If your friend told you that your S/O sexually assaulted them, but your S/O denies it, who would you believe?

[snackthatsmilesback]

Assume it is possible; they have been alone together.

Assume you don't have any reason to distrust your friend's claim except for your S/O's denial of it, and you don't have any reason to distrust your S/O's denial except for your friend's claim: he said / she said, and both are generally trustworthy people.

Who would you believe?

Image: dissolve

Image: dreamtimes

I would believe my S/O 100%

I would believe my friend 100%

I would take my S/O's side, but not fully believe them.

I would take my friend's side, but not fully believe them.

I would remain neutral (take S/O's side but not fully believe them).

[OlderAndWiser]

You don't need to decide who to believe on the basis of just their allegations. If it was a sexual assault, was it reported to the police? Was a rape exam performed? If not reported, why not? Can she identify any distinguishing marks or features that she would know only if she had seen him naked? Were either of them under the influece of drugs or alcohol at the time?

We don't need to be in a rush to judgment, particularly when the judgment means you will probably break ties with someone who has been important in your life.

[snackthatsmilesback]

That's the thing though, if it was just allegations. Obviously you should/want to believe whoever has more evidence to their claim, but I'm asking if there was no solid circumstantial evidence and it's just he said / she said. That can happen pretty easily. If it was just assault theyre accused of then they don't have to been seen naked, a rape exam may not do any good, no evidence so it won't help to report to the police, etc. You know there was opportunity, and nobody else saw the 2 during the time of the accusation, but that's not enough to prove anything happened that's only enough to not be able to prove something didn't happen.

It just comes down to who you believe. That sucks, but it can and does happen. So I'm asking how you'd handle it.

[OlderAndWiser]

I refuse to form judgments on the basis of bare allegations. That IS how I would handle it. I can admit to myself that I don't have enough information to make a conclusion and don't want to unfairly condemn someone on the basis of unsupported allegations.

[snackthatsmilesback]

So you would probably end up remaining neutral?

[OlderAndWiser]

I would symphatize with both parties, to the extent possible, trying to remain neutral. But you must always remember Ann Bowden's answer when she was asked whether she was rooting for her son Tommy Bowden and the Clemson Tigers football team, or for husband Bobby Bowden and the FSU Seminoles. She said 'Tommy's my son BUT I'M GOING HOME WITH BOBBY!'

[dreamstar72]

Hard question to answer truthfully due to the male and females who is who.
What I mean is the s/o male or female
Is the friend a male or female
So me being male I could answer a couple of ways.
However I should be able to figure out the truth myself. I would still defend my wife and if my friend was male he would be my ex friend.

[snackthatsmilesback]

Why would the genders matter so much?

[VanillaSalt]

Depends on the person and the relationship… I’m100% for my S/O but I can decide for myself if I can see them doing this and besides this… if it’s years ago it happened idc…

[VanillaSalt]

To be fair what your asking… your asking me to choose between my S/O with whom I made a commitment to and I’m financially bound to and my friend that let me marry a rapist without telling me? It’s obvious which choice you make.

[snackthatsmilesback]

Currently, not years ago. I don't think most people would be with someone they could see doing this in the first place.

[Whatever2929292]

My friend would never lie but my SO would never do something like that. Something like that would be a shock for sure but not something I like to think about

[Juxtapose]

The accused party is innocent until proven guilty in a court of law, period.

I don't do witch hunts.