Should you stay in shape for your partner?

[Jabberjaw]

If yes, are you currently in shape?

If you are not, do you feel as if you are failing to live up to your responsibilities as a partner?

Updates

1 y

Appreciate everybody taking part 👏

[Anonymous]

Ultimately you should stay in shape for yourself. If you are doing it because you feel obligated to, forced to, coerced into, or are being given ultimatums to do so in order to remain in the relationship, that's not a healthy relationship. I tend to believe people who's life revolves around fitness specifically seek out individuals just like them because that is what attracts them, and there is nothing wrong with that, if you are very upfront about that, and they get that and live in that mindset too, but I think for most couples, it's not the be all end all in a relationship because you are attracted to far more than the superficial. It's normal to want your partner to be in shape to the point where their health is not at risk, but I personally don't workout for the purposes of my partners approval or satisfaction, I do so because it makes me feel good and healthy to do so.

[Jabberjaw]

To be fair, realistically people who are into fitness and attracted to people who are into fitness won't even be spending their time on people who are not already in shape to a degree

Philosophically I agree with your point. Ultimately the best motivation to stay in shape is for yourself. That's the most healthy long lasting result path to take period that said

If a mother who has chosen to raise is really out of shape and she realizes that she needs to take better care of her health to be a better parent to her children so that she could be around to the grandkids. She's doing that for her kids to a degree not just for her. Is that an unhealthy motivation? I wouldn't think so

If your partner didn't have it in them to tell you that they're losing physical attraction for you because you got out of shape, and you can actually see that they are less attracted to you based on their behavior. If that is enough motivation for you to get into shape, is that a bad thing? I don't think so

Like I know due to got into shape specifically because they saw their girl checking out other guys and could see the lust in her eyes for other men who are physically fit and he realized she doesn't look at him like that. So he got in shape and they have a long-lasting marriage to this day

I think this is a broader topic than just being superficial or just being accepted. And within the context of a relationship I think to a degree you do owe it to your partner to take care of yourself.

Like doesn't your partner deserve to wake up in bed and look over at you and be proud that they have you, looking at you like you're a hot piece of ass?

Sure, they might accept you as you are in love you as you are and so on. Love is deeper than the physical. But to disregard the physical I think is dishonest to a degree, because it matters

[Jabberjaw]

Mother has children to raise *

[Opinion Owner]

Maybe that is you specific. I've never been in a relationship where I felt or a partner felt I owed them to look a certain way. I don't want to be in that relationship. I find no issue with my boyfriend saying let's work out together, let's eat healthy, and all that, but if he's going to sit there and tell me I owe him to be attractive and if I don't fulfill the brief he's going to break up or cheat on me----break up with me then. Again, it's cool if you are a gym rat and you need someone who looks a certain way to be with you and you make that clear, but there are a lot of people who aren't so focused on the extreme that their partner can never physically change or if they do, they're out.

[Jabberjaw]

I think people are getting caught up on the idea as if I'm saying be a supermodel. I'm not, I'm talking about having a minimum physical fitness standard. Not a ripped six pack.

The majority of the US population right now is overweight and being obese is kind of the norm right now. All I'm saying is should you not be obese, for your partners sake

Does your partner deserve to have a partner they find physically attractive? Even if they love you dearly. Does the one you love deserve to be with someone they find physically attractive that really turns them on

[Screenwriter]

You should stay in shape because you respect YOURSELF, first, and secondarily, because you want to stay fit to have a long, good life, and to please your partner.

Everybody falls off the fitness wagon every now and then, due to life stresses. But just get back up on the horse and keep that self-respect and fitness. It makes life so much easier, especially the older you get.

[Jabberjaw]

Yeah, it's kind of crazy to me sometimes how some people say they got stressed so they didn't work out when training helps with that directly

I think it's easy to have this idea that you need to be motivated to work out or have a lot of energy to work out when you really don't

I know for me I will do one of two things if I'm really low energy one day

If I'm low on energy because I'm under slept like I only had 5 hours of sleep the night before, then I'll just rest that day and take a nap in the middle of the day. Get a good night's sleep and then do that same work out tomorrow

If however nothing specifically is causing the low energy, I just feel low energy I will simply do a modified workout. Like if I'm alternating two supersets for 4 rounds I'll plan to only do the two supersets for 2 rounds each and judge it based on my energy mid workout if I have another.

Anytime I've been unmotivated to work out or even low energy, in the middle of the workout I gained energy

[Screenwriter]

This is a fact that few people seem to mention. Working out gives you an energy boost. If you're arthritic, working out eases arthritis pain. The use it lose it maxim is true. And modified workouts are better than none, plus the fact that sometimes in the middles of a shortened workout, you feel good enough to go long!

[Jabberjaw]

1000%

I've actually been more involved with using higher rep bloodflow workouts 50+ reps just for general health and anyone could do it. It has massive restorative benefits

[Screenwriter]

Bodypump, which might be out of fashion these days, is a solid workout with weights. HIgh reps, light weights. I don't mean 5 lbs. But usually between 10 and 50 lbs, according to your strength. You can get it online at Les Mills. Not expensive, good online instructors and offers variety. There are dozens of hour-long routines that work you head to toe. And I have a personal trainer I see monthly to check up on how fit I am... I keep a little booklet on what activities I've been doing daily. Keeps you honest!!!

[Jabberjaw]

Sounds familiar like something from the 90s or 2000s

[Screenwriter]

Actually I was certified as a trainer in Bodypump in 2016. But I don't know how long it has been around. It originated from Australia.

[TruthBringer]

The main reason should be for yourself. Because if a partner becomes an ex, you're still keeping yourself in shape for health, social, and even the benefit of being more attractive when you start to date again.

And yes, I also do think that staying in shape out of care for your partner's opinion and attraction about you is a good reason to stay in shape. Someone who cares about their partner wants to please their partner by remaining attractive to them. Anyone who thinks "Oh they should love me for me" is making excuses to be lazy and clearly has no true care for their partner's opinion.

[Jabberjaw]

This is one of the most honest opinions. People use the "they should love me for me" copout answer to justify slacking off in most cases. Rather than being more honest about being more out of shape than they "should" and are working on it. Saw a few of those honest answers too. That was refreshing

[TruthBringer]

@jabberjaw You hit the nail right on the head! People use those lines as copouts indeed. And anyone with even the slightest bit of common sense smells the that BS. Let me also say that ironically, those who claim "They should love me for me!" would be the first to abandon ship whenever their partner starts to slack off or at the very least complain or be passive aggressive. A partner who doesn't push their significant other to remain productive is not a true partner in my eyes. And for those who DO take staying in shape seriously have every right to require their partner to stay in shape. On top of that, if you don't actually have the balls to tell your partner to stop slacking off and start taking the necessary steps to get (back) in shape, then you have no self-respect. And funny enough, the other person wouldn't even respect you as much as if you DID put your foot down.

[Jabberjaw]

Yea, I prefer the lead by example take. I've never had to tell any of the girls I date they need to get back in the gym. The ones who did already knew and asked for my help so I'd work out with them and get them straight again.

Good bonding honestly which is why I can proudly say even among my exes they still have good reviews to share about me 😂. Just didn't work out for us in the end.

My girl now I'll jokingly say workout but it's not serious. She'll say she's going to exercise after getting home from work then when she's tired after work lays there saying "uuuuugh I'm so tiiiirred". That's when ill say WORKOUT FATTY! Lol always gets a laugh.

Tell her ass to take a shower too hahaha

[muscularbumblebee]

I mean if she’s just adding extra detail to the answer and has already answered basics to your question without being rude, I don’t see why not.

But I get where you’re coming from. Fair enough

[Jabberjaw]

@muscularbumblebee I'm confused

[muscularbumblebee]

It’s fine lol. Let’s leave it haha

[TruthBringer]

@muscularbumblebee I'm confused as well. Sounds like you're speaking about a conversation which took place not under this comment section.

[TruthBringer]

@jabberjaw Of course snowflake alice55 blocks just to have the last say right before she claimed we are cheaters and calling me a "woman hating incel". All because her arguments got debunked with easey. Even though jokes on her, I'm in a loving relationship for years. All these mindgames and ad hominems these broads play just to try justify being lazy and fat. 😂

[Jabberjaw]

Damn, you got me blocked too and I wasn't even talking to her 😂

[TruthBringer]

@jabberjaw I believe you can still talk to her since this is your post. I would just remove her comments altogether. ain't letting no retards comment on my Takes

[Jabberjaw]

Na, I tried to and it said I was blocked lol. Idc. Just thought it was hilarious lmao.

[TruthBringer]

@jabberjaw She might as well be working in a circus at this point, because her entire logical interpration system is an absolute joke. Her only arguments are ad hominem attacks. This is what happens when someone is intellectually challenged and isn't used to seeing people disagreeing with them while simultanously bring forth better arguments than they are. Remember, if someone starts to insult you, especially with unoriginal insults by calling you a misogynist or an incel, then you know you're dealing with one of those feminazi snowflakes who really don't even know what they are saying.

[Jabberjaw]

From the sounds of it she just hadn't gotten over the fact that a guy cheated on her in the past. That's what I got from what she said last lol

[TruthBringer]

@jabberjaw Or she is a cheater herself. Cheaters often project on others. It wouldn't surprise me if she projected onto us. Especially since it was completely uncalled for.

[litty]

I do it for multiple reasons. More energy in the day. Crazy feel good massages from all the tension. More focus. More confidence in how I look in public. The ability to save my own life if I'm in a pinch.

Staying in shape is also just as much about a balanced diet as it is exercise.

As for my partner, not only does looking good for her make her horny, but I also last very long during sex.

[Jabberjaw]

Any guy that can do 12-20 full depth Dips and Pullups has the strength to save his life or anothers 👌 I stand by that

[aWes0MeNeSs]

Like others have said, your main motivation for getting/staying in shape should ultimately be for yourself. However, I think if someone wants to be physically attractive to a wider selection of people or to stay as physically attractive as possible to their partner (as the harsh reality is that people are attracted to what they're attracted to, and are not attracted to what they're not, and that can't really be changed), it's a good idea to stay in shape. Not only that, but it makes people feel better both mentally and physically and is much better for your long term health.

I'm in pretty decent shape, but still trying to improve. I did slip up some when I went through a lot of stress and a million other things to worry about and get done this past year (last year was horrible and I'm so glad it's over and gone for good), but have gotten back into it. I just feel better when I'm working out, even if it isn't anything super intense.

[Jabberjaw]

Yea, I think people got caught up on the "should" when they really mean "ideally" you do it for you. Like yea, if you do it for you then you're already in shape. It's not a question for you. If you fall off you get back on because it's for you.

But the majority of the country is overweight and obese is the norm. So clearly that ideal isn't working because they're not doing it for themselves. That's largely why I posed the question from the position of. Assuming you're not in shape (not currently doing it for you) should you do so for your partner? Are you failing them in some way by not?

That's where I was mainly coming from. The esoteric idea of meeting our ideals is great. But people act like you either do it for yourself or not at all. That's just silly to me

[jennifer_bloom]

The way I see it - diet or exercise is not about looking good - it’s about showing your trying to make an effort to look good, cause you can’t achieve anything without falling in love with the process.

[Jabberjaw]

I respect that take. Showing or proving you deserve your position and that you give a damn

[Apple1996]

I don't personally feel that way but it's cause I've had 3 kids if my partner doesn't like my body then he can blame himself for getting me pregnant.(this isn't a issue tho cause my husband doesn't care about how i look)

[Jabberjaw]

Yeah, I do think pregnant wives/girlfriends get some leeway because at the end of the day those are his kids. But if they weren't his kids I don't see him feeling quite the same way about it.

Like it's different than if you were a single mom trying to date him if that makes sense.

[Apple1996]

Even if that was the case I would just find a guy that liked my body type. Some guys are really into moms

[Jabberjaw]

Yes and no. Not a lot of guys looking to sign up for 3 kids out the gate. Some would but yea

[YES12]

I totally agree I gained 100 lbs with both my pregnancies wasn't easy to get it off. I have never been that skinny again. My husband lives Me no matter even when I was my biggest. They weren't his kids. We always have had a great sex life.

[Jabberjaw]

@YES12 that's good of him. Take care of that man

[YES12]

My husband loves me no matter what. That's what I meant to say. I think if your spouse gains a little weight it doesn't matter if they treat you good. My husband treats me so great and I do him I cook I clean I do laundry. Yeah maybe old fashion I am but it works for us. I knew him since I was 13 married him in 2 weeks when we got older. Been married over 10 years. Never argued once. Why because even if we don't agree we respect each other's opinion. Our exes treated us so bad we knew what not to do. So yes I gained weight because of menopause and pregnancy. But my husband helped me get to the weight I wanted he worked out with me. Encouraged me just like I did him.

[Jabberjaw]

@YES12 ❤️❤️❤️ love that

[TruthBringer]

Pregnancy can cut some slack. However, when the pregnancy is over and the body is able to exercise again, I see not why at least doing some home exercizes if not going to the gym shouldn't be done for both yourself AND for your partner. Plenty of women with jobs and kids manage to balance things out through diet and planning.

And sorry, I do not buy into your husband "not caring" about how you look. Sure, I may not know your husband personally, but he is still a man. And the majority of men do care, even if they may give a politically correct answer. Perhaps he finds you attractive the way you are now and that's fine. But let's say a woman who gets really out of shape due to pregnancy and wouldn't do anything about, the majority of men would find that disappointing (especially if she was in good shape prior). So no, I don't think using pregnancy as an excuse to get out of shape to cover for being unmotivated. Because trust me, when men who are very busy providing for their families start to get out of shape because they spend the majority of time working, many wives complain about them being out of shape. Witnessed this way too many times. And guess what. It's human nature.

[Apple1996]

@TruthBringer you do realize women hold onto weight and fat when they are breastfeeding which for me is like 2 years after the baby. Working out can kill a womens milk supply and isn't healthy. It's better for a woman to put the health of her baby first before being so worried about their looks.
And nah I know how he is. How I look isn't even a factor about why he's with me. I get some guys are like that but definitely not all of them

[Jabberjaw]

Well to be fair. Over training can cause issues for anyone and everyone irrespective of their current health. Post pregnancy working out should change but done properly will be better longterm for your health and the baby. Just have to shift focus and not overdo it

[TruthBringer]

@Apple1996 Nice strawman arguments. It sounds like you interpreted what I said as hardcore workouts. It's not like a workout consists only of the types where you squat 2 plates on each side. There are plenty of workouts for women who are pregnant as well as post-pregnancy that are healthy and advised by doctors. Without having to jeopardizing milkproduction. Like I said, it sounds more like you're reaching for straws of excuses to justify your lack of motivation. If workouts are not your thing, just say so. But don't try to beat around the bush.

[Apple1996]

@TruthBringer I never even stated here if I worked out or not so not sure how your getting that I lack the motivation to workout

[dolemite89]

this is why i will never get married/have kids 😂😂

[Apple1996]

@dolemite89 lol not into moms?

[dolemite89]

I cringe at the idea of having a wife who doesn’t want to exercise while also sayng her being frumpy is somehow my fault 🤣 if i work 60 hours a week why shouldn’t i come home to a girl that still looks good naked?

[Apple1996]

@dolemite89 a frumpy girl can still look good naked

[TruthBringer]

@dolemite89 You should find a woman who isn't shallow when it comes to her pregnancy and fitness lifestyle. I have plenty of family members who have gotten pregnant multiple times and still manage to workout while being employed and raising a family. I often hear that's their way to relax. And if you look at their bodies, you wouldn't say they got pregnant some months prior.

[TruthBringer]

@Apple1996 There is something called reading between the lines. Your comments make it awfully sound like you're using pregnancy as an excuse not to invest in a workout habit. You're not gas lighting anyone here, so don't insulting our intelligence.

Like I said, if working out is nothing for you, then that's fine and just say so. Stop beating around the bush. If you truly were serious about working out, then you wouldn't be making these arguments.

[Apple1996]

@TruthBringer there is no need for me to talk about my workout habits here on this question. Someone could workout and not be in shape and on the other side not workout and still be in shape. I'm simply just trying to say here that things like being in shape are pointless when it comes to being in a relationship. At some point everyone let's themselves go (especially after a pregnancy) and the person we love is more important then how they look.

[TruthBringer]

@Apple1996 I disagree. Being in a relationship is not an excuse to get out of shape. The in-shape thing is often what lead people to lose interest in their significant other. Because they stopped doing what made them attractive, in the first place. Which often has lead to cheating people cheating on each other. And often, weight has a lot to do with this. Being in a relationship is no green card to slack off. So very bad argument from your end. If you like an undisciplined partner who would rather settle for whatever, then be my guest. But people who are actually doing things out there won't tolerate their significant others to become lazy and unproductive. In my experience, couples that keep each other in check happen to have the strongest bond. Because they care about their partner's wellbeing as well as having the self-respect to have the standard of having a partner who doesn't take the easy way. Giving birth grants you some leeway, but isn't a valid excuse to not try at all. Same goes for a man who works a lot, he still should make time to keep himself in good shape for health benefits and to keep that physical attraction at its peek.
Like I said, workouts are just not for you. But you're once again beating around the bush.

[Apple1996]

@TruthBringer I highly doubt if you knew how I looked youd be saying any of this to me. I'm probably more attractive then most moms with 3 kids like obviously I don't like going around saying that/even saying If work out or not since I'm more then my looks. I have a personality and heart that is better then anything I could ever be on the outside. There are plenty of others that also have a beautiful inside. It seems those that focus so much on looks are the most ugly people on the inside and not worth the time of being in a relationship with since long term those looks will always fade and all that will be left is who they truly are on the inside.

[TruthBringer]

@Apple1996 You're clearly missing the point of my message. I'm talking about the dynamic and principle. Not you personally and how you look. If you're in shape without having the need to exercise, then good for you. You're one of the lucky ones. This can't be said for a ton of women out there who get out of shape real quick due to pregnancy. I'm challenging your ARGUMENTS, not you as a person. Learn the difference.

" It seems those that focus so much on looks are the most ugly people on the inside and not worth the time of being in a relationship with since long term those looks will always fade and all that will be left is who they truly are on the inside."
- One again strawmanning my point. I never implied that couples should focus primarily on looks. I merely mentioned that looks happens to be an important aspect in attraction and people should be motivated to stay in shape both IN and OUT of relationships (and even with or without pregnancy). Just because people put importance on looks, doesn't make them "ugly" from the inside. This would only be the case if looks are the ONLY and I repeat ONLY thing they care about. If you don't think looks are important at all in relationships, then you're living in La la Land.

[Apple1996]

@TruthBringer I must be living in lala land then cause looks aren't important

[TruthBringer]

@Apple1996 Enjoy living in la la land indeed despite all the evidence, industries and common sense in the world that looks do matter.. Have a good one ;)

[SecretsofKB]

I don't see it as a responsibility of mine, as that actually sounds kind of weird to think about it that way.

But I do want to look good for my partner. I want her to want me (to quote Cheap Trick lol)

[Jabberjaw]

What happens down the line if you no longer feel like wanting to look good for your partner?

Does she not deserve a partner she's physically attracted to? Or is it based on your mood

[SecretsofKB]

If I ever stop feeling like I want to look good for my partner then our relationship is over at that point and it doesn't matter how I look to them.

[Jabberjaw]

I think they're connected personally. If you let yourself go even due to Laziness or stress you're lowering the attraction/sexuality in the relationship which inevitably leads to stagnation.

Common for both partners to let themselves go because they get too comfortable and neither is as attracted to the other anymore and they don't care to do better because they're both fat.

Like I've never seen the not caring how you look stem from not being into the relationship anymore, it's almost always something else like too comfortable or feeling like you "got" them and it doesn't matter anymore. A lot of married women do that, they get the ring and just relax

[silkjames]

I'm Doing ME when I work out and train my main job is my electrician company but working then going toe too toe in the ring and my girl finally seen why I was working out I was not trying to inpress no one my beautiful queen could be fat and I still love her when she was pregnant with my beautiful daughter that's a teenager now ohhh man she was mean and I understood why I took all her insults instead of proving I am a tough man I cooked and cleaned I run her back and fight no lie my attention was I'm by your side no matter what my sweet queen stated saying sorry and cried I said you don't have nothing too be sorry about I love u I got your back nomater what if u don't see that yet u will sweet heart then I hugged her for Soo long it was already time too make breakfast we woke up on our couch she was sleeping on my chest well me off too work and boxing gym and no lie one day she said you are the fucking MAN after she gave birth to my beautiful daughter my queen said there's your dad then said the other words the doctor and nurses look at us like that's a strong family lol after I witness that which strengthen me even more to my core this was 14 years ago I just run my company and I donated money to help keep that boxing gym open forever for the kids well I came a long way my daughter is Soo smart and I do scare off all the boys which I don't do in front of my daughter 😂 and once a year friends and family we all visit my queen she got really sick and passed away 5 years ago... had a lot of friends and family members pass away but this hurt I broke down I don't know if anyone has seen a loved be sick in bed for years just fighting and fighting there's nothing no one can do i was still trying so hard to save her I yelled at doctors saying I pay u whatever on the last which I was confused like how u know than she told me every doctor said u have to talk too her I'm like it better be her last week I had my brother my cousins friends who I grow up with there I'm saying u guys can leave then they said queen bee I was ready too fight them all then I heard my daughter voice the only 2 females I will always listen too she was 8 years old so smart she said we have to be strong for mama I finally seen sense I knew there was nothing that could be done my mind just kept saying don't die THE WORSE PAIN IN THE WOULD we the perfect family the was hard if there was a devil I would of took her place fact i thought one of the strongest woman was giving up she looked me right in my eyes and said I'm in too much pain I can't my selfish self said fight I kept the doctors from giving her that pill or whatever it was for hours even the police did not come near me I even thought my family was coming to help lol it took my 8 year old daughter

[TransAm85]

I think you should stay in shape indeed for yourself, but I do care what my husband thinks. I am not the same size I was when we first met, but I think I still look good. Sure, he may have gotten older and what have you, but I still want to be pretty for him. Some females think just b/c they had the guy's kids that they have the upper hand.

[Jabberjaw]

Yea, a lot of women don't appreciate their man

[Anonymous]

No!
You should stay in shape - period.
If you don't care about yourself you are less likely to care about others.
You are less likely to feel good about yourself. You mental health is tied to physical health.
I suffered... perhaps still do, from depression. I read an article about helping with grief. Though not about depression I still started to practice what was advised. Get out do physical things and get into shape. Yep big help.
If you do it for others then its going to be flaky. And what happens if they leave? Some of the best revenge I have witnessed is someone getting into shape after some one left them. The proper mental attitude was their gift. And the gift they could give to their new mate.

[kaylaS91]

Umm.. yes? Kind of.
Stay in shape for the benefit of your own mental/physical health, first and foremost.


As for your partner.. it’s understandable that everyone is more attracted to someone fit with a healthy lifestyle. It’s also easier to live healthier if your partner does so.

[D_Bone_Steak]

Yes. ... and yes, I'm in shape.

Being in shape is part of your Sexual Market Value (SMV). Once upon a time, most people wanted to have a good SMV. That's been slipping recently in society in my opinion.

[Jabberjaw]

Yea, I imagine too much of our entertainment being online is part to blame

[CindyRuns]

I do partly for him and mostly for me !!!

I sort of melt when my husband tells me how hot he finds me !!!

[Jabberjaw]

Aww lol cute

[electromagnetic]

I’ve been powerlifting and into sports for many years. Never did it to impress anyone or maintain any sort of relationship with anyone else.

I did it because it made me happy. If someone’s ideal views are to be fit so they can maintain a relationship, that’s some unhealthy views.

[Jabberjaw]

Isn't that taking an extreme position on a fairly simple topic?

[muscularbumblebee]

Isn’t being obese or anorexic pretty extreme? I don’t see what’s wrong with what she said.

Also she’s just elaborating on the question..

[Jabberjaw]

@muscularbumblebee i was moreso referring to the last sentence about "ideals views". That's overblowing what I'm talking about. Taking it to the extreme where it's no longer accurate.

I don't know anyone that thinks "I'm gonna get a 6 pack so that I can finally get a girlfriend and maintain her FOREVER". Like maybe somewhere out there someone has had that view.

But would you say that's even a substantial minority of people? Like if I said, working out is good for you as the topic. And her response was "working out all the time will make you sick and is unhealthy, so I disagree"

That's a gross exaggeration of the point to the point it's no longer true. Because I'm saying training is good for you and it is. Her saying doing too much is bad for you, while true does not negate what I said as fact.

That's why I said isn't that taking an extreme position. She also had no follow up. Not that she needed to but I think that lends itself more to the idea she might get the idea it was a bit of an exaggeration and walked away from it

[Dinklex3]

I do not think it's my "responsibility" to stay in shape for my partner, and I don't think it's their responsibility to stay in shape for me.
I stay in shape for myself. I date others who value health and fitness as well.
If they don't, we're simply just not compatible.

[Jabberjaw]

Your opinion sounds like you've made a case for why it is their responsibility lol. Because if they don't they don't have a position in your life

[Dinklex3]

?
No. Lol.
Me connecting with someone who values health and fitness, does not mean they have a responsibility TO ME to be healthy. It's something that my partner would value for themself. There's a difference between being in shape just because of your partner wants you to and being in shape because you genuinely want to.
I'm not and cannot force my partner to value health/ fitness and be unhappy lol.

[Jabberjaw]

Totally get that. I'm just saying it sounds like you're playing with semantics. Because let's say they did value fitness at first but then life happens and their focus shifts to something else and in the process they let their health go and are no longer concerned getting back in shape.

Are you staying with him now that he's out of shape and no plans of getting back in shape, even for himself?

[Dinklex3]

If you're talking about just their physique and them not being as muscular as they used to, of course I'd still be with him?
Our bodies change, we get older. Im not going to leave my partner just because he doesn't hit the gym everyday anymore.
Being "in shape" and wanting to take care of your health and maintaining an active lifestyle aren't the same thing. At least not to me.
Leaving your partner because you have different values does not mean they failed their "responsibilities" to you. You just aren't compatible anymore.
I don't go for chubby guys, does that mean it's my partner's "responsibility" to never get chubby? No.

If you're talking about someone not taking care of their health, couch potato, eating junk, smoking, drinking then no i would not be with them. That leads to more problems down the line. What each of us value has changed so we are not compatible anymore. 👋

[Jabberjaw]

That's a female vs male thought difference then. a lot of the times when a guy can be the same person but if he's not doing the things that attracted her in the first place, he ceases to exist. The "man you fell in love with" is no more when all he changed was not taking care of his health with respect to this example at least

[Jabberjaw]

My overall point is that there's virtually no difference between acting as if it's his responsibility to you and him "no longer being compatible".

That's just a story. At the end of the day you don't fuck with dudes that don't maintain their fitness. He has to shape up or get out. If he doesn't you'll say you're no longer compatible and leave lol

[Dinklex3]

There's a lot more to the man I fall in love with than just him going to the gym everyday. People change. That's life.

You're twisting my words.
As I've stated I would not dump my partner just for having a change in his physique.

Being "in shape" is different from maintaining a healthy active lifestyle.
Partings ways with someone because they don't value health and fitness is different than partings ways just because they dont have 6 pack anymore.

[Jabberjaw]

I'm not attempting to twist your words, I'm suggesting that the narrative you're using is more or less no different than if it were his responsibility to you based on your actions

Like about the end of the day he gets out of shape and doesn't have a plan to get back in shape, if that's reason enough for you to say you're no longer compatible than how's it any different than saying it was his responsibility to stay in shape to keep you as a partner?

That's all I'm saying

[Dinklex3]

I've already stated it is neither of our responsibility and have attempted to clarified what it meant to be "in shape".
Seems like you're ignoring what i stated as I keep repeating myself.

[Jabberjaw]

I understand, I guess where we're missing each other is that what I'm talking about in shape I'm not talking about being ripped. I'm talking about maintaining a certain standard of health.

You keep making reference to six pack, when I'm not talking about maintaining a six pack. And then when you're going on to say Well yeah if he's a fat slob on the couch, I'm like well that's kind of what I'm talking about.

Requiring a certain Fitness standard. That is in effect holding him responsible for it. I'm not saying he needs to be a model

[Dinklex3]

I was mentioning 6 packs as that's what I've been attracted to. I'm answering your question while thinking about the men I date who are men that are pretty ripped, constantly going to the gym.
So in my head, it's normal for them to change and to not maintain that physique even though they happened to have that physique when I fell in love him (you mentioned him not doing the same things that initially attracted me which is going to the gym everyday) For them, they might be "out of shape".

Someone turning into a couch potato insinuates a bigger change than just "staying in shape". That means they don't go out. They prefer to stay indoors and watch tv the whole time. Their everyday activities change. So there's more that change than just their physique. Their lifestyle, hobbies, and values have changed with that.

That's why I was differentiating between physique and lifestyle choices.
So it's not leaving them because they aren't in shape anymore. It's leaving them due to their change in values and hobbies (not going out, eating shitty food, smoking, drinking)
You're trying to over simplify and say they are the same when they are not.

I do not think that anyone has any "responsibility" to stay "in shape" for their partner.
I guess its your wording and use of "responsibility" that I'm not vibing with. The basic "responsibilities" that come to my mind are honesty, faithfulness, and to take care of yourself (HUGE on health as it's scary when your partner gets sick). Being "in shape" isn't one of them.

[Jabberjaw]

Okay, in your case it's legit then lol. I understand now. Like for them out of shape is still above average lol and what it would take to be to an unattractive degree would essentially them fundamentally changing as a person

[sassyredhead]

I think you should want to be attractive for your partner but I don't think you should feel pressure to be their ideal. I am in shape but I also know I could be in even better shape but the priorities in my life and schedule don't allow that right now. I would hope my partner loves me even if I am not his ideal.

[LovingLoverReturned]

If you mean.. don't change extremely from what your partner met you as... I think both for yourself and partner...

It isn't an obligation, but it is kindness...

If not... don't expect your partner to be attracted to you... they may still love you but.. don't blame them if they don't get turned on.

[Anonymous]

It’s important to stay in shape for your health and to feel better. Your partner being more attracted to you is a bonus. Some people have busy schedules and can’t work out much. I have no problem getting sex with my partner even if she let herself go. I just look at porn if needed before sex. HOWEVER! There is no excuse for people to have a BMI of 26-35+. At that point, you are just being a lazy slob who eats too much, or you’re recently pregnant and need to lose weight. There is no reason for people to be fat like that. It’s really not hard to change your diet and lose some weight.

[Emilyis]

I stay in shape for my children and my husband and I expect him to do the same. we live on a small weekend farm and we both stay busy on it and he also has another job. I am a stay at home mom and I get plenty of exercise and he has a job where he is constantly moving and we live on part of the small ranch that I grew up on so We both still help mom and dad on their farm.

[Chiarac2003]

I do think it’s my responsibility to b the best me for my boyfriend. That’s jus me an my opinion.

[Jabberjaw]

And you're a good girlfriend

[Chiarac2003]

He’s a better boyfriend.

[Jabberjaw]

Aww, I respect girls who rep their man

[Chiarac2003]

🎀🥰💋

[YES12]

I think your husband and wife should always compliment one another. Always

[Chiarac2003]

@YES12 I like that!🥰

[YES12]

@Chiarac2003 I think every successful relationship is by communicating and respecting one another. Yes we don't agree on everything we respect it and don't dwell on it and move on. I think sex is really important to in a successful marriage unless there is medical reason not to have sex. But always compliment one another.

[Chiarac2003]

@YES12 sooo well said 🥰🎀

[genericname85]

yes you should. i am a bit out of shape right now but i don't have a partner xD so i'm not contradicting what i just said.

[Jabberjaw]

Lmao respect the honesty

[EssenceOfLight]

Partners are exchangeable, your body isn't. Stay fit for yourself because your body is your fundamental asset.

[Jabberjaw]

That's a fair take on it

[YES12]

Hmm this is an unfair question. Because with age you can gain weight. THERE are medical conditions. My advice is to always keep the sex good with your spouse so you both feel wanted. Being in shape is good but your spouse will lose and gain weight like you. So that's just getting older. Women hit menopause its just life.

[Jabberjaw]

If we're being completely honest the vast majority of people do not gain weight because of medical issues so that point isn't a fair argument. Most people get fat due to lifestyle

And while yes we do tend to gain weight when we get older that's only because a lot of people don't work out enough to continually build lean mass which is the dominant factor in how fast your metabolism is.

The more muscle you have, the more calories you burn just by being alive. A lot of people don't work out, their muscle atrophies and they lose it over time, because of this their metabolism slows down and they get fatter with less effort.

It's a choice. Even in menopausal woman. I know several women who are in their 60s to just do yoga a few times a week and they are in far better shape than a lot of girls in their 20s specifically because of diet and general lifestyle choices

Losing some strength and muscle as you get much older in years is inevitable yes. Getting fat in place of that is a choice

[YES12]

I did gain weight because of a medical condition when I was 34. Having my second child was hard on my body. Now I'm not 105 lbs anymore I'm where I want to be. I do work out everyday. Menopause did contribute to my weight gain. I've always worked out so in some cases a person gains weight cause of hormones changes ha ha

[Jabberjaw]

For sure lol it does happen. I'm just saying the overwhelming majority of cases are not due to medical issues tho. The norm these days is being overweight and I think recent number more than 50% are obese, not just overweight.

Just being at a healthy weight even is abnormal statistically. That's not because of a massive spike in hormonal issues and health conditions. We did have a quarantine boost in terms of people getting fat just from staying inside but that's leveled off over the past year

Quarantine Blow up/Glow Up was a thing for a reason lol

[YES12]

@Jabberjaw I really do like your responses you have really good comments

[Jabberjaw]

I appreciate that. Comes from the heart 😊