Let's say a woman is in a relationship or is married and she decides to hangout with an all-male or predominantly male group of "friends" without her boyfriend, husband, etc. Would you find this to be a red flag? How about odd? Weird? Worth questioning? What if your mother had a group of all-male/ predominantly male "friends" and hung out with them without your father involved? Would this be weird to anyone like it would be to me?
It’s weird and/or a red flag to me
It’s not weird and/or not a red flag to me
Select gender and age to cast your vote:
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+1 y
So, as of right now, there’s more men against this than for this. Now, it’s a shame I couldn’t get even more people to chime in on this because that may show an even greater difference than we see now. Also, it’s hard to know how diverse or representative this app/site. So, you could get an inaccurate reading when it comes to polls because the majority of men/women here skew towards one opinion or viewpoint.
Updates
+1 y
Now, I don’t think people took into consideration the part about “hanging out without their partner,” as I think this is a very important aspect of the point.
I can’t think of a situation where I would go to a party or rave with all my female friends and leave my girlfriend out of it.
If she was uncomfortable with me going out with all my female “friends,” I’d sacrifice and make her happy of course.
Take her with me at the very least and then talk with her.
Do you think a woman in a relationship having all-male or predominantly male friends is a red flag? Hangs out with them without her partner- Bad?
LOL this again. I think you're too busy trying to defend your foxhole rather than really understand what I'm telling you. Since this obviously comes from comments on another question, the crux of the whole matter is these are your values and beliefs, and if most men you know feel the same then it speaks to the insularity of your friends who mirror you in beliefs. I'm sure there's some study, statistic (from some survey) that might lead you to believe what you want to believe. As I told you before, to some (maybe a lot of) women the red flag you see is also a red flag to us, and a reflection of distrust. I am not an exception, I know plenty like me, but that also is a reflection of the company I keep. You're strangely making the same argument a lot of women make that pisses off a lot of men, that men think with the heads of their tallywhackers. Sorry fella, it's not a universal truth. I certainly don't think with my genitals, and have a lot of men friends who are platonic friends that clearly understand I'm not romantically or sexually available. And I'm certainly not interested in any of them that way. If trust isn't there on both sides, might as well realize sooner rather than later it's not meant to be and ease on down the yellowbrick road because it isn't going to work out. Yes, my mother is on a bowling league team with four other men because my dad doesn't like to bowl. So what? Should she give up something she likes to placate him, make him "more comfortable?" My grandmother played poker with men because she was a card player, and my grandfather was not. So what? My fiance plays golf in a foursome with three women who needed a fourth to round out their team. So what? I shoot clay target sports as the only woman on a five-person squad. So what? He doesn't shoot shotgun sports and I don't play barnyard billiards; there's no reason either one of us should give up something we enjoy because it might make one of us uneasy. It's that kind of possessiveness that ended a few of my dating relationships before anything ever got physical. Trust me or don't, because jealously and fear is unhealthy and I won't put up with it.
If you think it's "off" then fine, doesn't affect me or anyone I care about in the least. But being with a partner (s/o, married, etc.) doesn't mean we have to be glued together at the hip around friends of the opposite sex. Why would any man or woman want to be a straphanger at events where the purpose or topic is something he or she has no interest in? What would any man be afraid of, that some guy is going to jump my bones, hit on me, or I'm going to just hop in the sack with some guy because you believe "biologically" it's inevitable. All that tells me is that you're distrusting, or that I apparently associate with a better breed of people than you.
I'm not sure what else I have to explain to you either, and can likewise give you plenty of experiences (mine and others') where your "beliefs" ran a relationship off the road in a hurry.
Do you even comprehend that I'm a business woman, I own and operate three facilities that provide a service and make a profit? Community engagement and networking, lots of networking, is vital to my businesses' health. And my shooting sports participation was around long before he was. I get invited to attend social events pertinent to the industry that don't involve anyone outside of it, so why would I put him through taking him along? I have lunches and dinners with Ministers, Priests, Rabbis and lay leaders. I attend social gatherings with my B2B contacts, it's all business with some social banter but it's not a drunkfest or a swingers party. It's never been an issue and it won't be, because I won't let it be. Are you afraid your partner can't handle herself, and you need to be there to Will Smith anyone who looks like he might hit on her? I watched this happen at a five-year high school reunion, one of my classmates brought a boyfriend who didn't attend the same high school. He hovered over here and followed on her heels everywhere she went. It's a time for classmates to catch up and see what each other has been up to since graduation, and anytime she started talking to one of our male classmates he was right there at her hip and moving her along. It was pathetic.
@OlderAndWiser I have all the confidence we will. For the foreseeable future we'll be living together in the funeral home for a host of reasons, although initially he felt uneasy about it. As long as he doesn't have to go anywhere near "where all the icky stuff happens" (he doesn't even know how to get to it here) he's fine with it.
No, I think she meant a man also having all-female and/or predominantly female friends while in a relationship, especially going out to “hangout” with these “friends” while not bringing his girlfriend or wife
If I started dating a woman and all of her friends were male, it would cause me to wonder why that situation exists. The fundamental question is whether she has all male friends because she is not sexually monogamous and maintains friends for the purpose of benefits.
So, the first question would be whether I was excluded from participating in those activities with her. If so, that would be a great concern and I probably would never be able to trust her. If I am included or at least invited to participate in those activities, then trust would not be as much of an issue but I would want to undertand why she doesn't have an equal number of female friends. Perhaps her circumstances expose her to primarily men, such as working in a traditionally male occupation. Some women grow up in families where they are the only female child; all their siblings and cousins are male. They may have simply grown up being comfortable with men and not developing any comfort with females. Some women complain that other women are too competitive, "catty," and cannot be trusted; I have heard that from several women.
So it is important to look at the reason for her having mostly male friends. As for my feelings or insecurities, I have often told my partner that if she wants to be with someone else, she is free to do that; she ony needs to tell me and move out of our house. I don't want to be a roadblock for her happiness if that is the path she wants to follow but I also would not stay involved with her. The bottom line is that I want a woman who WANTS to be with me, not someone who is faithful only because she is denied all opportunities to be unfaithful. And, if she wants to cheat, she will find a time and a way to do that. So, at the end of the day, the relationship MUST be built in trust and faith in your partner. If you don't trust her, the relationship is doomed regardless of whether she cheats and if you do trust her, then act like you trust her. You want her to trust you, right?
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+1 y
That’s one key thing as well.
If the group is predominantly male but you’re with her then it’s not as weird as if she wants to have a hangout night with only her all male friends without you.
@OlderAndWiser. Appreciate your insight and wisdom. Your last three sentences I think are the most telling. My faith and trust in my partner must be total, and his faith and trust in me has to be the same or the relationship is doomed. My soon-to-be husband and I certainly wouldn't be marrying each other next Saturday if the trust wasn't there. He gets it, and you're right, the nature and background of my male friends is a factor to consider, and I've outlined those throughout my comments. I can see where someone who has been cheated on might enter a relationship with some suspicion (the old once burned, twice shy). I have no problem with my fiance meeting my regular male friends, and he's met most of them already. He has no problem with me meeting his female friends. He may or may not be invited to events with my male friends, it depends on the occasion, and there have been times he's been invited but couldn't make it (or just didn't want to go). I don't have a promiscuous past, neither does he. I'm a big girl and he's a big boy. I can accept that some people believe men and women can't be just friends, but it's simply not a universal truth. But I don't buy into the notion that men will have sex with anything, that every man views every reasonably attractive (or not) woman as a potential sex object, and the notion that the primal urge is wired in their biology and is inevitable with platonic friends. Humans are capable of thinking and exercising restraint, like restraining the urge to Will Smith someone who's being an idiot. Or resisting the urge to kill someone.
People like to force things to work even though they don’t really.
I can be friendly and cooperative towards women, but being just friends with them is just something that I can try all I want to keep platonic, but naturally, men & women aren’t meant to be just friends.
They’ve worked together throughout time to make ends meet.
But this isn’t the same as choosing each other or wanting/seeing each other as strictly platonic terms.
It’s always within the context of intimacy.
Being around primarily a male environment, I can see what they say/think without filter.
When you have a mixed group, men won’t be honest with anything, as much as they would be if they were in the company of primarily men.
You're speaking for yourself and maybe a few who are likeminded. I don't claim a monopoly on wisdom about either gender and neither can you. I have grown up around a lot of men, I work in an industry that's mostly men (although women's numbers are increasing and nobody really knows why), I've been in outdoor sports with predominantly men participants, and by happenstance the guy friends I went to school have mostly remained in the area and remained friends. One thing about real friends, I know who they are - they know I have their backs, and I know they have mine, and I have both men and women among my friends, colleagues, and associates.
This is merely an exchange of differing viewpoints, based on different life experiences. We happen to disagree, and that's perfectly fine. But you're riding this subject to the point like it's an engagement in which you're determined to "win." Nobody is wrong here. Few things in life are worth falling on your sword over. This is not one of them. How you want to view relationships is between those with whom you enter a relationship with and no one else. Same goes for me, and anyone else.
@SaoirseS If I am walking around in public and I see an attractive girl, I might wonder what she looks like naked, but that doesn't mean I am going to start flirting with her or try to have sex with her. I have a biological response but it is not too strong to resist and I have not been unfaithful once in fifty years of dating and relationships.
@OlderAndWiser. Understandable. Sometimes I think the only guys who wouldn't wonder are the ones laying in back on one of my mortuary tables. I've never been unfaithful either, even in the shortest of dating relationships but I certainly don't have the much longer track record that you have :-)
Of course it’s a red flag. Lol. People will justify the shit or defend red flags to their death, especially if they also partake in this behaviour. But it doesn’t change the fact the flag is red.
im 31 now. And for a lot of my 20s I had many friends and was very social. Some being guys, some being girls. but a big reason for having guy friends that I’d connect and chat to was my fear of intimacy. It allowed me to have relationships with men without actually having sex. I would only sleep with very limited people because I had issues being naked for a long time.
so male friends was a way for me to have relationships with men without the sex part. i would never admit this to anyone but that was the reality. I am a pretty girl. Deep down inside I knew having a male friend wasn’t going to be a long term Option. I knew no girl was going to allow her future husband to come hang with me on his days off. i had male friends because it allowed me to date men without having to have sex. But I always knew they wanted me. And deep down I knew I could have sex with them if I wanted. im not saying this is the case with everyone. but in general I’d say that the person with a lot of opposite sex friends have some serious mental issues that need to be resolved. Much like I had. because most people - if they put the effort into growing a friendship want to invest it into a same sex friendship. most people if they want the company of opposite sex want to date or to persue relationships where they could build with Someone, most people don’t want to build connections with opposite sex unless they aren’t able to sustain same sex friends. Or they aren’t able to have the ability to date for whatever reason. so yes it is a huge red flag.
There could be a lot of different factors that play into why someone has just (fe) male friends. Majority of my moms friends were male, she only has a total of 3 girlfriends. But she was army and was surrounded by males. They were just platonic friends and respected that she was married. I have female friends, but absolutely 0 where I'm located. So my only friends here are male. I'd think it'd be pretty shallow if someone considered that a red flag. To respect boundaries of course i'd just limit it to hanging out. Not spending the night and getting my own room in a hotel.
My BFF hung out with just us 2 girls all the time. Stayed the night at each others houses and went out to hotels as well. His girlfriend didn't like it at first, but we've been friends for about 13 years. Nothing ever went on between any of us. We've been together through breakups and new relationships. So no. I do not think if it as a red flag. It's only a red flag if they're "flirting" with each other.
Though it most likely depends on the situation, I would say in many cases it isn't a great sign. The only way it can really work is if none of them have romantic or sexual attraction towards each other and respect the boundaries of the relationship, and unfortunately, there are many cases in which this does not happen. I say this as someone who has probably an equal ratio of guy friends to girl friends, and has always liked having guy friends (as we often have more in common and have more similar senses of humor).
While I definitely don't think there's anything wrong with having opposite sex friends as long as boundaries are respected, I've found that unfortunately, when someone tends to spend a significant amount of time alone with an opposite sex friend, it can lead to feelings developing at least on one end, which usually either causes the end of the friendship or cheating. I know someone who was in a relationship with a girl who seemed to spend more time with other guys than him, constantly took pictures with them with their arms around each other and crap like that, but only had maybe two photos of herself and him (her actual boyfriend). Obviously, that looked very suspicious, and there was indeed something going on there with one of the guys frequently featured in her selfies.
I definitely think it's also a red flag for a partner to be overly jealous and demanding concerning their partner's friendships and that they shouldn't get to pick and choose their partner's friends and shouldn't be in a relationship with someone they don't trust in the first place, though there are also certain boundaries that shouldn't be crossed, and concerns that are reasonable to have when something doesn't seem right. It's definitely reasonable to see someone who has predominantly opposite sex friends and spends a lot of alone time with them while in a relationship to be a red flag (and this goes for both sexes).
From the other side of the fence, I prefer the company of females. I'm not so extreme as to exclude males from my group, but I often find myself "hanging with the girls". This has been the case for a long time, starting with family gatherings. I just found being in the kitchen talking with my aunties and grandma to be much more stimulating and engaging than sitting with the men in the living room, ignoring each other as they watched football and ate pretzels.
Maybe that should be a "red flag" for any woman who wants to date me? I do love women and enjoy their company, and I'm also not exclusive, so perhaps there is something to that. Women seem to enjoy my company as well, so if someone is looking to lock me down and keep me away from interaction with others, it's a bad sign.
Back to the women's scenario, though. I've also had friends who were girls who preferred to hang out with the guys. They didn't necessarily have sex with any or all of them, but she just liked our company, doing the things we did. One thing I prefer about hanging with men is they seem to be more proactive about getting out and doing physical activities like going to the river or on a hike or playing sports. Getting women to do those sorts of things is often a lot of planning and trouble, needs to be charted out days in advance, special shopping trips and preparation have to take place. you can't just swing into the gas station for a six pack on your way to the river, it's an hour or more prep time at the house, and a run to a full service grocer's. (being extreme here, and giving a stereotypical scenario, but there is a definite trend).
So you are saying a Gay guy with male friends will constantly want to fuck them?
This also means you can never have women friends if you are in a relationship and would accept a girl you are dating telling you not to be friends with certain girls.
It also means you need to think carefully about long term career as you can’t be giving into the temptation of fucking other women when you are married and have kids, imagine being manager for a predominantly girls team / office, it would be a fuck fest.
I'm in university in a field where there are a majority of guys. Whenever I go to class, there's only a few girls in class.
So because of that I have mostly guy friends and like 99% don't see me as anything more than a friend/ collegue. I won't deny it, I do get advances but it's all about how I respond to them. Most of the time, when I say refuse their advances, they just move on and we stay friends. I don't see any of them as more than friends either.
The only reason why my boyfriend has a bit of a problem with that is because we're in a ldr. But it's not a big issue in my relationship either, just a little jealousy sometimes.
depends... friend is such a word... associates? not necessarily... friends? yes... and still it depends... are all these associates single? do they hang out or just speak... and sometimes it's not an active choice to make associates of males... ?
For example, it wasn't an active choice but i met a male friend through a female friend and he shares the same job with me... so on that basis we connect because we share common interests and needs for knowledge.
I volunteered to help some people out and they all happened to be male, I didn't plan this.. i still keep in contact with a few but i wouldn't say all are "friends"... I'm just being polite by keeping contact.. i don't ""hang out"" with them... and many have girlfriends and i have even met the girlfriends of some.
The question I'd ask is if she is against him going with her to hang out with her all male friends? Like if he wanted to, would she be okay with it or like no don't.
If she says, no don't... that seems more likely that something is not right. If she is okay with it, then there is nothing to hide or worry about.
Technically a woman could hang out with all female friends without her man around and still cheat on him doing lesbian stuff, so would that be considered a red flag too?
I'd consider it a red flag if someone didn't want or wouldn't allow the other to go with them, but if the offer is always there, even if they can't. I would not.
Depends on a lot of factors. If my partner is introducing me to her friends or we have common friends, I wouldn't mind. If she goes out with some male friends and have fun, that's totally fine too. I would be jealous, sure but it's not a red flag for me unless I find something inappropriate in their friendship. My girlfriend tells me everything about her friends (I have talked to most of them myself). She loves reading, and I am not as much into it. So she competes and reads with her friends, chats or talks to them about reading a lot. And that's okay. It shouldn't matter if they are males or females as long as they are just friends!
It would bother me immensely. Especially these days where no one is trustworthy. No one is loyal. Everyone wants what’s best for themselves. Monogamy is very slowly becoming scarce and the meaning of the word cheating is delving into a Gray area. Sending a kissy face emoji to a “just a friend” that you’d normally send to your significant other? Even if it’s claimed to be “in a platonic way” it’s not. How can one platonically kiss someone else without it meaning something to either the kisser or the one receiving the kiss?
Some Gag guys: She is incesure and crazy when she does not want her man to have lap dances at bachelor parties, follow ton of women on insta, flirt with other women, have female BESTfriens etc.
But also some gag/insta guys (in my experienc) : she is cheating when she has girls night out aka meet her friends, talk to a man at work due to work related issue, go to male doctors, have vacations with her family or friends etc
No wonder why women "cheat" more than men in western countries since every shit they do is seen as cheating or they cheat because they will be accused of cheating anyway -so why not cheat for real.
I dont give a f about this question. I just can't stand the hypocrisy. Do not expect from a woman to tolerate your bs, if you dont want to do the same. women are not allowed to be jealous, otherwise they get called crazy/incesure by gag incels but the same gag incels want women tolerate their whorish bs
If you knew me, you would know that i dont believe in friendship between man/woman except they are mutually ugly or they are gay. But i respect people with opposite friends. Each their own
Why do you get off the boat first when it is sinking? Why aren't you roofing? Why do you get to have sex whenever you want with pretty much almost every dude? Why can you have kids? Why do you want a man that is better than you? Etc.
Why are men bigger, stronger, smarter in general? Why men control relationships? Why men like women to look good, young, feminine, unused and less social? Etc
We are different and we have different roles to play and wishes what we would like to see in our partners.
It's normal. You can't have it all the way you like it. And so do we, have to play a lot by the womens rules to satisfy your needs, for sexual access😗
My bad, i just checked. You are young. Still full of hope and equality 😗
You will learn that we are infact different with different wishes, wants and needs.
Our, male, need to keep you, a fertile woman, away from other fertile men is based on evolution. We can't just get rid of it.
While you, as a woman want a high tier men, the best genes you can get/find etc.
Women never really had an issue sharing their man. Their fear had always been to lose the resources needed to care for the child and herself. Not that the guy had multiple.
Few thousand years of civilization doesn't do away with millions of years of evolution.
Like in dating sites today, the stats show, 80% of the women go for 20% of the guys.
Women don't have much of an issue with past partner numbers. While it matters a lot to men how many partners a woman has.
We are still animals.
You do what you want of course, not an issue, while we just pick the kinds of women we deem good mates, like we have always done.
Of course, no problem. Do what you like, pick what/who you want. Nobody is telling you how to do stuff.
There is plenty of genetical mutation in every generation, that cause people who are different. It's just the general population and billions of variations of it.
Thus i have no female friend. I get plenty of offers and have plenty female "friends" etc. But i don't keep anybody close.
I looked for a wife who likes women too and we sometimes chill with a woman, just the 3 of us, everybody happy, like a triangle.
I wouldn't like a V where one has two. Works for some, i like to see my wife have her fun too.
Equity is a childs dream will never work on us humans. We just aren't that good and it would elliminate our natural need to compete, to get better outcomes in life. We would stop evolving.
And it also gets very blurry with some subjects, we couldn't even calculate in most cases, how to even out the playing field so to speak, so the outcome would be the same.
It will never work, same as with lazy people.
They will never get anywhere while a hard worker will and should. No matter what background etc. That is equality.
Lol you say we are no different but also against equity. Equity is perfect since people are different. Women are physically weaker and this is why men and women dont compete together due to equity
So you have plenty of "female" friends but your wife should not have any "guy" friends. You can't even give up on your "female" friends but expect your potential partner to tolerate your female friends? You are too old too in my opinion. I hope you dont prefere blood young women at this age since the divorce rate is higher the bigger the age gap is and women prefere men who are few years older than them, and not 12+. Men in their 20s are stronger, have quality of sperm, are more attractive, healthier, taller, stronger etc than much older guys. You probably start having health issues due to ageing. Since we are talking about evolution, primitive instincs i want to mention this.
"Example of workplace equity: Difference in salary, benefits and rewards to the employees as per their work performance, expertise and specialty. Example of workplace equality: Same salary, benefits and rewards to all the employees irrespective of the difference in their work performance"
Having a lot of male friends alone isn't necessarily suspicious
What she does with them and how she talks about them might be suspicious but just having a lot of male friends isn't suspicious at all I have a lot of female friends I've never dated any of them I'm not attracted to any of them and I've certainly never f***** any of them nor do I want to
I'm also straight so it's not that I'm not attracted to women it's just these are friends and friends are friends although I do have that suspicions one of them does like me but I'm single at the moment so it's not like I have a girlfriend that I have to worry about getting jealous also if I were to have a girlfriend one of the first things I would do is introduce them to my friends if at all possible
It's hinting at the fact that there are aspects of yourself that you don't love and feel like your girlfriend will leave you for a better man.
It is only human to get insecure. You should probably talk to your partner about it. Make it known to her that you feel insecure and neglected.
If she can't change her ways for you and you are not willing to compromise either, then, you should go find a girl who is more suited to your needs.
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4 Reply
Asker
+1 y
I don’t think it’s insecurity, rather, something just not making sense because it’s clear to see the issue.
If she’s with a man, why hangout with all-male or predominantly male groups? Especially without her husband or partner?
You do realize how heterosexual men & women act around one another sooner or later?
Specifically, men.
You can tell, there’s something about this woman that she’s not letting on about how she feels about you, about overall attention, etc.
I think having all-male or predominantly male friends is a manifestation of that.
Of course, naturally, women who are in this category will feel defensive over this so they will say insecurity is the reason why a man cannot stand a woman having male friends.
Could it be? Possibly.
I think more times than not, women will haphazardly throw this insult out without really knowing if the man is insecure or not.
Depends on when she made those friends... They could be family friends, school friends, college friends I don't know...
If you dont want the hassle just go for an introverted girl with less male friends...
but Women who hangout with men are also more likely to not be single... and that's probably why most men approach these women... because of the vicinity.
If you want to attract shy girls with no male friends you'll have to go out of your way to become friends with them... because they are probably too shy to approach a man themselves but on the plus side they probably dont have other male friends.
Personally all my friends are females because I went to an all girls school but most girls I know from co-ed schools tend to have male friends, not necessarily because they are all sexual people but mostly because they all went to school together or college together or work together or started some rock band together.
I personally have never been able to get along well with other women. 90% of my friends are men. It's just easier and there is less drama. I would expect my boyfriend to understand that I was his no matter who I was hanging out with. Plus men don't realize that just because a man wants to sleep with a woman doesn't mean that that woman is going to sleep with him. LOL. It would be a lot like telling me I couldn't hang out with my brother and that wouldn't go over well.
It's truthfully depends on the type of person the chick is and the dudes she hangs with are. As well as the situation. She could have grown up with all brothers. Or she could have been had females that our jelly of her and do shady crap to her every time she attempted to befriend other females so she stopped trying to find female friends. It's kinda a question that can't be answered yes or no without having a specific situation to negate the other factors of the situation. I have more male friends then female because well in general I was a tomboy growning up and chicks were mostly messy and always doing scandless crap behind my back , you get tired of that crap sooner or later and dismiss the need of female friends. @EmbraceThePain
Regardless of the circumstances. I would include my partner in my activities with my guy friends to make him feel comfortable. My partner's feelings would be paramount. I would always want him to feel safe in the relationship. I would respect my relationship and maintain his trust
This question is so possessive. What do girls need to have only female friends? Some girls just simply have a ton of male friends, so what? If you're with someone and you think they can't hang out with the opposite sex without cheating, you need to keep yourself in check.
Personally, yes, I'd think it wasn't right. Because I wouldn't be comfortable if my husband was friends only with women and only spent time with women, so of course I can see how it would be uncomfortable for a man if his wife only wanted to be with other men, especially alone.
If I was hanging out with a group of females and my girlfriend was not invited, I would feel that I was doing something wrong. If my girlfriend is invited and cannot participate for whatever reason, it's not wrong. But my friends are a mix of male and female and it would be unusual fr me to have an event with just females.
Most of my friends are men b/c I have an auto shop. I've been married for almost 9 years and he knows. I have a female friend who does my hair, but I've always got along better w/guys.
Home > Girl's Behavior > Polls > Do you think a woman in a relationship having all-male or predominantly male friends is a red flag? Hangs out with them without her partner- Bad?
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