Would you be willing to share your SO with another person even if you are open minded?

[kitty71]

Do you find that as being unfaithful and cheating? Would you be able to tolerate that?

I just read this on the news and Im a bit confused as why some people can tolerate this behavior I know I can't, as how could you really.

There is a story of 2 couples who met on the interne they fell in love and deicded to move together the 2 couples. Do you think for their children the way their parents live is healthy for them? Not even knowing who is their fahter or who your mom cheated with in order to have you?

Here is the link of those news. I mean not beause that is politically correct or we are in different times and in the 21st century that means it is something normal to look up to.

https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/real-life-stories/were-polyamorous-relationship-dont-know-26913985

Updates

1 y

Many people had commented here about they are not willing to share your SO with another one. but did you really read the link I posted of those British couples who live together where there are even children involved and the way they were conceived? Poor kids

[MountAverage]

Maybe, but I wouldn't see it as "sharing" as that implies posession.

Two of the many misconceptions about open relationships are actually each other's polar opposites: One is that it is "sanctioned cheating" (which is a paradox), and the other is that there is no cheating in open relationships because everything is supposedly allowed (it is not).
On the first: Cheating can only happen when one party breaks the rules that both parties have agreed upon. So no, an open relationship is not "sanctioned cheating". Like I said, that would be a paradox.
On the second: There's rules in open relationships like in any other relationship. In fact, open relationships have much more specfici and especially much more openly communicated rules than most other relationships. And if where there's rules, there's potential cheating. If a rule is, for instance, only hook up with people who aren't in either one's circle of friends - then hooking up with someone who's part of either one's circle of friends, is obviously cheating.

[bamesjond0069]

We do it but I don't share shit. We all believe in polygyny dating. One man multiple women. I let them soft play together. ie be romantic mess around hold hands masterbate together but all sex is about me. And I would never allow any man to touch any of them. I have been doing this for years however in different relationships. wasn't all with one girl or one set of girls.

This is absolutely becoming normalized. I have noticed this a long time ago starting a trend. For men who are able to accomplish this its because from my perspective I can get two girls that are both pretty awesome by most mens standards easier than i can even find one that I would ever consider marrying. From the girls perspective I am far out of their league so they would rather share a great guy than have a shitty guy.

For the opposite there are women who can't get a boyfriend they like but they can get a bunch of simps and fuck men they actually like. So you see cuckolding taking off and general polyamory (which is primarily for women to have lots of sex and partners and men to be mostly celibate, not in theory but in practice as far as I can tell)

[bamesjond0069]

@kitty71 any scenario with more than one man is immoral and disgusting. Its anti Christian and its not stable. Good men are leaders and you can only have one leader. Simp betas have moral failings and not good look to have them around.

Im not afraid or worried about having kids with multiple women, seems moral and id teach my sons to do such a thing and daughters why they should accept such a thing.

[Screenwriter]

You can always have a paternity test to find out whose child is for whom. That's not the issue at all.

Some people can handle this. But it's a difficult situation. How do you spread the time between and among each other for intimacy? How do you raise the children?

If there's only one of a particular sex, someone is going to get short shrift emotionally, physically. How do you handle finances, chores, responsibilities?

It's tough enough to divvy all these things between two people. And of course there's jealousy. How is that avoided?

I don't want a MORE complicated life. This might be all fun and games at first, but in the long run, is it tenable?

[perpetial]

No, only because I believe it's impossible to actually satisfy someone when you're focusing on someone else.
Human nature will always kick in. That being said, I have yet to meet a successful one.

The only people in life currently that could have this are those who are very well grounded, set in their ways, high self-esteem and able to put others before themselves. But as we see in social media and in life; majority of people have low self-esteem and are extremely narcisstic. It would have to be someone who can put healthy boundaries and about 99% of the human population can't do that.

[OlderAndWiser]

This seems to me to be statistically abnormal and not an indicator of coming trends. The idea is not new; in the 1700s and 1800s, women would marry a man for social status and security with the understanding that he would probably maintain a mistress discretely. The only difference now is the openness with which that is done.

Is it as common for a woman to have an open relationship with two guys? I don't know.

[ArrowheadSW]

That of course still happens in some cultures. There are doctors in the city where I live, who are from other cultures, and they have mistresses on the side, and the wife knows. My guess is that their marriage was originally "arranged", and for family reasons and status.

[Hungymujjer]

. .………………………

[Vivaldi]

Could a womam have an open relationship with 2 guys 200 years ago?

[OlderAndWiser]

@Vivaldi I doubt it unless she was a courtesan. However, my impression is that there are many more guys with two girlfriends than vice versa. Not sure, so that's why I said, "Is it as common for a woman to have an open relationship with two guys? I don't know."

[IsoUser]

It's more common than you think

[OlderAndWiser]

@IsoUser The question is whether women do it as much as men do.

[Anonymous]

I can understand the temptation. I went to a swingers party with a girl i dated years ago and we were looking for a 3rd girl for a threesome. It didn’t happen but we were considering it. In retrospect I regretted pushing this idea even though my ex was interested. It was selfish.

But I’ve notice this whole “open relationship” thing going on nowadays. Is it even a “real” relationship?

Maybe men and women should quit marrying and do friends with benefits if this is how it’s going to be (unless there is a kid involved).

[kitty71]

There were kids invovle in the link

[Moose304]

I'm not in an exclusive relationship and have not been for 40+ years. So this question does not apply to me. I will say this though. Basically, this question is would you be comfortable in an open marriage or relationship? Let me warn you now about this. Maybe one person in a thousand is capable of doing this. This means the odds of getting two people are astronomical. Because of this one partner may say they are OK with it but are not happy. These situations NEVER end well. DO NOT make relationship decisions based on what some couples say is happening. Understand my position fully. I am not saying an open relationship won't work. I am saying the average person is NOT capable of entering one. Attempting to force them or doing so behind their back will end in disaster. Being cheated on and everything I just finished writing is why I decided years ago to not enter into a serious relationship, just not worth all the damn drama.

[kitty71]

Whta about children involved living in such relationships when the 2 couples even live togehter, such as the example link I posted?

[Moose304]

Having children or not changes nothing about what I wrote. I want to make my point clear and make sure my point is fully understood. I have no issues with open relationships. My comment is NOT an anti-open relationship position. I am saying a VERY tiny portion of the population can enter them and still be happy over the long run. The average person can NOT do it. This crap about open marriage and relationships is starting to become more and more prevalent. I might also add within 2 to 3 years they are also adding to divorce and breakups. I spoke to a guy about this issue several months ago. I advised him to see a mental health professional and get their approval just like most hospitals require before they will do sex-change surgery. I'm serious about this. For the average person, an open relationship will lead to a divorce or breakup.

[Jabberjaw]

I would never share my woman.

If I did, then I for one wouldn't be who I am. But two my girl would lose respect for me and feel unloved only to end up not loving me only to love an respect another man

Girls basically have to lose love and respect for their man in order to sleep with another guy. Because when a girl is down for you she is down for YOU, but when she's done she's DONE. Most girls talk about this fact

Guys don't quite work the same. We can sleep with another girl and still be down for our girl while not caring for the girl they just slept with. We don't have the same type of emotional requirements for sex or same emotional impact from having sex.

If a guy cheats on his girl he's more likely to go home and work on his relationship. If a girl cheats on her guy she's more likely to end the relationship unless doing so would be to damaging for her personally.

That's why a lot of girls field options before ending their relationships

[coffee_hates_me]

Yah I'd be willing and open-minded. I'm sure the obnoxious puritans will call this detestable and degenerate and will denigrate people who have such opinions they dislike, but that's their opinion. I honestly can't stand puritans who go out of their way to talk down on people they consider degenerate, especially if their "degeneracy" is not immoral, like this. I respect their rights to clutch their pearls at the thought of people being like this, lol, but am actually quite repulsed even dry-heave🤢at such puritans when they denigrate said "degenerates" lol

[ArtemisSilver]

Polyamory offers a lot of advantages in terms of resource pooling, shared child care and crisis resistance.

I'm of the opinion that one male and two or more females is the optimal configuration where children are concerned, for a number of psychosocial reasons, but mfmf or mmf could work fine for some people.

With the costs of housing and caring for children exploding I suspect these relationships are going to become more common. The multi adult cooperation aspect of poly gives a lot more financial freedom.

As for sharing a partner, communication, setting expectations activity managing feelings of jealousy and fostering feelings of compersion are all important.

[ArtemisSilver]

Poor kids... So you're really just looking to unthinkingly judge. Why am I not surprised?

[kitty71]

The kids are the one who will suffer the most, people here only think about themselves and not the kids. I mean how come the kids belong to one of the other men and they all liver togehter? no wya

[ArtemisSilver]

In what way are the kids "suffering"?

This just sounds like you're trying to justify your prejudice, and not very articulately at that.

[Anonymous]

Only in specific situations, like say I lost all four limbs, or become a paraplegic.

If I become Asexual and have no interest, might also there... just cause I don't want someone I love who loves sex to go without simply because I am not interested.

It makes no sense to make the person you love the most become celibate because you want to... that seems kind of mean thing to do to someone you love.

In normal traditional normal relationships I'd say no. Even though I have ancestors who did polygamy.

[humpbackjack]

You are a great woman. I feel the same way as far as not forcing your SO into celibacy just because you’ve lost interest

[just_a_potato]

Nope nope nope. Most people who say yes are just thinking about being able to fuck more than one person without getting in trouble. I'm very monogamous, I like being a two person unit just me and them. 🥰

[Telekinetic-Potato]

I've had an open relationship before. It worked out pretty goot to be honest.

I don't judge but those make less sense to me than people in open relationships. But I think I get why they work, I just can't place myself in those peoples shoes too much.

[lilyanony1]

In all honesty I'm working on finding the right man for me.
So far I've had hot/cold, flip/flopping chop/change, fling, side chick.
I'm done with that mess!
I'm a really easy going person.
But can I just have one year of peace before things start to get complicated and people start thinking about additional people and all that yuckiness.

[BarbWright]

Definitely not. I have witnessed people try open relationships and it has always collapsed in on itself with jealousy - if your partner can do whatever with whoever, and they spend more time doing that than being with you, jealousy is not only inevitable but justified in my opinion.

[ChooChooHaha]

Different strokes for different folks.
I know I'm the one that rolls her eyes at others like "bitch please," when a girl'd try some bullshit with my man, so, no polygamy for me. BUT: if it's ok with others lifestyles, and they're not doing anything nefarious, go on ahead!

[Fireguy17]

No, it seems that I shared my first wife with the landlord, but for a while I wasn't aware that I was doing that.
That didn't end well.
I also had an exgirlfriend that seemed to like "sharing" herself with others.
That also ended.
I ahve had a long term ff/m relationship, but all parties were in agreement and it was pretty much just sex.
We had a lot of fun, but eventually moved on.

[Paige90]

I would have sex with another couple (MFMF). In fact, I have done it twice and both times were incredible! I have done MFF too and it was great.

[DizzyDesii]

Im not open minded and i wouldn't be willing to share them nor be shared sexually. Its not cheating if you permitted it and are witnessing it. But if they do it behind your back and in secret, its cheating. Either way, its not something im open to

[kitty71]

but in the link above the 2 couples live togehter and the women got impregannted b y either one of those 2 husbadns yikes

[DizzyDesii]

I know people who had twins and one belonged to each man

[kitty71]

yikes

[SolitarySolace]

I dont plan on ever having one significant other. Why would I want to share one? They clearly don't care enough about me because otherwise they'd only want me and no one else. I don't want to be with someone who needs multiple people to love in that way. I don't care if that makes me closed minded. I'd rather die alone

[SweedyPie]

I am not into polygamous relationships, no. I do not care if my partner has sex with other women for his amusement. But he can't have relationships with anyone except me.

[rebeliouse]

@SweedyPie
so he is ok to have sex with other women but not go on dates etc?

[SweedyPie]

@rebeliouse yep. No strings attached sex is fine. Ofc their are basic rules... protection, std testing beforehand etc. Sex is a basic need. It's understood that he might feel for variety every once in a while. So it wouldn't bother me at all.

[rebeliouse]

@SweedyPie
do u have sex with other guys?

u ever had threesome with partner?

ever been center of a gangbang?

[Petermorgan3434]

If it was another women than Yes. If my girlfriend was bi OK fine I accept Because it means more than likely I get to do 2 girls at once, or if not I get another bro (chick) to hang with and drink/party/play darts/pool/sports with , or another drinking hangout buddy, plus a 3 some means extra help raising the kid (1+1< 1+2)😁

[Guido]

We have in the past played with others, MFMF & FMF. The key is we have no jealousy at all and know that we go home together. We only played together and never separate. The passion was significantly increased in our sex lives for weeks after each encounter.

[kitty71]

and what happen when the 2 couples live togehter like in the link I posted? And even they have kids from each other

[Guido]

I can't answer that one. It is not something we would ever do and I cannot imagine living in that situation. If they ever split up, it would be a nightmare.

[EssenceOfLight]

No. This violates fundamental moral rules in my perception of a relationship.

"Do you find that as being unfaithful and cheating?"
Yes, I wouldn't do that to my SO.

"Would you be able to tolerate that?"
Absolutely not. I could use it as free ticket to cheating as well but at the end such relationship is pointless. It's only matter of time I would find someone younger and more attractive and make her to my new SO.