Personally, I think it is a red flag and have never been with and will never be with a woman like this.
Why specifically? I think it will be too much of a headache to talk to a woman reasonably why I don’t like this without her calling me “over protecting,” “insecure,” etc. To me, I don’t think it would be worth it, UNLESS the woman is reasonable and can also see my side and not just be isolated or stranded on her own island of beliefs.
I’ve never had any issues with women intimately/sexually with regards to them not having male friends.
I do think most of these relationships and marriages WILL fail and HAVE failed.
Some thoughts of mine while thinking of this question:
“Does my mom have any male friends that she goes out with without my dad?”
“Does my mom have a male bestie, who isn’t gay, while married to my dad?”
The answer to both is NO and it is weird to think of such a thing working out in a marriage or relationship.
There’s just something inherently unstable with these within normal heterosexual relationships in my opinion.
Something unstable and deceitful.
“Deceitful” meaning, understanding of platonic friendships between people ends up being more than just platonic in a short amount of time if not at the very beginning.
Thoughts of sexuality and intimacy begin being a thing very soon.
Do you think it is a red flag for a woman in a relationship to have predominantly male friends, a male best friend, or no female friends?
anyone of any gender can have friends of the same or opposite gender and not want in their pants, there is a thing called friendship. I think that people that do not understand this have never really had friends of the opposite gender.
These questions also always seem to assume the other person is hot or good looking, I have friends that obviously chased busses. I don’t have friends based on their looks, it’s on the person, that’s what friendship is about, shallow as fuck if people base friends on how they look.
Some of my best friends are girls, 1 of them is a lesbian and fuck all chance we would do anything.
the only having male friends is a possible concern, however it really depends on the context and the why. A girl I know pretty much has just guy friends however she’s also a national level mountain biker and where she lives the only mountain bikers of her level are guys.
Also humans are humans, if what you say is true, then it must be a nightmare for a gay guy and his partner only having guy friends, fuck he would be worried all the time.
i have a lesbian girl friends that apart from me and another guy, only have girl friends. Her partner does not get all worried about her having friends that are girls, even if they are Bi or also lesbian.
There does seem to be a huge level of insecurity with some people over this stuff. Also this thing about everyone wanting to fuck their friends.
if a guy is dating a girl and he has a girl friend who is 18 Stone and is ‘not good looking’, does everyone assume he’s going to be fucking her?
There is a thing called attraction and actually having control.
Also is this some sort of excuse for someone married fucking a work friend or a friend they have in a hobby group, or a next door neighbour.
It’s more about a person being insecure in a relationship, possibly not having control of their sexual side, basically being untrustworthy.
I am very good friends with my ex wife, she was great friends with an ex girlfriend, at no point did I try and fuck my ex wife, even though I had a few times in the past. Funnily enough my then girlfriend trusted me enough not to try and fuck my ex wife.
i actually value friendship with someone more than any sexual shit we may think about doing, loosing a friend because you went too far, is shit and you only ever do it once (at school).
Yes it is hard having feeling or dating a person who has very close friendship with a guy, however It comes down to trust. He may have known her 15 years and been through lots as friends, I am just a current boyfriend.
Also I would not date anyone that did not accept my friends.
Its all relative to the relationship honestly, but in general I would be concerned. But I would not say its a "Red Flag" to the point I would not get involved with her on some level.
When you say "Red Flag" that means it is like a immediate deal breaker, and it not for me. But it is an astute point to take notice of and make a mental note about. I mean I would date her and let it develop it to a point. but I would have serious concerns about any third wheels hanging around the relationship... meaning other guy "friends".
Lets be honest most guys are friends with women they might hope to get sexually involved with... so if she is claiming to have all these "guy friends" then that means to me that she is hanging around with a bunch of guys that would totally bang her if she was into it. Last thing I want is my girl friend getting advice from a guy who want to totally bang her about her current relationship and complicating things
Its not that I would not trust her, it is just a that I seriously question the motivation of these guys that claim to be just "friends" with totally hot chicks... which of course if I was dating a women she would be totally hot.
But its not a "red Flag" as long as I am getting laid, but as soon as said anything about just being "friends" with me its over... major Red Flag at that point.
Honestly, I expected to disagree, but I think you've got a distinct point. Men aren't ideal for mere companionship (I mean that in the best possible way). They're fun and nice, but mostly they help me to feel secure and safe, socially speaking. They say what they mean for the most part, and don't start drama (with some exceptions).
But if they are closer with guy friends than girl friends? The main question would be "why?"
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I guess a good litmus test of sorts would be what I wrote above.
Imagine you have a mother and father who are married and have been so for awhile.
Can you imagine your mom or dad having an opposite sex best friend that they talk to separate from their husband or wife? Someone they may also go out with without their husband and wife? Someone who isn’t gay?
Or if your mom had a bunch of male or guy friends that she hangs out with either individually or altogether AND separate from your dad.
Vice versa as well.
To me, this seems so weird and if others cannot notice how weird this feels or looks then the conversation need not go any further to be honest.
Also, I’m not talking about coworkers who you are forced to somewhat befriend and work alongside with.
I've rarely had my guy friends (to my current knowledge) lie to me directly. Most often that seems to happen when they feel pressured to have me like them, such as in a dating scenario.
I think I see what you're saying. I'm talking about a slightly more distant form of friend - one to whom you don't discuss your relationship issues. More of an acquaintance, I suppose.
And I know for sure a few who would definitely agree, and I can guess at some others. But yeah, having a CLOSE male friend? Nope. Probably not happening.
It depends on the reason why. If she happens to have made those male friends naturally then that's fine. Some people prefer to have friends of the opposite gender, like I do. But people who refuse to be friends with people of their own gender probably have issues. I wouldn't actively refuse to be friends with a woman I like. You befriend people you like. Gender shouldn't matter.
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1 y
No, there’s a whole biology behind all of this.
Personally, there’s a lot of women out there who are not like this so I will attempt to first talk it out with the woman I’m with and if she can’t be reasoned with or will not try to see it from my angle/perspective then I will break things off with her.
I’ll never tell her that she can’t do anything, only that she see it from my angle/perspective and also to see it in the long-term as well.
Most of these things, reality-wise, do not seem to work out and for obvious reasons.
It’s a deeper talk than this, again, biology stuff.
Most people don’t really want to get that deep with this though.
It bears mentioning that the term “red flag” literally means ‘warning’. And we don’t post warnings for nothing. You might be fine, you might get hurt or killed. I believe it should still be my right to choose. I like women, and i have female friends. Due largely to my environment growing up, i long found it easier to make friends with women than with men. If you’re straight and you’ve ever had a meaningful friendship with someone of the opposite sex, this goes without saying, but for the rest of you… it’s not a big deal, at all. If you’ve only ever been “friends” with such a person hoping they’d eventually pick you for something more, you can’t understand. If you’ve only ever had someone pretend to be you’re friend to try to initiate more, you can’t understand. And that’s really unfortunate. There’s nothing wrong with having friends of the opposite sex. I think we’d all be better off if more people did. The problem isn’t in our nature, it’s in our conditioning. That said, there are simple cues you can pick up on to easily determine the underlying nature of a thing. The first is understanding. If you express concern and they respond with “you have trust issues” or anything of the like, THAT’S the red flag. Any reasonable and caring person would understand that their heterosexual friendship is unusual and would be cause for concern from people who’ve never experienced it. If they talk about one friend a lot, particularly in mixed company. If they’re talking to your friends and family about their other friend, instead of you. THAT’S the red flag. If ANY of their friends are former lovers and those are the ones they spend a lot of alone time with, THAT’S the red flag. You can deny yourself the benefit of a partner who truly respects and appreciates men in order to avoid having certain feelings and concerns. That’s your right. But there’s a price to be paid either way.
Depends. If the situation just happened to have worked out that way then it's whatever, if she actively avoids friendships with women or talks negatively about why she "would never be friends with a woman" then that is a red flag.
I for a while had only men as friends. My girl friends and I had a falling out so I just hung out with the guys for a good year.
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No, there’s a whole biology behind all of this.
Personally, there’s a lot of women out there who are not like this so I will attempt to first talk it out with the woman I’m with and if she can’t be reasoned with or will not try to see it from my angle/perspective then I will break things off with her.
I’ll never tell her that she can’t do anything, only that she see it from my angle/perspective and also to see it in the long-term as well.
Most of these things, reality-wise, do not seem to work out and for obvious reasons.
It’s a deeper talk than this, again, biology stuff.
Most people don’t really want to get that deep with this though.
This stuff only doesn't work out when one party is a jealous/insecure type. You can say it's biology as an excuse all you want. In reality it's just trust issues.
I think it’s all attention seeking on the woman’s part.
Also, perfectly aware that the men would fuck you if you wanted to, yet still be friends with someone like that is a little suspect for me if I’m in a relationship with someone like that.
These aren’t friends at this point
Another mentioned “orbiters” which is such a good word for what this.
Men around a woman to validate her, boost her ego, tell her she’s right when she’s wrong, etc.
Believe it or not, not all men are horndogs who will fuck anything that moves. How is it attention seeking to be friends with men? I was friends with boys before I ever had a crush. Why would you stay friends with someone just to seek attention from a person who may not exist in your life yet? Makes no sense.
Not all male friends are yes men either. You really ought to give your gender some more credit...
Yeah, actually. And it should also be a red flag for a guy to have predominately female friends. There is ALWAYS a reason that someone prefers to hangout with members of the opposite sex platonically, and that reason is never good. That's not to say that platonic opposite-sex friendships don't have tremendous value, because they absolutely do. It's just that a person who can't maintain friendships with their own sex are usually struggling because something about that person is distinctly untrustworthy.
For me, that is a huge red flag. People who are friends share a natural attraction OR they could not be friends, therefore, there's always a drink away possibility. If she has no girlfriends then there is a reason... like she is to friendly with the girls' boyfriend. That is a huge NO sign for me personally...
My friend said to me, " you kept all the friends in the divorce "
I married I girl from highschool. I don't think she has any friends at all anymore make or female. she's an exceptionally beautiful women so she's probably not single, but friends, no way.
I dont think it's a red flag at all and eliminating a possible love connection over something as trivial like that seems like a waste. Some of us just don't get along with other girls and prefer male friends. Doesn't mean we want to sleep with them.
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1 y
There’s so many women out there who are not like this, so I personally find it a waste of time to try to be with a woman like this who I know will stress me out and who will not listen or reason with my perspective.
If she’ll hear me out and reason with me, perhaps come to some compromise, okay, maybe it can work out.
Otherwise, I would rather save myself the future stress, complication, etc.
If she wants to continue doing what she wants to do, then so be it but I won’t be apart of it.
I’m just saying, if you go to hangout with a mainly male group of friends to find refuge from “hateful college girls,” you may have put yourself in a different, but similarly bad spot.
What’s the saying? “Out of the oven, but into the frying pan.”
I'd be happy that she has friends. We can't spend every waking moment together. I've been in a relationship with a woman that had no friends and that was a nightmare. So clingy and dependent on me for everything. It got exhausting af.
So yeah I'd be happy if she had a social circle outside of me.
in the past, you said it yourself... that you are insecure about some things, like many other people are
you said that is normal for someone to have some insecurities, and I agreed to that
besides that, me... personally, I have never found myself to judge women for their actions, decisions or choices but like I said, I am very selective with people
psycho ex had a "gay male best friend"... would run to him for everything. Everyone else found issues with it she told me once. She thought it was them.. and not her.. She was a redflag herself
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