle.

Nikki1989 · Answer

I do indoors, my husband does the outdoor work.

IveGotNoName · Answer

ALL chores should either be done in turns, together or the chores should be devided equally and both parties assume full responsibility for their half.

midnightmoon05 · Answer

Get a cleaning service.  We both work hard and have learned to budget to hire cleaning services.

BCA6010 · Answer

"Taking turns" is stupid. Do it together. Have kids, and make them responsible for their own living spaces and messes.

Anonymous · Answer

You're the woman get to cooking and cleaning.

bamesjond0069 · Answer

Women always do it and it's their top priority. If she can also maintain a job more power to her but frankly idgaf if she upsets her coworkers boss or clients they can suck my fucking dick. She will have me a hot meal and drain my balls when I need it period case closed or she can kick rocks.

DizzyDesii · Answer

Make time to take turns, have the kids help and hire a maid

PatriceONeal · Answer

You mean the <3% of people who marry? They don't work? Clearly? Women and men have different roles and feminism/communism has destroyed those roles. Women do not share the work or load that men do, you ladies do not work past a certain age. You really need to go back to your nature sooner than later...

Apple1996 · Answer

Doesn't matter who does/doesn't work. Everyone should be responsible and clean up their own messes

Billlewis · Answer

I'm a firm believer in the guy doing all the household chores at all times, regardless of the situation.

Juneberry91 · Answer

It’s both your home so why not both put pride & love into it? I’m very Adamant for having young children participate in caring for their space & home as well.

WindAtMyBack · Answer

However they work it out. With any reasonable couple it should work itself out without much effort or discussion. It doesn't really matter who does what, as long as it gets done.

annabananna · Answer

Assuming both are working same number of hours both should sit down and discuss who does what to help out.

PhantomMenace22 · Answer

Both find out what works for you! If one of you is a better cook, then maybe they could do the majority of cooking. Cleaning can be divided as it works for both parties

AdithyaR · Answer

Tbh there's no one size fits all solution or a schedule that can stay rigid 100% of the time.
Its upto the couple to find what fits their life correctly and also make adjustments according to changes or emergencies in life.

MikeTheBartender · Answer

I have a cleaning lady. Highly recommended. Otherwise split the work evenly.

Pudsmucker · Answer

We've always split the chores around the house. We both dirty it. I also do cooking. As long as my wife can control her OCD I do not mind assisting. I do not mind assistant cleaning the house.

Quackthulu2 · Answer

Everyone who lives under the roof needs to pull their own weight, gender, and age have nothing to do with that.

TacosRAwesome · Answer

Both. They should figure out a way to split the chores.

alice55 · Answer

I think both should do the task they want to do and for the rest they can just play it to shifumi

Anonymous · Answer

Hire someone. Best decision. Just try it; trust me.

douride2 · Answer

If both spouses work they should do it together or take turns doing house work. in my opinion this would also apply to the outside yardwork as well.

Luopio27 · Answer

Maybe they could hire a made or a cleaner since bith are bringing money to the table.

TrillXHippy · Answer

If I’m married and I’m living under the same roof as my wife I’m going to help clean up because she’s not the only that is living there

Amur8711 · Answer

He does the maintenance of the house and vehicle, she does the house chores and cooking.  Pretty much the same if just he was working

NathanDavis · Answer

they  should. .. decide what works best for them, themselves...

Anemone978 · Answer

Fuck living with your spouse live alone.. in the long run it is way better..

CubsterShura · Answer

Both and you divide up the chores and/or take turns based on what works for you.

electromagnetic · Answer

Gonna ask if we can get a helper since we both work 😝

molonski2 · Answer

hahaha -- To vote A?  I think the true answer has to be D or C.

Snakeyes7 · Answer

Don't they do different chores anyway? I rarely hear of a woman willingly do any sort of outdoor chore like mowing the lawn for example. That sounds like enough to me.

TallAnon · Answer

Whomever wants to do it. I'd split it 50/50 otherwise. If I get a girl that loves cooking for example, I'll leave that to her. Otherwise I'll throw something together like I do now.

Anonymous · Answer

uh both obviously... you both live there, you both pay for it, you both work, you both clean...

Anonymous · Answer

50-50 every day. And why is there no option to vote for always the man or the man unless he’s sick?

JustinTheGreat · Answer

Housework should be divided between both partners.

PointTaken · Answer

Take turns or do it together. Usually together can turn into fun then you'll have to release the messy spots.

alearningboy · Answer

If my wife also works then I would like to be the one doing the housework😊

BagoH · Answer

The cleaning lady lol

_Just_A_girl_ · Answer

u know the answer, both since this a 5050 scam concept

Gibbons44 · Answer

Robots? Children (who know how to switch them off and reprogram them)?

nawtee_me · Answer

You do what you can do... I know girls who can change the oil or cut grass or plant a garden...

Sasha0426 · Answer

I think both should but work out a system where it works for them.

Who should do housework if both spouses work?

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