What should I do I just found out my fiancé messaged a girl a year ago?

[Anonymous]

I just found out my fiancé replied to a girl’s Instagram question a year ago with “I’ll cuddle you.😌” I’m not sure what the question was it does not say and he supposedly can’t remember. At that time we were together for 2 years already with a child. I’m currently pregnant we live together and I don’t know if I should call it quits.

[Samanthamariexo]

Has he ever given you any other reason to believe that he is unfaithful? Personally if I had a child with someone and was planning on marrying them, I would at least postpone the wedding slightly until you know what you want to do because of how expensive divorces are (and draining, too). Ultimately you know the guy better than anyone else and know whether or not your gut has told you that he is lying to you other than the situation. If you believe that other than this, he's a genuine guy, I would consider staying with him but if you’ve had other doubts you may want to move on.

[Screenwriter]

Have there been OTHER problems in your relationship before or during that time? Your calling it quits because of that ONE thing seems a bit drastic.

What's truthfully going on?

[Asker]

He has lied and hid things from me which caused me to develop trust issues in our relationship. I decided to continue our relationship as I’ve never caught him physically cheating to be able to say 100% this is my proof that he’s a cheater. He has hid messages from other females on Snapchat BUT since the messages erase automatically I have no proof what the conversations were about and he told me they were innocent conversations. Says he hid them because he knew I would be upset about him messaging other women even in a friendly manner because I have trust issues. Now this hurts because we were having trouble in our relationship we decided to fix things and around this time we were fixing things. We had arguments here and there I communicate everything I feel to my partner but by the next day we apologize and have a more mature conversation then we move on about it. So the fact that we were fixing things and things seemed more smoothly in our relationship and I found out a year ago today he tells another female he’d like to cuddle with her it absolutely breaks my heart. We have lived together for 3 years. Makes me feel like he’s hiding other things that he won’t own up to. Unfortunately I can’t see what the question was but I think “I’ll cuddle you” while in a relationship, while having a family is embarrassing to me and enough context to know it’s nothing okay to say to another female.

[Screenwriter]

"Says he hid them because he knew I would be upset about him messaging other women even in a friendly manner because I have trust issues. Now this hurts because we were having trouble in our relationship we decided to fix things and around this time we were fixing things. "

"“I’ll cuddle you” while in a relationship, while having a family is embarrassing to me and enough context to know it’s nothing okay to say to another female."

OK, now I have a context. This man isn't a teen-ager. He's grown. I could excuse some of this if you both were five years younger or so and didn't have children together.

The above statements from you are troubling. You don't KNOW what he's hidden from you because of the Snapchat platform that erases conversation histories. So, he's using a platform precisely because he can't be caught with it. Not good.

What he's doing isn't an embarrassment to you. It's inappropriate and shows a lack of commitment on his part to you, your children and family. His head isn't in the game. He has to have "something on the side." It's not OFFICIAL cheating. It's dabbling. Verbal cheating. Having his cake and eating it too in a "virtual" sense.

I say FIRST and foremost, confront him about this "playing house" online, because that's what it is. There is NO SITUATION where a partnered man with children should be telling ANY OTHER WOMAN he wants to "cuddle" with her. It is SO over the line as to be absurd.

[Screenwriter]

Ask him if he wants to be with you now and in the future. If he appears to have reservations or sputters or is reticent in his responses, it is time for you to exit this situation. It's unfortunate that you have two children with this man. Hire a lawyer and file all paperwork for child support that you can immediately, because when he's physically out of your life, he might be loath to pay the child support due to your children and you.

He doesn't sound like he's violent or abusive in a traditional sense, but going behind your back to talk to to other women is abusive to your relationship. And frankly he KNOWS you are sensitive about what he's doing so why is he STILL DOING IT? Because his "needs" are more important that yours, your relationship and your children.

Get a support system for yourself too. Find people who will be there for you through your pregnancy and childbirth and find a therapist who can help you mourn this loss of a partner. I think your relationship MIGHT have run its course. Don't give up immediately. Wait until after you speak to him or have both of your talk this out in front of a neutral therapist.

But protect yourself and your children by doing all the legal diligence you need to to keep yourself afloat. Good luck and stay well.

[_Aragorn]

maybe he just sent the message without receiving any.

probably fully ignored.

isn't that a possibility?

[boldlyblu]

Ask what it was in requards to and leave it at that or get further into it if there's issues once you find out. Leave it alone

[jahaims]

Confront him about it and see what he says

[Asker]

He says he doesn’t remember the situation and why he did it.

[Pink2000]

Break up with him.