My boyfriend never initiates text, but he responds quickly when I text, should I be understanding & okay with this behaviour or is this a red flag?

[Anu1010]

My boyfriend and I are in a LDR, he never initiates text but he responds kinda quickly when I text him. Most of the time he doesn't ask me how my day went when I ask about him at the end of the day. He hates phonecalls and that I've noticed when I was with him as well. So we usually talk over phone once a week or so that too after I tell him to call several times (mostly he doesn't receive my call). He's also unromantic. Should I be understanding & okay with this behaviour or is this a red flag?

[Rob1n]

If you haven't already: talk to him first about this. Discover why he wants to talk so little and say that you want to talk more. Maybe he just doesn't initiate conversation because you always do it.

From personal experience I can tell that it is sometimes hard to know how much the other wants to talk. I have been in situations where I have been blamed for talking too much... and in situations where I have been blamed for talking too little. Maybe he has similar experiences.

If you have clearly stated that you want to talk more and he doesn't respect that, then ye, that is a red flag.

[Anu1010]

Yeah. I've told him several times and he has the same response "I'm trying. This is how I have been and you'll have to deal with it. But I'm still trying". I wouldn't mind the texting as well but even that has reduced now, and when I confronted about this, he told me that he forgets to text.

[Rob1n]

I have a friend like that. Or had. At one point you have to decide if it is still worth the effort if they are obviously not going to change. If you feel like you are putting in more energy than you get out of it, he might not be the right person for you.

[Anu1010]

Yes. Lately I'm feeling there's no point to this relationship if I feel I'm the only one in it. Might as well be alone than feel alone in someone's company. That's more sad.

[Anu1010]

I'll surely think over it and back off slowly. Otherwise it'll hurt me. And it'll give him also sometime to think about it.

[wheresmrcunnunglis]

RED FLAGGGG and you're too young to be dealing with it. Especially dealing with that in a long distance relationship? Come on lady I know YOU KNOW you deserve better. So go on and reach out to them and let them know how these specific behaviors are making you feel. Communicating that to them should be less stressful if done through text even though phone would be optimal.

As someone who was almost in a LDR in my early 20s and am getting vivid flashbacks as I read all the behaviors shared here being similar to what I experienced then. What helped me get out of it was looking in the mirror and saying to myself, " The fuck are we doing tolerating this BS from someone that can't even finger us if we need the stimulation? Im too damn cute for this sh---t!" and ended it right there.

Dont waste your youth on tolerating confusing patterns from people. You deserve better than that. XO

[sidhagain]

This definitely doesn't sound like a red flag. The only red flag here is he's like that way- unromantic, someone who's not into show of emotions, someone who's not into talking all day and sharing each and every event of the day, kind of more practical (it seems) and less emotional

So if you're okay with this, you should be understanding that that's how it is and love him like he is

If you're not, you need to think about your relationship or talk it out with him

[Anu1010]

I am okay with it. But I think, that if we don't share the emotional intimacy through calls/text then he might just end up leaving me for someone who lives in the same city as he does. Basically, makes me have insecure thoughts.

[wolfunknown]

Just understand that no one is "too busy"
It's all about priorities. And if he can't make you his priority, then you are better off without him.

[spartan55]

You can't sustain any relationship by text. It's impossible.

[jahaims]

He could be busy, he could have a. d. d or a. d. h. d